What's on the Menu?
By White*l_l*Tea
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, plots, ext. of Naruto I only do this for my nice, Guinea, who needed something to read over the summer. Don't sue…I have no money. Seriously I'm taking out loans.
At two o'clock Akatsuki stumbled out of their beds like zombies out of a crypt. The cause? Well, Pein had called an emergency meeting, which meant that something major was getting ready to go down.
Each duo groggily marched through sharp turns and straight hallways until they reached a gigantic cast iron door. It creaked loudly at the hinges as it opened to swallow them all up like flies. Settling into their proper places, they waited for further direction. Everyone had been forced to emerge from slumber. Since Akatsuki was an extremely well organized group there had never been any "emergency meeting" or improvisations. Everything was planned out, and left no room for argument. So,naturally, the S-class criminals had been racking their brains for possible reasons as to why they were here to begin with.
Itachi and Kisame had discussed the possibility of luring the nine tails out of Kohona by means of a Sasuke illusion. Yeah, it could work they thought.
Tobi had bounced around Deidara in small circles-way to close to Deidara's comfort- yammering about how the group might want to officially "initiate" him into their group. Deidara threw a clay explosive at him in hopes that it would shut him up.
It didn't.
Konan's adrenaline rush was sky rocketing to the roof. Finally her leader had decided that now was the time to take action and crush those hidden villages!
Zetsu quietly waited as he lurked in the shadows behind his team mates, calculating their every move.
Kakuzu was rubbing his hands together. Thinking that another large bounty had come up. If not he wouldn't be too sad about it. There was always Plan B-turn in a fellow akatsuki member for a million yen ransom. Right now he was thinking that Tobi would be the least unsuspecting. Tobi it is then!
Hidan pondered not even showing up to meeting. His God needed more sacrifices, enough said.
Pein got up to pace, surprising his subordinates with his un-Pein-like behavior.
The tension was so thick you could cut it with a kunai. Pein stood rigid and looked around at his subordinates with a stern expression.
He was so fed up that he thought about screwing everything! Screw taking over Konoha! Screw capturing all of the tailed beast. Screw tradition and protocal, let Tobi be in Akatsuki already! He didn't care anymore. Why you might ask? Because this issue was of the utmost importance! He had been keeping it low key, but he was at his wits end. Something had to be done!
Pein put his hands behind his back as he began to talk.
"I suppose that you are wondering why I have called this meeting?"
A round of murmurs mumbled the affirmative. Really, at two o'clock in the morning he wasn't going to get a more sensible response. Pein weighed his words wisely and proceeded.
"The objective of Akatsuki has always been to teach the trifling conceptions of world wars. many of you…most of you have seen the tragedies that are byproducts of wars such as the great ninja war which happened fairly recently. Because of our personal experience that is still our goal to this very day. However…"
The various pairs of eyes followed him around the room as he began to pace.
"…It has come to my attention that an obstacle, bigger than those pesky Kohona ninjas, has blocked our path to righting the wrongs of military governments and shameless shows of power play. This obstacle is more powerful than any of the seven tailed beasts that we have already captured thus far, and at first I had feared that it would be unattainable."
Surprise fluttered around the group at their leaders assertion of a possible uncertainty.
"But, it is not impossible at least…I hope."
There was a pause in the leader's words. However none of them wanted to voluntarily break it. Pein wasn't the leader for nothing. His name meant every bit of what it implied. And not even Hidan wanted to test that for his god.
"The high stakes mission that I will be sending you all on is S-class so before you depart make sure that you are well prepared. You must be alert at all times, and remain in the shadows to divert public attention. This mission will also require you to engage your intellect to it's highest IQ. That means you Tobi."
Tobi blinked, but you couldn't see it. Diedara doubted that Tobi had any intelligence at all. Baka!
"The objective of your S-class mission is…"
Zetsu clutched his roots into the ground ready to take off through the soil to complete this dangerous task. He had never heard the leader sound so serious before.
"…so imperitive to the well-being of you and your companions…"
Itachi and Kisame shared a look. Their teamwork was unparralled. They'd complete it with no complications whatsoever.
"… that we cannot thrive without it…."
Kakuzu could already hear the pitter patter of yen coins dropping into his bank account. Tobi, ching-ching, Tobi, ching ching.
Tobi, was about to pee on himself from so much excitement. Deidara's mouths salivated with so much adrenaline rush that he had to collect some more clay to keep the slimy liquid from making him appear like a drooling dobe.
"We"
Hidan could hear the screams of pain like Beethoven's 5th symphony. Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum.
"Need"
Konan anticapated every possible option as her paper body crinkled and uncrinkled.
…..
…..
….
"A new chef for the kitchen."
******l_l******
"Tori!" There was no response.
The sun shined radiantly on a small strand of orange hair poking out underneath a pillow. The owner was smothered under the bright neon green sheets.
"Tori!"
"No, tes na tom." The body murmured as it shifted deeper into her cavern of sweet sleep abyss. "Slepy tim. Mo' sleepy tim."
"Watikaru Tori, don't make me come up there!
