This is a prequel to "Decorum", but it stands alone easily. This is the first half. How soon the second half appears depends on the response and how well my typing fingers hold up. This is fast becoming a series...I already have another one written too, heh.
Memories and thoughts in italics.
INCLUSIVE
Part 1
Instructor Zane was a slight man, tall and wiry, and offered observers an impression of penetrating insight rather than brute strength. Though not the intimidating figure that one might expect of a 1st Class SOLDIER, Zane was a legendary fighter, nearly as well known for his magic and summon skills as Sephiroth was for his sword prowess, at least in the world that revolved around ShinRa. It was said that the general himself had convinced Zane to leave the field and begin teaching, because his talent was too great to be risked in battle. Such a compliment from such a man was enough for anyone to happily obey, and three years earlier Zane had taken the post of Materia Class Instructor, doing his job faithfully though he occasionally felt insecure among the large-framed, burly teachers of the other cadet classes.
It didn't help that the teenaged cadets often snickered at first sight of the instructor who resembled a librarian more than a warrior. At the risk of making his inferiority complex obvious, Zane began the first lesson of each term by tackling a student and wrestling him to the ground, which usually shut the little bastards up. (This practice had also led to a series of interviews with SOLDIER's resident psychiatrist as well, and an unfortunate nickname, but that was neither here nor there.)
Zane was half-Wutaian and had the ninja skills of his mother's people, and therefore he could take care of himself entirely without magic, thank you very much! Tseng of the Turks referred to him with a phrase in Old Wutainese that Zane told everyone meant "he who kills with bare hands". In truth, it was roughly "man who likes chocobos a little too much, if you get what I mean", but hardly anyone spoke Old Wutainese anymore, and besides, Tseng was a bastard.
The students were getting restless. Zane remembered the materia in his hand and the demonstration he was supposed to be giving, and coughed for attention.
"Transform Materia is among the most difficult to master. Who can tell me why?"
"Because it's useless and no one bothers?"
Zane glared at Cadet Lindley, though mostly out of habit as he wasn't absolutely certain who had spoken. Still, if Lindley hadn't uttered that smart-ass remark he was probably thinking one up, and every good SOLDIER knows the value of a pre-emptive strike.
"No. Because Mini and Toad are subtle magics, and the bumbling morons who make up this military organization do not understand subtlety because it cannot be bench-pressed or waved about like a caveman's club!"
A few frowns from among the twenty or so cadets, but no real surprise. Instructor Zane had his normal days and his on-edge days. The normal days, they assumed, must be the ones without classes.
"Now," Zane continued, "who would like to help me demonstrate?"
"Better not pick Strife," said Cadet Nido, who wouldn't look out of character with a caveman club himself. "If he gets any smaller we won't be able to see him at all."
Cadet Strife scowled, but he was much too polite and quiet to respond. Zane was quite fond of the well-mannered boy, though like all the other instructors he had to be careful not to let this show.
"Why don't you let the instructor cast Toad on you, Nido?" Cadet Chang spoke up, smirking. "Might improve your looks."
"What's wrong, Lieutenant Fair's Pet, you need your boyfriend to defend you? Your other boyfriend, I mean?"
Now Strife was getting angry; the pencil he held snapped in two in his hand. Insinuations about himself and Zack were Nido's favorite weapons and they always hurt, mostly because Cloud wasn't sure what he and Zack had become. But the implication was always that Zack was favoring him and that Cloud was using his Gaia-damned prettiness (which he hated at times like he hated Nido) to get ahead of his fellow cadets unfairly, and this made his face flush and his hands shake with rage.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Nido."
"Really? Then how come you look like I struck a nerve?"
"Enough," Zane said sternly. "You are ShinRa SOLDIER candidates, not kindergarteners, and I will not tolerate slandering of a 1st Class SOLDIER in my classroom. Understood, Nido?"
