Hi! So I haven't written in a while, so surprise! Hope you like it.

It gets better.

The words were mocking him. Leering as he stared at his computer screen, but he just coudn't stop analizing them, trying to find the how.

How could it get better? How would everything turn out ok?

Giving in with a sigh, he closed the page and checked to see that every file and browser history was erased. No trace would be left of him. At least, not on the screen. He had deleated everything, his facebook, tweeter, hell, even his lifejournal. After all, who would be interested in reading the inner thoughts of a queer, a fag, a freak...

'You disgust me. You're abnormal. A disgusting freak!'

He gave a hummorless laugh, remebering the angry words of his best friend, his soulmate.

He lifted the bottle to his lips as he tried to forget the scene from the locker room.

Has it really only been a week? It seems longer.

At least hewasn't here to watch him break down. Even if they always spend the weekends toghether.

He sighed once again and gulped down some more of the numbing amber liquid.

For once in his life, he was greatful of his parents' busy, why-did-we-ever-have-children attitude and his sister's total disregard for his brother. It allowed him time to think.

And to write his final goodbyes.

He had written three letters, one for his parents telling that even if they sucked at parenting, he loved them and not to blame themselves. Not that they would. They'd probably complain about how selfish he was, and didn't he know how awfully tiring and expensive a funeral was? One for his sister, advising her to be herself for once, that she is beautiful, intellingent and the perfect girl, to respect herself more and stop trying so goddamned hard to be liked. And the last one, for him. Rather short, but straight to the point.

Finishing the last of his good friend Jose, he reached for his now good friend Jack, giving the bottle quite a few gulps while trying to erase the final encounter at school, the one that made him lose all his friends respect, and the last time that his best friend even looked at him and finally broke his heart.

Flashback

It had been a few days since the party on Friday. It was now Monday, and he was quite nervous about seeing him.

Friday had been great. A big party, lots of alcohol and all of their friends surrounding them, telling them how amazing they are. He didn't remember how many drinks he'd had, but the atmosphere was wild, his head was buzzing and he had his best friend right next to him.

He looked at him and saw his amazing profile. His high cheekbones, stong jaw, dazzling now slightly drooping eyes, and full pouty lips. He sighed and looked away before someone caught him drooling. But hey, it wasn't his fault, the guy was gorgeous!

He didn't remember much after that until he was in his bedroom, with the weight of a body above him and wandering hands undressing him.

"You're beautiful"

"No, you're the beautiful one"

Then there were lips on skin, the sound of a condom wrapper, probing fingers and finaly fullness.

He looked at the man above him, inside him, and couldn't help but sigh. Finally, every day dream, fantasy he had had was becoming a reallity.

A hand caressed his cheek, "I-I love you"

His breath caught for a moment.

"I love you too"

With that his lips were assaulted as he continued to be thrust into. A flurry of "harder" "faster" "more" and the slap of skin against skin filled the room.

When it was over he relaxed into the embrace, giving a last "I love you" and falling into a blissfull sleep.

He was brought out of his mussings by the jocks slapping his back and asking him where he had dissappeared Friday night. He gave them a shrug and looked for that head of messy hair he could recognize anywhere.

He felt slightly uneasy, as he hadn't seen him all weekend. He had been gone the next morning, his calls going to voicemail and his texts unanswered.

He didn't have any classes with him until last period, so he anxiously waited all day to finally see him.

When he arrived at the locker room, he found him there, shoulders tense and eyes shifting never looking straight at him. He went to touch him, but his hand was slapped away. He didn't understand what was wrong. Weren't they in love? Had it all been a dream?

He heard the rest of the guys shuffling into the locker room when he finally met his eyes.

"Never touch me again you fucking faggot" he spat.

The room became eerily quiet, everyone waiting for an explanation.

"I- but- what?"

"You disgust me. You're abnormal. A disgusting freak! How could you take advantage of me while I was drunk? I HATE YOU!"

He was speechless, frozen, until he saw all the guys move away from him, muttering about his faggoty-self, and how he was just waiting to take advantage of them all. He couldn't take it. He risked a glance at him once last time, only to feel his heart break at the coldness he saw there. He felt his eyes sting and fled.

End of Flashback

That day was the last day he had anyone to talk to. Even his sister ignored him, following the lead of the popular crowd he was no longer a part of. They called him names, tripped him, and finally they beat him up. He could still feel his bruised ribs and aching joints, a pain he was soon never going to feel again.

He thought he sometimes saw regret and longing in his eyes, but it was replaced by a look of disgust so fast he was never sure if he had just imagined it.

With a final sigh and gulp at the bottle in his hands, he reached for the envelopes and placed them in his bedside table. Taking his mom's anti-depressants, he opened both bottles and places the remaining pills in his hands.

He looked around his room, seeing all the trophies and photographs littering the space. He checked the lock on his door once again and shut the curtains, finally sitting against the headboard of his bed.

He took the pills two by two, washing them down with Jack. He finished them off pretty quickly, placed the bottle down and closed his eyes. He thought he could hear a doorbell ringing, but paid it no mind, probaly a salesman. He imagined footsteps on the stairs and a ponding on his door, but his body felt too heavy to even open his eyes anymore.

The last thing he heard before losing conciousness was a shout of his name on the other side of his door, accopanied by other word he felt too tired to decipher.

With a final smile on his face he knew no more, just as his door opened and the voice of the man he loved yelled

"JASPER!"

JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE JxE

It had been hours since Edward had decided to man up and apologize to the love of his life. In truth, he was terrified of what people would say and think of him, but after finding out that his so called friends had caught up with Jasper and beaten him up, he decided that enough was enough.

He went home that Friday and came out to his parents. They were supporting and loving and everything he had hopped for. He just needed Jasper forgivness. So resigning himself to a lot of begging and maybe, if things went well, some sexin'. He grabbed his balls from where they had been hiding and went to get the love of his life back, the boy he had been in love with since his hormones made an appearance.

He waited patiently to someone to answer the door, but when there was no answer, he used the key hidden in the bushes to get in. When Jasper didn't open the door to his room, he started to get pissed, so finally resigning himself to break the door (after some threats of course) he found an unresponsive Jasper, two bottles of pills, three bottles of alcohol and three letters.

So now, here he was, in the waiting room of the hospital waiting to hear some news, any news. Rosalie, Jasper's sister was sitting next to him with her boyfriend Emmett. She was crying her heart out after reading the letter his brother left him. As were Jasper's parents.

Edward hadn't had the courage to open his yet, not after the reactions from the other parties involved. Finally, the letter proved to be too much of a temptation, so with shaking fingers he opened it.

Edward,

I loved you.

That was it. Four words. Four damning word that broke Edward's world. He didn't move until he saw the doctor attending Jasper appear. He was glad he remained sitting when the the doctor spoke.

"I'm so sorry..."

Hey. So I'm thinking of writting an alternate ending, tell me what you think.

This was written at 3 am, so I apologize for all mistakes (as I don't have a beta anyways)

This is a very tough subject. Homophobia is very dangerous, more so when encouraged, people are people no matter who they love.

It's very serious and it's REAL. So if you know of anyone that's suffering because of ignorant jerks, don't just stand there, put a stop to it!

There are various support groups, The trevor project and It gets better, for example. If you know of someone who's depressed and needs help, try and direct them towards a solution. Even if it's just an understanding ear.

Tell me your thoughts :)

Reviews are love xx