Ok. So. I normally write sci-fi but wanted to have a go at comedy for a change, so here it is. I got inspired to write this by a blog post I saw about Las Pegasus and also by AtomicPuffin's story 'What Happens In Las Pegasus' (which is also on Fanfiction and you should check it out) and also by the movie 'The Hangover' and various other movies (nerd points if you spot which ones). Anyway, I love Ponies - especially Discord and Fluttershy, who are both adorable and hilarious whenever they are onscreen together. Hope I've managed to bring some of the funny to this story, but whatever you think please review cos it makes my wizened, little writer's heart happy when I get reviews - even if they're bad. All characters are owned by Hasbro.
Tuesday, 11am – Sugarcube Corner
"I'm just not sure if I should go for something big, white and meringue-y or something simple," A despairing Fluttershy said to Rarity and Pinkie Pie "I've been trying to make up my mind for so long, but I just can't choose!"
"Simple is best darling, take it from me." Rarity told her authoritatively "Sometimes less is more."
"Are you kidding?!" Squealed Pinkie Pie "If you wanna make an impression you gotta go BIG! Big and meringue-y every time!"
"Oh, but I just want everything to be perfect!" The Pegasus anxiously twisted a strand of hair.
Rarity sighed at her friend's indecision "Well, what does Discord like?"
Fluttershy opened her mouth to reply, then hesitated.
"Oh come now," The unicorn encouraged "You know him better than any of us."
"Um… chocolate?"
"Waitaminute," Pinkie frowned "What're we talkin' about here?"
The other two looked at her in surprise "Why, cakes darling," Rarity said.
"I've got Discord coming over for afternoon tea later," The Pegasus explained.
"O-h-h-h-h ok, lemme just rewind," Pinkie stood there for a moment staring into space as her brain readjusted, then grinned "Totally with you now!"
Rarity giggled behind her hoof "Pinkie! Whatever did you think we were talking about?"
"I'm trying to choose a cake," Fluttershy said quickly "But I'm just not sure which one to pick."
Pinkie threw a foreleg around her "But you have Discord over for tea parties all the time, why're you getting all jittery about this one?"
"Oh but this is different," Her friend assured her "We haven't seen each other in such a long time."
"But doesn't he have tea with you every Tuesday?" Rarity frowned.
"Well yes we do have Tuesday tea… and sometimes we see each other on Thursdays."
"And don't you also go to his place too sometimes?"
"Well, occasionally, but that's on Saturdays. But last Tuesday he missed one," Fluttershy's eyes widened "Because he was busy."
Rarity gave a roll of her own eyes "Oh, what a hardship!" She said sarcastically.
"Oh yes! So I just want to make sure that everything is just right when he comes over today. I don't want him to think I'm not taking our friendship seriously!"
"Well in that case, maybe you should just get a chocolate one, if he likes that one best?" Pinkie pointed out various different examples under the glass cake counter "We've got Chocolate Fudge, Chocolate Marble, Everfree-Walde-Kirsch-Torte, Chocolate Buttercream, Death-by-Chocolate, Reanimation-by-Chocolate, Triple Chocolate Fudgicide – "
Fluttershy clasped her hooves together "But… I don't really like chocolate!"
Rarity gasped at this sacrilege "Darling! What kind of mare doesn't like chocolate?"
"It's just a little rich for me, I don't mind it sometimes…" Fluttershy sighed "I suppose as Discord's my houseguest I should get a chocolate one."
"Or we could just buy two cakes?" Said a voice next to her ear.
The Pegasus started in surprise, then turned to see her expected houseguest had unexpectedly appeared standing behind her.
"Discord!" She cried, her face lighting up "I didn't think you were going to get here until this afternoon!" She flung herself into his arms and he grinned down at her. Then a frown creased that angelic brow "Is something the matter?"
"Tut tut Flitterflutter," He admonished, releasing her "Does something need to be amiss for me to visit my dearest, sweetest friend a little early?"
"Oh no, of course not!"
