Disclaimer: (at the risk of repeating myself) Glee and all it's characters do not belong to me.
Authors note: This is written from Rachel's POV, which is new to me, so please don't kill me if the voice isn't exactly perfect. Inspired by a couple of prompts from the Winn propmpt meme on LiveJournal. (Hopefully, now that this is finished, I can get back to my WIP, so thank you to everyone still reading that and I promise I will keep going with it)
There are a few things you need to know before my story begins. First of all, I am not homophobic. Of course, you know that already, but I feel it's important to reiterate at this point in time. When you grow up with two gay Dads you have no reason to question things like sexuality. Of course, not everyone else is as understanding and open minded as I am so it was often easier to stay quiet than it was to try to explain my family situation to other people.
Yes, believe it or not, I am capable of staying quiet. This is the second thing you should know about me. I know everyone expects me to be some sort of attention-seeking drama queen who can't keep her mouth shut for more than five minutes, and admittedly, there is an element of truth to that. I'm extremely talented and I have the right to demonstrate my talents as and when I wish. Over the years I have learned to use this image others hold of me to my own advantage. If people expect you to always be outspoken and in the spotlight, it's much easier to become invisible simply by keeping your mouth closed. It's a skill I mastered at a young age - just one of my many hidden talents. I learned how to simply observe people; to watch how they behave and interact with others when they think nobody is watching. As a result of this, I have gathered a wealth of insider information about certain individuals in the school - information that people would never volunteer if asked directly.
The last thing I want you to know is that I care deeply about my new friends in Glee club. We may be a eccentric band of misfits, but through all the trials and tribulations we have faced we have remained a singular unit. I wish each of them every happiness and success in life, even when they do infuriate me.
Bear these things in mind as I tell you my tale.
It started much earlier than I first realised. Months ago, when Finn first found out about Quinn's pregnancy, Mr Schuester was the first person he went to for help. I know that he was terrified about becoming a father (which now seems sadly ironic), so I suppose he believed that Mr Schue would understand his fear and might have some advice on how to deal with it all. Finn obviously trusted Mr Schue otherwise he would never have confided in him. In hindsight, there may have been more to it than that, but it's difficult to know for sure either way. I actually saw them on the stage that day. I couldn't hear what they were saying from where I stood at the back of the auditorium, but it was clear that Finn was very upset, which was why I decided to leave in silence. (It was only when Quinn's pregnancy became public knowledge that I found out what had happened.)
After seeing Finn so upset, I began watching him a little more closely. Not in a stalker way, of course, merely observation based on concern for a friend. That is how I began to notice the subtle changes in behaviour and body language, although admittedly, I was still 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'; trying to work out what these changes meant. It took a few weeks to realise that he was always looking at, talking to, or standing next to Mr Schue. At first it looked as if he was looking for some sort of guidance, but after a while it became clear that he had a crush on our teacher. (Which, incidentally, wasn't too much of a surprise to me. As I've said before, I don't believe in labelling sexuality - especially when teenage hormones are involved, and if Finn was interested in men, it was easy to see why he would be attracted to Mr Schue) What I couldn't tell was whether or not Mr Schue was aware of Finn's crush.
Mr Schue had always been the sort of teacher who would give students a high-five or a pat on the back without a second thought. Sometimes when we were learning a new dance routine he would have to put his hand on someone's arm or leg to help them. I always imagined he would be the guy who greeted all his friends with a hug - he was just that type of person. I had never given it much thought before, but I began to worry that this type of physical attention may be distracting or confusing to Finn, or worse - it may look suspicious to anyone else who saw the way Finn's face would light up at the smallest touch from Mr Schue.
I thought it only fair to warn Mr Schue of Finn's feelings for him, and point out how often he would touch his student and how this could be misconstrued or twisted into something sinister and inappropriate. He didn't seem to like hearing what I had to say, and he actually became rather… defensive, stating that there was nothing going on with Finn, and that he would never 'cross that line' with any of his students, even though I had never implied that he would. I should have recognised how much he over-reacted, but at the time I assumed he was just shocked.
Over the next two weeks it became clear that Mr Schue had taken on board what I had said, as he seemed to be deliberately avoiding being left alone with Finn, and wouldn't stand next to him in Glee or even ask him for an answer in Spanish class. He had also stopped all forms of physical contact with all students, although it clearly took some effort to break the habits he had developed over his years as a teacher.
'This is the way it's supposed to be' I thought to myself. 'Straight-forward teacher-student relationships, strictly professional. Nothing that could be misinterpreted by Finn, or by anyone else'. Unfortunately, it didn't exactly work that way.
As I said, it was clear that Mr Schue was having to work very hard to avoid physical contact, and it seemed to change his whole outlook. He didn't seem as happy and relaxed as he usually did. When he tried to teach us a new dance routine for Glee he asked Mike to help Finn out, which seemed a little conspicuous, especially as Mike clearly didn't have the patience to teach someone else to dance. When Mike told Mr Schue that he would have to take over because "Finn's never gonna get this without a proper teacher", Mr Schue just shrugged and said they would have to figure something out because he didn't have time to go over it again.
