Days and night have been a blur for the frail Shape shifter Bo, she had been held up in a small cave, which was nearby where she woke up after from the battle with the Orcs. The cave was small, but it was better than some of the places, Bo had stayed at throughout the years. It provided shelter from the outside world and warmth from the cold breeze, yet it did come with a price, a small amount of space shared with thirteen dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard, it did come with its own suffocation and a pounding headache. Yet for Bo, she kept slipping through unconsciousness, due to the dagger that was embedded in her side, while she was unconscious, Gandalf pulled the dagger and sewed up the wound, as well as clean, of course with help from some of the dwarves. When Bo was awake the first time from being free from the dagger, Gandalf told her the news and she was lucky, if it was pushed even further, then it would have pierced her lung, which would make the situation trickier and wouldn't look as great.

"I should count my lucky stars then?" Bo asked the Wizard, which in return he nodded. "You see, you can't get rid of me that easily."

"Nor would we." Balin stated, as he sat near Bo, facing his body towards her. Bo smiled, as she met the old dwarf's kind, soft eyes. She quickly glanced away as she heard Gandalf move away and got involved with the rest of the company, it seemed they were planning their next step in the whirlwind adventure. "Don't you worry lass, we won't leave you behind. We need you."

"It's not that Balin, it's…no it's stupid."

"No, go on lass."

Bo looked at the company again, it seemed they were huddled around a map, she heard some mumbles but that was it. It seemed she was kept in the dark again, yet with her situation, what could they do, but leave her out?

Looking back at Balin, she let out a sigh before saying: "Where do you think we be heading next? I haven't been this far in Middle Earth."

Balin smiled before opening his mouth to reply, but hearing a cough from one of the dwarves, he looked over and his smile dropped. He looked at Bo with regret in his eyes, before saying he was sorry.

That was it from then, Bo was either asleep trying to gain her strength, or watching the others discuss what's next. The latter being unhealthy, as deep down she thought like the old Bo, she wanted to lash out, to yell at them for not bringing her into their plans, she was part of the company too, right? But she hadn't had the energy, nor the guts to lash out, she had to try and get along with them all, she had to make allies still, and why not start closer to home?

…

The grass was still as a statue, but it was soft underfoot and brushed against Bo's ankles, as her slacks were rolled up; shy of her ankles. The moon was high in the clear sky, its light swallowing up the earth underneath it, Bo could feel the cold light on her hard skin, telling her she had only a certain amount of time until the transformation. However, Bo forced the reminder to the back of her mind, she had more important things to worry about, she stood in the battlefield of where her family was killed; the only pack where she felt she could always belong, be protected and be happy. Yet the Orcs took all that away. Bo now walked in their footsteps, but if faced could she fight them, or would she run?

Bo stopped walking when she thought she heard movement, but looking around her she couldn't see anything. However taking a few more steps, Bo stopped again as she felt something crush under her foot, she lifted her foot and stared at the floor confused, but looking closer the confusion was washed away by grief, as the item she stood on was a small gold chain, the one that her mother wore. Bo picked it up and stared at it in her hand, she remembered her mother had always worn that gold chain around her neck, but now it's free from its master and split into two.

Slowly Bo's eyes moved away from the gold chains, and saw masses of now dead bodies, some were piled upon each other, or scatted nearby. Pocketing the chains away, Bo felt tears form in her big eyes, as well as her throat tighten, she couldn't have imagined what she would find, but nothing could prepare for what she saw. She took a step back. She wanted to run away. She wanted to leave and never come back. But she knew running away wouldn't solve things, and she knew she would regret it with the rest of her life. Braving a step forward, she slowly took another and another; forcing herself to look at the dead shape shifters, familiar, warm faces were now cold and to be sadly forgotten over time. Getting closer to the pile of dead bodies, Bo could see more detail of them, she now could tell they were what you call the experienced fighters, the leader of the pack and his right hand men, now they were piled upon each other, blood drained away from their bodies; leaving them to feel the coldness and to embrace the darkness. In death we are equal.

