Summary: The Destroyer of Time is on the run, pursued by a certain entity wanting to assimilate him, and he will never allow that. Don't stop; keep walking. But how will he continue? What is the path? An unlikely encounter, a temporary truce for one night, leads to two enemies having a better understanding of each other.
A/N: In the manga arcs, I've never seen a realistic possibility for the main male characters such as Allen, Kanda, Lavi or Tyki Mikk having any romantic possibilities with each other or any of the other female Dgrayman characters in fanfiction (unless it is AU, and there are some enjoyable lengthy pieces out there). No issues with manga canon eg Kanda and the woman he loves, especially when considering their emotional stages of maturity and development and focus, not helped by mostly-antagonistic encounters, and too many secrets withheld even when they are not fighting.
This is particularly true for Allen Walker, who has major memory issues and is far from what he appears to those who think they know him. And when it comes to Allen Walker and Tyki Mikk, the trauma and words they have inflicted upon each other in various manga instances is anything but healthy and not a precursor to better times, without some form of development.
Tyki Mikk is typically dangerous and/or sadistic towards exorcists and does not display compassion or mercy toward his enemies, while definitely not fluffy or sweet. In most instances, his desire to kill them is undiluted. Suman, Tokusa and Kanda are 3 of several examples, whereby he has been less murderous,but no less sadistic. Humanising Tyki Mikk and Allen Walker is to breathe into life the complexities and dimensions they rightfully deserve in plausible scenarios without being OOC, and you can enjoy, as the reader.
If anything is to realistically happen for a positive connection, which is manga-compliant within the manga arcs for these two individuals, it must start with a bridge and plausible development, which will definitely involve mental and emotional resistance, given their history. Chapter 227 allows a glimpse of possibility. Whether the fic inspired by all these chapters go beyond temporary truces and possible friendship in any way, which is not stereotyped or quickly unrealistic… Read on and find out.
A candle in the window
Oh. No. It looked as if his shoes would be soaked again.
Sighing, Allen Walker pulled the shabby brown waistcoat tighter about himself. Which town was he in now? He needed a better plan. The resonance of his arm with Apocryphos had stopped two towns back, but fear from his cannibalistic entanglement with that Independent Innocence had not been alleviated. To sleep was to relive random nightmares, resulting in cold sweat bordering on panic whenever he wrenched himself awake. Living off the streets was a short-term solution. But he could not see further. On the run from everything and everyone he loved, what was the next step to take? This was the last night he would spend in this town, not daring to linger beyond four days.
A bigger town with big crime bosses owning dubious businesses would provide better sources for money and thereby the means to take on some disguise, since cheating them at cards would be much less than they truly deserved, and it would be far easier to find various distractions which might also make it more difficult for Apocryphos to sieve through, while trying to find him. That might have been the better strategy, from the beginning. More people did not necessarily mean more casualties. Right?
There was nobody he could ask, and nobody to answer his doubts.
Inwardly sighing, the solution of the past two days seemed unavoidable, in terms of finding another suitable alleyway to spend the night. Pulling a mud-brown cloth cap down at an angle to cast a shadow over his eyes while hiding distinctive white hair, the pace was marginally quickened. Crowds were thinning, along with fading rays of the setting sun. An immature breeze was picking up unpleasant speed. His sturdiest companions would probably be grim grey clusters of gritty stone and faded brown bricks tolerating potential bits of garbage littering usually-ignored spots, with the occasional rat or scurrying sneaky cockroaches, when night fell. Being showered with steady unrelenting rain was not something to look forward to.
Rapidly rounding a corner away from the town centre and breaking into a yawn, he walked straight into- A mouthful of black coat. Unexpected impact against something hard had him staggering back a step, before being steadied by a hand grasping his upper right arm. White gloves were rar-
'You need to be more careful when taking a turn, boy.'
Skies overhead were dark and heavy with constipation, but Allen Walker was enveloped in a chilling torrent of- That voice. One of several voices he did not want to hear. This was a horrible time to encounter the Noah of-
'You look even more terrible if it's possible, since we last met. Sleeping on the streets is really taking its toll on you. Boy, don't look at me like that. I'm not here on official Noah business.'
Eh? Something about those words sounded different. What was this Noah here for? The last time they had met, Tyki Mikk had unexpectedly shown up at a critical moment and saved him from Apocryphos, while later wanting to slice off his left arm. The previous times before that last encounter were even worse, such as when a certain Noah had gone all-out in trying to destroy his left arm, trying to kill him with psychologically-cruel methods such as suffocating him and plunging a hand into his chest to rip out his heart, while taunting him... Horror and pain from certain memories did nothing to slow rapid shallow breathing, nor relax stiff shoulders. Not wanting to use his Innocence, to prevent alerting the monster on his trail- How would he escape th-
'You would still be a poor poker player unable to match my improved skills, given the way you are. Road is worried about you, but she is…. unable to... be in any form to meet you.'
Road Kamelot was worried about him? What had happened to her, since she took that blow from Apocryphos, and vanished from his sight? Unforgettable warmth of her hug, soothing steady rhythm of her heartbeat bringing him back from fractured blankness and overwhelming mental paralysis- Hearing faltering hesitation in the other man's voice nearly stopped his breathing.
'How is Road? What damage did she suffer, taking that punch for me? She disappeared. Is she dead? I want to see her, and talk to her, and ask- Tyki Mikk, will Road be alright?'
His voice cracked, on the last word of that question. And hearing himself speak in such a way… Worrying about Road, a Noah who was still human to him- He saw nothing wrong with doing so, but if people at the Black Order knew, they would despise or hate him. Until today, Allen was sure Chaozi had not forgiven him for wanting to rescue the unconscious Noah of Pleasure from the self-destructing Ark. And the depth of such animosity could not stop bothering him, combined with what Noise Marie had once said to him, about his path of wanting to save people and akuma.
'Road needs quite a while to regain herself. I am here because of her, unknown to the rest of our clan. If you continue like this, you'll be easy mincemeat when- If Apocryphos finds you. You need a proper night of rest. Falling sick is not a risk you should take.'
To be offered a meal and a night, at an inn? What was this Noah up to? Where was the catch in all this? What type of game was intended? Suspicion was voiced, and rewarded with a mild rolling of the eyes, as if the Noah of Pleasure was merely being tolerant while bored with the idea of this option because it was an errand not initiated out of personal inclinations, hence of no interest.
'Boy, you can take it or leave it. My only stipulation is to accompany you, rather than leave you alone. I have no intention of making you uncomfortable during this temporary truce, and this is the limit of what I can unofficially do. Road will recover faster to know you can function well, rather than exhaust further energy worrying for you. You clearly need protection at this point, until you've experienced a good night's rest and food at the least, to figure out something more than now. Innocence isn't human, but its survival is dependent on the host. You need help. And if you don't improve, you can't escape your Order and the monster chasing you, nor truly deal with what's inside you.'
For several seconds, a mercilessly nosy wind was the only sound filling the spaces around them, murmuring untranslatable secrets to these two deaf bystanders.
Loud grumbling breaking into a thinly-wheezing prolonged whine of revolt was the unexpected protest for several seconds, interrupting the space between them. One exorcist's empty stomach rumbled an unrestrained reminder of what it sorely lacked and desired. To be offered kindness, from- from- Was he being told the entire truth of why Tyki Mikk was here? Back pressed against rough bricks, studying the man facing him, Allen Walker saw nothing he could fault.
How awkward and very weird to be in this situation, to hear this Noah speak in a manner he had not previously experienced. Offering help. Not smiling. Not greeting him with murderous intent. Not fighting. Not maiming someone. Not ambushing him, with the intention to inflict a minimal of serious injuries and much bleeding. Not trying to charm him with words, before abruptly switching tack to forcibly attempt kidnapping him by force for the sake of bringing him back to the Millennium Earl. This was… the most boring situation he had ever been in, whenever they unexpectedly met. Unmentioned threat of a certain Cardinal hung unspoken in the air between them, and what that relentless pursuit represented.
Timcanpy had been bobbing up and down nearby in one spot as they conversed, displaying agitation and emotions Allen could not decipher. One gloved hand reached out, touching the top of the golem's shiny head, resting two fingers between two tiny nubs. They moved back and forth, slowly and evenly, making small but gentle strokes. When the hand was turned palm-up, the little golem settled down, nestling into white velvet, and folded its wings.
Why had he not realised Tim was also tired? Timcanpy had been inconsolable at times, most likely thinking of a murdered master and memories he would never know. Tim… His heart ached, over this faithful friend he could not always understand. Tim needed someone better than him.
He also needed to eat. And the first large drops of a cold drizzle helped solidify the decision.
Trailing after the imposing figure striding away from him who was still cradling Timcanpy in one hand, Allen had many questions. But they could wait. If he was to truly figure out whether Tyki Mikk's sudden appearance was completely due to what had been voiced or included other reasons, saying yes was the only way. Besides, he had run into a wall, and was out of options. The thought of one night before a fire, with a roof over his head- It would help. Timcanpy deserved it.
He did not protest or say a word, when the Noah stopped outside an inn priced more than Allen could afford at any point of his life as an exorcist, waited for him to catch up, and pushed open the door for him. Allen did not miss the flash of disdain, when the neatly-dressed clerk at the front desk caught sight of him. That attitude changed, when an imposing gentleman more finely dressed than the usual townspeople stepped up to take charge, paying for one of the largest rooms with two queen beds in The Crown and Dagger, and ordering several dishes to go with a bottle of wine.