The worst part was that Finn obviously realised then that something was wrong. Mr Schue had always made time to help out his students, even if it meant he was in school till 8pm every night. The way Finn walked around school looking like a kicked puppy just confirmed my suspicions that he really did have a serious crush on Mr Schue. The fact that Mr Schue was acting so strange made me think that he was actually much more aware of the situation than I had assumed. The attraction wasn't completely one-sided. Whether or not they were acting on their feelings I couldn't have said, but I was positive that they both wanted to. And they weren't exactly being subtle about it.
It became almost unbearable to see Finn so upset all the time. He hardly spoke to anyone for days, and when he did he was either horribly rude to them, or just shrugged, nodding and agreeing even when it was clear that he had no interest in whatever was being discussed. I tried to talk to him a few times to cheer him up, but he got more and more abrupt each time I asked him if he was ok. Eventually I realised that there was only one thing left to do.
I don't know what I expected Mr Schue to say or do, but it seemed that since he was the reason Finn was so upset, he should be the one to fix things. I had planned it carefully so that I could talk to him after school on Friday, when it was quiet and there wouldn't be many students around to interrupt us or give him a reason not to talk to me. After completing all my homework in the library and running through some new songs in the auditorium I finally packed away my music and headed down the hall to his classroom to talk to him. The few clubs who met after school that day had already ended and I had seen most of the cars leave the school parking lot, leaving the corridors empty except for a handful of students, most of whom seemed to be heading towards the exits. It looked like my plan was working perfectly.
As I approached the classroom I could see that the door was closed, which was unusual as his door was always open when he was in. I wondered if perhaps he had left already but I remembered seeing his car outside in its usual space. I walked to the door and peered through the small window to check whether or not he was there. Despite my suspicions over the last month or so, what I saw was still completely unexpected. Mr Schue was leaning on his desk, with his arms around Finn's neck, pulling his head down in a passionate kiss. Finn had one arm around Mr Schue's waist, the other hand rested on the desk as if to hold himself up as his whole body leaned in towards Mr Schue.
I moved away from the window quickly, taking a few steps down the hall so it wouldn't look like I was spying on them whilst trying to decide what to do. After all, this relationship was obviously completely inappropriate. If anyone found out what was going on, Mr Schue would probably be arrested - and he would definitely lose his job, which would mean the end of Glee club. Then, of course, there was Finn… He did not deserve to be hurt - and he almost certainly would be if people found out that not only was he gay, but he was in a relationship with a teacher.
If I told anyone about this, they would both be ruined. But on the other hand, could I really keep this a secret? After all, there are rules in place to prevent this type of thing from happening. Rules - and more importantly, laws - that are designed to protect vulnerable young people. But was Finn really vulnerable? And could I really believe Mr Schue was somehow taking advantage of him?
My head spun with the thoughts, the possibilities, the questions. I ran out of the school, desperate to get home, hoping that I would be better able to think rationally in the familiar comfort of my own bedroom. When eleven o'clock came and I felt myself beginning to drift towards sleep, I was still no closer to knowing what to do. Whatever option I chose, there were too many ways for it all to go wrong, and I didn't want to cause either of them any trouble.
I didn't sleep well that night, or the two following nights. At first I would run through different scenarios in my mind, trying to find an option that didn't result in some form of tragedy. Then when I finally got to sleep, my dreams were filled with the image of the two of them together. But the strange thing was, I didn't hate this image the way I thought I should. After all, Mr Schue was the best teacher I'd ever had, and admittedly I did have a crush on him. Finn was… well, Finn was Finn, and I wasn't entirely sure that my feelings for him would ever go away.
It was all so very wrong.
I should have been outraged!
This should definitely not turn me on!
With two gay Dad's, the idea of gay men should not be an appealing thought.
Pushing my own issues aside for the moment, I forced myself to think things through rationally. I kept coming back to the same two questions; What would happen if I told Principal Figgins what I'd seen? And who would I be protecting by remaining silent?
As I travelled to school on Monday, a thought struck me; what would have happened if Mr Schue wasn't a teacher, and Finn wasn't his student? If they had met in some bar, or at a football match or in a theater, would they have been attracted to each other? They had so many similarities, but just as many differences. Would either of them have had the confidence to start a conversation with the other? And more importantly, would they - could they - have been in a real relationship? But this thought process didn't help. It was too impossible, too far removed from the reality I had inexplicably found myself thrown into. I honestly couldn't decide what to do.
I didn't see either Finn or Mr Schue until lunch that day. Finn was sitting at his usual table with Puck when I walked in to the cafeteria and Mr Schue was across to the other side of the room buying a soda. As he moved towards the doors to leave, his eyes caught Finn's, and they smiled brightly at each other. Despite the crowds of people around and between them, something about the way they looked at each other seemed incredibly intimate to me.
Every time I saw Finn after that he seemed to be grinning from ear to ear, talking and laughing with his friends as if nothing had ever changed. He even seemed to be paying attention in class and I could have sworn I saw him taking notes in History on Tuesday afternoon.
Mr Schue seemed to be a bit more relaxed too, and didn't seem quite as short-tempered as he had been recently. Everyone seemed to pick up on the change in atmosphere in glee, and although nobody said anything, they all sang just a little louder and more confidently that week than they had in the last month or so.
By Friday morning, my mind had been made up. I would not be the one to ruin their current happiness. If that meant having to keep their secret, then that was what I would do.