Hi guys! First off, thanks for coming here to read the first chapter of this story. It may look familiar to some of you, but this is actually a rewrite of the story I started a little while back called "Sorrow." I have been thinking about those comments for a few months, and I have taken them to heart. I want to make this story better as I liked most of what I wrote about it. Although, I am going to try to make this go a little faster instead of allowing it to drag on like I had been.
Also, in case some of you thought I was disappearing, I am not. I have been tinkering with this story, as well as a story I am actually hoping to get published one day. It might be a year, two years, five years, or ten years from now, but I really hope that I can get it published. It something I have always wanted to do with my life, outside of crocheting and volunteering with animals.
Please read and review. I love getting feedback to help keep me going with my stories.
Hiccup could hear Astrid's calm breathing beside him while she slept. He, on the other hand, was lying wide awake. He'd felt the exhaustion plaguing his mind and body hours ago, but was trying to push through as long as he could. So much responsibility laid scattered all over his work desk. He had treaties to review, letters to write to other chiefs, and plans to review before the upcoming counsel meeting. He had too much going on to worry about sleep.
"Enough," Astrid had said to him hours ago. "Come to bed. I'd like to actually sleep next to my husband for once."
A year ago Hiccup was announced Chief. Cleaning up the mess from Drago had been a good start to getting his feet wet. After all, a dragon had caused the destruction. Dragons were what he was good at. They had become his life for the last six years. Anytime there was an issue with a dragon, he could fix it.
The issues on the island were another story. He was often second guessing himself. More often than not, trying to figure out what his father would do. Occasionally, he found himself crawling to the Forge for Gobber's advice on a matter. Rarely, did he ever go to his mother. And, despite trusting Astrid with everything, he didn't want to go to her. He was afraid she would be ashamed of him if he made the wrong decision.
Finally, tired of tossing and turning, and constantly worrying about the following day ahead of him, he rolled out of bed ever so gently so he wouldn't wake his sleeping bride. At least, he hoped not. She was such a light sleeper, or at least she had been...up until she moved in. It seemed as though she became better rested once they were living under the same roof. Maybe, perhaps, it was because she trusted him to protect her. He wasn't sure.
Tip-toeing over to his desk, he reached for the list he had started of to-dos the night before. It had a full day's worth of matters to take care of, plus some from the prior day. He found himself growing worried suddenly. He knew that the whole list wouldn't get accomplished today, or tomorrow, or the next. Somehow a few things always trickled over to the next day and even days to follow.
Hiccup was certain that he would have to break up another quarrel again between a handful of villagers arguing over who owned a certain sheep or a yak, despite the ear tags he had come up with to be more "humane" about branding the animals. And, he was sure that he would have to help Gothi at least once chase down her flock of misbehaving Terrible Terrors. And, of course, wrangling the twins.
Honestly, Hiccup was growing tired of babysitting them. And, Astrid and Fishlegs were tired of doing him a favor by watching their every move for a few hours a day each. There were other things he needed their help with. Yesterday, Hiccup had neglected to ask someone to keep their eye on them, and he had found that they had buried Gustav alive.
"We thought we were doing you a favor!" Tuffnut had cried.
And an hour after that, had found out the Belch's gas has nearly spoiled a third of the vegetables in their fields.
Hiccup eyed his list again, checking off what could be delegated to Astrid, Snotlout, Fishlegs and Eret. He tried not to give them too much off of his list daily.
"What else do we have to do?" Astrid asked him one night during one of their meetings.
"I can think of a couple of things," Snotlout had said. "Like, flying Hookfang out to the cliffs, the wind in my hair. Or, how about, swimming in the pond, sunning myself in front of the ladies-"
"Don't make me vomit," Astrid said aloud. "Hiccup, seriously, we have nothing better to do with our time."
"Besides, you know you are going to need our help," Fishlegs said. "Especially since Drago's attack put us behind."
