"Oh no you fucking don't!" Zoro shouts, leaping over his sofa and grabbing his swords off of the wall. He turns around, weapons drawn, and stares at the demon advancing on him. If the small horns poking out of the hair of the man wasn't enough of a clue then the long thin tail with the diamond shaped end would have tipped him off. This is a demon in his house.
"I know what you are, I've done demonology!" He tells him, though in truth Zoro is still mentally narrowing down just what kind he is.
"Oh really?" The demon purrs, looking up at Zoro through a curtain of blonde hair as it advances on Zoro with a particularly slinky and self confident walk. There's a casual swing of the demon's hips like Zoro is absolutely no threat at all. Zoro is about halfway sure that his blades will work on this demon but he's not sure enough to want to start a brawl, he will if it comes to that though. But he knows what he's dealing with now at least.
"Yeah, you're an incubus, I can see that much." Zoro says firmly. It's true though, what the demon is wearing is mostly suggestive jewelry and a pair of painted on leather trousers that are cut so low that Zoro can actually see the suggestive trail of hair plunging down there.
"Handsome and smart, lucky me." the demon says, licking its lips. Zoro lowers his swords, demons like this can't fight humans, they're bound not to. They can cause a fuck load of damage to anything not completely human though and Zoro knows from his tests that he is 100% all natural human, no changeling ancestry at all or anything else of interest either. He's in no danger here.
The demon slings its arms around Zoro's neck and fixes Zoro with a seductive smile, plastering itself up against Zoro's body.
"Or should I say, lucky you." he says smoothly into Zoro's ear. Zoro grins, this is going to be fun.
"Lucky me, huh?" Zoro says.
"Mmm hmm, I can do things for you that you couldn't even dream of, give you a night you'll never forget." the demon promises.
"Yeah I bet, anyone who fucks you gets their soul sucked out of them and dies, it'll be the last thing they do." Zoro snorts.
"So what? Everyone's gotta go sometime and believe me, this is one of the best ways to go." he says breathily into Zoro's ear and licks along the line of Zoro's earrings.
"Sorry, no." he denies the demon, pushing him away. The demon backs off a little and looks Zoro up and down assessingly.
"Well, I can always get off on my own, I'm sure you'll want to join me sooner or later." the demon says with a wicked smile, Zoro can see his fangs.
The demon runs his hands down his sculpted chest and abs, his skin suddenly shiny and slick as if he's been rubbed over with oil. He looks like he could be advertising underwear, or more likely, porn. His breath is fast and his eyes half lidded, his lips parted just a little and his hips twitch slightly, every inch of him screams sex.
Zoro sheathes his swords and hangs them back on the wall.
"Not interested." He tells the demon.
"Well aren't you full of surprises. I almost never get anyone as rigidly heterosexual enough to resist me, but sure, I can play it your way." The demon says with a pout that turns lipsticked as the blond's hair lengthens into luscious waves worthy of a l'oreal advert assuring that he is indeed worth it. The demon slinks over, curvaceous hips and large but perky breasts straining against thin fabric bikini covering them, she bats thick eyelashes at Zoro and with a totally fake 'ah' the demon gasps and the bikini finally gives up, her breasts bouncing free of their confines.
"Aren't you supposed to be able to tell what gets someone off?" Zoro asks her, although now she has changed back to the male form that the demon had when he walked in here.
"For fuck's sake." The demon huffs without a trace of irony and flicks through various forms, androgynous, elf, fae and quickly though some animal hybrid and about ten others.
"Alright what the fuck? I can't see any wards on you so what gives? Just tell me what you want and I'll be it, right now I'm up for the challenge okay?" The demon growls. Shit, the agitation on the blond's face is comical and Zoro can't resist fucking with him, metaphorically of course.
"It's not you, it's me." He taunts and the demon looks like he wants to set everything that Zoro loves on fire.
"Just tell me already!" It shouts.
"Nothing you do is going to work, you can't force me into wanting you, that's not how this works. Anything I do has to be freely given. So nothing you do will matter to me, I'm asexual, you can't make me want you no matter what. It's nothing personal, you look nice and all but-" Zoro starts to say but the demon angrily interrupts him.
"NICE?! NICE is- I have never been so insulted!" He squawks indignantly.
"I would say I'm sorry but I'm not." Zoro laughs at him.
"Shit, I'm stuck here until I get your soul, I can't go back without it the portal back won't open until I have your soul and if you're not going to agree then I can't..." The demon sighs, rubbing its temples in stress.