"Yes, sir," Nido said in a sulking voice. He admired the 1st Classes like they all did and apparently hadn't thought that he had been bad-mouthing Lieutenant Fair as well as Cloud. He liked the lieutenant more than anyone guessed, which was why he bothered Strife so much.
He glanced at Cloud, and a hot rage filled his head - the weak little pretty boy was smiling!
You like seeing me get in trouble, do ya, you little bitch? Nido fumed, digging his nails into the seat of his chair. You think you're so special 'cause you're Lieutenant Fair's butt-boy, and probably the general's too...I'll get you, you'll see.
While Nido silently vented and Cloud continued daydreaming about Zack's handsome face and perfect smile, Instructor Zane fumbled in his desk for a Heal Materia. It wasn't much good against headaches, but the pretty color was so soothing to look at.
Zack couldn't repress his trademark grin as he cheerfully strolled the hallways, heading for the third floor of Building A, the smallest of the four that surrounded the Main Quad. Where he was headed and what he'd just found out had put even more of a bounce in his usual springy step, and the executives and SOLDIERs he passed couldn't help but smile back as he greeted them. Lt. Fair, so unlike the other, gruff 1st Classes, had an enthusiasm that was hard to resist. One of the few downsides to this cheer was that it made Zack forget his behavior could occasionally cause problems for other people. Also, if love makes one stupid, Zack being able to tie his own shoelaces was indeed the miracle Angeal had once jokingly proclaimed it to be.
Zack had always been a big-hearted person, able to love in many directions all at once, but he had never felt quite this level of giddiness. The newer love was as powerful as his love for Sephiroth, which was amazing and unexpected, but different in other ways. For Sephiroth he felt a warm, steady stream of something that bordered on worship, but was much closer and personal. Zack was able to tone this feeling down in public and did so, because Sephiroth liked to keep his private life private and insisted on this, though the relationship between them was not a secret. On duty and in the presence of others, they displayed only a close and amusing friendship that still maintained a certain amount of distance, as was only proper for a superior and subordinate. Behind closed doors, Zack was allowed to pounce and pull and rip without being scolded, and he never minded having to wait, because anything was worth Sephiroth's slight smile and nude angel's body close to his.
They were in love, they agreed. Well, Zack said he was in love. Sephiroth had hesitantly begun a (quite adorable, Zack thought) monologue about being distracted from his work when Zack sat too close, and a rising of body temperature that appeared connected to Zack's proximity, and an increased heart rate in Zack's presence that Hojo said -
"Fuck whatever Hojo says," Zack had said gently, feeling touched and protective to see Sephiroth look so vulnerable, and had pressed his lips to the general's cool fingers. "This isn't scientific. It's human, and it's good."
Sephiroth had smiled and assented, relieved that Zack understood him so well. Having been raised by Hojo to feel isolated and incomprehensible to anyone but the obsessive doctor himself, Sephiroth had an innate reluctance to give himself over completely to anyone. That was, principally, why he and Zack also agreed they were not exclusive. The whole reasoning for this was complicated. Zack knew Sephiroth didn't understand a lot about the way relationships work between people and didn't want to fence him in with rules. Sephiroth, who the mad doctor considered his property, was insecure about belonging to one person and afraid he would do something wrong if he did. Zack was afraid that if their relationship became more focused and intense, and something happened to break it, they would lose the friendship that they'd originally had. Sephiroth was concerned that Hojo might meddle if he ever came to believe it was not a casual, friends-with-benefits arrangement.
Even Sephiroth looked perplexed when they tried to reason it out. In a year of being together, he had not felt attracted to anyone else, and neither had Zack. They both felt something was missing, and decided to let time take care of it, whatever it was. Several months ago, time had swept something new into Zack's life, and he still wasn't sure what to make of it or what it might mean to Sephiroth and him. He did know it was very hard not to skip or turn cartwheels or shriek like a schoolgirl.