At the bottom of the pile, Bo notice it was her own father. Seeing him, she let the tears she tried to hold back go. She felt her knees grow weak and quickly she was kneeling beside him. She wanted to scream. Yell. To show the world what she felt at that very moment. Seeing her father there lying among the other soldiers, in their blood, as well as his own made her blood boil. In a desperate attempt, Bo reached her hands out and pulled at her father's body, trying to free him, but hearing something roll own the pile and crash against a shield, she stopped and looked around hoping no one was nearby to hear such sound. Before staring back at her father, she wiped away the tears that rolled down her cheeks, but it didn't stop more forming and rolling down her cheeks. She then reached her hands towards her father's hand and freed his sword, she stared at the sword in awe, it looked so powerful and bright in the moon light, and blood was printed upon the masterpiece. Seeing her face, Bo could see how much she looked like her father, everyone had always said she did, she had his dark hair, big eyes and strong features, as well as following in his footsteps. He was strong, tough in many ways, but he was fair, treated everyone as equal, and punished those who broke the law. She had always looked up to him, he had taught her many things: how to hunt, use weapons, to defend herself and fight, and how to read; things which she kept with her, as well as the dagger and sword which she took from her father's dead body.

"You said it was safe here. You said this was my home. But look what has happened. You said we only know peace. You said that you and mother was always going to be there for me, now you are both dead and left me alone in this cruel world. I love you…I'm sorry."

Bo quickly stood up and backed away from her father's body. She was still shaking, as she put her father's dagger and sword in the scabbard that was around her waist. She looked up hearing a howl piercing through the night sky. She turned her back on the pile of bodies and looked around fearfully. She recognised the howl belonging to a Warg, telling her Orcs were nearby. Bo glanced around for the final time seeing her father and ran towards the west of the battlefield. Entering the forest, she was sort of sheltered from the moon, but she kept on running; fear controlling her, a voice inside was telling her to run as fast as she could and as far from the battlefield she could go.

It seemed she had ran for miles, she knew in fact it was only was not that far. She stopped and rested her back against a tree, heart was racing within its cage, fighting against her chest. She collapsed to the floor, and let her body shake, tears ran down her face, she tried to wipe them all away, but more kept on spilling. Looking up, she recognised the place where she was sitting, she had been there many times before with her father, he used to take her there to practice her skills with a sword, as well as show her all about hunting. She found herself smiling at the memory, but hearing many howls of Wargs, her smiled dropped. They were getting closer.

She stood up and started to sprint, she heard more howls and vicious voices that sent chills down her spine. The chase was on. She ran as fast as she could, but the moon was against her, it provided no hiding space she felt her chest tightening, her vision becoming blurry and losing balance, making her fall over and roll down a small hill. At the bottom Bo, felt her muscles grow tight making her let out a groan of pain. It seemed she had closed her eyes, because when she opened them again she sniffed the air, she could taste the air that the Orcs and the Wargs provided. She let out a snarl, before attempting to stand up, but she stumbled back onto the ground, a pain shot through her making her growl. She looked to the side and saw something sharp embedded into her side and her blood was thickly oozing out.

Bearing her sharp fangs in pain, Bo stood back up and bracing the pain started to run again. She could heard the Warg's paws pounding on the ground, desperate to catch up with her. She caught the scent of blood of the shape shifters, which overpowered her, making her lose her balance again and she fell back to the ground; darkness swallowing her up.

…

Bo's eyes sprang open, her chest rose and fallen rapidly. She let her eyes roam around, but finding a roof above her head and the company lying on piles of hay nearby, she calmed down. She was safe. Well she hoped she was. They were staying at Beorn's house, a skin changer, who Gandalf forgot to mention to them, until they locked themselves inside his house, while he was a gigantic and furious bear. A man that could change into a bear; mind of state was simple, to kill those who trespasses his land. When a man; mind of state was changeable- unpredictable. Yet Gandalf thought they be safer in the house, rather than in the wild, the Orcs was close by, which meant bad news. Bo was not ready to face them again, nor was the others.

Bo let out a sigh, letting the quiet cover the company. She stared at the celling her mind on the nightmare, she had them more commonly after the battle, it was the same scene every time. She couldn't move on. She tried to force herself, but in the nightmare she was weak and young, something she could remember, all of it she could remember as if it just happened. Many times she replayed certain parts in her mind, and wondered what she would do if she knew what she knew now, but that opened many old wounds; old thoughts and feelings reaching up towards to escape.

…

Bo sat on the riverbed, daggling her legs over the water. Darkness swallowed her up. The moon was hidden among the grey masses of clouds, making the air feel humid and suffocating. She couldn't sleep that night. She wanted to prevent the nightmare to come to her again, but it seemed the only way to achieve that is to stay awake. In the darkness, she heard the rush of the water below her feet, she felt alive again, she felt like she belonged somewhere when she was close to nature; the old Bo living again.

Hearing footsteps, Bo strained her ears for more movement, but none came. She lowered her eyes and notice the air became light and the darkness that surrounded her was defeated by a strong source of light.