A fire roaring in the grated hearth, he was happy settling for a corner table in a half-empty dining room padded with pallid floral-like carpeting of indistinguishable shapes in multiple colours rather than actual flowers, oak walls possibly smelling of pine needles, cosy but not pretentious- Restraint was eagerly discarded before the enticing aroma arising from arrivals of a platter of piping-hot roast beef, fish dumplings laced with lobster cream, gloriously chunky cream-of-chicken-and- corn soup, aglio olio spaghetti topped with ratatouille, a roasted vegetable terrine, and a steaming tray of homemade bread pudding alongside a bowl of custard sauce.
His companion sipped wine while studying the hodgepodge of pictures and paintings on the walls, dominating the bottle and displaying no interest in eating, breaking the silence only to insist on him finishing one glass of wine with at least two glasses of water. Otherwise, nothing was said, even after Allen Walker emptied more than three tablespoons of black pepper into the soup tureen. One gloved hand was occupied with a wine glass or the bottle, the other hand held Timcanpy.
A comfortable lack of conversation had never been more relaxing. Stopping mid-chew after polishing off everything but dessert, relieved he had not spilled anything onto a pale coral homespun cotton tablecloth despite possibly breaking his personal record for devouring a meal in such a time, he had to ask.
'Um, where did you get the money for this?'
'Sheryl insisted I take some money from him, to pay for a brand-new wardrobe of clothes and charm the ladies at balls. I'm not into fancy frills as much as he is. Besides, I hate shopping for clothes, and one new set of everything is enough.'
There it was. The ease with which Tyki Mikk mentioned any of his family halted Allen's improving mood. The Noah could speak freely enough of his family through trivia, despite limiting what he had told his enemy, this far. This freedom to be so casual was evidence of the strength of their ties- Suddenly aware of a twinge in his chest, suspicious unwelcome prickling at the corners of his eyes, an empty spoon suspended in mid-air, Allen quickly embarked on devouring the pudding while adding dollops of custard sauce. It was not until he was about to swallow the last spoonful of pudding, when the question came.
'You alright?'
The reply of feeling much better was accompanied by a cheery smile, eyes crinkling into non-visible slits. In doing so, he received a long unblinking stare from the man sitting diagonally across from him, before Tyki Mikk also broke into a smile and mimicking his expression and tone, told him he should have the energy to take a long overdue bath once he could go up to the room.
Was this man making fun of him? Never altering his demeanour, the exorcist casually retorted about a bath being unnecessary because he was never going to be an aspiring stuffy aristocrat, to which the Noah also cheerily replied that since he obviously had not bathed for more than three days, any dog could smell an oblivious brat from a mile away without any special effort for detection.
Faced with a comical expression of outrage on his face while finishing the last sip of wine, his dining companion burst into guffaws, telling Allen Walker he had a lot more growing up to do and was too easy to tease. Torn between the urge to try giving the older man a knuckle sandwich, realising how ludicrous he was behaving in retaliation toward observations he could not refute… 'You're right. I should.'
What was this? Weren't they enemies? Why was Tyki Mikk friendly? Was he usually like this, when he was not fighting the Black Order? How could- Why- This felt too comfortable and good.
At this rate, it might be a momentary but costly mistake, to forget about the Noah being his enemy. Abruptly standing up and nearly knocking over the chair, Allen could not suppress a sigh, and agreed to head off for a bath. Did he have other clothes? No. His answer led to the other man also standing up abruptly, peering down at him carefully for a few seconds, and then declaring the sudden necessity of getting him some new clothes, since they would probably have to bin or burn what he was currently wearing.
Eager to be away from an unexpected saviour too observant for his liking, the seemingly-compliant exorcist did not argue and headed straight up to the second floor, with one set of keys. Upon entering, two pairs of disposable white bedroom slippers were next to the door, and he was happy to remove shabby footwear for softer padding. This corner room was a simple spacious rectangle. A fireplace alight with the quiet crackle of burning logs becoming ashes and kept at bay with a lovingly-polished but aged brass guard, large plush oval carpet of deep maroon-brown barely covering most of the lovingly polished parquet floors in a lay-out reminding him of peeled and roasted walnuts, wallpaper of muted champagne hues emanating soothing joy from the glow of the fire, gold gilt accents in rococo swirls lining peachy tiles surrounding the bathroom sink- And a pristine bathtub.
Yes. Ohyes- Eagerly turning on the taps to fill the large white tub, Allen Walker was eager to quickly discard clothes outside the bathroom, before locking the bathroom door. Jumping into rising warmth, leaning back to slouch against one side and enjoy his bones soaking in hot water, for just five minutes- Gentle but persistent knocking on the door woke him up. Had he fallen asleep? Raising his voice to inform the other man about giving him ten minutes to come out, Allen hurriedly proceeded to drain the tub, and wash himself clean with soap and shampoo. Cotton-scented and minty, the extent of generated bubbles matched euphoria at feeling so clean for the first time in many days.
Wait, why didn't the Noah phase through the door or wall? Even if that guy was doing this for Road, what were the real reasons for Tyki Mikk being so nice and respectful toward him? That man could never be around him for long, before a certain sadistic side started showing through. This was going way beyond the usual time limitations of all their encounters. Feeling energised and determined to find out, Allen grabbed a bath towel, vigorously towelled himself dry, then shrugged on the matching white bathrobe and tied the sash tightly, before opening the door.
A freshly-recharged exorcist was greeted with the sight of a small stack of neatly folded new clothes on one queen bed, the Noah stretched out along the window perch and looking out, smoking a cigarette near the semi-opened window and partially turned away from him, long coat flung across the other queen bed closest to the window. Two white gloves were laid neatly on the dresser, and Timcanpy was resting on them, wings folded and possibly asleep. His previous clothes were nowhere to be seen.
'I paid the inn to take them downstairs for washing, to be dry by noon tomorrow, which is when you have to check out,' was an unexpected statement to be greeted with, which made Allen Walker seriously consider whether mind-reading was one of Tyki Mikk's hidden talents.
How was he going to handle this person, under such circumstances? He could not understand why his enemy was behaving in such a polite, distant, yet respectful manner. In some ways, it was worse than the obvious approaches Allen had always encountered. Tim was- Snoring? Taking up a pair of black pants and matching black shirt, he retreated toward the bathroom to change. Combing his hair, he decided to- Grow up, Tyki Mikk had teasingly said. Well, he was Cross Marian's disciple and when it came to the crunch of situations such as these, Allen would not disgrace his mentor.
Master- I- Tears welling up, sudden pressure somewhere within his ribs was a geyser threatening to erupt up and out, from his gut. Cross Marian was dead. Remembering how the general had died added to the wound. The Order was hunting him. He could not rely on anyone. The threatening presence of Apocryphos, no matter how distant, lingered and taunted, giving no peace when awake or asleep. An amalgamation of vulnerable emotions and feelings threatened to overwhelm him, and he forced himself to push them back down. Gripping the edge of the sink, he stared into the mirror. He was not a Noah, but there was only one flimsy door between him and a Noah. He had to face a Noah. And he could not afford to break down or reveal weakness, in front of someone so dangerous, no matter how friendly they were behaving in front of him.
Tyki Mikk had always been trying to kill him or seriously maim him, even when the Noah clan showed up to try to retrieve Allen Walker while using Alma Karma, demonstrating no qualms about hurting him or his friends. When Allen had been ready to give up while talking to Fou and unaware of all else, the 3rd Apostle had ambushed and tried to seriously injure him, which was prevented by Fou suffering a deep non-fatal gash down her back to protect him, and only because she was not human. This Noah's black side showed no lasting or reliable compassion towards anything which was not ordered by the Millennium Earl. All this must be remembered. Taking several deep breaths and composing himself while brushing his teeth, Allen finally felt calm enough to re-enter the room.
Eyes of brilliant gold in a half-lidded gaze shifted towards him, a quizzical expression on his companion's face. 'I thought you had fallen head-first down the toilet bowl and drowned, boy, but your left hand is powerful enough to break the bowl and save you, while incurring repair charges I would not want to pay.'
God, he could not resist smiling. Tyki Mikk was a funny man. Under other circumstances, they could have been friends. His foe appeared to be a loyal reliable character towards his family even if they were on opposite sides, and given how Nea had been intruding on his consciousness, he was sure the Noah within Tyki Mikk was not responsible for the kindness Allen had received this night- Something slid into the Gordian knot of emotions and thoughts which had been plaguing him over the last four weeks, causing a realignment of what he had been considering- And the possibilities were enough to almost take his breath away.
The next step had become clear. He had to find out. This man might give him more vital clues to Nea, to the Noah, and about himself. If he could understand enough of a puzzle which was missing too many pieces, he could change something… possibly… big. There's another side to this war, his master had said. He had to figure out what that meant. Perhaps understanding the Noah clan relative to Nea might be the primary key.
Heading towards the man who was now looking out the window but no longer smoking, Allen kicked off the slippers and gingerly climbed onto the queen bed bearing a black coat, folded up the discarded garment as neatly as he could, and placed it to one side, before shifting into a cross-legged position on slightly-puckered white sheets, less than two metres from his target.