Cloud had come into his world out of nowhere, like he'd dropped out of a clear blue sky, Zack thought with a smile. A new class of cadets had entered the SOLDIER program, Zack went to speak some encouragement to them as he always did, his eyes fell on one who was trying to hide how nervous he was, and Zack was lost. There was something in Cloud's wide eyes and shy smile that made him want to laugh and cry and everything else all at once, and seconds into their first conversation, Zack knew he could not go another day without this boy in his life.
What followed was a period of what could, probably, technically be labeled stalking. Cloud seemed to like him immediately, but was so formal and anxious at first, and Zack didn't want to overwhelm the poor kid, or scare him off, or embarass him, but he couldn't keep himself at any kind of cautious distance. He couldn't help hugging Cloud and ruffling his adorable spiky hair and grinning at him like an idiot.
To his credit, Cloud realized quickly that Zack couldn't help these things, and liked him enough to accept it all without much complaint. He knew Zack did try to be normal with him in public, but it had been odd for him, and still was, to an extent. In Nibelheim Cloud had been considered weird and was virtually shunned; upon his joining ShinRa he'd been immediately and enthusiastically adopted by a 1st Class SOLDIER whom everyone spoke of with respect. In Zack's company, Cloud constantly found himself wavering between joy and bewilderment. What on the planet could Zack see in him that made him so happy?
He has no idea, Zack thought as he approached Instructor Zane's classroom. How can he have no idea how perfect he is?
He wanted to ask, if only to prompt the absolutely precious way Cloud looked when he was embarassed - blushing, eyes averting, arms gathering close to his body as if he were trying to fold himself out of sight. But the more urgent question was what Cloud was feeling right now. One week ago, the internal voice in Zack that said nothing but "Don't scare him, don't scare him" had shut up for a single moment, just long enough for Zack to fearlessly lean forward and kiss Cloud. Very gently, very chastely, but Cloud had frozen, and the fear that had evaporated from Zack returned in something that was better suited to the name 'ass-clenching terror'.
He had drawn back and tried to laugh it off, mussing Cloud's hair and saying he was sorry, that Cloud was just too damn cute for his own good. Cloud had looked at him with those enormous blue eyes full of something sad and vulnerable. He tried to turn away then, so Zack had cupped his face in his hands and tried to re-establish eye contact.
"Spiky? Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out."
"You...didn't."
"I did, I completely traumatized you, I can tell."
"You're an idiot," Cloud mumbled quietly, in the fond way he always said it. "I'm not a baby."
"I know. Oh, Gaia - "
"It's fine."
"It's not fine, you're crying," Zack said miserably, and did the only thing he could think of.
"I'm not. Zack, you're squeezing too tight."
"Was that your first one?" Cloud shifted a little in his embrace and didn't answer. "I'm an asshole."
"Would you stop!" It was the loudest Zack had ever heard Cloud speak, at least in anger, and he was shocked enough to let go when Cloud pulled away. "If you think I'm some sort of baby, then why did you do it?"
"Cloud." Zack's voice was amazed, and Cloud's face screwed up like he was really about to start bawling. "Hey..."
"I'm sorry."
"I like it when you get annoyed with me," Zack said, and he did, because it meant Cloud was comfortable with him as a friend rather than as a superior officer. "But if you're not really mad, what's wrong?"
"Why did you do it?"
"I don't know."
Cloud wiped his eyes roughly. "You have to know."
"I wanted to."
"And you're sorry?"
Zack hesitated. "Yeah. That I upset you."
"Only that?"
"I don't want to freak you out."
"Can we..." Cloud looked at the cushions of the couch they were sitting on. "Can we not talk about this yet?"
"Okay, but we will talk about it, right?" Cloud nodded, and Zack brushed his hand down over the spikes and let it settle on the back of Cloud's neck, hoping this was okay. "We're friends, right?"