"Why are you up?" Bo asked, while raising her eyes and turned to see Gandalf standing a few paces away from her, his staff in hand.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." He replied. "But as you asked me, I am up because I noticed you were missing, and I thought I come and find you."

"So, here I am." Bo stated before facing the river again.

"What's wrong, Bo?"

"Nothing. I just wanted some time alone. I haven't had some for what seems like ages." Bo replied, after lowering her eyes and pulling at her sleeves. She heard Gandalf move towards her and he sat beside her, laying his staff at the side of him. She kept her eyes lowered not wanting to meet his gaze. Not wanting him to see the truth. "What are you doing, Gandalf?" Bo broke the silence that followed her words.

She looked up at him and saw him staring out into the darkness. "Nothing, just embracing the silence. You know having some time alone." Bo noticed his eyes glancing towards her for a brief second. "Hmmm…I should do this more often, I can feel a great vibe. Yes…I see why you do this, Bo."

Bo shook her head lightly and smiled. "If you want time alone, then I should suggest you can do it somewhere else, on your own, hence the word alone, Gandalf."

"Aw, would you let an old man like me, to adventure on his own, to find somewhere quiet?"

"You've coped on your own for years, you'll be fine." Bo replied.

"Ah well… about that, I thought I could stay here, and have alone time with you. I promise I won't say a word."

Bo raised an eyebrow, before looking back at the river, embracing the silence again. But she couldn't get her train of thoughts back, she was too conscious of Gandalf sitting next to her, she felt like he could read her thoughts and he would know what she was thinking before she knew. Instead of thinking, Bo let her eyes roam around her surroundings trying to get mind of Gandalf, but it was no good.

"All right, you won." Bo stated after letting out a sigh. "Yet again you caught me out. You found me in a vulnerable position, if you can call it that. Since the battle, I've had time to think...a lot, and I have ongoing questions- those that seem no one can shine a light too. They burn within, intertwined with the guilt and the ghosts that I once knew. They will not fade away…I'm unsure if I want them too. All what I feel is the only think I grew to feel and think."

"What about before the event?" Gandalf asked, in a soft tone.

"I don't know." Bo stated after hesitation. "You see, I was so young that I cannot even remember what I felt before. I can guess…it's the only thing I have from my past, while everyone has memories. You now see how different I am. I don't belong here, there, or anywhere. Maybe I once did, I would like to think I did, but you cannot choose these things. Maybe I have brought this upon myself…"

"Bo, don't be ridicules. How could you possibly do such thing?"

"I don't know. It's what folk's say isn't it?" Bo lifted her head in time to see Gandalf's eyes portray shock and shame; telling her that she is right. "I do too hear what others think. I'm not just some outcast who can pretend…" Bo stopped hearing herself becoming angry, she let out another sigh and lowered her eyes and this time spoke more calmly. "Pretending is the hardest thing to do: pretend to feel ok when broken, pretend to like something that you hate, pretend to sleep when you are afraid, pretend to feel when you feel nothing at all; that's how I adapted in life, making me become a cold hearted, monstrous beast. Something I loathed. Something that I fear myself. Folks see me as foe, but…"

"Friends see you as an ally." Gandalf chipped in. "There are some in this world, who are scarier than you, even stronger I dare say. Some can be reasoned with…others cannot. You are nothing like them, my dear Bo, you are what you are, but you're not dangerous."

"Who do you speak of, about those who cannot be trusted, but some can be reasoned with?"

"You will see." Gandalf stated before moving.

"Gandalf…" Bo started, but was stopped when Gandalf stood back up and stared at her.

"I said you will see. Now if that is all Bo, I think it is time to get some sleep, we got a long journey ahead of us."

…

Bo was more careful of what she told Gandalf after that talk, it seemed her troubles was nothing compared to his. He hadn't said anything more either, but she felt his eyes upon her when she weren't looking, or when she was trying to go to sleep. She had always wondered what was going on in his brain, but she quickly found out she didn't want to, as sometimes he spoke in riddles.

She lifted up her shirt to reveal the scar she gained from the battle, it looked better than a few weeks ago, her fingers followed the scar lightly, it still hurt but it was getting better. Hearing movement nearby, Bo turned her head to the side and stared at Bofur who was fast asleep next to her, his eyes were closed and his chest was raising and falling softly; he seemed to be at peace. She was thankful for him and Balin at the very start of the journey, they were the only ones who noticed her and helped her; even saved her from herself. It seemed they were more prepared to fight for her and help her in any kind of way after the battle, I think everyone has changed because of the battle, Bo thought to herself, while staring back at the celling, she could feel tension from some, as well as caution.