Author's foreword.
This fic is set around ending of Naruto Gaiden arc, but before Boruto storyline.
Something gave me impression, that family life of 7th Hokage and his former arch-rival had some obscured issue, and here is my speculation on that, and on how such situation is going to develop.
Initially, I had two scenes planned, one for Sakura and one for Hinata, but something more might be added if some perverse idea pops up in my head or if readers throw something really interesting my way.
So unbecoming of Hokage. Degrading even. 7th Hokage, Naruto Uzimaki let his though wander while he drowned third beer. Alcohol was slow at getting to him and he was only slightly tipsy. He briefly entertained a though of polishing his beer with portion of strong spirits to get knocked the fuck out. He must not. Must not. He should be example for entire Konoha village. But duties, meetings, piling paperwork was slowly killing him. Naruto knew, that he must not de drinking, but, at least for now, there was no other way out. Too much stress, Too much responsibility. Family matters didn't help things – after Himawari's birth, Uzumaki family bedroom was pretty much dead. Both due to overworking as new Hokake and due to Hinata taking care of newborn. Now, Himawari was well past three years, but no improvement came to Naruto's love-life – they barely had once-a-month sex with Hinata. Both of them being terrible prudes, never dared to ask advise from more experience couples on how to liven things up. And now… they were almost at dead end.
And, more often than he liked, Naruto found himself in that non-descript bar on outskirts of the village, drinking away his problems.
Naruto was so submerged in his self-pity, that he barely acknowledged thump of a glass on bar stand next to him and an ominous shadow looming over.
"Well, hello there, 7th Hokage" a shadow spoke. Naruto turned his head to see humorless face of Sasuke, former arch-rival if his. Head of Uchiha clan bore quite sour expression, very much unlike his usual smug self.
"Lo' yourself" Naruto replied.
They've finished drinks in relative silence, bar almost empty of other visitors and bartender discreet enough to only serve filled glasses and not attempt to converse with patrons.
"What brings you here? You were never one to fancy alcohol, as I recall" Sasuke broke the silence. For a couple of moments, Naruto pondered over the answer. Then, he spoke:
"Many things. Hokage duties, family problems…"
"Isn't it the title you were aiming for? You've always wanted to be Hokage"
"Yeah, but I never thought it could be so tedious"
"Sucks to be you then. But family? I thought you had your perfect little paradise there, am I right?" there was a bit of surprise in Sasuke's voice.
"As if…" Naruto replied tiredly. Then he tuned to look directly in Sakuke's mismatched eyes "I think you might be the only person I can share it with…" and after Sasuke nodded affirmatively, Naruto went on "It was great, actually. I love my wife, my kinds. But… Bedroom part is lacking. Heck, who am I kidding, our bedroom is dead. Now if was more than one and half month since I and Hinata fucked" here, Naruto couldn't keep himself from swearing, which was a red sign on how irritated he was.
Hearing this, Sauske signed tiredly and spoke:
"I can relate to that. Almost same thing with me and Sakura. Was a real firecracker before, but our encounters were getting duller and duller. I thought that my long absences will sway Sakura to be hungry. Well, I was mistaken, we're drifting apart instead. At some point, I was nearly tempted to nail Karin, just to get this shit out of my system."
Hokage was listening with look of unbelief. Badass womanizer image of sole surviving Uchiha was so etched into brains of everyone, that story he was hearing now sounded outlandish.
"And here I thought I could poke you for some advice" with crooked and sad smile, Naruto took another drink and gulped it down in one go. Sasuke visibly cringed at that, but also downed a drink and muttered:
"No way. I don't know what people talk about me and neither I care, but I'm not some kind of all-knowing sex-god-cunt-chaser. I'm as stuck here as you are. And for now, I see no way out. Both you and I cannot casually ask out friends for advise, because of weight of position and reputation. Heck, I don't have much in terms friends anyway…" last Uchiha sulked and cut himself off here.
"What about Kakashi? I think we could make a visit to our old mentor and ask him to share his wisdom, along the lines"
"No. Period. He was a complete failure in every romantic relationship he attempted and besides, I suspect that his time as Hokage has broken very last of his drive to sex and romance. We'll only make things worse by burdening him with our problems."
"I guess you're right" Naruto signed and scratched his chin. "I can't come up with anything helpful. If only Ero-Sanin was here…"
To that, Sasuke nodded and spoke in agreement:
"He would have had some pointers for sure, knowing his perverted nature. Never liked the old man and was barely acquainted with him, but I must admit I miss him now."
"Yeah, he'd give us an earful, if he was here" Naruto put his hand to inner pocket of his robe and took out a bund of paper sheets filled with messy handwritings. "Was going to read though that, if I got really drunk. It is memento from Jiraya. His unpublished and unfinished notes and stories."
"What is this one?" suddenly, Sasuke pointed to yellowed page sticking out a bit from the pack.
"On Fortifying Family Happiness" Naruto read aloud "Sounds like some scientific work, tad bit unusual for old man, I expected some sleazy tales here, not that."
"Let's find the rest of the pages and read it. Who knows, maybe Jiraya has left us something analytical, and not only dirty tales, however well-written they were."
In about an hour, papers were sorted and carefully read though. Contents were, surprising, to say at least. It turned out to be a psychological and analytical work about young families, factors that can endanger marriage and a lots of graphically sexual recommendations. Old pervert Jiraya, apparently managed to lend a helping hand even from beyond the grave. Both Naruto and Sasuke understood perfectly well, that most of the "milder" thing advised were of no use, and their cooling relationships with their wives were way past the point when situation could be salvaged by throwing a bit of old style romantics into the mix. More hardcore measure were needed.
"And here we stand" Naruto muttered, slightly at loss of words. "You think what I think?" he turned to his friend with a questioning look.
"Yeah… paragraph six, Sharing your Wife" with a look of disbelief, Sasuke put the paper-sheet down of a bar stand. "But all the other stuff is way too extreme or kinky, or simply will not work. Shit. I can't believe I'm seriously considering that."
"Me neither. So, to set thing clear. Are you sure you're okay to share Sakura with me?" the dreaded question was asked and Naruto expected answer with anxiety.
"Yes. As much as you are willing to share Hinata with me."
In silent understanding, both men raised their hands and made a bro-fist with enough force to send a cracking sound across the bar. Good for them, few patrons present were too drunk to take notice and bartender did his best to ignore their conversation.
"That's settled!" in significantly better spirits, Naruto smiled wildly, first time this evening. "So, who comes first? Hinata or Sakura?"
"Flip a coin" returning s smile, which was a rare sight, Sasuke replied. "I think it will only be fair that we will leave this decision to fate."
"Okie. So, heads for Sakura, tails for Hinata." Coin flew up from Hokage's hand, made a few flips mid-air and landed on bar-stand. "Tails. I'll talk to Hinata tomorrow then. Will be better if I don't smell of beer when I try to convince her."
"Deal. You know how to find me. And… best of luck" Sasuke clapped Naruto on shoulder firmly and strode out of bar.