Disclaimer: This thing doesn't belong to me, nor do I want it to be. It's owned by NVD, one of my favorite websites. I mean no offense to Bill Clinton, the people who still believe in him, The White House and its representatives, and people who don't like PG13 humor. It's a parody of Dr. Suess's Green Eggs and Ham.
*Bill Clinton is standing behind a podium, in front of countless CNN cameras. He starts speaking. *
"Now, I want you to listen to me . . .
I'm going to say this one time, and one time only.
I did not do it in a car
I did not do it with a cigar
I did not do it last November
But if I did, I don't remember
I did not cause her dress to stain
I never boinked Saddam Hussein
I never did it with Sox, the cat
I might have once with Arafat
I never did it with a whip
I never fondled Linda Tripp
There was one time with Margaret Thatcher
I chased her 'round, but could not catch her.
I did not get beyond first base
I did not do it in her face
I did not know this little sin
Would be retold on CNN
I broke some rules my Mama taught me
I tried to hide, but now you caught me
But I implore, I do beseech
Do not condemn, do not impeach
I might have got a little tail
But never, ever did I inhale
Now, it's time for us to get on with the business of America.
Thank you, and good night."
*Applause*
"Hey, baby! You wanna pull down the shades? Hey Betty, turn that intercom off . . ."