For a week now Cloud had been asking for more time, and Zack could no longer stand the awkwardness. Everything had to be cleared up tonight, so fun could be had tomorrow. Tomorrow, the two most important people in his life would meet. He knew Cloud looked up to Sephiroth and always went white with terror when Zack mentioned introducing them, but that, too, could be put off no longer.
By tomorrow night, the world will make sense again, Zack thought cheerfully as he knocked on the classroom door and strolled in. It wasn't until Cloud's eyes fixed on him and widened in horror that Zack remembered that pulling Cloud out of class to spend time with him, whatever the excuse, fell under the category of special treatment, which Cloud didn't want. It also didn't endear him to many of the other cadets, who were already jealous of Cloud's grades and skill.
Cadet Chang winced and whispered to Cloud, "Want me to create a diversion so you can grab an Exit Materia?"
"Lieutenant Fair. Can I help you?"
"Uh..." Zack quickly tore his eyes from Cloud and grinned nervously. "Er, I think I left a...magazine...in here?"
"I haven't seen it. When was this?" Zane asked patiently, though not without annoyance. Zack Fair, however capable, was only twenty, too young in his opinion to be a 1st Class, and any personal liking he had for Zack was always slightly diminished by that.
"Um." Zack had not had any reason to be in this classroom since he was a cadet himself, and Zane knew it. "About four years ago?"
Someone near the back snickered; several smiled. Lieutenant Fair was almost universally liked among the cadets as the SOLDIER who encouraged more than threatened and joked more than punished. Only Nido and his friend Burton were scowling.
"Uh, you mind if I maybe just check around my old desk, just in case?"
Zane was holding a green orb of materia to his head and casting a steady stream of Esuna, for reasons best known to himself. "If you like."
Waving amiably to the students, Zack made his way to Cloud's desk, to the surprise of absolutely no one. As he pretended to look around the floor he whispered, "Can you come by around seven tonight?"
Cloud nodded as subtly as he could, loving Zack no less but fervently wishing the planet would open up and swallow them both.
Zack grinned, straightened up and headed back toward the door. "Guess it's gone. Thanks, Instructor."
"Not at all, Lieutenant."
"You squirts be good for Instructor Zany - er, Zane!" Zack said, wincing at his slip.
Zane's eyes narrowed, but he could hardly go ninja on a fellow SOLDIER in the presence of cadets. Several of the little bastards snickered; even polite Strife gave Zack a fond smile, which he eagerly returned. Nido didn't miss this, and it pushed him over the jealous ledge he'd been walking.
"Chicken-hawk," he said, softly but quite loud enough for mako-enhanced hearing.
Zack, who had turned to the door, froze and slowly turned back.
Cadet Burton, much more loyal than he was bright, added, in a stronger voice, "Heh, you mean chocobo-hawk."
Nido had regretted his comment even as he said it, but this remorse dissolved in favor of a return to anger. It wasn't that Lieutenant Fair looked so cold and stern - it was that he first, instinctively, looked at Strife so gently, with such concern. By the time his eyes found Nido, they were burning with a pale green fire.
"Cadets!" Zane said roughly. "Lieutenant, I apologize. Assign any punishment you see fit and I'll ensure they complete it."
Zack smiled, this time in a way that reminded them all that a dangerous fighter lurked behind the pleasant, innocent face. "Your students are a reflection of you, Instructor. I leave this in your more than capable hands."
Once the lieutenant had gone, Zane no longer had to hold back the fury from his expression, and the room's temperature seemed to drop a few degrees. Zack was a kid at heart, true, but he was no fool. Zane's pride and reputation had just been insulted as surely as Zack had been, and the way he was gnashing his teeth and not blinking did not seem to bode well.
"I will have you know," he said, a muscle in his jaw twitching, "that the chocobo is a very noble animal and should not be mentioned in the same breath as the common chicken!"
Somehow, that didn't come out as threatening as it was meant to. Twenty or so pairs of eyes blinked at him in confusion, as the class tried to decide if they should be afraid or disturbed. Even Strife looked alarmed. Damn it, this was sure to get back to Dr. Murakai and his theory about unhealthy obsessions. Well, first Zane would regain the fearful respect he so prized and craved.