"Girls," He said belatedly to Pinkie and Rarity "Always a pleasure, so nice to see you both." Then he tapped a huge hourglass that suddenly appeared on his wrist "Oh would you look at the time?" Then he said to the Pegasus "We're going to have to run if we're not going to be late for afternoon tea!"
Rarity sniffed "It's 11 in the morning!"
"Oh well, elevenses then!" He waved her objection away with his lion paw "Got to do these things properly, haven't we? We'll take the Raspberry Meringue Palomino and the lemon cheesecake. To go please."
Fluttershy gave a little frown as Pinkie packed the cakes carefully into their cardboard cartons and handed them over "But those are my favourites, not yours."
"I've told you before my dear, I'm actually pretty lukewarm about cake," She looked hard at him "Ok, so I'm being selfless, is that so hard to believe?" He exclaimed in wounded tones.
She laughed and turned to the others "See you later girls!"
"Adieu ladies!" He gave the other two a brief wave, snapped his fingers and both of them disappeared. At the same moment, a large pile of bits materialised on the counter.
Pinkie and Rarity looked at each other
"Well, how do you like that?" The Unicorn huffed.
"I like it a lot!" Said Pinkie "He paid so much, I get to take an extra-long break."
"Well it is a shame they didn't take the Reanimation-by-Chocolate," Said Rarity sadly "It looks amazing! It's sad to see it sitting there,"
"All lonesome and neglected," Agreed Pinkie.
"Just waiting for somepony to come along and whisk it away," Sighed Rarity.
"Wanna go halve-sies?"
"You are on!"
Tuesday, 11.20am – Fluttershy's Cottage
Discord and Fluttershy appeared in a flash of light in the living room of Fluttershy's home, causing Angel bunny to squeal in alarm and drop the triple decker carrot-salad sub he'd been eating.
"Oh Discord, you'll have to excuse me," She said breathlessly "But you're so early I haven't got anything ready yet! I haven't made the sandwiches or the tea or set out the china or – "
"Psssh! I didn't come here to have you wait on me hoof and paw, I just wanted to see you." He snapped his eagle claw and the table was immediately set with tea for two; there were sandwiches, bone china cups and even a vase of flowers. It was a nice arrangement, only slightly spoiled by being up on the ceiling.
"Oooopsie!" He grinned and snapped his fingers again and the tea table disappeared and reappeared on the floor in front of them.
Fluttershy giggled "You could leave it up there; I know how you feel about gravity."
"But I thought we'd agreed that when we're at your place, normal physical laws apply. Just for you, I will defer to gravity!" He bowed ironically and took up his usual place on the couch – ignoring Angel Bunny's angry squeaking – and watched her out of the corner of his eye as she flitted around, adjusting the flowers and setting out the cakes they had bought on cake stands. She was extremely easy on the eyes, particularly when she happy, like she was now.
It had been some months since their defeat of Queen Chrysalis and her changeling army and although he, Starlight, Trixie and Thorax were now hailed as heroes throughout Equestria, Discord was not enjoying his newfound acceptance.
In fact, it bored him.
"I have doomed myself to a lifetime of tedious official events, having to talk to tedious ponies clamouring to shake my paw!" He grumbled to himself "Makes me wish I'd never saved their worthless tails in the first place! Why I've hardly been able to spend any time with the one pony I was actually trying to rescue – "
"It's so good to see you," She said as she poured the tea "I thought you'd forgotten all about me."
He frowned, puzzled "Whatever do you mean, my dear?"
"Oh… uh… well," She looked down at the ground, partially hiding behind her long hair "Since you helped save Equestria you've been making all these new friends – "
"New friends!?" The Draconequus sat bolt upright and dropped his teacup with a clatter of crockery, unable to help his indignant tone "What new friends? What in the world are you talking about?"
"Oh Discord! I didn't mean it as a criticism! I just – oh dear!" Her face instantly became a mask of worry and she looked adorably flustered "I don't mean there was anything wrong with – um – I mean… I know I said you should expand your circle of friends but – uh, you've been so busy and… there are all these official events…"
"Oh please! Those affairs are so tiresomely insipid it makes me want to pull my ears off!" He demonstrated, only just managing to catch them as they flapped off towards the ceiling "Take that business last week, what an extravaganza of ennui! I can't believe I cancelled Tuesday tea for that!"