"Okay, right, everything works doesn't it? I'm sure you jerk off, that's just a physical mortal thing, all animals do it. Can't you just... jerk off and I'll jump in at the last moment. That'll work." The demon says with a frown.
"Why would I ever do that? I'm not going to give you my soul!" Zoro exclaims.
"Oh come on, I can't get back home unless I have your soul!" he pleads.
"That's your problem, not mine." Zoro tells him irritably.
"Great, just perfect. I'm stuck on the human plane forever now unless I can figure out a way back! Maybe I could get the witch to cancel the contract but... I don't think she can, when I showed up I agreed to it and we can't break that stuff. Shit, I need to think." The demon groans and falls back onto Zoro's sofa.
"Well, I was just about to watch a movie before you showed up so I'm gonna go do that." he tells the demon. The blond says nothing but just grunts to Zoro. He ignores him and goes to make popcorn. He settles down onto the sofa and puts the film on, he'd been meaning to watch this for a while.
The demon starts paying attention right when Brad Pitt is threatening to have 'the bear jew' crack the nazi's skull open with a baseball bat.
"He's one of ours." The demon pipes up.
"Brad Pitt's a demon?" Zoro asks in surprise.
"Nah, he made a deal for his soul in exchange for fame and fortune. He's a good actor though, he would have made it without us but we weren't going to tell him that. Not my line of work of course but still." The demon tells him and reaches over to snag some of the popcorn and watch the movie.
"Huh, that's a shame." Zoro says thoughtfully and the demon shrugs. They watch the film in relative silence with the demon piping up occasionally with questions from references that he doesn't get. It's... nice actually. When they do talk a little it feels good and Zoro knows that's not demon magic or anything, the guy is irritating but it's kinda fun.
Just as the film is closing though Zoro notices the demon crying silently, his face pressed into his arm.
"Are you getting weepy over watching hundreds of people blown up and shot to death?" Zoro asks incredulously, this guy is a demon for crying out loud!
"No. Although that's pretty good. I'm just... never mind." The demon sniffs rubbing his face on his sleeve. The demon switched into clothes that were presumably more comfortable than what he had been wearing to seduce Zoro, now he's in skinny jeans and an oversized black sweatshirt.
"No, what is it?" Zoro asks curiously.
"Like you care." he says bitterly.
"Humor me." Zoro says and the demon looks at him, his eyes a little red and not from any kind of demon traits. He's genuinely a little bloodshot from crying. His cheeks are even a little puffy, he looks pitiful.
"It's just... without your soul I'm stuck here on the human plane for all eternity. I'm never going to get to see my friends or my old man ever again." he says in a choked up voice.
"You have families? A father?" he asks the demon in surprise. None of his demonology textbooks said that.
"Oh fuck you, of course we do, we're still people! Just because we're not mortal doesn't mean we don't have lives and people we care about! But no, he's not my father, I nearly died once when I was really young and he saved my life, I owe him and... he's not... all bad. Even if we fight a lot I'm gonna miss him and now I'm never going to see him again." the demon says, looking down at Zoro's floor. Zoro frowns, this isn't a trick, being pathetic is hardly a way to get into Zoro's pants and even if it was Zoro still isn't sexually interested in him. He still feels a little bad for the guy though.
"Does it have to be a whole soul? What about life force?" He asks warily. The demon looks up at him in confusion, yeah, this isn't a trick.
"I... I guess that could work. It'd be enough to get me through the portal and if I got back I could try to get my contract annulled, if it's unfulfillable it ought be void if I can take it to the right people. I can't do that from this side so... but it doesn't matter, you're not going to agree to anything sexual, even for a lesser deal. You still have to be into it and you're not, right?" the demon says sadly.
"Forget that for a moment, what would a kiss give you?" Zoro questions him. The demon looks at him in shock.
"A... kiss?" He says in quiet surprise.
"Yeah, a kiss." Zoro repeats.
"I uh... I don't know. I've never had to look it up before." The demon says awkwardly.
"You're a SEX DEMON and you've never kissed anyone?" Zoro laughs, that's absurd!
"Shut up asshole! I'm not a kissing demon, I'm an incubus thank you very much! I show up and fuck people's souls out, I've never even had to wait five minutes before I've got them begging for more!" He shouts angrily but that only makes it funnier.
"So look it up then." Zoro tells him after his laughter has subsided. The demon is red in the face with anger and embarrassment.