"Nido, Burton, front and center. I think it's time you all see up close the effects of a magic I like to call...Ultima."
The two cadets obeyed with a satisfactory level of gulping and shaking in their boots. The rest would remember this the next time any of them thought of embarassing their teacher in front of a fellow SOLDIER. And Strife would be satisfied and have no reason to complain to Lieutenant Fair that said instructor was allowing him to be harassed, not that Strife would do that anyway, because he was a nice boy, with a head of hair that reminded Zane of a chocobo and made him smile and feel a bit tingly as well, to be perfectly honest.
Then again, maybe checking in with Dr. Murakai wouldn't hurt.
The knot in Cloud's stomach tightened as seven o'clock approached and he began to make his way to the 1st Class floors of Building C. He expected it to continue to get worse in Zack's presence, but the moment Zack opened the apartment door and grinned at him, Cloud felt his tension mysteriously diminish. Zack had a way of making problems stop existing for a while, apparently even when he himself was the source of a problem.
Zack was even more thrilled to see Cloud than he had expected to be, because he had briefly forgotten it was a Friday night, and weekends meant he got to see Cloud in civilian clothes. Which Zack loved, because the absence of uniforms helped him forget that they were both part of an organization whose members faced the possibility of death every day. Zack had thrown on a "Mako happens" T-shirt and sweatpants, and Cloud was wearing jeans and a shirt the same sky-blue as his eyes. Dressed normally, Cloud looked like anyone's little brother.
He was gonna be mine. Zack pushed aside the nervous thought and waved Cloud inside.
"I ordered pizza. Shouldn't be too long."
"You wanted to talk?" Cloud asked, looking at the carpet.
Zack sighed, and tugged him over to the couch that was now, for both of them, a reminder of the moment that had made this awkwardness. "C'mon, sit with me. We need to fix this, Spiky. I'm worried."
"You didn't freak me out," Cloud said right away. "You don't need to be sorry for that."
"Are you sure?"
The boy nodded, still not looking at him. "Were you sorry for any other reason?"
"I'm not sure I understand."
"Why did you do it?" A silent pause. "Zack?"
"The voice is advising me not to answer."
"Voice?"
Zack laughed uneasily. "The little nagging one in my head that tells me not to scare you, no matter what."
"I could never be scared of you," Cloud said softly.
"What if I kissed you again?"
Cloud looked at him at last, surprised but remaining still. "Are you going to?"
"Can I?"
The blond's eyes followed his hand, which came to rest on Zack's knee. He felt Zack close the distance between them rather than saw it, and his lips parted in a wordless sigh as they were captured. His hands found Zack's shoulders and squeezed them, and Zack understood, pulling Cloud closer and closer until they were pressed up against each other. They stopped only for air, and Zack grinned into the wide blue eyes. Too wide. And filling with tears.
"Oh, shit."
Cloud seemed angry at himself. He hated crying and preferred to do it alone if he couldn't hold it back altogether, and he furiously scolded himself mentally for giving Zack further reasons to be overprotective. And guilty, if he was reading that anguished expression correctly. He could hardly insist he wasn't a baby when it was a struggle to keep from sobbing.
He wanted to wiggle out of the hug, but Zack's arms were too strong, and too wonderful and warm to be wrapped in. At least now Cloud could hide his face against Zack's shoulder, though it was too late to pretend nothing was wrong. To his relief, Zack bit back the hysterical apologies on the tip of his tongue and said nothing for a few minutes. He was invoking his right as the only person allowed to pet Cloud's hair, knowing from experience that doing this seemed to make them both feel better.
"Spiky, if I were a really bad kisser, you'd tell me, right?"
Cloud's laugh came out as a whimper. "You're not bad at anything."
"What about being a friend?"
"Especially not that."