The incessant banging of pans could be heard from below, probably in a foolish attempt to wake her up. Her mother seriously needed to find a better hobby. Yare, yare, didn't she know that 14 hour naps were essential to the development of a growing girl's body?!?
Footsteps could be heard ascending the stairwell. Tori groaned. Last night she'd come in late from prepping her station at the kitchen, and a headache was plausible, possible, and inevitable. Especially, if her mother was involved.
"Knock!Knock!Knock!"
"Huh?" The pillow rose up to make a tent above a head of messy orange and red threads. She looked around dumbfounded, and whipped the drool from her mouth and the sleep from her eyes.
Tori looked into her mother's reprimanding eyes and raised an eyebrow.
"What?" she croaked.
"Get off your lazy arse , or you'll be late for work!" Her mother screamed with her arms crossed over her chest.
Work? What work? She didn't even have a job! Ha, crazy senile old woman! With that Tori dumped her head back under the pillow and returned to the wondrous land of relaxation completely ignoring the intruder beside the bed.
Mrs. Watikaru counted the seconds in her head.
'three…two…one…'
Her mother watched in mild amusement as her daughter threw back the covers, jumped out of bed, and ran to the bathroom. Taking a shower had become a one minute marathon and dressing had become two. Afterwards she sprinted down the stairs before running right back up to quickly kiss her mother on the cheek before heading out the door to the best restaurant in town, the Ichiraku Ramen Bar. Otherwise known as work.
She hoped that she wasn't going to be late for work especially on promotion day too!
Today she was going to stick it to Kokara, and make sure that she never set foot in her-ahem thatrestaurant ever again!
Oh yeah, she was going down!
Way down.
*****l_l*****
In the Ichiraku Ramen kitchen Kokara smiled wickedly as she tied the apron around her waist. Ho, ho, ho. Today was the day.
FOR REVENGE!
She had been waiting for this day for so long! Today was the day that she put Watakiru Tori in her rightful place. Right under her feet where she belonged. Oh, she was going down! Way down. Kokara went over to Tori's side of the kitchen and opened her fridge.
"Ah, the sweet smell of sabotage. Let's see how little Miss Perfect works when her entire kitchen wallows in chaos. Now where would that Wasabi be?" Kokara asked tapping her chin, and looking around the room pensively. Her dark purple hair swinging from its high pony tail.
Rummaging through the cabinets Kokara finally found a small vile of fresh wasabi not even moistened to spread, just completely dry. An evil grin spread across her small pink lips as she walked over the tea bags and cut little slits into the sides. She dumped the crushed green leaves into a small jar and inconspicuously placed it underneath the island in the middle of the kitchen. Next she took the dried wasabi and evenly measured out enough for each small tea packet. This was going to be good.
Finishing task number one Kokara skipped over to the oven on Tori's side rubbing her hands together mischievously. Kokara had an older brother who was a mechanic. Luckily, she had watched him as a young child and had learned a thing or two about…tinkering. She giggled.
Punch! Twist! Pop!
There went the first and second knob. Now all she had to do was reprogram the computer chip in the oven to read two hundred degrees lower than what the temperature actually was and PRESTO! Tori would be burning more dishes than a donkey in Hell's Kitchen! She loved being evil.
Now Kokara was never one to play dirty, but Tori had it coming! How many times had she been one up'd by the prissy princess?! Well today she would have the last laugh. Setting out the noodle fryers Kokara brought out a white powdery substance and exchanged it with the salt shakers that would be sprinkled to oil. She wondered how little miss perfection would be jellin' later on!
Kokara looked at the clock. It was eight thirty. Crap! She only had thirty minutes until Tori arrived for work. Scrambling herself together Kokara put on her gameface and worked double time.
She had a sabotage to fulfill!
****l_l*****
The room was so silent that the crickets on Zetsu's epidermis were chirping a comical tune. Every single member of the infamous criminal organization looked at their leader as if he had decided to turn all of them in to their respective villages for ransom. Well everyone except for Kakuzu that had already been his primary plan. Tobi squealed with glee, and jumped up to pose in the middle of the circle. He clapped his hands and skipped around their leader.
"Tobi can cook! Tobi can cook! Tobi is a good boy! No Tobi is a good chef! A great chef! Tobi can-HUMPH."
Tobi rolled around on the floor trying desperately to get the huge piece of clay off of his mouth. Kisame turned to Deidara.
"If you didn't, I was going to. How do you deal with that hyperactive chipmunk is beyond my comprehension."
Deidara ignored his fellow comrades and focused on Pein. He spoke.
"You woke us up at two o'clock in the morning because we've just been assigned an S-rank mission that's "so larger than life"…and it's to go find a chef, hmm?" He growled.
Pein was silent for a moment and then turned around to gaze at his subordinate.
Mutlicolor pupils met grey ones.
….
….
….
"Or we could just let him cook."
Pein pointed to Tobi, who had ran into the kitchen and was now sporting an apron and a chef hat.
After that suggestion there was only one response from the group.
"We'll go."