She giggled, but struggled on "Oh but you do have new friends surely? I mean there's Starlight and Trixie and… and now you're meeting all these important ponies!"
"My dear Fluttershy," He said, in mock outrage "You cut me to the quick! How could you imagine that I would prefer the company of a bunch of boring stiffs over you?"
"Boring? Oh but Princess Celestia must be introducing you to so many interesting, cultured – "
"Pfah!" He scoffed "Cay-Cay wants to ensure I behave myself by making me into a hero. She wants all Equestria to know it so that I did not flee when duty called!" Suddenly his voice was loud and booming and he was dressed in some sort of tights and jerkin ensemble, striking a heroic pose with one foot resting on top of Angel Bunny, who squealed in fury "But quite honestly, Flutters it's not really me. Just between us …" He gave her a conspiratorial, toothy grin as his heroic disguise dissolved and the rabbit struggled free "I can't flee away from her fast enough!"
She frowned "That's not a very nice thing to say about the Princess!"
"Oh forget about Dull-lestia!" He burst out, suddenly aware that he had allowed himself to get side tracked "I didn't come here to talk about her! I came here to spend some time with my dearest friend before I'm dragged away yet again."
"When do you have to go?"
"Why this very afternoon darling, that's the very reason I came to find you early – otherwise I'd have had to cut our teatime short."
"Oh, really?"
"Sadly yes," He inspected his talons "As part of my new and wearisome heroic duties I have been asked by you-know-who to attend the All-Equestria Summit."
"Oh dear," She said disappointedly "That is… what I meant was… I'm … happy for you?"
"I can't imagine why!" He said, with feeling "The summit will be dull as ditch water. I'll think myself very unlucky if I can't sneak out after an hour or two at most. The one thing in its favour is that it's taking place in Las Pegasus this year and I've always rather liked it there…" He looked at her downcast face "But just say the word Flitterflutter and I won't go, I'd much rather spend the time here with you anyway!"
"Oh no!" She cried "If the Princess has asked you to go, you can't let her down! What would she think?"
"Oh Celestia would…" He was about to dismiss her worries, when an idea came to him; an idea so brilliant he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before "…would be very disappointed if I don't show up," He said slyly "But alas, I don't think I can face it…"
"Oh but – "
"But if you won't let me skip it and stay here, why don't you come with me?" He continued "After all, it would be much more fun for us friends to go together!"
"Really?" She gasped "Oh Discord, how sweet of you to think of it!"
He snapped his talons again "I've done more than think of it my dear, I've just made reservations at the best hotel in town, we can go see any sights you care to name and I can transport you there with my magic! All you need do is say 'yes'!"
When she didn't say anything for a few more seconds, he started to get anxious.
"Do say you'll come, please Flitterflutter? I'll be so bored without you, I don't think I could bring myself to go!"
"Oh Discord of course I will, you've gone to all this trouble!"
His grin widened to the point where he worried his head might split in two; after a long hiatus he would finally get to spend time with his very favourite friend!
"Just imagine," He gloated to himself "She'll be all mine for three glorious days! I can spend just as much time with her as I like with her with nopony else to interrupt! And maybe I can get her to relax and let her mane down enough enjoy something chaotic – nothing too extreme," He mentally checked himself "Maybe some dancing, staying out all night, just a teensy little bit of light chaos. After all, I never thought I would enjoy tea parties and picnics. Just imagine how much fun we would have if she enjoyed some of the things I like! Not that she isn't absolutely perfect as she is…"
As he sat there staring at her and daydreaming, he noticed something odd: it was as if a soft, pink mist was blurring the edges of his vision. All of a sudden, he felt a little giddy. Not only that, but he could hear birds singing and they were not the ones from outside. These sounded like they were in the room. He had noticed this had started happening to him even before the whole Changeling business but he thought he'd gotten over it "Strange," he thought dizzily "I must be coming down with something…"
"The girls will be so thrilled!" She said suddenly.
