Disclaimer: I don't own HSM. Or the song, Wasted. Or Corbin Bleu, which pretty much sucks.
A/N: So I figured that since my update for 'Desperate For Changes' is taking so long, I might as well write a songfic that's been dancing around in my head. And, so you don't get confused, the lyrics will pop up whenever there's a pass of time or they'll be there to show a contrast of things... you'll get what I mean once you read it. (Hopefully)
Lyrics are centered and italicized.
Everything else is left-justified and normal.
"I don't know why I'm even trying to make this work; you obviously don't care!"
Frail shoulders heaved with great, heart-wrenching sobs, eyelids falling momentarily shut as Taylor McKessie- soon to be Danforth, though that detail looked as if it might be changing- closed her eyes tightly. She could sob dryly and moan all she wanted, but she wouldn't ever let herself cry. In her perspective, crying was the worst form of weakness, and now was certainly not a time to let her strength falter.
Oh, she'd need all her strength for what she was about to do.
Reopening her eyes, she focused on the man that stood in front of her. Chad, her fiancé, really hadn't changed since high school. Though he was in his twenties, he still had the same eyes- though they weren't filled with their usual joy or excitement, instead anger disfigured their usual warmth- the same grin- it, however, wasn't present at the moment- and the same fiery temper. The latter of the three was the one Taylor was currently at battle with, her voice suddenly softer as she spoke again, "Why can't you just do it, Chad? Why can't you put me before basketball, your friends, and partying for once? Just once?" This time, she had to blink a few times to keep back the tears slowly developing. She wasn't going to cry.
"You're my everything!" he yelled, taking a step toward her- so much for her hope that if she didn't continue yelling, he wouldn't. "I missed that practice last week to see a movie with you! And I missed the after-practice drinks."
Sharply, Taylor laughed and retorted bitterly, "Oh, and I bet that just about killed you, didn't it? Spending the night with me instead of your buddies. I can't possibly imagine something more painstaking."
Chad opened his mouth, more than likely in an attempt to defend himself, but Taylor cut him off with one of her 'looks' and a few words. "Forget it," she said darkly, turning on her heel and taking off down the hallway she'd decorated only a few weeks ago. The paint was still glossy... the pictures hadn't yet faded. But for some reason, it didn't look as nice as it had before.
As if they knew where she wanted to go, her feet carried her right out of the hallway and into the kitchen, which she crossed with ease before reaching the garage door. For a moment, her hand hovered on the handle.
Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
She waited for ten seconds. She gave him ten seconds to even make an attempt to stop her from leaving. After counting up even using the cliched 'nine... nine and a half... nine and three quarters...' line, he still hadn't come or called after her. Glancing at down at her hand on the handle, her eyes caught on her engagement ring. Quickly, Taylor twisted it off and laid it on top of the whiskey bottle that sat on the counter. She knew Chad would see it there.
As she completed this task, she suddenly found herself unable to stop the tears, so she decided she'd show a little weakness. After all, it wasn't like Chad was there to see her crying. He was still, undoubtedly, rooted to the spot, that same pissed-off look on his face. She somehow maintained a little control, throwing her shoulders back as she felt that damned tear slowly emerge, cling to her eyelashes, and then fall down her cheek in a crooked path, where it slid off her face and fell to the ground, bursting into a million little pieces as it collided with the floor. There went her one moment of weakness, and it took any pleasant emotions inside of her along with it.
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
Swallowing hard, Taylor turned the handle and made a beeline for her car, leaning against it for support before getting in. After seating herself, she draped her arms across the steering wheel and shook her head. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Her and Chad were supposed to last. They were supposed to be together forever.
"Face it," she hissed to herself, "Nothing lasts forever."
That simple phrase, those last three words, were the closure she needed at the moment, and she let her mind wrap itself around them, clinging to them as if they were her salvation. Nothing. Lasts. Forever. She honestly couldn't believe their splitting-up hadn't crossed her mind before. Months ago- heck, even weeks ago- they'd been relatively happy. And in love. They were so totally in love, and while he had his drinking and his friends, she had her friends and a job she was dedicated to.
As she thought back over the most recent memories, scenes permanently etched in her mind, Taylor really couldn't pinpoint when things had officially turned downhill. Their screaming match moments before was really just a culminating of events that had been long overdue. One particular night hung in stark contrast, and if she really tried, she could put herself back there once more.
It had been one of Chad's designated drinking nights. Usually, he'd spend the time with one of his friends, usually Jason or maybe even Troy, watching one of the sports games on TV. They'd sit around, get sloshed, and reminisce about their Wildcat glory days.
