Random idea I came up with while watching some random videos on youtube. They mentioned spoiler alerts because they were talking about random things, plot holes, etc., so I decided to write this.
Of course, this is Jori, with background Brina, Cabbie, and Andre/Carly. Not a crossover, though I do use Carly Shay in this, since she's the only character and she's not a focus character of the one-shot.
Kinda AU, where Beck and Jade didn't get back together during 'Tori Fixes Beck & Jade', Tori and Jade did. And Sam wasn't the one who moved to L.A. after 'iCarly' ended. Carly did because her father was sent to L.A. for training, and she went with him to spend time with him. While there, she met Tori and the others (I'm going under the assumption that 'iParty With VicTORious' didn't happen, since it's non-canon to both series.) after attending Hollywood Arts for school.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'VicTORious' or any characters. I also don't own any the rights to any and all movies mentioned in this. I own the movies on DVD, but that's it.
Spoiler alert. All movies are real and everything Jade says happened in them.
No POV
-'Bitch Slap Unrated'-
"What movie is this?" Cat asks as she sits beside her boyfriend of three months, Robbie, on the couch closest to the Vega kitchen, Beck and Trina beside her.
"'Bitch Slap'." Jade answers as she puts the disc in the disc drive and sits back beside Tori on the other couch, Andre and his girlfriend Carly beside them.
"What's it about?" Carly asks, watching the Goth as Jade grabs the remote and skips the previews, jumping straight to the menu.
"You'll see." Jade says, pushing play and tossing the remote on the table between them and the t.v.
"You're lucky my dad reinforced the table and the remote doesn't break easily." Tori tells her girlfriend, laying her head on Jade's shoulder.
With a shush from Jade as the opening scene starts, the seven who haven't seen the movie watch the opening scene, raising their eyebrows at the song playing to the random scenes.
As the movie starts, no one sees the smirk on Jade's face, knowing her girlfriend, and some of her friends, may or may not like some of the content. Sure enough, as the movie plays, Jade decides to have fun.
"They're about to do what most guys wish they could watch." Jade says as the two women are looking through the R.V. Ignoring her, thinking it's just Jade being Jade again, the others roll their eyes and watch the movie. Sure enough, a minute later, the two women start to have sex, nothing being seen other than the idea and sounds the two are making, and when they're done, Jade looks at the other with a wide smirk. "Told you."
Later, after a few more 'comments' from Jade about the movie, she smirks again when they're down in the cellar and the one brunette asks about keeping the sword. "She's the one they were talking about." Jade says, referring to the character who the others are afraid of.
"Do you ever stop giving away the plot?" Andre asks soon after, when it's revealed that Jade was, of course, right about the characters.
"No." Tori and Beck say, the former knowing more-so than the latter from how often they watch movies together. (Tori managed to get Jade to watch more than just horror movies, using a secret (sex and torturing her by getting her hot just to leave for some reason) that Beck could never succeed in.)
"Where did she pull that throwing star from?" Robbie asks, staring at the screen, not seeing how even Cat (Jade was never one to hold back when talking to the redhead during sleepovers) rolled her eyes at the question.
-'Stay Alive Director's Cut'-
"Who let Jade pick all the movies tonight?" Trina asks as Jade puts in the second disc for their movie evening.
"Your movies are musicals that you fail at singing along with, Cat's are Disney movies where you ruin them by screeching along to, Andre's have too much bikini clad women, Beck's don't make sense, Robbie's are stupid, Tori only chooses romantic comedies and I'd be too tempted to make out with her to ignore the movie, and I don't know what Carly picks." Jade answers, grabbing the remote and selecting a character, the female of the three, and her weapon (a katana looking blade) and outfit.
"What's the point of this?" Tori asks as the main menu appears, a blonde looking similar to the character Jade created in the background.
"What?" Jade asks as Trina glares at Jade and Beck. Jade for what she said about her singing, and Beck for not defending her.
"The character thingy." Tori says, avoiding her sister's glare.
"Don't know." Jade says, shrugging her shoulders. "And stop glaring before I make your make-up supplies disappear." She adds, glancing at the eldest Vega sister.
"You're not going to give spoilers like you did last time, right?" Andre asks as Carly moves to almost sit on his lap and he holds her close.
"No. Not this time." Jade says with a smirk, pecking Tori's lips when Tori gives her a questioning look.
"Good." Beck says with a sigh, holding Trina close when she moves to sit on his lap like she did months ago when they saw Tori's hamboning video.
"I wonder if this is a real game?" Jade asks as the characters on the screen say the quote to start the game.
"If it was, we're not playing it." Tori tells her girlfriend, sighing.
"Fine." Jade says with a small sigh. "He dies first." She says when the guy in the office is shown.