Despite their willingness to help and comfort him, Hiccup still felt wary on delegating them things to do, especially when it came to managing the twins. His father had an easier hand at that, because Hiccup was often the one keeping them preoccupied and out of trouble for his father.
After looking over his list, Hiccup folded up his plans, and tip-toed down the steps from the loft to get changed into his armor so that he could begin his day.
...
By mid-afternoon, Hiccup was exhausted. It was only when he had been talking to Gobber and his mother about some upgrades he had wanted to make to the buildings, did he realize he had forgotten to eat anything all day. He ignored the dizzy feeling in his head, and continued to explain about the use Gronkle-iron could make to the roofs of their homes.
"-we can try it with our own home first," he explained. "That way, we know where we need to make the tweets before we do any updates anywhere else-"
"Hiccup, it's a great idea," his mother began. "But, we've always made the tops of our homes with-" Just as she was about to continue explaining, she noticed her son's knees give away, and he had swayed forwards. Gobber had caught him by the shoulder before helping him to stand back up.
"Chief-"
"Hun-"
"I'm fine," Hiccup said to them, using the table to support himself up. "Can you imagine better, safer homes-"
"Hiccup-"
"Mom, just think about it. We may not have to build the roofs every few years-"
"HICCUP!"
Hiccup turned to meet his mother's worried eyes. He could feel Gobber's eyes staring at him with equal concern.
"I'm all right," Hiccup said. "Just my pegleg-"
"I just tweeked tha' thing!" Gobber said sternly. "It ain't tha'!"
"Hiccup," his mother began gently. "Have you eaten today?"
For a moment, Hiccup was trying to remember if he had finished the toast he had made before venturing out of the house for the day. Then, he remembered that right at dawn one of the villagers had knocked on the front door, calling him away to deal with one of Gothi's stray Terrible Terrors.
"That would be a no," Valka said to him after the pause. Without another word, she turned to Toothless, who had pushed him out of the Forge and onward to the Great Hall to grab a bite to eat.
"Okay, Toothless," Hiccup said to him, after the third push. "I am going! Give it a rest!"
In the Great Hall Hiccup found himself piecing on his chicken leg, and slowly sipping the broth of his soup. Again, he was pouring away over his list, and also scribbling little ideas he was having on the back of it.
"There you are," he heard from someone behind him. For reasons unknown, he felt himself go rigid. He shouldn't have. After all, his wife was the one speaking to him.
Astrid took a seat beside him, and when he turned to look at her, he saw the smile on her face fade. He could see it turn to concern. But, before she could speak to him, most likely telling him how tired he looked, he asked, "Is there anything I need to know about?"
A few days prior, he had asked her and Fishlegs to randomly patrol certain areas of the island. They were to split up and patrol up to a mile past the shorelines. Frankly, he had asked the twins to assist hoping it would buy some time to clean up after them. Usually, while he was cleaning up after them, they were making another mess behind his back. It was a never ending, vicious cycle.
"Nothing-again," Astrid told him with a deep sigh. She touched his arm. "Hiccup, why are you having us patrol?"
"Can't be too careful, milady," Hiccup said to her. He wasn't sure if he was just being paranoid, but he thought he had seen a boat not too far out to shore a few days prior. Sure, he could have mistaken it for one of their fishing boats. Honestly he wasn't sure. Because by the time he was able to find a moment to go look, there was no boat to be found, and Mulch and Bucket were already back at the docks. Just in case, he sent for patrol.
"Anyways," Astrid said. "I was thinking-would you be up for a ride at sunset?"
Surprisingly, Hiccup found himself let a grin escape. "That sounds...wonderful."
Smiling back at him, she replied, "Good." Still gripping his arm, she gave it a gently squeeze. "See you tonight, then." With that, she kissed his cheek, and wondered off into the kitchens. He knew what she was going after. He only hoped the cooks had been able to hold back a few hunks of chicken for Stormfly so that she could be re-energized for the rest of the day.
