Chapter 1- You're Gonna Test
"So...what now?" Wheatley sniffed, tears slowly running down his cheeks.
"We go back, that's what," Galaxa murmured.
As they turned to leave, there was a muffled WHAM! from the shed and they whipped around. "Is she coming back?" cried Wheatley hopefully, and threw the door open.
Instead, the elevator's floor was missing and they could hear yells of defiance that sounded like...
"GLaDOS?" gasped Ralph, then shuddered at the name.
"She's in trouble!" cried Wheatley, his face of sorrow replaced by one of panic. "What do we do?"
In response, Chell committed another of her crazy acts: she suddenly sprinted toward the elevator and jumped. Wheatley yelled and grabbed her by the leg before she could fall down the shaft. But as he wasn't very strong, he slpped and Rick had to take his place as leg holder. But all that weight was too much for him, and Galaxa replaced him. Soon all of them except Ralph were hanging by Galaxa's foot, which was hooked around the ground that dropped once it reached the shaft. "Ralph!" Rick called. "Help!"
Ralph was hanging back, unsure of what to do. If he held on and they fell anyway (which was likely) he'd have to go back...
Galaxa's foot began to slip. "Oh God!" emanated from the shaft in Wheatley's voice.
"Stop dawdling and help!" Galaxa shouted back at Ralph, who flinched at the volume.
And then her foot lost hold.
Everyone screamed, except Chell, since she was incapable of doing so. Ralph hesitated, then mindlessly ran and jumped down after them. He was going to regret this, wasn't he?...
Even from her cage GLaDOS could hear the screams of her frie- uh, companions- on their way down. Her captor turned around, surprised, as they landed face first on the floor. "What the-?" She whirled to face GLaDOS. "Do you know them?"
"Yesm actually. I called them. They're a team of expert hackers and they're here to disable you."
Her enemy faced them in alarm, until Wheatley's head stuck up from underneath the pile. "Ow...My head feels all funny inside. Is that normal?" The machine turned to GLaDOS once more.
"I don't think so."
"Oh, yeah?" Rick yelled, jumping up. "We'll beat you to a metal pulp!"
In response, a laster fired and hit the ground three inches away from him. The robot turned to them.
"My name is GLaDOS2," she said. "I'm the new and improved HER." She gestured to GLaDOS, who waved to the others.
"Don't seem very improved to me," muttered Galaxa.
"Yes, well, you'll see. All of you will. I'm putting you in testing; you'll know me well then."
Suddenly hysterical, almost unsettling laughter came from GLaDOS's cage. "Testing? Pffft, they aren't good test subjects!"
"Would you care to explain WHY?"
GLaDOS began to point to each of them. "Moron, equally moronic, aggressive, sulky, dangerous mute lunatic."
"You're lying."
"I AM NOT."
"Well, fine. I'll put them in testing anyway." Multiple claws reached down and grabbed the five friends. "Separately." At this their eyes widened. Chell and Wheatley reached for each others' hands. Galaxa and Rick did the same. "Aw, how adorable. You love each other, don't you?"
They all looked up to glare at her.
"I don't care."
She took each of them to tubes, and with them yelling in protest, dropped them down. "Let's see how bold they are now, shall we?"
"Oof!" wheezed Wheatley as he fell into the test chamber. "You could've dropped me a little softer!" he yelled up at the ceiling.
"Be quiet. Now, the testing will begin."
A portal gun dropped unceremoniously from the ceiling. "Aw, come on! Even I'M better at being evil than you!"
"I said, shut up. I don't care what you think." But she did sound a bit irked.
Wheatley looked around. A cube lay in one corner of the room. A button lay on the other. He smirked. "You insult my intelligence." He looked back and forth between the two elements. "Hmmm...maybe if I shoot a portal there...and then- no, uh..."
GLaDOS2 sighed. "Well, as I can see this is going to take you a long time, I'll get back to you later."
And then she was gone. Wheatley furrowed his brow. This was a difficult test indeed...
Galaxa was in the third room. "I saw how well you solved those tests. You should be very-"
"Shut up, you oversized scrap pile," Galaxa retorted, looking up. She sneered with contempt. "You think you can be like Her. Think again."
"What's so different about us?"
"She feels emotion."
"HA! A weakness."
"True. Sometimes." Then she thought of Rick and her eyes softened. "But sometimes it's your greatest strength."