Staring at a certain side profile, he was strongly reminded of the Noah in his consciousness. When he had first seen Nea's actual face, he had mistaken The Fourteenth for Tyki Mikk. Since he now had time to evaluate carefully, mild differences became apparent. Tyki was obviously older and taller, while Nea was younger and slightly shorter. Although similarly handsome, Tyki's eyes were more cat-like and did not help sterner looks, while Nea had a friendlier face. This man's voice was a deeper baritone and reminded Allen Walker of big predator cats ready to devour their prey, while The Fourteenth sounded more roguish and conciliatory.
In the few times he had encountered Nea in his consciousness, Nea had always spoken gently to him. However, every word was mixed with a determined certainty and lack of compromise so calm and ageless, the exorcist found himself instinctively wanting to back away. He could not explain why, but he could sense how dangerous Nea might be, even if he could not yet gauge with any reliable accuracy. It was possible that Nea was more dangerous than Tyki Mikk.
But Tyki Mikk could also be very ruthless, just as he could also be very gentle, which this unusual meeting was proving. Perhaps Tyki Mikk was a key to understanding Nea. And if Tyki Mikk was willing to be unusually gentle and kind during this unusual momentary truce, Allen was unusually willing to ask him for unusual help.
'No- Ah, Tyki Mikk, I- Thank you, for helping me. I can't describe how it makes me feel, but I am very grateful to you, and so is Timcanpy. However…'
The focus of his attention turned to look down at him.
'Why are you on my bed, boy? Yours is over there, against the wall. Are you after a game of cards?'
'I have to ask you. I want to know…'
The pause became drawn out, slowly filling with unexplained thoughts and emotions trying to take form and shape, to be adequately voiced. 'What is your family, the Noah clan, like? When you are seated at a table with them, is it- Do you- What do you feel for your family?'
That earned him a long, indecipherable look from a certain Noah, who had been as animated and expressive as a dull slate-grey plywood headboard wedged against the bed. Pitter-patter of rain whacking and dripping down clear glass panels was more comfortable than being appraised in such a manner. After what seemed like an eternity, Allen learned about the various members of the Noah clan, including several names he had never heard. Their powers were not mentioned. Despite a poker face, during Tyki Mikk's descriptions and dispensing of trivia, he could hear the varied tones and evenness in inflection while that one spoke, indirectly reflecting what was felt for different family members. And the sensation of warmth, of protective tenderness could not be overlooked, despite exasperation and less-than-positive descriptions.
'What do you hope to gain, in asking me such questions, boy?'
'The last time we met, you said I did not know anything about myself, I have two monsters inside me, and I went around hurting people because I don't want to learn about myself. I didn't want to admit it, but what you said is true. I have been trying to figure out what I need to know, and perhaps… You might be able to give me some clues to understanding many blanks I don't know. I must start somewhere. Even if I am forced to run away from everything I value, I cannot keep running forever. I cannot keep hurting people dear to me, especially when they will come after me. And I must decide how to keep them away, until I can figure out enough and decide on a true solution.'
Silence.
A study of silence had never been one of Allen Walker's skills, especially when it was deafening enough to possibly unnerve him. How long was this silence going to last? Could this Noah please revert to being as talkative or pushy or sadistic as usual, around him? This was getting wei-
'You sound as if you are searching for a candle in the window.'
'What?'
'A candle in the window is an expression of sorts. It can mean many things. You sound as if you seek good news, or to be more exact, knowledge for a path towards a destination which will take you safely home, all of which you have yet to truly determine. You seek illumination of the dark, to reveal the definitions and shapes of chaos and the unknown affecting you, to defeat it. The light can be far less comforting than you think. Are you certain you want to do this, boy?'
The person he was hoping to understand was more incisive and poetic than he had assumed, making Allen Walker start to reconsider his decision. Then again, he had known Tyki Mikk was far more than mere surface polish, after being bitingly told off about the monsters within himself and with necessary perspective, during one night of an unexpected rescue. He never wanted things to be like this. But he knew he wanted to keep walking, and he had to face his worst fears, to do so.
'Yes.'
'I will do my best to answer the questions you ask, until I no longer wish to do so. But in return… You will answer mine, which will be one for one of whatever you ask. What say you, boy?'
There was no mockery, no amusement, no flippant nonchalance in such a reply. Allen could not figure out what his enemy meant to achieve. Whatever it was, this man was taking him seriously, and indirectly helping him by agreeing. He had told Mana he would never stop walking, and he needed to find the way without merely relying on directionless slogans. Closing his eyes for a moment, inwardly steeling himself, grey eyes finally stared into uncompromising golden guardedness.
'Fair enough. May I continue?'
An almost-imperceptible nod from the other was his cue to open the floodgates of curiosity. And the questions flowed.
'What do you know about The Fourteenth?'
'You were human for years, before the Noah in you was awakened. Sworn to destroy Innocence, how much of this desire is because of the Noah, and how much of this goal is due to the human you?'
Some of the questions received no answers, but it was not because of being intentionally refused. After asking at least ten questions, Allen started to realise Tyki Mikk did not have many answers. Tyki Mikk was possibly almost clueless about the nature of being the 3rd Apostle, and possibly not much better than Allen's knowledge regarding The Fourteenth. How was it possible for a Noah to be this clueless about himself? Were the other Noah clan members similar?
'Before you became a Noah or whenever you give in to the Noah within you, have you ever thought about getting married, having children, retirement, or growing old? Is the Noah in you unable to stop-'
'THAT'S ENOUGH!'
Abrupt vehemence surprised speaker and listener. He had never truly seen the Portuguese man as anything less than charming sadist bent on destroying exorcists and the Black Order, or utterly lost to the Noah, but this- Eyes savagely bright with an unnerving intensity, expression stormy and unreadable, lips pressed into a thin line, tightly bunched neckline of a newly-purchased cotton shirt in one clenched fist, Allen was speechless, especially when he could not figure out why Tyki Mikk was almost literally in his face.
It only lasted for less than five seconds, before the older man closed his eyes, released his grasp on the black shirt Allen was wearing, and retreated backwards to the window perch in one graceful motion. While he did that, Allen pushed himself towards the opposite side of the bed, as far as possible from the Noah who had emptied all facial expression and opened both eyes, now slightly narrowed and focused on an unappreciated interrogator with razor concentration, completely the opposite of amusement or light-hearted charm. To feel the chill of a predatory smirk was déjà vu, calculative consideration not improved because of a familiar irrepressible seething aura of barely-contained mercenary killing instinct, highly unpleasant and easily able to quicken Allen's heartbeat to an unhealthy pace of fight-or-flight memories.
'My apologies, boy. But I have had enough of your pointless questions. It is now my turn to ask you. I don't intend to raise my voice or move from here until it is time to sleep, so stay on the bed until I'm done. Or I might decide to end this truce here, try to rip out your heart, and force you to fight.'
Swallowing inaudibly, Allen nodded, dismayed at the evident loss of agreeability, while trying to swallow an oddly tight sensation in his throat. What had he done? How had he angered Tyki Mikk? Why did the questions make his companion explode? Perhaps Exorcists and Noah could never be- Would always be on opposite sides, hate and history too deep and long to be overcome.
Initial questions were a sharply precise reminder of how difficult it had always been, to handle Tyki Mikk. Each choice of heavy cutting blows to areas of vulnerability was difficult to shoulder under normal circumstances, and in his currently weakened state… What did he think or feel, whenever he had to kill an akuma? What did he think of Road? What made him choose to continue being an exorcist?
Being asked what he thought and felt about the Millennium Earl was almost as bad as being asked about what he thought and felt when he had stabbed the Noah of Pleasure in the collapsing Ark. With each question, Allen found himself remembering too much, and the emotions accompanying certain memories further shrivelled the coherence of his sentences with pain and confusion, even as he struggled to maintain verbal honesty while discovering how difficult it was, to figure out certain things and answer such piercingly personal questions at the same time. No wonder Tyki Mikk did not maintain eye contact after the third question, when asked. On the receiving end, he was finally understanding the struggle to do so.
Instead of getting angry after the ninth question, a wave of mixed reactions engulfed Allen. The Noah must have been significantly hurt in some way by his questions, and the emotional reaction to being questioned so personally was anger. But for him, the questions evoked a deep sadness of how his path seemed futile. Was there no way to save everyone? He wanted to. He did not know why it was something he could not chuck aside, but it was something he wanted to do his best to achieve, even if it seemed futile.
And then he could not believe his ears. Tyki Mikk was beyond sadistic, almost as bad as the times he had plunged his hand into Allen Walker's chest, allowing him to feel fingers flexing slightly while wrapped around his heart, before squeezing- It was possibly the most-cruel question one could pose to this fugitive, under the circumstances.
'How was life with the general Cross Marian, before you became an Exorcist? Describe what it was like.'
Struggle for composure was a steady little steamer jostled on increasingly-stormy seas suddenly hitting a titanic iceberg, severely breaching the hull with a jarring crash. Such a question automatically evoked a swell of memories and maelstrom of feelings. Debts. Busted doors. Settling crazy debts and being accosted by enraged debt-collectors. Looking after the horrible plant Rosanne, which adored chewing on his head. Bizarre training. Happier times. Being fed. Rich laughter and a hand on his little head as a child, when he had done something right- Unexpected kindness in his darkest moments- An ignited urge to run out of the room was acid burning his lungs. Fingers digging into the sheet, eyes wide open but not seeing anything, teeth gritted, turning away completely from that man, one bone-weary youth was suddenly aware of how incredibly tired he was, while fighting not to lose himself.