Once she waved to him and was out the doorway, he felt his shoulders slump. It was then that he realized just how tense he really was. His mid-back was aching, and he tried to reposition his posture where he sat.
"I really need to shake this," he said to himself. He turned to Toothless, who had laid his head down in his lap. "C'mon, bud. Let's see what more we can accomplish today."
Receiving a low growl, Hiccup glanced over at his half-eaten piece of chicken. Picking it up into his hand, he said, "If I take this with me, will you be satisfied?"
Toothless shrugged his wings at him, and after a moment seemed to accept this request from his rider.
When he thought Toothless wasn't looking, he chucked the chicken leg between two buildings. After all, they hadn't agreed he had to finish the meat off of the bone.
...
"You stole me sheep!" Silent Sven yelled at Mulch.
"I did nothing of the sort!" Mulch yelled back at him, crossing his arms over himself.
"I have twelve sheep of me own!" Silent Sven said. "No I have-" It took him a moment to count out on his fingers. "I have eleven!"
At this point, Hiccup was walking past them arguing along the main path in the village. Noticing a small group gathered around them, placing bets with each other with gold at who would win the fight, Hiccup knew he needed to intervene...again. He had just broken this squabble between the two up a few days prior.
"Uh, Sven-" Hiccup said to get their attention.
"Not now, Hiccup," Silent Sven said. He turned his attention back to Mulch. "You stole my buck-" He shoved his large finger directly into Mulch's chest.
Mulch shoved his hand away. "The boar is mine. You simply borrowed him-"
"Guys-" Hiccup tried to get their attention, but the two continued to argue. Sighing, he turned to Toothless, who proceeded to coo at him.
"Lots of help you are today," Hiccup said to him, crossing his own arms. He turned back to the men. Surely, his father's large, powerful voice would have stopped this argument from happening a second time. Looking around, he realized more villagers were starting to gather around. He also noticed another person placing another bet on who would win this one.
"I-want-my-buck-" At this point, Silent Sven had a hold of Mulch's tunic.
Panic went through Hiccup's body. Closing his eyes, he quickly tried to compare them to the twins. How he stopped their arguments, typically, was by yelling at them and threatening them. Before, he had just told the two to walk away from each other. They all technically shared the males to help breed the females, anyways. Why were they so concerned about this one particular buck in the first place?
"Mulch-Sven, enough arguing!" Hiccup yelled, approaching the two. He let himself get right in between them, and just as he had, Silent Sven had a fist balled up. Instead of connecting with Mulch, the fist landed directly into Hiccup's gut, pushing him backwards from the fight.
Suddenly, the two med had a fire blast shot at their feet, and the two ducked for cover, and the crowd backed away.
"You idiots!" Hiccup heard an angry scream close by. He was trying to catch his breath, trying to ignore the pain surging through his gut so that he could sit up properly, and see what was about to come next.
"Valka-" the two men began.
"You two are arguing over the bloody sheep again, aren't you?" In front of Hiccup, he noticed his mother had their attention. They looked at Valka in confusion from where she stood over them. They were hesitantly getting to their feet, acting as though she was the one who sent the blast at them and not Toothless.
"Hiccup-" Astrid was at Hiccup's side suddenly.
"I'm fine," he said to her, although he still felt as though he couldn't breathe. He turned and watched his mother.
"It's time to stop arguing over the sheep," Valka said. "You both were arguing over ownership of sheep since before I left Berk. You both are idiots!"
"Valka-" Silent Sven began.
"No!" she yelled, pointing her finger at him. "I am tired of you both ignoring your Chief! He has broken up your fights multiple times. This is the last straw!"
They cowered at her firm voice, and Hiccup found himself turning away. Here was his mother settling his responsibility for him. Something she shouldn't have to do.