But tonight his friends had obligations with their significant others, and while Taylor wished he'd take the hint and spend some more time with his own significant other, she didn't want to press the issue. Chad needed these times to unwind; he lived for them. She wasn't going to take that away.
He had proceeded to get totally hammered, his chosen poison a bottle of whiskey, which would later prove a faithful friend, helping him through long nights. As he sat in their living room, bottle dangling from his hand, Taylor stood in the doorway, watching as he threw his life away. Watching as he drained his future with one last swallow. She'd thought then that this was no way to spend your life, and she knew she couldn't stay around to watch the man she loved waste everything he'd ever had going for him.
That was what led her to find herself in her little old sports car, wondering how she'd let what they had slip through her fingers.
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it
But there were other memories.
Oh, gosh, there were some great ones. Her favorite, the one she'd relied on when she didn't have anything else to turn to, was of a night a little less than a year before this one.
She, Chad, Gabriella, Troy, Jason, Kelsi, Ryan, Sharpay, and Zeke had had a party to celebrate the day that had started everything. Sometimes they called it the triple win day, but other times they'd just call it 'The Day', but whatever the terminology they used, they all agreed that it had officially kicked off their friendship as a group, their respective relationships, and had even kicked off the East High dynasty, which led to two more state championship wins for the basketball team, and two appearances at nationals for the scholastic decathlon team, one of which resulted in a second place finish, and another which ended in a tie for first.
They always got together to celebrate, but tonight was something entirely different. Little did Taylor know, tonight would be the night Chad would propose to her. She'd dreamt of him finally doing it, but she'd never really seen him getting down on one knee and asking her to marry him. That was too traditional for him. She always expected they'd go to some basketball game and he'd pop the question via a jumbotron or something cheesy like that.
She hadn't expected him to go all romantic on her, first telling her all about how wonderful she was and how she totally completed him. What she really hadn't expected was the gorgeous ring he gave to her. Since when had being a sports announcer for the local teams paid so well?
Of course she'd accepted.
The rest of the night was a blur of some of their very first plans ('Yeah, Gabi, I'll make sure the bridesmaid dresses aren't a color that dreadful,' 'Of course we'll have it in a big church, Shar,' and 'Mexico would be great- as long as we get enough alone time.'), and Taylor was certain that Chad was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
Raising her head to look back at the house, she wondered if maybe she was making too big of a decision. Maybe she should give him another chance to prove himself, to prove his love. It had been there before, hadn't it? Taylor knew a lot of things, but love was one thing that really confused her. How could people who'd been married happily for years simply get divorced? What happened to the love they once shared? Maybe the love really hadn't been there to begin with. But it had been different with her and Chad. They really had been in love.
She wanted to go back, she truly did.
But she knew he'd hurt her again. It was in his blood; he couldn't not drink, just like she couldn't not run from her problems. There really was no going back. With a reserved air, she pushed her keys into the ignition and pulled out into the street, driving wherever the road took her. She had a way out of the relationship that was only going to hurt her.
She had to take that way out before it, like so many other opportunities, closed up before her.
For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pourin' rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna take it
Taylor drove for a long while, only stopping to fill up her tank or for the occasional meal at a diner, where she usually busied herself with thoughts of what was going on back with her Chad- mentally, she berated herself for sticking that possessive pronoun in front of his name- and wondering if he was thinking about her too.
He was probably too drunk to know what was going on.
As she drove, each mile putting a greater distance between her and her lost love, she realized she was making the right decision. She didn't want to live how she'd been living, not letting herself grow to her full potential for fear of leaving him behind. She couldn't waste her time with him, as he had little initiative to get his own future started. Taylor McKessie was immensely glad realization had hit her when it did.
I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
'She's gone.'
Those two words were the only thing he heard as they resounded in his mind.
'No, she's not gone. She'll come back any second now...'
Maybe if he tried to block out the obvious, it would bring her back. He was sure he'd heard the back door close, and he was fairly certain he'd heard the rumble of her car's engine starting up and pulling out of the driveway.
Running a hand through his hair, unconsciously fluffing the curls a bit, he made his way into the living room, where he unceremoniously fell onto the sectional sofa, reaching for the remote on the end table. Though his eyes were fixed on the screen before him, and he appeared to be rather engrossed in the game he'd turned it on to, if you took a closer look at his face, he was anything but focused. Disbelief was spread plainly across his features, and as the hours ticked on and on, he grew restless. He waited until the final buzzer of the second game in the doubleheader he'd tuned in for, but then he took to his feet and made his way into the kitchen.