Perched on the edge of the bed, almost certain the only way to handle this was to bolt and forfeit the night at this inn because wouldratherbewetandfaraspossibl- What? Gentle pressure against the back of his head and encircling his shoulder, smell of unidentified spice and smoke, and touching his forehead- Opening his eyes, all he saw was a sea of white, nose almost-
'Allen Walker, sometimes it is necessary to let go. Without fear. I believe you will not lose yourself. Rest.'
Unyielding support, and that tone… When he had been imprisoned and treated as a potential traitor by the Black Order, his master had spoken in a low and gentle voice to him, saying he would have to kill people he loved when he became The Fourteenth. And the familiar warmth of one heavy arm from an older man around him- like this- thesmell- cigarettesalcoh-
Something finally broke. Closing his eyes, clenching his teeth, painfully aware of a tremulous discomfort akin to unwrapping something he could not control as he gave in, not moving away from unexpected reassurance he was leaning into, Allen Walker released grief and pain against the shirt of a man he never expected to find comfort in, while the man holding him tolerated increasingly damp silk without comment. All this was enough to stop him from completely breaking down, creating an unforgettable sense of gratitude, and would return to haunt him.
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The pressure against his chest became heavier. Looking down, Tyki Mikk realised his unexpected burden had fallen asleep. Unexpected burden? Where had that thought come from? Carefully shifting the position of his arms, he slowly lifted and lowered the exorcist onto the bed. Moving to turn off the lights and leave a bedside lamp on, stickiness of his partially-wet shirt had to be removed, draped over a chair to dry. The fire would probably go out within the hour.
The moonlight could have been a pristine blurry distraction and despite facing misty glass sloshed with cold grey downpour, the Noah was too mentally frazzled to literally see anything. This was unlike anything he had anticipated. From the way Allen Walker had turned away from him, unable to hide an expression he could not miss, it was not difficult to realise when his prey was about to run, and Tyki Mikk would not allow that.
Black and white sides made life more interesting. Black and white sides of this exorcist had given him more excitement and unpleasantness than he could remember, after working with the Millennium Earl for at least ten years. The Fourteenth inside this lad had spoken of a goal to kill the Millennium Earl, to take that place for himself. He knew the Noah residing within this brat's consciousness was different from the rest of the Noah clan, but… What powers did that Noah possess? How strong was that Noah, different from the rest of them? Why did focusing on this topic for too long create such a surge of bloodlust and rage from his black side? What was it about that Noah inside the brat, to inspire such a reaction from his inner Noah, which Tyki Mikk could barely control? How could a family member bring about such hatred?
Then again, it did not always require thinking about The Fourteenth, to evoke a strong reaction from his inner Noah. Joyd had been stunned into silence, when Allen Walker had consciously activated Crown Clown to attack Apocryphos with the intention to kill, inadvertently saving Tyki Mikk from being killed by that damned independent Innocence knowing it had the upper hand against him and could easily do so, when the spikes from its palms had been unexpectedly effective and strong, keeping his hands excruciatingly pinned to the wall. What the exorcist had done was shocking, and his inner Noah had been almost as stunning, abrupt silence almost immediately exploding into mental yelling and threatening to give him a sudden headache about saving The Fourteenth from Apocryphos MUSTBREAKFREE-
What had created that reaction? Didn't his inner Noah only hate The Fourteenth, after being killed by him thirty-five years ago? Was Joyd schizophrenic? Was it a natural family reaction due to Noah memories, seeing such an ancient and monstrously strong Innocence attack and inflict a life-threatening situation upon another Noah?
He wanted to smoke a cigarette, but he did not want to risk waking the slumbering youth, who might be a light sleeper. One brat had given him enough ideas and memories to last for a lifetime of discomfort, in less than one waking hour. Brat. No, not a brat any more, and too mature beyond sixteen years of life. Ever since acquiring the wounds this lad had inflicted upon him, Tyki Mikk had never felt whole again. Stifling the urge to laugh bitterly, he would prefer to be pierced again by the Sword of Exorcism. Instead, being in the same room as this- this-
'Why must we fight? Is there no way a human with Noah memories can overcome the instinct to destroy- Is there no way at all for you and I to be friends, Tyki Mikk? How much control does the human part of you have, with the Noah side of you? If we must be enemies, and we could fight with poker cards, where nobody had to die, that is what I would want from you, even if I could not have such fights with others.'
Had Road foreseen such a situation, before asking him to help? He could not help wondering while remembering a certain dream, one night shortly after she had vanished from the injury inflicted by Apocryphos…
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Where was this? He did not remember wandering into this fog of grey mists and shifting smoky tendrils, where the ground could not be seen or felt. Perhaps it was a murmur one moment, then the sound of a fading brook, a chatter of indescribable flitting sources, while faint shapes and forms glided around and past him too quickly to be identified, before they were gone. Why was he here- Wait- Was that- Road?
It was a shock, to see her translucent, as if she might disappear at any moment. With every step he advanced, she drifted back. Stopping his advance, he asked if she was- Yes. It was her. Sheryl had been apoplectic and bordering on explosive over her disappearance. The Millennium Earl was more unhinged than usual, stressing Lero out while giving Wisely a longer headache whenever that happened. How could he help Road recover faster? What could he tell the rest?
'Tyki… Allen needs help.'
Her obsession with that boy was something he could not understand, but now was not the time for her to be-
'My recovery will be slow, because the damage was life-threatening. Apocryphos' strength is greater than we anticipated. As is it, Wisely cannot find me, because I have yet to be able to gather enough energy to be detected by him. Tyki… Help me. Help Allen Walker. Right now, he is in danger of over-exhausting himself and easy prey to Apocryphos… alone… just once, give him a place to rest for one night. And be nice.'
Before he could ask any further, she was gone. Waking up, book in his lap and an uncomfortable ache in the lower back from falling asleep in a rocking chair, he needed to find Wisely. When asked, Wisely requested details of his dream. Leaving out all mentions of a certain exorcist, the 3rd Apostle described the realm, Road's condition, and what she had said about Apocryphos. Was it possible that this was merely a dream of fancy, or was it real?
'Joyd, the 9th Apostle is powered by dreams. It is most likely she was so badly injured and had so little energy that she could only reach out in a dream for a very short period, to someone close to her. In the Noah clan, you are closest to her and most vulnerable to dreams. We underestimated Apocryphos. I have not been able to find her with my demon eye, despite exhausting all methods. I suspect your dreaming was her only way of reaching you. Is there anything else you remember about the dream?'
Tyki Mikk had nothing else he was willing to share and conscientiously focused on what he was willing to share, aware of the dangers of talking to this family member while encouraging Wisely to decide what to tell and explain to Sheryl and the Millennium Earl. The 5th Apostle looked as if he had bitten on a super-sour apple gone rotten. Both knew this would not be a pleasant task.
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A certain Noah still had a few secrets he wanted to preserve, and it did not merely involve leaving out certain aspects of a dream from his family members. One of the secrets involved a previous encounter whereby after stabbing the cheating boy through the heart and leaving him to die, the 3rd Apostle had taken an extra souvenir: A sliver of that still-beating heart, eaten but not digested, carefully wrapped within a Tease reabsorbed by its master.
He could not understand why he had chosen to do so. He never kept souvenirs. He gave away shiny buttons from the jackets of exorcists he had killed, to a child he would never allow any of his clan to murder, but why did he choose to keep this unattractive souvenir? Until now, he had no answer.
No matter. It proved useful because he could find Allen Walker anytime, if he pleased. This was a secret to maintain and his other family members could never be allowed to discover, or they would task him with pursuing the exorcist relentlessly, until the lad was brought back to the Noah clan. Tyki Mikk had no doubt Allen Walker would eventually be captured by one side, given his current situation. Besides, he did not want a capable poker rival to die so quickly. Bringing back this lad was possibly not a good idea, when the Millennium Earl said he wanted to be by The Fourteenth's side before swallowing a spoonful of spicy broccoli soup, and then said the nuisance Allen Walker must die, after finishing the same bowl of soup.
To hear it expressed in such a manner by the Millennium Earl, when that Alma akuma was fighting the Japanese samurai exorcist, had been unsettling enough. To hear such randomness being voiced again at the communal dining table, in such a soft, tender tone-
Right now, the Noah within him was loudly and viciously swearing to disembowel Allen Walker, urging Tyki Mikk to do obscenely grotesque things to the sleeping youth, such as breaking arms and legs and then pulling out certain sinews first- And was firmly, easily, told to shut up and shoved back down, for being a stupid nuisance scared of losing control and too readily upset and irrelevant to Tyki's current situation.
Where had it come from, this sudden ease and strength to do so?
'How much do you know and understand about the Noah in you? Maybe, if I understand the Noah in me and what he wants, and the consequences of his intentions, I can come to terms with him, and prevent losing myself…'
Were grey eyes shining with hope? They were fixed on him, accompanied by a faint smile. It was a good smile, not shiny and fake and for the sake of pretending, as demonstrated after the recent meal. The lad was calm, and the way that one now smiled, shoulders relaxed, back mildly slouched, upper body bending forward slightly instead of… Tyki was not used to this. Any human supporting the Black Order and knowing enough about the history of the Noah despised or hated or feared all Noah, making their feelings perfectly clear whenever an encounter with a Noah happened, which usually resulted in running away or attacking. But this boy was not treating him in the usual expected ways. Heck, this boy had always defied his understanding, and transformed his expectations.