"I guess I'm good at molesting underage cadets, if nothing else." Cloud drew back to slap him on the head. "Ow! Seriously, you could report me."
"Then you better not tempt me."
"Cloud. If you're not upset with me, what are you upset about?"
"Because I don't understand," the cadet said in frustration. "I don't know why you're doing this."
"Because I love you. Oh, shit."
"I'm not crying," Cloud insisted, more a command to himself than a reassurance for Zack, though it was a lie either way.
"If I promise not to do it again, we can still be friends, right? Please?"
"I thought...you were with the general."
Zack looked confused. "I am."
"Then why are you doing this to me? It was hard enough before you started kissing me, and now - " Cloud kept from crying harder, but it was a struggle. "If we can only be friends, I don't want to be friends who do that. It's not enough."
Zack stared at him, as hopeful as he had ever been about anything. "You weren't sorry about the kisses, were you?"
"Duh."
"I kinda thought you still had a thing for Sephiroth."
Cloud turned slightly pink, wishing again that Zack had never figured that out. "I do, I just...it's confusing."
"But you like me too?"
"Duh."
Zack made a shrieking noise and moved in to kiss him, pouting when Cloud dodged him. "What's wrong?"
"I'm not helping you cheat on the general," Cloud said, with a hint of genuine anger.
"Spiky, we're not exclusive."
"It still doesn't feel right."
Zack scratched his head thoughtfully. "What if he says it's okay?"
"What?"
"The thing I wanted to tell you is that Seph has some time off tomorrow, so I want us three to do something together."
Cloud froze. "Zack..."
"I know, but you've got to meet him sometime. And he actually asked to! Do you have any idea how rare it is for Sephiroth to want to meet anyone? I was, like, just staring at him and he was like, 'Zack, you're drooling on my desk' and I was - "
"He wants to meet me?" Cloud echoed, looking even more terrified.
"Apparently I never shut up about you and he's curious. Look, he knows you're nervous about talking to him - "
"Zack!"
" - and I think he really wants to put you at ease about that. I promise, he's different off-duty. Not a whole lot, but enough. C'mon, it'll be here, in a place you're used to, and I'll be right there the whole time. I'm gonna make dinner and we'll all hang out for awhile, nothing stressful."
"You have fire extinguishers in the kitchen, right?"
Zack grinned. It was a running joke between them. Cloud had been shocked that not only could Zack cook, he was good at it, as his hyper energy and unreliable attention span led one to believe Zack should not be trusted with fire.
"Is that a yes?"
"If you promise not to kiss me or do anything like that in front of him."
"Okay...but seriously, he probably wouldn't mind. Seph is weird like that. Sometimes I'd swear he's not human. He'd probably want to watch and study our behavior and ask a bunch of hilarious questions. Or maybe join in. Man, that would be hot."
Zack's eyes were starting to glaze over. Cloud hid his face in his hands and tried very hard not to picture such a situation, lest he end up with a similar dreamy expression.
"Aw, c'mon, Cloudy, wouldn't it be hot?"
"If you can call me passing out in terror hot."
"Heh, the voice is advising me not to answer." Zack tickled Cloud's side lightly, and the boy squirmed away. "You're too adorable, you know that? Can I kiss you again?"
"No!"
"What if Seph says it's okay?"
"You're not asking him!"
"Let me kiss you and I won't yet."
"This is sexual harassment," Cloud grumbled, but he smiled. "Fine, once."
Ding!
"Answer the door first."
Zack Fair was a frequent customer of Midgar's Pizza Palace, and he was on a first-name basis with all the delivery guys. It was Roger tonight, who could always count on Lieutenant Fair for a cheerful greeting and a good tip. But tonight Zack seemed to be in a hurry, and after a dizzying flurry of movement Roger was left with a handful of twenty-Gil bills and the odd experience of having just been bear-hugged by a 1st Class SOLDIER.
Let me know what you think so far!