The demon huffs, his blonde hair fluttering at the action and he snaps his fingers causing a piece of paper to burst into existence with a flicker of flame.
"Let me see." The demon says, sliding on a pair of glasses. He needs glasses? That's just... that's kind of sweet. Zoro doesn't say anything though because the demon most likely won't appreciate it.
"Oh, here we are. A kiss... that's half a day off of your life." he tells Zoro and the paper disappears.
Zoro hums thoughtfully and considers it. If it weren't for the horns and the flicking tail that's curled around the demon's feet Zoro could mistake him for a human, a conventionally attractive one apparently, but a human nonetheless. Still...
"Why does it matter though? Kissing is a sexual thing and you don't-" the demon starts to say.
"It's also a romantic thing." Zoro tells him.
"You can do that without sexual things?" he asks in confusion.
"Sure, I've been romantically involved with people before. You go on dates, have dinner out and go to the movies if you want, you spend time with them, kiss them and fall in love if you like them that much. It's just like any other romantic relationship just without the sex stuff. I've done that before." he explains.
"Oh. You... but you have to be romantically interested in me for that and..." The demon trails off and his cheeks are actually going a little bit red.
"Well, you're not so bad. You seem to have okay taste in movies and you're kind of funny, pissing you off is pretty fun too." Zoro tells him and the demon stares at him.
"Besides, I feel bad trapping you on the human plane for all eternity. For half a day I think it'd be worth it." he adds. The demon is looking at him with wide eyes.
"You'd do that for me?" the demon asks quietly, staring at Zoro in wonder.
"Yeah. So do you want to go back or don't you?" Zoro challenges him, he's not going to offer to kiss a guy if he's going to have to talk him around to it this much.
"Yes! I've just never kissed anyone before, I don't really know how and if you're going to give up half a day of your life I don't want to be... bad at it." The demon says, his voice trailing off into an embarrassed mumble at the end. Zoro grins, yeah, he can work with this. It's not quite a romantic crush on the guy but it's close.
"Don't worry, I'll lead. Half a day of my life, do we have a deal?" Zoro asks, leaning into the demon's space, his head not far from the other man's.
"Yeah." the demon agrees with a nod. He looks nervous.
Zoro leans in, his hand just touching the side of the demon's face and gently guiding him into the right angle so that Zoro can kiss him and not knock the glasses off that the demon forgot to take off. He kisses the demon, he keeps it pretty chaste but he moves his lips against the demon's enough that it's not just a quick peck on the lips. The demon makes this surprised little noise and clutches his hands in Zoro's shirt.
Zoro pulls away but the demon follows him, almost close enough that they're still kissing him.
"Another? Free of charge, I promise. Please?" The demon asks quietly, his mouth moving close to Zoro's. Well, if it's free...
He kisses the demon again, this time it's a little more intense and he feels the demon shiver slightly. When Zoro really does pull back this time the demon is flushed and looking for all the world like a guy who just had his first kiss, Zoro supposes that he is.
"That was... I mean, thank you." The demon says awkwardly but Zoro catches the way the the demon's eyes flick to Zoro's lips again. The demon gets to his feet and straightens out his clothes, not quite able to look at Zoro. He snaps his fingers and a portal to hell opens up in Zoro's living room, not something that's happened to him before. The demon walks to it and hesitates. He looks back at Zoro and then at the floor.
The demon closes his eyes for a moment and then a paper appears in his hands.
"You can have this, if you like. It's a summoning spell just for me. It's got my true name on there. I'm Sanji. You can use that to call me here if you want, no price attached to it so I can come and go without you having to pay anything with your life or your soul." he says, handing the paper to Zoro. Zoro looks down at it in stunned shock. Knowing a demon's true name is a huge thing, Zoro could completely abuse that knowledge and the guy has just given him a spell to pull him out of hell whenever he feels like it.
"We could... maybe do that date thing. If you wanted to I mean." The demon, no, Sanji says. He looks so painfully awkward about this that Zoro can't help but find it both endearing and funny. He doesn't laugh though, that would be genuinely mean.
"Yeah, we could." Zoro agrees and looks down at the paper again.
"Okay, I should go. It was nice, I mean, it was great meeting you. I'll see you again sometime maybe, if you're interested." he says and then hops into the portal before Zoro can say goodbye or anything else for that matter. The portal disappears with a pop and Zoro looks down at the paper with a smile. He just essentially scored a demon's phone number. Nice.