"Your Chief just stepped in to settle this, keeping people from betting money on your personal fight, and you ignored him-"
"Betting?" Mulch yelled.
"Hiccup isn't here-" Silent Sven said.
Toothless growled angrily, which brought their attention over to Hiccup. He felt his cheeks growing red with embarrassment. Here he was practically sprawled out on the ground after getting punched. He wasn't settling an argument. He was sitting on the ground trying to recover after being a punching bag.
"When did he step in?" Sven asked. "Why did the dragon blast at us?"
"When you ignored Hiccup!" Valka yelled. She crossed her arms angrily in front of her.
"Sorry, Valka," Mulch said. "Honestly, we didn't see Hiccup-I-I mean the Chief-"
Hiccup felt his shoulders collapse. They didn't see him. He felt fifteen again? Holding a wince back, he swore a rib was cracked. He helped himself to his feet, holding his right side gently as he approached his mother.
"This feud is ending-today," Valka said. "Fishlegs will take possession of the buck. You both will have three days to come forward with four gold coins in exchange for a tax for holding the sheep. If the fee is not paid to Fishlegs by sunset of the third day, the buck will remain in the pasture with the other village sheep.
Hiccup felt his fist clenching. He turned and headed down the hill, despite his lack there of breath and his stagger. He needed to get away from everyone. Although, his peace was short lived. Astrid had caught up with him.
"What's wrong?" she asked him.
"I don't want to talk about it," he replied to her. His anger inside was growing. He could hear his mother arguing with both men behind them as they continued away.
"How's your ribs?" Astrid asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," he said again, feeling the tone in his voice rising.
"I wasn't asking you what was wrong," Astrid said. "I was asking you about how your ribs felt-"
"Let me be, Astrid," Hiccup said to her. "I'll be all right."
"Hiccup-"
"Don't patronize me!" Hiccup yelled, turning back to her. Toothless was beside him, and Hiccup took the chance to hop into the saddle. When he looked back he could see Astrid glaring at him.
"I wasn't patronizing you," she said to him. "I only wanted to make sure you were all right-"
"I am fine," Hiccup said to her sternly. "Just-peachy!"
"Hiccup-"
Adjusting the saddle with his peg-leg, Toothless heard the click. With that, they both took to the sky, leaving Astrid gazing up at them, trying to figure out where they were headed.
...
Hours later, sunset had come. Hiccup was sitting by the lake at the Cove, listening to the night music of the locusts surrounding him. Slowly, the evening music grew louder. Despite his anger, and wanting some peace and quiet, the noise eased his mind.
Although, he was still plagued. He had promised Astrid an evening ride together, and he had not gone to meet her.
Toothless came over to where he sat at the edge of a large rock. Hiccup had been holding the end of the large stick in his hands, swirling it around the water below. He had been watching the fish dance in the ripples and the waves he had been creating.
toothless cooed from behind him, and laid his large head down on the rock.
"I know, bud," Hiccup sighed to him. "It's getting late, And, I know Astrid is going to be disappointed in me." He rubbed his side, feeling the tenderness in his ribs from earlier that day. They were a constant reminder that he had lost order in the village. And, that his mother had to regain it for him. His own mother, who technically was a retired queen since his father passed away.
"What am I going to do?" he asked himself.
It had been a year since his father had passed away. Hiccup was left with a responsibility he wasn't ready for. He had actually been running away just a few days prior to his father's death from the title of Chief. Little did he know is that he would soon become that. He wasn't ready. But, he knew he needed to be there for his village. All of his plans had been placed on hold. There was still more out there to explore when it came down to the dragons. He earned to know more.
The village had been running pretty smoothly up until about four months ago, right after the big snow had come and gone. It was then that Hiccup felt the real pressure of the title. People were looking to plant food, wanting help. The fishing boats needed to be repairs. He needed to tame a few more Gronkles to make new weapons to replace the old...The list just continued to grow. Somewhere along the lines, he felt he had lost touch with his village.
