Hmm... Well I did kinda maybe prolly promise a really good friend of mine an Itachi + Sasuke oneshot where they battle Orobuto (fucking snake-dragon, just go die already) Or... uhh.. I guess this is set prior to that but… meh. It's not what I wanted and it kinda ran away from me and wrote itself but... I hope you all find it enjoyable regardless!
ATTENTION: This is set around chapter 577 of the manga. Before Itachi and Sasuke confront Kabuto in that cave thingie. So, they're like, ninja-running in the trees. Yeah.
Enjoy!
Some Brother You Are
"Itachi! St- Stop, dammit! Answer me!"
"I do not have the time, Sasuke. I have to stop the Edo Tensei jutsu Kabuto put up before it can cause further unwanted damage."
"But I have questions! You always say 'Later, Sasuke...' or 'I'm sorry, Sasuke. Maybe another time, yeah?' or... or fuck, did you just throw a squirrel at me?"
"Yes, because you refuse to shut up."
"Oh, so it's 'Shut up, Sasuke', now huh? Well, if that's how you're playing, then I won't shut up until you answer me!"
"Suit yourself."
"You're rolling your eyes at me, aren't you?"
"I am now."
"Eyes on where you're putting your feet, Itachi. We don't want you slipping on your bird shit."
"Just who do you take me for? You?"
"Tch. No, because I, unlike you, won't slip on bird- whoa!"
"Eyes on where you're putting your feet, Sasuke."
"Shut up, Itachi."
"..."
"..."
"Why are you following me?"
"I just said I had questions! What? Is running taking too much of your brain capacity that you can't even pay attention to me?"
"Paying attention to you is equivalent to paying attention to bitchy high maintenance prima donnas to sooth their proverbial ruffled feathers."
"Bitchy? Wh- Just who are you calling bitchy, Itachi! Take that back! I'm neither bitchy nor am I a high maintenance prima donna!"
"You don't say...?"
"If anything, you're the high maintenance one out of the both of us! I mean, when we were little, I was stuck with your chores while you went off to frolic in the fucking fields."
"It couldn't have been that bad."
"Not bad? The entire fucking compound was large, okay? As large as your forehead."
"That wasn't very nice."
"So is killing the entire clan."
"..."
"..."
"You were much cuter when you were little."
"..."
"Sasuke? What are you doing?"
"I am hating you. Fuck off."
"Pouting won't get you anywhere."
"I'm not pouting, I'm broading; there's a difference."
SMACK.
"Dammit, Itachi. You're dead, not blind."
"Thank you for rubbing that on my face. Oh, for the love of- Who put that tree in there?"
"Someone who hates you."
"That isn't very specific, a lot of people hate m-"
"Glad to see you take pride in that."
"Shut up, Sasuke."
"Okay, so, where the fuck are we?"
"You know, that's a good question."
"Well shit, son."
"I'm older than you,"
"... and deader, too."
"So uncute."
"Do you even know where you're going?"
"..."
"..."
"... cough."
"Itachi, say something."
"Of course I do, you just have to trust your big brother."
"The last time I did just that, I got orphaned."
"..."
"I hate you."
"Uncute."
"Itachi, where are we going?!"
"Third star to the right and straight on 'til morning!"
"..."
"What?"
"Oh please, tell me you were being sarcastic."
"..."
"Oh God, at least tell me you were quoting something. I mean, there aren't even stars out!"
"Of course, Sasuke."
"I think this Edo Tensei Technique has done something to your brain, niisan. It did bring you back from the dead but it left your brain and common sense to rot wherever you came from."
"I'm fine, Sasuke. You were asking too many questions."
"So what? Don't tell me I'm annoying you already!"
"..."
"Itachi."
"..."
"Nii-san."
"..."
"Aniki!"
"..."
"God!"
"What? I'm not saying you're annoying, isn't that what you wanted?"
"Drop dead, Itachi."
"Already am, foolish little brother."
"..."
"..."
"Nii-san."
"Hm?"
"You know of the new Hokage, right?"
"Yes, why?"
"I heard she had, like, boobs."
"Oh, dear."
"Real huge ones, too."
"..."
"You know I've never had anyone give me 'The Talk' before."
"The Talk?"
"Uh-huh..."
"..."
"Well, since you killed everyone-"
"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"
"Well, you could be the good upstanding big brother you are and get a head start on making up for your absence."
"..."
"Some brother you are, I hate you. I should leave you to the fucking snake and hope he eats you alive."
"Hmm."
"Nii-san?"
"Yes?"
"Tree."
SMACK.
The End
A/N:
Don't you just love them both?
Please leave a review!
Rai :)