Telling him to stand down while giving him a chance not to be wounded by the damned innocence sword, talking frankly but not cruelly or crudely to him, exercising consideration as if he were human or a friend instead of a stranger…
'After I cut through you with my sword, and you fell unconscious… I don't know how I would describe the feelings, which were not completely happy. I was determined to defeat you, but I don't know if I could classify it as victory. As the Ark was collapsing, and I saw you lying there, I knew I could not leave you behind. I decided to take you with us. But then you became a monster, losing yourself- And that was my fault. I learned the Noah in you cannot be exorcised so easily, and I was an arrogant fool for jumping to conclusions. Sorry, Tyki Mikk.'
Wait, did the exorcist believe he and the Noah were two completely separate individuals? What was with that expression? Was that… Regret? Sadness? Was this enemy actually feeling something for him, which was not hostility or anger? Why? How could Allen Walker sound so… gentle?
Looking over at someone he was told not to forget as an eternal enemy, lack of reply was a melting honeycomb of relief oozing through his current emotions and state of mind, to see Allen Walker was still sleeping, hence unable to spring any surprises on him. Why had Road sacrificed herself for this exorcist? What was her bond to Allen Walker and The Fourteenth? Sheryl had captured Bookman and Bookman's apprentice for very thorough questioning involving that mystery, and one Noah had chosen not to hang around to see what his older brother could produce when enraged. For some reason, he had lost his taste for seeing exorcists being tortured. It might be a temporary problem. Temporary or not, a key cause for that might be currently oblivious to him, possibly resting away from dreams.
There had been no fun in seeing Allen Walker so despondent and tense, when he found the lad today. Not even Joyd could work up some typically snide inner remark, usually inspiring Tyki to mentally agree. Acknowledging this random epiphany made it impossible to deny he derived no pleasure seeing this exorcist in a desperate state as a fugitive, and he did not like feeling uncomfortable about this fact without knowing why. Was it the memory and feeling of bonds from family history, as Joyd grew stronger? Ah- His wounds were aching again. Hunched over, palm pressed to his chest- What was this feeling? No fighting had been involved this time, so why was he experiencing the-
Sharp intake of breath caught his attention, followed by a whimper. Glancing up, he saw how the youth's breathing had changed, becoming shallow and more rapid. Something was gasped, an entire body now tense. One arm was trembling. Whatever Allen Walker was dreaming of, it was clearly not pleasant. The word was-
'Stop-'
Moving quickly, one man intended to catch the wrist of a right arm flying upwards from the bed. He found himself stopping the palm. He also found out how quickly the fingers attached to that palm responded, closing tightly onto his left thumb. Such a simple gesture froze him in his tracks. Then he remembered what Road had said, thought for several seconds about certain emotional wordless responses to his questions and a damp shirt, then firmly closed his fingers around the rest of that hand.
As the seconds trickled away, the right arm became limp, compressed muscles of a sleeping youth becoming undone, easing relaxed limbs into the mattress. But the right hand did not loosen its grip.
Should he pull away? Staring down at a too-pale face and too-pale lips gradually regaining colour, a cursed pentacle evident over one brow, a fragile human he could easily crush and rip out the heart or cut off the head in this moment- A sigh was inevitable, when none of those options were attractive during this truce, especially when Road's rate of recovery might depend significantly on not expanding energy worrying about this lad. At least one minute fell away. He made up his mind.
Using his power to lose his shoes, walk through the bed, and a pair of legs, he reached for the folded blanket next to a motionless head and with an abrupt up-and-over jerking motion of his right arm, managed to unfold and get part of the blanket across someone he did not want to talk to. Pulling a pillow closer and lying down, while slowly lowering his left arm and the hand he held, both legs were stretched up and onto the mattress, before they were solidified again. And Tyki Mikk let out a long shuddering breath.
He had decided to help Road, while unsure if this would have long-term repercussions he might regret. He did not know what to think about Allen Walker. But for one night, they were not enemies. He could give a rare gift of peace, before happily resuming hostilities the next time they met.
Why was he remembering the reluctance this lad expressed about killing him, unless Tyki pushed and goaded and taunted with cruelty, or threatened the lad's friends? And why did the memories suddenly leave a sour taste in his mouth? How could those friends be so important to Allen Walker? Didn't Allen Walker realise his true family were the Noah clan members, or must the lad turn into The Fourteenth to realise that bond? How could this lad be made to feel and realise the Noah clan as his true family, not a ragtag bunch of humans with no idea about what akuma truly represent?
Maybe the Noah family approach toward Allen Walker needed to be altered. Allen Walker had many memories of his master, and many pleasant memories and struggles alongside the exorcists of the Black Order and those who were willing to help them, thereby developing strong bonds and vulnerability. But with the Noah clan, time and positivity of experiences in Allen Walker's memories were obviously lacking. The lad's non-verbal response to his question about the deceased General Cross Marian had provided enough insight into weaknesses and vulnerability.
Turning his head slightly to the left, he noticed how trustingly unaware the subject of Road's concerns appeared to be. Features sharper, total loss of baby fat no longer rendering features deceptively innocent, not woefully short next to him, still growing and transforming, while starved over the past few days… He was a fool. This was no little boy. Brushing the threshold of manhood, this exorcist had a face which would never be mistaken as a girl… But could reveal a somewhat pretty innocence when viewed from certain angles.
Each question posed to him had been a previously-ignored brick extracted from some inner untouched sanctum he never realised as dear, threatening to jeopardise the foundations of a pristine psychological tower of stability which had him unaware as precious or existent, until being made to consider intelligent questions being more than emotional punches to the intestines and lungs. Had Allen Walker realised how deeply those questions struck, and what they triggered, forcing him to consider what he did not want to face for himself, and-
This jarring memory encapsulating a series of uncomfortably piercing questions from currently-slack lips had permanently destroyed Tyki Mikk's beliefs and ability to treat Allen Walker as an immature boy. Furthermore, the exorcist's vocal chords had long ago lost the pleasant piping of an adolescent, acquiring an irreversible rougher descent towards manhood and awareness of maturity. The type of questions he had been bombarded with only reinforced this reality.
Whatever else passed through his mind required sorting out another day. Using his powers, he altered the position of his fingers and hand. He would lie here for a little while, until the hand gripping his relaxed, and then he would move awa-
As such thoughts drifted into unconsciousness while unaware of a certain change occurring, a random observation occurred to him, of thin fingers relaxing within his-
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It seemed like a dream. Allen was used to having all sorts of dreams, especially when Road managed to connect her dream world to his sleep. But this was an odd dream, sensations so vividly real, buoyed by the glow of… candlelight? In this dream, Allen Walker blinked, stirred, and was grateful for a firm bed granting him such ephemeral bliss. He also realised his right hand along his side felt different from the rest of himself. Warmer. Turning his head, he blinked and stared at a man with fair skin, mussed black hair, thick dark lashes, much taller than himself… Was this… Tyki Mikk?
This must be a dream. Fingers longer than his own covered part of his hand. Palm to palm, cool fingers rested across the back of his hand, thumb curved over his own. His fingers were cupping the back of the other man's hand, curving around a pale palm, almost in imitation. It was neutral, comforting, a- Possibility of hope, perhaps saying one day, they could be friends. Exorcist. Noah. Human. Human. It was a good dream to have, instead of countless recurrences of Apocryphos attempting to devour him while he attempted to flee, or his master being executed by Judgement.
He would never stop walking. And when he woke up from this dream, he would welcome a new day. He had much to figure out, and a night of undisturbed sleep was invaluable. For the first time in days, he had not dreamed of Apocryphos.
Tyki Mikk, thank you. Smiling, he closed his eyes again. For now, he would enjoy this dream of peace and hope a little longer, while wondering when his dreams started including smells, such as a whiff of spice he could not recognise, and maybe adjusting certain fingers for comfort...
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Cold. Grunting slightly, one man opened his eyes, briefly wondered where he was, then realised he was still shirtless. And his bare chest was the colour of human skin, not grey. Eyes widening in alarm, he looked down at the source of warmth involving his left hand. Why were his fingers intertwined with- What the heck? How did this happen?
As he stared, his own skin colour began to darken, the 3rd Apostle having made the conscious choice to be Noah. Extricating his fingers, a faint sound was heard. What was the lad beside him murmuring?
'Thankyou… Ty- ki…'
And Allen Walker began to turn over further to the left, clearly asleep because to do so would be to topple to the floor, due to being so close to the edge of the bed- Quickly reaching out both arms, left arm phasing through a sleeping lad and the mattress while right arm remained perfectly normal, Tyki Mikk grabbed his target, and easily pulled him away from the edge. A haphazardly-draped blanket was lost. The other person did not move, completely unresisting in his arms. In doing so, that left arm of Innocence had been accidentally and momentarily touched before Tyki adjusted his grip, but no reaction had occurred.
Hm. Was the lad a heavy sleeper? Or did this mean Allen Walker had come to trust him to a certain extent? If so, it would be easier to catch him unaware and extricate him back, in future. A mental grin matched an unexpected gleeful inner chuckle from his Noah memories. Nothing like an experiment to find out. Time to turn out the last light.