The counsel had met without him more than once. He knew this, only because Gobber had told him. Of course, the meetings were led by Spitelout. Gobber had gone to the meetings to defend Hiccup's name multiple times. Lately, however, Hiccup had seen more members growing more edgy around him. Each day, he was trying to prove to them that he could do what his father had done for them all those years, and all of his grandfathers before him. If Hiccup didn't succeed, Spitelout would take over, and then Snotlout, and so on...And, lets face it. No one wanted Snotlout as a leader.
At the last counsel meeting, the scheduled meeting that Hiccup was at, he made a point to tell them that if they had concerns, they could anonymously write them down on a piece of parchment. No one did.
"Most of them cannot write or read," Gobber explained to him. This was something Hiccup wasn't aware of. He had taken advantage of the knowledge his father had passed onto him that other members did not have. Again, becoming embarrassed he was not aware they could not read.
Toothless suddenly nudged Hiccup's back with his head, letting a gentle coo out.
"I am not going, bud," Hiccup said to him. He didn't want to go home and face Astrid. He watched Toothless's head fall slightly, and he turned and began to walk away from Hiccup.
Hiccup dropped his stick after a few minutes, and headed to where Toothless had rested himself in the sand. It had not occurred to him until just then that Toothless was probably looking just as forward to the evening flight as Astrid was. He dropped to his knees and rubbed the top of Toothless's head.
"I'm sorry, bud," he said gently. "I am being selfish and irrational."
Toothless snorted in agreement.
"You don't have to agree with me," Hiccup said to him, crossing his arms. He rubbed Toothless's head, and climbed into the saddle, clicking his leg into the gears. "Let's take a little flight, just you and me, bud."
Toothless cooed excitedly, and sprang up out of the Cove, avoiding the surrounding trees.
...
It was well after nightfall when Hiccup climbed the steps towards his own home. Hesitating, he knew he needed to go inside for the evening, but he didn't want to. Standing outside the door, he let himself sigh. He looked at Toothless, who in turn came and nuzzled his side gently. This made Hiccup smile a little bit, knowing no matter what happened, Toothless would always be with him. This made him feel better, and he took a few slow paces towards the front door, and pushed it open.
On the table he saw a plate of bread next to a bowl of soup, which had obviously gotten cold. Feeling a little guilty, he knew his mother had set him a plate to eat dinner with she and Astrid. It had remained untouched over the hours. Sitting down, he pushed the bowl away from himself, and settled for a piece of bread with some jam. After two small bites, he pushed that aside.
Suddenly, his mother's bedroom door opened, and she presented herself in the doorway. She was in her nightgown, her hair was not pulled back, by laid over her left shoulder. Her arms crossed in front of her. Meeting her eyes, Hiccup noticed they were soft. She smiled at him, but he did not return it. His eyes disconnected with hers.
"Rough day, today," Valka said to him quietly.
He nodded.
"How are your ribs?" she asked.
"Fine," he replied, his voice shaking slightly.
"Let me have a look at you," she said gently, taking a few steps towards him.
"I'm fine-"
"Do your mother a favor. Ease her worry about you. Let me see your side."
Hiccup grumbled and started sliding off the body armor, dropping it in a heap at his feet. He forced himself to hold in a wince as he did so. Finally, once the last piece was off, he pulled the side of his tunic up, allowing his mother to check him.
He bit his lip as she ran her fingers gently around his side. More pressure was applied, and he winced. His breath caught in his throat as he tried to hold back.
"You are bruised and swollen," Valka said quietly.
He nodded, feeling even more annoyed than he had been.
"Now, eat," she said, dragging the plate of bread and jam back to him.
He felt his fist clenching. As much as he wanted to snap at her, he did not. She was, after all, the woman that brought him life. And, deep down, he was thankful for her concern of him.
"Where did you disappear to?" Valka asked him. She grabbed the kettle and poured water into it, then pushed it over the fire.