"You said you weren't going to ruin it this time." Robbie says, looking at Jade.
"I lied." Jade says, shrugging her shoulders. "That Bathory chick kills him with scissors." She says with a smirk. "I know who I'm dressing up as for Halloween this year." She adds with a devious smirk.
"Of course." Tori says, rolling her eyes.
"That Goth chick is kinda hot." Jade says, ignoring Tori. "I wonder if she has any piercings or tattoos?" She adds after Tori elbows her.
"I don't know. I kinda like the blonde." Cat adds, not seeing the raised eyebrows from Tori, Jade, Trina, Beck, Andre, or Carly, or the slight look of interest from Robbie.
"She's one of the few survivors." Jade says about the blonde. "So is the guy who got the game from his dead friend and Frankie Muniz." She says, looking at the screen.
"We are not watching movies with you anymore." Tori says, glaring at Jade. "Any more comments, and the only way you'll have sex for the next month, and not by yourself, is if you cheat." She whispers into Jade's ear so the others don't hear.
-'Suckerpunch'-
"I think I know this one." Carly says as the movie starts.
"Really?" Jade asks, a mix of surprise and approval in her tone.
"Yeah. Sam likes it and made me and Freddie watch it before my dad was stationed here." Carly says as the song plays.
"So you know about the ones who die, how they died, and…"
"Don't make me duct tape your mouth shut." Tori threatens, cutting off Jade.
"I prefer the ball gag you have in your closet." Jade says with a seductive look in her eyes.
"Ewwww." Trina says, gagging, as Andre, Beck, and Robbie stare at Tori with a surprise, Carly looks shocked, and Cat looks impressed.
"Is it purple?" Cat asks, showing an odd interest in what Jade said.
"Cat!?" "How'd you know?" Tori and Jade say respectively as the movie plays. "Just watch the movie." Tori says, looking away to hide her blush.
"Guess what?" Jade asks after most of the move has played, and there are only two girls left, Babydoll and Sweat Pea.
"What?" Tori and a few of the others ask with a sigh, knowing what's to come.
"Let me guess, Babydoll dies?" Andre asks as said character walks towards a group of men outside the building.
"What? No." Jade says, staring at Andre before looking back to the movie. "She gets a lobotomy." She says when one of the guys punches Babydoll and it cuts to her waking up on a bed, the High Roller with her.
"I thought it jumps straight to her getting the lobotomy?" Carly asks, confused at the movie.
"That's the DVD release. The Blu-Ray has extra stuff. You know, like the big dance number thing with Blue and Madame Gorski, and the girls showing their separate dances?" Jade says, bending over to look at the Seattlite. "And, as Cat mentioned, the 'battle balet' scene against the orcs."
"How many worlds are in this thing?" Andre asks as Sweat Pea rides away on the bus and it's revealed that the bus driver is the guy who gave Babydoll the sword and gun, as well as the one who acted as the one in charge of the girls during their missions.
"Three. The real world, which is what we see in the beginning and now. The second, where she's introduced as 'Babydoll' and stuff like that. And the third is for what happens while Babydoll dances, while they're working on getting the items they need." Jade says, leaning back.
"As much as Jade's ruined them with her spoilers, they're good movies." Carly says, leaning against Andre as the final movie ends and Jade takes it out.
"Just imagine how much better they'd be without her commentary." Tori says, shutting off the Blu-Ray player.
"Hey, I was going to bring 'The Scissoring 2: Tawni's Return', but I don't think it'd be a good idea because of Tawni killing her childhood best friend while she's having sex with her boyfriend by stabbing her in the nipples with her scissors." Jade says when Tori sits back down. "Anybody want to watch 'You're Next'?" She asks, pulling the DVD out of her bag after putting 'Suckerpunch' away.
"No." Everyone says without hesitation.
"You guys are no fun." Jade says as Tori puts on the 'Lifetime Movie Network' for a background movie.
The thing Cat said about 'Suckerpunch' about 'battle balet' was actually what I called it when I saw the Blu-Ray version of the movie. That scene, as well as a few others, were cut out of the DVD version.
That's it for this one. I have another idea for a short fic. It'll be based on some of the videos from TheSlap, like 'Tori Takes Requests', 'What Jade Hates/Loves', 'Public Service Announcements', etc. They'll be Jori, of course, with other random pairings. What I'm thinking is that each chapter will be a different category. That or I'll write a few chapters for each category, like the ones above and a few others.
What do you think? Would it be an interesting idea?
I was going to add 'You're Next' and, because I thought it'd be funny, 'Fun Size'. But decided not to. I don't know 'You're Next' that well, and I didn't want to rewatch it just for Jade to give spoilers, and I don't really know why I didn't go with 'Fun Size'.
Thank you for reading, and I look forward to your reviews.
Blessed Be.