After doing so, it was easy to return to the bed and pick up a certain blanket, adjust it, then revert to the position he had been forced to adopt, in reaction to a sleeping target. Closing his eyes, slowing his breathing to mimic slumber, one hand went central while he pinched a patch of skin. And waited.
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Hm?
Blinking and yawning, uncertain of where he was, Allen Walker found himself in a darkened room, wondering what kind of dream he was now having. It was easier yet weirder than the last dream. He realised he was lying on his side and could feel an arm around him, an inkling of someone with him on the same bed. He was a bit cold, because his feet were bare. The blanket was possibly not covering them adequately- No fighting. No mayhem. Whoever was on the same bed as him obviously did not mean harm. His Innocence was not triggered. He was not afraid, nor uneasy. And he wanted more warmth.
What kind of a dream was this? If it was not a dream, then something would happen to ruin this, because he did not remember ever being calm or receptive to the idea of sharing a bed with anyone else, even if it was Lenalee. He could not count time now but as he waited, and nothing happened, conclusions were straightforward: This scenario was impossible in real life. This dream was simple and uncomplicated. He was enjoying a very comfortable bed with a firmly supportive mattress in a large room, and it was a luxury. Without pain, without anxiety, without a concern in the world. What a lovely dream.
Wriggling toes, shifting backwards, encountering another person who was not moving, he discovered how easy it was, to realise how sharing a mattress with someone else was not stressful. It was easy to enjoy warmth from proximity to another person and know they were alive but probably asleep. It was easy to relax, to ignore the random questions of who and what and why. It was easy not to panic, even after digesting and accepting the other person being tall enough for him to-
It was easy to shift his elbow over the right arm around him, to place his right hand over the other hand resting on his shirt. No reaction. The man was obviously asleep. There was nothing to fear. This was peace. He needed peace. Peace was good. Something else was tickling his thoughts, light but persistent. Things were getting fuzzy again. Another good dream of warmtrus- Rare- wa-i-
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Under normal circumstances, all this would never have happened. But these circumstances were not normal. Allen Walker had been exiled and labelled as a Noah by the Black Order eager to recapture him for their punishments, the independent Innocence known as Apocryphos wanted to consume his personality and merge with his body for the sake of the Heart it always protected, the Noah clan was divided over the idea of bringing him back to the Millennium Earl's residence, and Nea's consciousness was growing stronger every day while waiting for a prime opportunity to make Allen Walker disappear and assert dominance over the body they shared. Allen Walker was a widely-wanted man, and global popularity had never felt worse. Sleep gave him no peace, where dreams of Apocryphos and the murder of his teacher condemned him to bitter memories.
Alone, exhausted beyond his usual limits, Timcanpy's presence giving him energy not to collapse, unexpected continued kindness from another person had lowered his guard, making him more vulnerable to any individual who would do so.
He did not see the Portuguese man (who had fallen asleep again without intending to) wake up next to him, frowning at the head of white hair against the shoulder of fair skin darkening once more into the noticeable distinctiveness of a Noah. He did not see sensuous lips harden into a thin line, evening out into a smile which would have made him run for the hills if sighted. He did not sense those lips moving closer to his own, breath ghosting and warming and mixing with every exhalation he made. He did not react to the tension gripping the other man's body. He was unaware of the urge for revenge due to something he had unconsciously been responsible for without any effort, and a certain choice being made.
If he had woken to the stillness of this man poised over him, golden eyes scrutinising his face with unwavering intensity, pupils sharpened to unusual slits within dilated irises, Allen Walker would have blushed redder than any other time in the history of his life before belatedly punching someone in the face with Crown Clown.
He did not react to a finger touching his pentacle, gently sliding over his lower lip, and a loss of contact. He remained unaware of when a picture was taken, a little while later. When he woke up, sunlight was cheerfully streaming through open windows. He was alone in this large room, which he had to vacate at noon. Timcanpy was hovering near his face. He smiled at the golem. He felt very good, and hungry. And ready to take on the world.
After enjoying a quick shower with hot water, Allen Walker packed the small bundle of new clothes into a new duffel bag placed next to them. Where had Tyki Mikk gone?
One white glove was on the dresser, fat with- Money? And something sticking out underneath it- Two items were extracted. One was a picture which made him stare with horror, and the second was a note to chill his blood.
To see himself asleep was not a problem, but to see another man's lips so close to his lips, and not realise or react, especially when that one was a Noah- I was tired! It's not my fault! Tyki Mikk, what are you doing?! Why? Did you kiss me?! Did I kiss you back? Why the heck am I asking this?!
What prevented him from mentally going berserk and transitioning into actual confusion were the contents on a piece of square white paper provided by the inn, written in an elegant cursive script.
{ The money Sheryl gave me would be wasted, if I keep what is left.
You need it, for the sake of Road, and your desire to save akuma and humans.
Stay alive. Fight your monsters. Show me more of the black and white of you, which is very interesting… Our temporary truce is over.
One last question, in which you owe me an answer:
You slept through the night, very soundly in my arms.
I wonder why you decided to move closer to me, put your hand over mine, your head against my shoulder. Did you desire and enjoy my presence, keeping away your nightmares, or more than that?
I'll let you guess what touched your lips. Anything you imagined involving me was not a dream.
When we meet again… Allen Walker, I will take you back to our home.
One day.
There will be no escape.
~ From a Noah }
Multiple implications and a near-mental meltdown resulted in furious shredding of the photo and the note into so many tiny pieces, scattering into unwelcome confetti over clean floorboards. Memories of Tyki Mikk were abruptly and sharply confined to the mental status of a Noah, one of several Noah enemies. Allen Walker had decided to always be an exorcist, and he did not intend to forget that.
However, reality sometimes had too many ways of not complying with intentions.
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The hunt was on. Where was the Millennium Earl?
There!
'MANA!'
There was no comfort in seeing a crying earl on both knees uttering one name in anguish, while restrained by Wisely, outstretched hand reaching for the lone figure on the roof who had yelled a certain name and was now promising with a loving smile to visit a certain emotional wreck the next time, to fulfil the goal of murder. That voice…
And that face- Looking upwards, Tyki Mikk's anger was the cracked surface for a morass of conflicting deeper emotions, probably due to the Millennium Earl he was protectively standing next to, and maybe a certain familiar British lad who was peering down at them with a most-annoying expression. The lad who had managed to turn him into his human self without trying, by merely lying next to him, twice in one night, a night which Tyki Mikk could not decide what to make of. Such a detestable aura of menace… Was Allen Walker truly lost?
'…Plus, a meal with you is out of the question, Joyd. That reincarnated form of yours, I could laugh… and spit up the food I ate.'
Talking to The Fourteenth in control of Allen Walker's body was an unsettling reality. To experience such openly dismissive contempt for him, sense bloodlust delighted in annihilating him, witness calm calculative analysis in succinct statements combined with a truly reckless attempt to activate the Innocence as a Noah- Nea D. Campbell was an all-consuming inferno emitting a savagely uncompromising ruthlessness he had not witnessed in any of his Noah family members, determined to improve and incinerate everything for the sake of personal ambitions. That was remarkable, when one considered Sheryl's temperament in a triggered fashion.
Then the unthinkable happened.
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This is not the smell of the wheat field… This is the smell of stone and dust! This is reality! I made it! I came back! I was so scared- Wait a minute-
'What's this? You turned back into that boy?'
Immensely relieved while holding onto Johnny Gill, Allen Walker did not see nor sense the hand reaching towards his head. Then he found himself looking up, inhaling familiar cigarette smoke from absolutely the last face he wanted to see at this point of time GOAWAYFROMME- Self-preservation instincts and selective amnesia was instant and brutal, as he used his right hand to grab and slam the unwelcome intruder into the ground.
He did not know what to think or feel, to hear that Apocryphos had been captured by the Noah clan. He did not want to feel, hearing how casual and comfortable Tyki Mikk sounded, when talking to him. Had the Noah just attempted to joke with him? It was impossible to deny his current state of instability, and realise he was in no state to fight this Noah, while also protecting Johnny from- Being forced to admit Tyki Mikk was near him created enough additional emotional chaos to add to increased mental chaos of seeing this- this- person! And he had not figured out what any of this sudden chaos meant! It had been so clear, until one evening and night at The Crown and Dagger! There was no way he would allow this Noah to start asking the question he supposedly owed an answer for, especially in the presence of others!
Being involved in a case of attempted permanent body-snatching by a Noah, which he had never consented to, had been terrifying. Getting back his body from Nea after a prolonged absence, combined with all the other factors, naturally resulted in Allen Walker being far more verbally aggressive, hostile, and jumpy than usual. He was close to snapping.
Pure terror flooded his limbs, when a certain Noah's expression morphed into something far less amicable and bored, supine figure rising and turning in one swift graceful motion, dropping into a crouch. Suddenly opening a large portal in the ground, the 3rd Apostle revealed hungry resolve in a calm voice as uncompromising as the disquieting gleam in golden eyes glaring up at him, familiar black tentacles snaking out from a right arm.
'…What say we all go back home together, Allen Walker?'
The answer was an intervention from unexpected quarters, which terrified him almost as much, but in a different manner.
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It always ended up like this: Soup, bed, and the Earl would forget while crying silently in his sleep, until the next trigger of certain memories.