Hiccup pinched a bit of crust on the slice of bread. He didn't want to tell her. Only Astrid really knew his secret place, and he didn't want someone else following him there every time he had a breakdown.
"I was on Berk," he said to her gently. "I just-needed to clear my head for a bit."
His mother let silence fall between them, and he watched her go through some of the shelves in the kitchen. As he ate a little bit of his bread, he watched her find a small glass vile mixed in with the other spices and herbs she owned. Pulling out a small mug, she sprinkled some of the contents into the mug, and capped it. She did the same with another vile, one of which she didn't have to go looking for. Then, she added some mint leaf, and then retrieved the kettle from the fire. She poured water into the mug, and then stirred it.
"You aren't sleeping," she said gently, sitting the mug down in front of him.
"I am-"
She pointed a finger at the mug. "I know better."
Hiccup narrowed his eyes at her. "You know better?" he asked. His anger was boiling again. "How do you know better?"
The expression on her face changed. She looked a little fearful. He had never talked to her with a tone as he had just used towards her.
"Hiccup-"
"No," he said to her. "You don't-know me. Not that way, Mom." He paused, realizing his tone was getting worse. He tried to swallow back some of his anger. "We've known each other for a year. You weren't here pushing me from my desk at fifteen years old to get into bed. I was always drawing or planning until I'd fall asleep at it. That was Dad. You weren't here every winter, when I was sick with fever, trying to get me through the night before Gothi was able to come. No, that was Dad-Again-"
The concern on his mother's face was quickly spreading, and still when she tried to console him, he wouldn't let her. He kept putting his hand up before she could come touch him.
"Dad was the one who 'knew' me. Mom, if you'd been here even three years ago you'd know I rarely sleep. Dad knew this! He would often tell me to go to bed-or find some clever way to convince me I needed to lay in bed to work out my ideas. You've only known me for a year, Mom. Dad knew me, and he knew what kept me going-"
"Hiccup-"
"My mind is constantly spinning. It always has-"
Valka seized the opportunity to sit down next to Hiccup when he turned his gaze from her. He was having a hard time holding his emotion back. He'd almost allowed the tears to escape his eyes. He felt her put an arm around him and give it a squeeze.
"I know I wasn't here then, son," she said to him gently. "But, let me be here for you now."
Swallowing some of his emotion away, he felt his mother place her forehead against him, caressing him gently. He could hear her voice quiver slightly. He felt very tense.
"Son, I've heard you upstairs pacing every night. You are up past the time I fall asleep, and gone before I wake up at first light. You are sleeping less, and less. You haven't slept well in months-"
Hiccup was at his feet again, pushing himself away from his mother.
"You don't listen to me," he said. I have always only gotten a few hours of sleep. I keep moving. I don't stop."
"You aren't even getting a few hours of that right now," Valka said to him. "I see the dark circles forming under your eyes. I see you growing weaker because you are too preoccupied or you simply forget to eat something. Hiccup, I saw your father do this when he first became Chief..."
Hiccup found himself turning to her. He was seeing the concern on her face growing, and a few tears falling down her left cheek.
"I love you," she said to him. "Just because I wasn't here for you for twenty years, doesn't mean I ever stopped loving and caring about you. Please, Hiccup, before you run yourself to being bedridden from stress, please let me help you."
"You don't understand," Hiccup said to her. He headed towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Valka asked.
"Out," he said. He couldn't take it in the same house with her. If he didn't go, she would continue to hound on him. And, he could have sworn he heard Astrid's footsteps upstairs climbing out of bed to come check on them. "C'mon, Toothless." With that, Hiccup had disappeared out the door and down the stairs.
Toothless looked at Valka. His emerald eyes showed concern. He cooed at her, perhaps apologizing for his master's anger, and he trotted out the door after Hiccup, leaving Valka standing in the kitchen alone in her thoughts.