He'd already decided that Taylor was probably staying at Gabriella's house to get away from the stress for a little bit, as it was something she did quite often, so he figured he'd have the house to himself for the night. Reaching into the cupboard, he grabbed one of the glasses in the set he and Taylor had bought for the wet bar they'd intended on making. They hadn't ever gotten around to it, so now the glasses sat in their kitchen, the ones towards the back collecting dust, while the ones near the front had been run through the dishwasher so much they had a permanent gleam to them.
As he rolled the glass between his hands, Chad made his way over to the counter, eyes fixed on the whiskey that sat in front of him. It was really the only way he dealt with stress. Taking the glass in one hand, he picked up the bottle with the other, but something shiny fell off its top and rolled along the floor.
Fuck.
Taylor's engagement ring.
In rage, he threw the glass to the floor, where it shattered immediately. He didn't care that he'd made a horrible freaking mess. He didn't care that he would probably end up stepping on the glass. That ring represented their whole damn relationship, and there she'd left it. Of course she would have found setting it on top of the alcohol rather ironic, as that was the one thing that had driven the biggest rift in their relationship. Taking a swig from the bottle, he stood still for a moment, but even whiskey couldn't heal this hurt. Tears in his eyes, he threw that to the floor as well and slowly slid down the wall, resting his head in his hands as he openly cried for the first time in a long time.
Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
he says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it
He was tired. God, Chad was tired in so many ways.
He'd slept a grand total of two hours in three nights. While he knew he had to catch some shut-eye, he couldn't let himself go into the bedroom where Taylor's clothes were strewn across the room, where her fabulous scent still lingered in the air, on her pillow, and on the bed sheets. He hadn't even walked by the room, afraid of the temptation the still open door might give him. Of course, he'd have to eventually go through it and somehow get her stuff to her, but right now wasn't the time. He was still licking his wounds.
While he was physically tired, what was bothering him the most was how he was so damn tired of his life. He was the kid who, in high school, had floated by on the coattails of his friends, copying homework and still only pulling up with barely passing grades. There were times he had almost been kicked off the basketball team, as his GPA had steadily declined, but he always managed to bring it back up. The point isn't, however, that he lacked intelligence, he simply lacked initiative. He didn't like to start things up, which was why he'd always just assumed his future would fall into his lap.
Oh, he was wrong.
Without the good grades of his peers, Chad hadn't made it into any colleges he'd applied to, and he had instead he applied to (and was, thankfully, accepted to) a tech school, but he ended up dropping out of that because it was too much work. It wasn't like he wanted to spend the rest of his life slacking off, but he just didn't know what to do with himself. He was tired of relying on others to bail him out. He wanted to take advantage of his own life. Somehow, Chad was going to make things work.
'Cause I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Though her eyes reflected her extreme state of exhaustion, Taylor kept on driving, her eyes fixed on the road ahead of her, though the yellow line snaking across black pavement constantly zoomed in and out of focus as she did her best to keep her attention on driving. She wasn't going to let it push back to Albuquerque, where she was sure a particular man was drinking himself silly at the very moment, sitting in the middle of an empty house.
She wasn't going to let herself think of how much she missed him, how badly she ached for his touch, how she just wanted to hear the sound of his voice. There was nothing she could do to make better what had happened, as much as she wanted to go running back and into his arms. Sometimes, she reasoned, doing the right thing hurt like hell, but it'd save you a lot of pain in the long run. This just had to be one of those cases, right?
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
Finally, Taylor reached her destination. It took her so many days that she'd lost count along the way, but it didn't matter how long the journey took, for it was the journey itself that really mattered. She had decided about half-way between Albuquerque and the California coast that she wasn't about to let a guy, as truly wonderful and amazing as she thought he was get her down. Even if she couldn't get him out of her head.
Watching the sunset over the Pacific brought a smile to her face, and a brighter demeanor simply radiated from her. Back in their senior year, her and Gabby had promised they'd take a road trip out to California and then they'd drive the length of the PCH, living in those funky little motels and shopping in every strip mall they came across. They'd promised it would be a weekend with just the two of them, away from the boys and away from the stresses of everything. They'd even looked into prices of rental convertibles. Gabby had her heart set on a candy-apple red Mustang, but Taylor favored something less flashy, like a white Sebring or maybe even a LeBaron.
It actually took Taylor's tired, sluggish mind a few minutes to realize that she wasn't a senior any more, and that she was, in fact, here by herself. She hadn't driven here in a convertible, and she hadn't stayed in any motels. But she had gotten away from it all... away from a particular boy, and away from a whole lot of stress. It was great to feel so free.
Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back and let the light glow the setting sun cast a warm glow over her face. She knew the moon would slip into its place soon enough, in the two spheres' constant duel for control of the sky.
Their dance was comparable to her emotions at the moment. Part of her was welcoming and truly happy about her newfound independent streak, but the other half of her craved the stability of a relationship, even if it was a stressful one. She felt invincible, like she could suddenly handle anything life could throw at her. And that was a fantastic feeling.
She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side by side
Leaning over the sink, Chad rubbed at his eyes, squinting against the florescent light in the bathroom before leaning back and surveying his reflection from behind unfogged eyes. He could see himself clearly, the bare bulbs threw everything from his slightly sagging curls to his thinner appearance into a sharp focus. He was actually glad that Taylor hadn't gotten into remodeling this room yet; it was nice to get away from things that were serving as a constant reminder of her, especially as he was bracing himself for what he was about to do.
When he'd woken up, his back aching from a few hours of sleep he'd earned on the couch, Chad had decided that enough was enough. He needed to get on with his own life. He was going to take the initiative and get it started himself. For once, he wasn't going to sit back and let things happen themselves. He'd picked up the paper and had circled a few job advertisements that appealed to him. Of course, there weren't any ads for college dropouts with experience in ruining relationships, but there were some things he could work with.
And then he resigned to make himself go into the bedroom for the first time. He couldn't keep avoiding it, and he wasn't about to simply forget about all his things in there because of all Taylor's things that were in there as well.
So, after scanning his reflection once more, he took a few slow steps out of the bathroom and began down the hallway, his shoulders back and his head up. Taking a deep breath through his mouth, he pushed the door open and let his eyes fall on things as they were, completely soaking in the pair of heels Taylor had left in front of the closet, the bathrobe she'd tossed into the hamper, though it hung over the edge, and the bed which she'd made so perfectly. Everything was exactly as she'd left it.
Traversing across the thick-ply carpet, he sat down on the bed and looked at the night stand. There sat his phone, staring almost mockingly at him...
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
Taking his phone in his hand, Chad held down the number '2' button, a certain finality to his motions. For a second, the screen flashed with a 'speed dial: 2' box before cutting to a grinning picture of Taylor and half of Chad's head. He really wasn't skilled at taking pictures with the camera phone. But, nonetheless, it was a great picture of her and he couldn't help but grin at it. Or maybe he was grinning at the fact that he was finally going to call her and get things over with.
Either way, the screen flashed 'Calling... Taylor' before 'Connected' came up, with a clock slowly ticking up from 00:00.
Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Back in her car, Taylor had picked up her cell phone, her finger hovering over the '2' button, though she was slightly uncertain if this was the correct action to take. She might just end up making things worse by calling Chad. But, really, she didn't have too much to lose. Instead of calling, she sat and looked at her wallpaper for a moment, shaking her head a bit as she took in the picture of her, Chad, Gabby, and Troy, all grinning brightly at the camera. They'd had to ask four people in front of that pier before someone finally ended up agreeing to take their picture... with all four of their cell phones and two of their digital cameras. It was a great memory, and she was glad she'd kept it.
Moving her attention back to the keypad, she was about to flip her phone closed, deciding that she'd do it when she felt stronger, when Chad's picture flashed momentarily across the screen, the words 'Call from... Chad' proceeding it. Well, wasn't that a coincidence?
"Hello...?" she asked, uncertainty in her tone.
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
"Taylor," he began, a slight pleading in his voice.
"If you're going t-"
"Just hear me out here, alright?"
He took her silence as a sign for him to continue.
"I know you don't want to hear me tell you that I'm changing and that you should come back because I'm different and I'm actually going out and doing things besides drinking, but I am. I really, really am. I looked for some jobs in the paper and... and I haven't drank since you left," he said, stopping as he gave her a chance to interject, but when she didn't, he continued. "I'd really, really love for you to come back, Tay. I've got your ring... if you want to maybe consider being engaged to me again?" The last line was a bit quieter, and if she would've been sitting next to him, she would have seen the way his shoulders slumped a bit as he said it, the look on his face was similar to one of a kid asking forgiveness of their mom after they broke a vase.
He waited with bated breath and listened intently, waiting for her answer.
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
"Oh, Chad... I love you. I... I think we can make it work. Of course I'll still marry you."
Yeah, yeah
Oh, I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
"Yes!" he said triumphantly, punching the air. "I love you, too, Tay."
A/N: R e v i e w... you know you want to!