Sitting next to his current responsibility slumbering away, Tyki Mikk leaned back in the rocking chair, almost lost in reverie while envying the oblivion of one he was watching over.
What started as a prank and desire to observe during a certain temporary truce had led to unforeseen persistent irritations. Present or not, an annoying human gave him almost no peace, and it was an onerous task to take his mind off that subject. Checking the sliver of heart within his body, anguish and danger was not detected. Gentle undisturbed calm was all he could sense, instead of a cold murderous steadfastness.
A quiet sense of joy cooling his nerves was an unwelcome sensation. Whatever that lad felt should not be of any consequence to him, especially when it should not matter whether Allen Walker permanently lost control of the body to Nea , or not- Was he… worrying about an exorcist?
What are you doing now? Are you back in prison, or rescued by those who try to defy the Black Order? Until we meet again, keep yourself safe. I will insist on our family goal, even if I must damage you severely. I am getting tired of asking you, Allen Walker and Nea Campbell, only to be rejected. Maybe… I should kill you.
One finger running idly along the spine of an ancient book about crumbling castles and haunted walls, it was hard and cool, unlike the unexpected warmth of flesh beneath his thumb, breath warming, making his heart race… Leading to an unexpected dream this Apostle desperately wanted to forget or destroy, ever since a certain night at The Crown and Dagger had ended. Road was obviously not responsible for such a dream and unaware, or she would have been all over him by now, possibly upset and taunting or furious. His left hand rested on his chest, where the wounds from a certain sword were aching again.
The memory of a certain slumbering human in his embrace suddenly shifting and snuggling to press against him- Tyki thought his heart would jump out of his chest. A smaller hand holding firmly to his right hand, warm and trusting and gentle- Time stuttered. He did not know what to think. Physical contact was not unexpected. What was unanticipated was the reaction he experienced, upon physical contact. He had thought it would be easy and straightforward, and only Allen Walker would be unnerved when told, in a note.
Why had he been so affected, during this interaction? Why had Joyd been quiet? Was the Millennium Earl's puzzling desire to be near The Fourteenth infecting him as well, because he did not want to let go? What was the relationship between the Millennium Earl and The Fourteenth, as family?
Memories of grey eyes blazing into silver as emotions became too powerful to repress, intent upon fighting and getting through to him- Wanting to save him, as the Ark crumbled around them. Trying to explain salvation instead of threatening destruction and death, yelling at him to stand down, even as he refused to shy away from the blade which would scar him terribly- Unlike him, Allen Walker was fuelled by emotions and a slave to them far more than realised.
The lad probably valued him more than that one was willing to admit, possibly without realising, and was probably dangerously confused by now, where he was concerned. Their latest encounter was proof enough, when the foolish exorcist did not react with an annoying left arm which needed to be removed, trying to put distance between Tyki Mikk and himself, instead of attacking.
Wait, that might not be proof. Then what was proof? Was he remotely accurate about Allen Walker being confused toward him? He had received more jumpiness than usual, but it could be due to any number of events, including continuous pursuit by akuma and the Millennium Earl. He had not seen what had transpired between Allen Walker, Nea D. Campbell, and the Millennium Earl.
But when Tyki had opened a portal to the Ark – an added ability due to Joyd's powers increasing to reach a certain threshold, a certain expression on the exorcist's face was one he had never seen before, directed at him. And the Noah of Pleasure was caught off-guard by a thin lightning surge of something sizzling and flaring from somewhere inside him, hot and sharp. After receiving one night of kindness, this was how he was being thanked by a stupidly ungrateful exorcist? Allen Walker's reactions toward the plain bespectacled boy with frizzy hair and whiny voice had been completely different. It was deeply grating as to how such a pathetic human specimen had been able to restore Allen Walker simply by yelling and screaming the exorcist's name. Allen Walker's response? Smiling, tearing, hugging the scientist from the Black Order who had been willing to jump off the roof and possibly die, in pursuit of an unconscious comrade-
But when Allen Walker had realised Tyki Mikk was also present, and as the moments passed, the reactions were starkly different. Had the exorcist been looking at him with fear? Panic? Torment and anxiety in feverishly-bright grey eyes? Why had Tyki reacted to his prey's irritating ingratitude through anger growing and teetering on the verge of fury? More questions surfaced. Why and where were these questions coming from? Was… Had… Allen Walker gotten under my skin?
Skin. He had not been able to revert to his white side, ever since Allen Walker had cut through him with that damnable sword. But in one night, falling asleep next to Allen Walker and waking up with that- How had he been able to revert? What was it about the situation, which had triggered a reversible change he had thought as permanently lost?
He could not be attracted to this exorcist. There was no way he would care about the exorcist as a person or something dearer than any of his mining friends. Said exorcist was an irritating sentimental idealistic lanky idiot who should have been dead a long time ago. Sacrificing oneself and risking mortal injury, by allowing the samurai exorcist to inflict a terrible wound with that katana Innocence- The Fourteenth should have completely awoken because of such pain and severe injury, and devoured Allen Walker whole, to rule the body they shared. But the outcome was different.
Different… Allen Walker was annoyingly different from other exorcists and other people, and not because of bearing Innocence and Noah within the same individual. Having suffered in many ways, watched others die, pressing on in the face of hopelessness- Tyki Mikk wanted to tear out ghostly skin being a useless surface for an ugly pentacle in an unforgettable face with too many bile-inducing expressions. He wanted to see the exorcist cry with agony- Fine, that was a lie he couldn't make himself swallow. Damn the dream plaguing him after one night of temporary truce, and damn him every time the dream was remembered, probably because of a night in the same room as that- that-
The insufferable dream had almost made Tyki believe two of them were back in the forest within China again, on the night he assumed he had successfully killed Allen Walker. Hand inside a scrawny chest, fingers wrapped around a rapidly-beating heart and ready to- The Noah of Pleasure found himself looking into a face with no fear, eyes defiantly bright and calm with- Gold and silver. One gold. One silver.
'Can you kill me, Tyki Mikk? Are you willing…' was the question in a familiar teenager's voice, deepening into a soft spooling timbre the Noah had never heard, and was unsure of whom it belonged to. Did not sound like Nea Campbell. '…Willing to consider bearing the burden of what it means, to recalibrate and balance extremes, while embracing black and white in a future you have never dared to imagine?'
Who was this, The Fourteenth or Allen Walker? Before he could react, the stripling he considered his prey leaned forward, slowly moving closer as if undisturbed by the dangerous reality of an arm through the chest and fingers able to end all signs of vital life in any second. Slim fingers traced the contour of his cheek, immobilising him with a tender caress trailing lazily down, to cup his chin. An unusual gaze in a youthful visage stared commandingly into his eyes, adding sudden maturity to those features, conveying domineering decisiveness of a man older than Tyki, fine lashes starting to droop as if suddenly shy or shifting focus a little lower. All this meant a certain Noah would be unable to erase the memories of what he was witnessing and would never forget. The other was still moving closer. His shirt felt hot, teeth uncomfortably dry, and- and-
'You once knew a bit about me, Joyd-Tyki. But you truly do not know me, Joyd-Tyki-Mikk. What do you want? I desire to hear your deepest thoughts, and whether you have the courage to find out. What will you show me? As to what I want, as Allen Walker and Nea… Instead of guessing, do you want me to-'
The world exploded into ice and fire. He had never endured such extremes; thoughts erratic, sprouted, forgotten alongside an unquenchable shiver juddering down his spine, the sensation of being devoured in a kiss of tongue and insistence and undeniably erotic- Where had Allen Walker learned to kiss like this? With who-
Beneath half-closed eyelids, those eyes were still watching him, holding his attention. Gold and silver. Mismatched, alluring, sensually dreamy, completely intent on not letting him go, ruthlessly- Sweetly- He could not suppress a moan of many unstudied bottled sentiments, hypnotised by feeling the gradual curve of a smile against his lips. The cessation of their kiss was not as shocking as his name being breathed in a hushed whisper into his mouth, soft and light and lilting and achingly lovely, thrillingly arousing through a finished patina-syllable laced with roughness and desire. Trail of pink salt dissolving in hot chocolate. Unfinished spelling across a chalkboard. The tease of being tortured with mystery, before the tables were turned. An unusual spark of pleasure set fire to something deep within his brain, snaking down to his chest and lower and suddenly squeezing-
'Tyki…'
Suddenly jerked awake as he nearly threw himself backward and was violently shoved forward, narrowly avoiding being aggressively ejected from his resting spot as he tried to stabilise himself, grabbing certain arms too hard and cracking one smooth wooden support beyond repair, the Noah of Pleasure had been relieved to discover a book in his lap and his back aching from falling asleep in an elegant rocking chair within a certain room of the Ark. A certain earl remained sound asleep a short distance away. He had no idea what had inspired that dream, but it had affected his shirt. And maybe his pants. To be most exact, what he wore beneath his pants. Damn.
This was not Road's doing. Wisely was too inexperienced and prudish to have come up with such an illusion. Was he losing control of his black side? Or was he being affected by an initial hint of dementia without realising? Why? There was no way his white side or black side desired any of that dream or what it might represent… which he had not figured out. His imagination was going bonkers. There was no way Allen Walker could behave or speak like that. The press of a certain exorcist's body against his, sudden stark emptiness of loss instead of more- Why had he experienced such a de- disgusting dream?!
