TITLE: Fun with Wooden Objects
SERIES: The Objects Series (1/?)
AUTHOR: Sanguinary
COPYRIGHT: Jan. 17/01
DISTRIBUTION: Ask and ye shall receive.
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Humor
SPOILERS: Season 4 and 5
COUPLES/KEYWORDS: B/R, B/S
DISCLAIMER: All is owned by Joss and Co.
FEEDBACK: The votes are in, indicating a yes majority. But Florida is still demanding a
re-count.
SUMMARY: So, what the world's greatest stake think?
IMPROV: silver, hollow, fitting, wander
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just taking a look at how certain objects might see the world. Yes, I do know
that I am insane. I'm just stuck and needed something fun to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I am feared by monsters around the world! I am the single most greatest tool of destruction
ever! My name strikes fear into the hearts of vampires everywhere!
I am....
MR. POINTY!!!!
Well, all right, so I'm not known around the world. And sure, my name may not be frighting.
But hey! You try pulling off a name like Mr. Pointy and we'll see how well you do buddy! It's
not easy being a stake, even one with a name.
And sure, I'm not high tech. But I am good at what I do! I assure you, no other material would
work. Gold, sliver, bronze, forget about it! That crap is only good for plating swords. And
who has room for a sword? Try fitting in a crowd with one of those huge things hanging on your
back! I'm 100% wood! No hollow inside for me, thank you very much!
I mean, I do all the work and she gets all the glory! So what if she has superpowers? All she
needs to do is give me a little push and then it's up to me to do the rest. I'm the one who
has to dust the vamp, I'm the one who has to destroy him! Who does that? Me!!!
And who gets all the credit? Who gets the fame? She does!! Buffy the Vampire Slayer, known all
around the world by everyone. And only three people know about me! Two of which are dead!!
I've dusted Trick, Sunday, and other famous vamps! I dusted Dracula twice for gods sake!! And
I get no mention at all! It's not fair!
But hey, don't get me wrong. It's not the worst job. I meet famous people, I see all sorts of
sights and I get to hide up the Slayer's skirt. Yeah, yeah, I know. But hey, I am male. I mean,
I could be doing worse. I could have ended up as a toothpick. Now that's a nasty job! But I'm
starting to wander here.
And let me just say that if you tick me off I will get you. Really. Just a few weeks ago, some
ugly Led-Zep vamp tried to use me to stake my own Slayer! And then he stole me! Can you
believe his nerve?!?! But Buf's boy-toy showed up in the nick of time to save me and help me
dust the vamp. Then we set off a grenade in the tomb. Major fun.
But even though corn-boy is gone, rest assured that if you hurt my Slayer, I will get you. If
the Slayer and I need help, we'll call for that vamp that keeps stalking her. William the
something or other.
So, if you wake up one morning and suddenly find that you're missing your reflection. Or that
you feel an urge to drink something thick and salty and red, just come to Sunnydale.
I promise to help you with your problem.
Hey, what are friends for?
SERIES: The Objects Series (1/?)
AUTHOR: Sanguinary
COPYRIGHT: Jan. 17/01
DISTRIBUTION: Ask and ye shall receive.
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Humor
SPOILERS: Season 4 and 5
COUPLES/KEYWORDS: B/R, B/S
DISCLAIMER: All is owned by Joss and Co.
FEEDBACK: The votes are in, indicating a yes majority. But Florida is still demanding a
re-count.
SUMMARY: So, what the world's greatest stake think?
IMPROV: silver, hollow, fitting, wander
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just taking a look at how certain objects might see the world. Yes, I do know
that I am insane. I'm just stuck and needed something fun to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I am feared by monsters around the world! I am the single most greatest tool of destruction
ever! My name strikes fear into the hearts of vampires everywhere!
I am....
MR. POINTY!!!!
Well, all right, so I'm not known around the world. And sure, my name may not be frighting.
But hey! You try pulling off a name like Mr. Pointy and we'll see how well you do buddy! It's
not easy being a stake, even one with a name.
And sure, I'm not high tech. But I am good at what I do! I assure you, no other material would
work. Gold, sliver, bronze, forget about it! That crap is only good for plating swords. And
who has room for a sword? Try fitting in a crowd with one of those huge things hanging on your
back! I'm 100% wood! No hollow inside for me, thank you very much!
I mean, I do all the work and she gets all the glory! So what if she has superpowers? All she
needs to do is give me a little push and then it's up to me to do the rest. I'm the one who
has to dust the vamp, I'm the one who has to destroy him! Who does that? Me!!!
And who gets all the credit? Who gets the fame? She does!! Buffy the Vampire Slayer, known all
around the world by everyone. And only three people know about me! Two of which are dead!!
I've dusted Trick, Sunday, and other famous vamps! I dusted Dracula twice for gods sake!! And
I get no mention at all! It's not fair!
But hey, don't get me wrong. It's not the worst job. I meet famous people, I see all sorts of
sights and I get to hide up the Slayer's skirt. Yeah, yeah, I know. But hey, I am male. I mean,
I could be doing worse. I could have ended up as a toothpick. Now that's a nasty job! But I'm
starting to wander here.
And let me just say that if you tick me off I will get you. Really. Just a few weeks ago, some
ugly Led-Zep vamp tried to use me to stake my own Slayer! And then he stole me! Can you
believe his nerve?!?! But Buf's boy-toy showed up in the nick of time to save me and help me
dust the vamp. Then we set off a grenade in the tomb. Major fun.
But even though corn-boy is gone, rest assured that if you hurt my Slayer, I will get you. If
the Slayer and I need help, we'll call for that vamp that keeps stalking her. William the
something or other.
So, if you wake up one morning and suddenly find that you're missing your reflection. Or that
you feel an urge to drink something thick and salty and red, just come to Sunnydale.
I promise to help you with your problem.
Hey, what are friends for?