This new season is disappointing. Is it me but the characters haven't gotten any deeper. No one ever talks about the shooting or the divorce or any issues that these writers have created. I find myself reading more fiction than paying attention to the episodes but this starts during "My Own Worst Enemy". Just something on my mind, not doing an intense proofread (like I ever) but really…here goes.
Irritated. It was the simplest description of her feelings, Maura thought. She was indescribably annoyed, after four years of an intense friendship, Jane didn't trust her judgment. Why would Jane feel the need to investigate Ian? It was always like that with Garrett, Slucky, Giovanni, more times than she cared to remember. Maura never needed a hero. She fended for herself with great success without the constant hovering of the Italian detective. Yes the doctor was pissed. So pissed she didn't notice Ian in foyer and ran smack into him and his suitcase.
"You're leaving already," Maura gasped as she met Ian with his Samsonite in hand.
"You're leaving," Ian repeated "Maura I thought you were coming with me. I know this is short notice but my friend Markus Tsangari got us a ride from Paris with Engineers without Borders. We have to make it to the city of lights, tomorrow by noon. "
"You were serious," Maura quizzed as she cocked her head to one side? "Last time, when you found me in Seattle, we did our usual tryst you made your fruitless promise. If I remember correctly you left me a post-it, after I resigned and sub-leased my apartment."
"I was a boy," he grimaced "I came back for you, not these supplies. I thought we could try again. A little older and wiser." He loosened his grip on the handle and placed his hands on Maura's petite shoulders.
"My life is in Boston. I still love you, Ian. There will never be a day that goes by in which I don't love you,
" Maura said, her voice uncontrolled cracked. She noticed the front door was still open and pushed it shut.
"I love you, Maura. All we need is love. Lennon knew that," Ian smiled. He cupped her face, the planted a feather light kiss on her lips. "You're the love of my life. I realized that in my lonely tent in the jungle."
"The love of your life," Maura gasped. She leaned on the end table for support as if his admission has winded her. "I've waited almost five years to hear you say those words. Now that you've said them…"
"It's Jane," Ian sighed. "I thought you said there was nothing there."
"She's my friend. I can't leave her, my family. My life is Boston," Maura whispered.
"Constance is in Paris; your father is in Stockholm. What family?" Ian spat. Frustrated, he dragged his hands over his face. "You mean Jane's family."
"They're my family too," Maura defended. "Jane and I aren't romantic. Something changed when I had her blood on my hands. Although, she would never admit it, she shot herself because of me. The paramedics had Frankie; I knew she trusted me enough to keep him alive. When she saw me run out of the precinct, I've never seen fear in Jane's eyes like that before. He must have threatened to shoot me."
"She's your hero, I use to be your hero," Ian interrupted.
"Ian you're the love of my life. I will never love anyone the way I loved you. Love isn't enough. Lennon lied. Jane loves me in a way you never could. Even though you are the love of my life, you could never have me the way she does. I can't see life without her. You are the love of my life but Jane is my life." Her confession felt existential, as if she was watching this entire seen from the bar stool with a vintage Cab.
The horn of the taxi outside filled the thick, opaque uncomfortable silence that rushed between them.
"She loves you. I don't know why I expected you to wait for me. I should've known someone else would figure it out." Ian grimaced.
"Figure what out?"
"That you are the embodiment of phenomenal. I wish I would have said these things sooner. Jane is very lucky," He smiled wryly. "Dr. Isles, I must be going. You should tell her, how you feel. You both aren't happy with the status quo."
Moments later Ian was gone and she was left alone in the deafening still. Lately her house was a busy as Grand Central Station, submerged in the aroma of marinara, laughter, arguing…Rizzolis. Angela must be with her church group, Maura thought as she opened the cheap bottle of wine Ian sent.
She'd bet everything on Jane. Why? Honestly the night before, while Ian slept, Maura had packed for Africa. Her Tumi luggage was ready to go but she found herself putting everything back. He didn't even notice she had left the bed, didn't stir a muscle. Maura could barely make it to the bathroom without Jane turning and only minutes would pass until she heard a husked "Maur."
Jane, Maura whispered. She and Jane were so fucked, so complicated. Traipsing around the African jungle with Ian in ways was much safer than being in love with a maverick detective. The shooting had unnerved Maura; the weeks of Jane's recovery were hard. Frank and Angela couldn't survive. She and Jane barely survived; she needed to be Jane's friend. Even if she wanted to be Jane's girlfriend or rather wife, the doctor wasn't sure if her emotions could bear having Jane in that capacity knowing that with any call it could abruptly end.
Ian was gone. He had said the words, she dreamed, labored, and at times obsessed over. They didn't mean anything. The emotions she had expected during this apex moment were fleeting. Perhaps it was the most deflating point; she wasn't a recent med grad trying to figure out her place in the world. She had a space carved out in existence; a pasta filled, softball on Saturday's, beer next to unfinished bottle of white existence.
What about Jane? How was she to explain the past week? She never mentioned Ian but she hadn't mentioned Garrett either. Wasn't it a rule of thumb not to bring up past relationships in your current one? Ian was right the ambiguity of her and Jane's relationship was carcinogenic. They needed clarity.
She had almost drained her second glass, when she heard the familiar knock. Everyone had stopped using their key, after Ian's arrival in effort to give Maura some privacy.
"Jane," she sighed. Tonight was not that night.