Looking down at his right hand provided no answers. Remembering how he allowed the lad to stay asleep so peacefully in his arms, without moving away, and waking up to discover that- Wait- Why- WHY- WHY-
The subconscious is a strange greyness working in mysterious ways, whereby torment can be a pleasure one is unable to resist but cannot be exorcised, until it is understood or killed. For some people, the temptation to kill is a better method to resolve complications. The 3rd Apostle was not above such simple solutions, especially when he did not like complications and questions, and he did not want to do anything foolishly unusual. This murderous temptation was becoming a passionately recurrent endearing sentiment.
Far away, staring at a candle in the window, one exorcist was lost in thought. There was better clarity to emotional and mental chaos. Tyki Mikk easily inspired emotional reactions because of their short, limited but tumultuous history fraught with tension and animosity, and his reactions to that Noah were understandable. But Noah are humans. And since they were not fighting, and he did not want to kill or injure Tyki Mikk unless it was unavoidable, he used his right hand instead of the left, to push away the other man. However, the Why of the why was still safely avoided. Not knowing the Why kept him easily focused on other things.
Alone, in the deep of the night, when it was hardest not to be distracted… one finger gingerly touched a slack lower lip, while the right hand rested on a chest, feeling... missing something which had once been there. Was it a hand? Something else? Why spend this time thinking of a Noah? Was he flustered, knowing he might see Tyki Mikk as less than an enemy, when reality and their situation demanded otherwise?
How could one unexpected temporary truce complicate matters so fast, and so extensively?
Whatever feelings he now felt toward that man, disgust was not one of the reactions. But a lack of automatic mental protesting, on top of that? The absence of such a reaction was enough to make Allen Walker mentally gnaw his knuckles. This Noah was a ruthless sadistic enemy who had repeatedly tried to kill him, had repeatedly tried to harm his friends, had possibly taken advantage of his sleeping defencelessness and kissed him and maybe fondled him inappropriately- Couldn't he muster up healthy hostility, which had been a usual emotional reaction whenever this Noah came to his mind?
No. Something had died. Something else had been born. And he did not know what it was.
It was no longer deniable. He had to give acknowledgement to this shapeless oddity, because it was too chokingly heavy within his chest. He did not want this uneasiness, this occasional misery, this inability to understand what was disturbing him about Tyki Mikk. If logic was used instead of over-complicating things (as his master had once said), these feelings were probably due to wanting Tyki Mikk to be a friend, or perhaps an older brother he never had, or perhaps a replacement for the security Mana had once given him. He would never see a Noah as family. It could not be any kind of attraction. He wanted to bring salvation to all. He wanted-
Why reminisce over non-judgemental warmth and security of an arm steady around him, as he wept into the shirt of a man he had never imagined touching? Why was he thinking of peace but associating it with lack of stress, sleeping in the embrace of a certain man? Why couldn't he- One recalled dream had become vividly distressing, with mind-numbing clarity.
He did not know how he had wound up in such hopelessness, but it was becoming a terrible strain to stay aloft. His muscles ached with the dreadful verge of tearing, dangling from a cliff under a colourless sky, blind panic growing as he stared down into a black seemingly-bottomless abyss past his feet, one hand gripping a crumbling edge, as whitish spikes of Apocryphos soared up towards him in the shape of a caged claw. Unable to pull himself up, feeling his grip slipping, right fingers going numb in response to merciless winds, he was resigned to- Unexpected force yanking him up made him dizzy, feet teetering on the edge of the ground moments after making contact.
His rescuer clearly meant no harm. A warm steady heartbeat calmed him, arms wrapped securely around him, one ear pressed to the chest of someone taller than himself. Without looking, without a word, he knew who it was. Darkness was not something to fear. A swell of emotions rendered him momentarily speechless. Tomorrow was not something to fear, a candle wick exploding into welcome illumination with light, to experience unwavering support. Eyes closing in relief, his arms returned the sentiment, and he did not know how or what he meant by it, when he looked up to whisper-
Thank you, Tyki-
It had been a dream, possibly the only dream that night. But the lightest unknown sensation on his lips, arms around him, being physically close to him- That was no dream. He could not forget the note. Damn the photo! Its image was burned into his memories. Was this a new Noah ploy to torture Allen Walker, messing with his mind, through the inspiration of incessant unavoidable self-created questions bordering on unhealthy inability to resist over-analysing one night at a blasted inn?! Why couldn't he have dreamed of anyone else rescuing him, in such a stupid dream? Why not Mana, or Cross Marian, or Lavi? Even Bakanda would have been welcome imagery, because Kanda embracing him would never happen in real life!
Real life- Wait- That meant- When he had thought he was sleeping next to someone in the same bed- That had not been a dream! He had been awake! Wait, half-awake, mostly lulled by sleep. Oh. Wait. He had two similar incidents mistaken as dreams. And the impression of a hand over his, him subsequently reaching out to take the hand of another- Reciprocation? The same person? Tyki Mikk?!
How could that horrible Noah be so HORRIBLY supportive and merciful, telling him to teach the monsters within him a lesson, before bolting off to fight Apocryphos and buy him space to flee? To think in such a manner was to dump a metaphorical tanker of ice water all over himself. This sobering effect was a wake-up call. It was necessary to change tack and use a different point of view, and control any runaway shaky beliefs wrongly affecting his perceptions.
The Noah of Pleasure needed to be reminded to stop being- Nice. Otherwise, it might be possible to literally die from kindness. Stop considering such kindness. Stop remembering it as kindness without an ulterior motive. Stop being silly and soft about these enemies. If Road Kamelot had not been in dire consequences and had not asked, Tyki Mikk would not have behaved with any form of gentle self-control towards him. Tyki Mikk did not respect or care about his friends or him as humans, but as one of countless disposable enemies to be killed or toyed with, until the Millennium Earl wanted The Fourteenth within him. Any value this Noah placed upon him was always because of someone else, but never because of Allen Walker being Allen Walker. Tyki Mikk was a cunning unreliable enemy, who knew too well how to get under his skin. And he needed to remember this.
Yes, such an odd dream could be the result of being isolated and hunted, estranged from what he loved: Yearning for family and friends, morale low, it was too easy to momentarily lapse into dangerous vulnerability akin to dangling one-handed from a cliff while faced with terrible despair, and he had yearned for the security of family and friends from Tyki Mikk.
And the answer he slept through had been too literally comfortable, thus lowering his guard toward a certain Noah. He must remind himself it was impossible for him to be attracted to this Noah. He could not see any Noah as family. He did not want to want or need such kindness. He could not afford madness. To entertain any kind of positive delusions about the intentions of deadly enemies toward him was madness. The next time any Noah tried to take him to the Millennium Earl, there was no time or space for being terrified or hesitant. Imagine Tokusa's arms being abruptly lopped off-
What are you doing now, Tyki? Are you home, enjoying the company of family members I cannot see in the same light as 'family'? I don't want to harm you, but if you keep pushing me, I will have no choice. I will keep walking for the sake of akuma and humans, and I will not falter in our goal, even if I am forced to damage you severely when we meet… and maybe kill you.
A little yelp of inner protest triggered an equally sudden memory of clashing and falling together through space, unexpectedly yelling the same words in simultaneous synchronisation informing others to get out of the way, before landing on top of the Millennium Earl- Why remember this now?
'Boy, if you really want to be an exorcist, don't turn back. Go teach those monsters inside you right from wrong.'
Suddenly remembering the look in those eyes, while such surprising sentiments were urgently- Those words had not been the result of any instructions from anyone. Tyki Mikk had said something traitorous as a Noah to Allen, when it was not necessary to do so. In doing so, the Noah had sounded so certain… disclosing what a good friend would have understood and encouraged, but nobody from the Black Order had ever voiced.
He had not expected to receive advice and encouragement from an enemy, especially a Noah. Road had also been badly wounded, to save him… But if he had to choose who was more dangerous to him at this point, Tyki Mikk was a clear winner. After breaking out of the Black Order's headquarters with him, that Noah could have made the easy choice to run off with Road and wait for the Millennium Earl to open a door to their Ark, abandoning Allen and Timcanpy to Apocryphos and certain doom. But the option had not happened. Tyki Mikk had entrusted Road to Allen Walker, veering away to engage Apocryphos in battle while buying him enough time to escape.
In some way too oblique for him to understand, Tyki Mikk valued and trusted him enough, to make those choices. Tyki Mikk might not be unemotional towards him, as he had assumed. And the possibility of being very wrong about previous thoughts regarding the Noah of Pleasure, was- No. It was unhealthy and too unsettling to continue thinking about this Noah. He needed to sleep.
Wait, why did Tyki Mikk decide to keep him in an embrace throughout the night, instead of moving away, after claiming Allen had chosen to be in those arms and could sleep peacefully? Was Tyki Mikk telling the truth? If so, why… why stay in a position holding him, throughout the night?
Oh. No. NO. No way. He wanted to know the answer. And he did not want to know WHY he wanted to get this answer from Tyki. He also did not want to understand alien emotions bothering him at the thought of all this, making his skin crawl and teeth chatter, and oddly breathless, stomach seemingly filled with fluttering butterflies.
Unknown to one Noah and one Exorcist, separated by geography and time, when the subconscious was falling into slumber and losing resistance? They held the same fading wish with different images, before sleep overwhelmed all beyond questioning.
The next time we meet… I will not let you have your way. You will yield to my resolve. Andgetoutofmyhea-
To be continued...