"You're as much of a little girl as you were before."
"Ha, what do you know?" She looked around the test chamber for a door.
"Have you ever considered...working for me?"
Galaxa could feel her heat rising. She turned red with anger. "What makes you think I would EVER work for you?" she growled, shooting a portal to knock a camera off the wall.
"Because I know something you don't."
"What? Nuclear physics?"
"Who you are."
Galaxa froze.
"So, what's the situation?" Rick asked himself, peering around the test chamber, looking for danger. "All right! Acid pit!" he exclaimed, running to the edge of the pit. "I wish I could soar over that, just for thrills!"
All of a sudden, panels moved and rearranged themselves, so Rick could jump down to one portal, come zooming out the other, fly over the acid, and land on an island, safe from harm. "Go ahead," said GLaDOS2.
Rick raised an eyebrow. "Alright, what gives?"
"Nothing."
"Sure, so you're gonna grant my every wish. I want to skip this chamber."
The door opened on its own. Rick cautiously went up to it. Then he jumped through quickly. The door remained open. "Why?" Rick asked, shocked at the test monitor's generosity.
"I find you very...interesting."
Interesting? What the heck did that mean? Rick decided he didn't want to know.
"In fact," began GLaDOS2, "I've got a surprise for you at the end of testing."
Rick gulped. Would he survive the surprise?...
Ralph was beyond everyone aforementioned, almost at the end of the course. "Alright, I'm here," said GLaDOS2. "Wait...oh! Superior! Almost finished!"
Ralph said nothing.
"You should be proud."
Still nothing.
"Soon you'll be in the next testing course.
Nothing.
"WOULD YOU SPEAK ALREADY?"
"What is there to say?"
"I don't know. You just seem angry."
"Wow, thanks for that, Einstein."
GLaDOS2 was taken aback. "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
"Who wouldn't be angry? Stuck underground with nobody around except a robot who thinks they can just come in and replace GLaDOS when they can't."
"Your little friend Galaxa said the same thing."
"She's not my friend. I helped build her."
"Yes, I read that file. From what I understand there was a little...well...MISHAP."
Ralph turned away from the camera. "Don't bring that up."
"Oh, don't worry. I'll keep your secret. Until, of course, it bubbles over and bursts."
Chell slumped down, panting. She did it. She'd finished the course in record time. She smiled. Even though she didn't like being all alone, she liked her accomplishments.
"Well done! Now, on to the next course..."
Chell gasped. WHAT? Then she realized it. How could she have been so stupid? Obviously GLaDOS2 was now addicted to the testing. Either that, or she'd never bothered to learn about humans enough to realize they got tired.
"It says here in your file that you're mute. So you can't speak. A bit frustrating, it seems. You know, there's a way to fix that."
I'm listening, thought Chell, however warily.
"I can make a deal with you. I give you your speech back, and you tell me anything I want to know."
Chell crossed her arms. No deal.
"I'll take that as a no. Well, that's fine. You can just stay mute. Next test coming up..."
Chell sighed. She hoped GLaDOS2 would make a good offer soon...
"You'll see. You don't want them."
"Please. They're fine, except for the stupid one with glasses. He's annoying."
"The one in the jumpsuit."
"What?"
"She's the one you have to watch out for."
"Why?"
"She killed me once and then yanked me from my body another time. In fact, I found a file later. It warned against testing her. So good luck."
"Well-"
"And Galaxa'll swear at you if you're not careful. Oh, and Rick might kill himself if he gets too enthusiastic-"
"He'll DIE?" exclaimed GLaDOS2. "No, I can't let that happen!"
"Why not?"
"Because!" GLaDOS2 replied hastily.
GLaDOS gasped, then tried not to laugh. She could get in trouble if she did.
"Well, don't give him dangerous tests. The moron- well, you may as well kill him. He's the Intelligence Dampening Sphere. And don't leave him and Chell alone- I'm afraid of what we might have to witness." She shuddered. "Why do you keep me in here anyway? Why not just kill me?"
"You're too valuable to kill. You know a lot."
"So you're saying I'm smarter than you."
Big mistake. GLaDOS2 whirled to face her. "Well, when you put it that way..." Her claw swung back and then struck GLaDOS's cage like an adult spanking their child. "...it sounds awfully RUDE."
GLaDOS covered her ears and shivered. Couldn't someone help her?