Author's Note: I cried so hard when I wrote this. I had to write it. I saw the highschool preduction of The Laramie Project, and I had to write this. So yeah, this is a based on the tragedy that happened to Matthew Sheppard. Its based on acual events that took place. Ok, and italics are either thoughts, or for the second part, its in Roxas POV. The text in Bold and Italics is a song.
Warning: Violence! Thats the main one. Really, if you don't have a very good threshold for violence, please don't read this. Its just so much worse because it actually happened. I don't know exactly what happened that night. This is just something I wrote because I had so much emotion playing around inside of me after everything I've heard and seen about Matthew Sheppard. So read at your own risk. Its sad and there is violence.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The song is by Melisa Etheridge, the characters are from Kingdom Hearts, and to some degree, the events are history. The events that this is based on actually happened, but I wrote it, and the writting is mine.
Showers of your crimson blood,
Seep into a nation calling up a flood,
Of narrow minds who legislate,
Thinly veiled intolerance,
bigotry and hate
But they tortured you and burned you,
They beat you and they tied you,
They left you cold and breathing,
For love they crucified you,
I can't forget hard as I try,
This silhoutte against the sky,
Scarecrow crying,
Waiting to die wondering why,
Scarecrow trying,
Angels will hold carry your soul away
This was our brother,
This was our son,
This shepherd young and mild,
This unassuming one,
We all gasp this can't happen here,
We're all much to civilized,
Where can these monsters hide?
But they are knocking on our front doors,
They're rocking in our cradles,
They're preaching in our churches,
And eating at our tables,
And I can't forget hard as I try,
This siloutte against the sky,
Scarecrow crying, Waiting to die wondering why, Scarecrow trying, Angels will hold carry your soul away I search my soul, My heart and in my mind, To try and find forgiveness, This is someone's child, With pain unreconciled, Filled up with father's hate, Mother's neglect, I can forgive, But I will not forget, Scarecrow crying, Waiting to die wondering why, Scarecrow trying, Rising above all in the name of love
Roxas looked up as the door of the bar swung shut behind to men. He met eyes with the taller for a second before turning back to his drink. Damn Axel. He thought. He was here because of the jerk. He scowled down at his drink before taking another swig. He didn't drink. He hadn't even been to this bar before, he was just there because he had found it while driving around with nowhere to go. Where do you go after fighting with your partner? Hell, he had stormed out of the apartment, and had just gotten into his car and driven. So now he was faced with crawling back to his shared apartment like a child, or rent a hotel room. Neither of which he particularly liked.
He sighed. He felt horrible. And he was mad that he did. It was Axel's fault. He was the one who had been such a jerk. How could someone claim to care so much about you one minute, and then the next act like you don't even exist? How can the person who is supposed to love you act like they're ashamed of you? Fucking Axel.
So that was why Roxas was in some stupid bar in the middle of nowhere, drinking away his miseries. That's why he was there for the two men to see, and they came over. The taller one leaned up against the bar facing the blonde. A grin spread slowly across his face. "Hey." He said simply. The other man ordered a beer, paying for it in change. He walked back and stood next to the taller one.
"Hey." Roxas said, looking at them. He sighed, looked down at his own drink, and downed the rest of it. He should go, although he wasn't really in a state to drive.
"Can I buy you a drink?" The taller man asked with a smile. With another sigh, the blonde nodded. What did one more drink matter?
They got to talking as the drinks kept coming. The two men seemed nice enough. They talked about nothing really, just sort of talked. Eventually Roxas started talking about Axel, and their fight.
"Hey? Can we give you a ride home or something?" One of the men asked Roxas, who nodded. He was in no condition to drive, and he could just call a cab to get his car in the morning. So shortly passed eleven, all three left the bar and piled into the black pickup that belonged to the shorter of the two men.
It was a chilly October night, and Roxas shivered as they drove away from the bar. A few minutes passed, and they drove farther and farther away from town. "Hey, where are we going?" He asked, realizing they were going the opposite direction he had told them to go.
"Shut up fag." Roxas couldn't tell who had spoken, but the tone struck him.
"W-what?" He asked, confused.
"He said shut up you fucking faggot!" The other man said, punching Roxas. He gasped, shocked, pain shot up the side of his face, he raised his arm to the side of his face.
"What? What the hell?" He said again, but was quickly silenced by more punches. The car pulled over, and Roxas was dragged from the car. "St-stop!" Roxas cried as they pushed him down, kicking him in the stomach. He was screaming now, it hurt so much. He felt a rib crack as another metal tipped boot bit savagely into his side.
"Grab his wallet." The taller man said and Roxas felt hands dig through his pockets. "And his shoe." The voice spoke again. He tried to get to his feet. They had already taken his shoes. He stumbled back a few steps, but was stopped by a fence to his back. He was gasping for air, his heart beat a thousand times a minute. Ragged breathes escaped his mouth.
"Hold him for me." The taller man instructed and the other man grabbed him from behind. The taller man began punching him in the stomach, again and again.
"St-stop, please" Roxas begged, spitting out blood as they stopped for a second. He hadn't heard before, but now their voices filtered through his muddled thoughts of pain. Slurs. They had been yelling slurs at him this whole time. They were doing this because he was gay.
He tried to run, he knew it was his only chance to escape, any more and he wouldn't be able to run. They caught him easily. Taking it as an excuse to hit him more. One of the men got out his pistol, and started beating him with it. Tears streamed down his face, there was so much pain.
He felt rope be tied around his wrists, but didn't realize until it was too late that they had tied him to the fence he had felt before. "P-please." He begged, looking up at his attackers.
"Don't look at me you fucking faggot!" The taller man said, pounding down onto his head once more. Roxas wasn't sure how long they continued to beat him. He felt each and every time they hit or cut him. There was pain everywhere. So much pain.
Eventually, the two men stopped. Roxas could barely breathe through the pain. It took a moment for the sounds to register with his brain. Laughter. They were laughing and congratulating each other on what they had done. Tears fell down his cheeks. They laughed as he shivered and bled in the cold. They walked back to the truck, slowly, still laughing and joking. Roxas heard the car start, and them drive off, and then it struck him. He was completely alone.
Cold. It's so cold. I'm shivering. I'm still crying. Breathing hurts. Everything hurts. I'm so alone. Why? That's all I can think, why is this happening to me? How can anyone hate so much that they could do this? Before tonight I wouldn't have thought it was possible. But now I know. It hurts. Please, make it stop hurting. I want it to end.
By this point I know I'm going to die. I just wish someone would find me so that I wouldn't have to die alone. It's over, I know it is. I'm going to die here, tied to this fence. All because I'm gay.
God, how can you forsake me like this? What have I done? I never did anything. I've always tried to help other people in any way I could. Are you really punishing me for how you made me? How can you do this? How can you let this happen? Do you hate me? What did I do to deserve to die this way? No one deserves to feel this way.
I wish I wasn't gay. How can I not, how I am. No. I'm not ashamed. I can't let them make me ashamed. But it hurts so badly. I feel dirty, like it's my fault. Like I somehow made them do this. How can someone hate so much? They didn't even know me. And now I'm going to die.
Mom. I miss her so much. And Dad. And my little brother. I was going to see them again, in just another three weeks. I was going to fly up there. God I miss my brother.
---
Pain, it's always there. My constant companion. It's always windy. I didn't mind before. When I first moved here it bothered me a little. Now every gust chills me to the bone. I've never been a big kid, and now I'm glad. If there were more of me, there would be more of me to hurt. I want to wake up. I want this all to just be a bad dream.
But I won't. I know that. It hurts to much for it to be a dream. I can't think straight. My head hurts. The pain is horrible, but at least I know I'm still alive.
--
The end is near. I'm not alone anymore. I guess I never really was. The wind that hurt before is like the embrace of an old friend, gently holding and comforting me. And the stars. They remind me that some things never change. I used to look up at them with my family. We used to have this big backyard, and sometimes I'd lie out on my back and look up at the sky.
I feel like I'm back at home, comforted by the familiar sky above. I'll never lie out on the backyard again. I'll never get to hold my son as he slowly falls asleep. The pain keeps me from falling completely into the fantasy. It pulls me back every once in a while, and I know I'm alone once more.
I'm so tired. It seems like a lifetime ago that I first entered that bar. Maybe if I hadn't . . . I'm to tired to think about what ifs. The sky is so beautiful. So beautiful.
At 12:53 A.M. on October 12 Roxas died.