"Will they?" He sighed, too lost in his own private reverie to follow what she'd been saying.
"Why yes, of course!" She turned to him with eyes sparkling "I know Twilight will be attending the summit anyway, but it's so thoughtful of you to suggest bringing all of us along too! I know Pinkie will absolutely love the party atmosphere in Las Pegasus! And Rarity – "
His jaw dropped in dismay "She expects the others to come with us?!"
For some odd reason, he felt a sharp little pain twist in his chest. Quickly he snatched up his teacup to cover his dismay but as he looked down, the tea swirled. Spirals of milk parted like clouds to reveal a vision of himself; but dark and vengeful looking.
"We will not tolerate interlopers in our relationship with the Pegasus!" Wrathful Discord snarled "We will not allow mere mortals to thwart our – "
"Shhhh!" Discord hissed, hastily setting down his teacup and putting his saucer on top of it for good measure. Fluttershy was still talking to him " – and I know Rainbow was disappointed that the map sent me and Applejack there and not her. Oh, and Applejack, we never got a chance to do anything fun last time – "
She hadn't noticed his odd behaviour so, feigning unconcern, he sauntered over to the window so she couldn't see his expression.
He considered himself fairly good friends with the other five former bearers of the Elements of Harmony, but Fluttershy was different. She was the one he liked above all the others and when it came to her, he was selfish and greedy. Since their Treehugger disagreement, he'd learned he had to conceal his burning envy if he wanted to avoid upsetting her, but it was difficult… so very difficult.
Discord was not used to having to hide his emotions. Even though he knew he shouldn't begrudge her spending time with other friends, there were times when the jealousy was torture.
What he really wanted was to keep her all to himself.
"But I don't want the others tagging along!" He grimaced "I suppose it's a sign that I'm still a novice at this 'friendship' business, otherwise I wouldn't mind so much – that's what she told me before. I know Twilight's already going but I'd assumed she'd be busy with serious, royal stuff. I wanted this trip to be just the two of us – just myself and Fluttershy!"
As he thought this the clouds were ripped apart by Wrathful Discord, who glared down at him out of the sky with eyes of fire.
"NO! This shall not be! We will not share her with anypony!" Boomed the apparition "We are a God! We will reshape the fabric of reality to our design! We demand –"
"Oh stop flexing your muscles, you windbag!" Discord muttered, hurriedly shutting the curtains.
He turned to find Fluttershy staring up at him with those enchanting blue-green eyes "It's a really kind thought Discord," She gushed "I can't imagine anything better than spending time with you and all our dearest friends!" Suddenly doubt sprang into her eyes "Oh… that was what you meant by us friends going together… wasn't it?"
Looking down at her he found himself unable to do the selfish thing, it was very unlike him "She seems so pleased that the others will be coming… I want her to myself … but I can't disappoint her! Oh well…"
Quickly he hid his claw behind his back and snapped his talons. The hotel would find the extra rooms, his magic would see to that – even if he had to bend reality a little to do it. Disappointed as he was that she wasn't equally keen to spend time alone with him, he couldn't bring himself to shatter her illusions when it seemed to make her so happy.
"Of course my dear," He said, plastering on a fake smile "We'll all have such fun together, I can hardly wait!"
Tuesday 12.30pm – Fluttershy's Cottage
After he'd disappeared, in a great hurry to tell the others about the trip, Fluttershy sat on the sofa staring distractedly out of the window. She knew she ought to start packing but she just felt so disappointed in herself.
"Oh! I can't believe I did that – actually saying I thought he'd forgotten me!" She blushed furiously "Just when more ponies are starting to accept him, I have to try and make him feel guilty about it! Did you think he seemed upset?"
Angel shrugged and folded his paws, indicating that as far as he was concerned the Chaos God was big enough and ugly enough to take a little criticism.
"Oh, but you're wrong Angel," She shook her head "He can be very sensitive about these things! After all, he's still learning how to relate to ponies as equals. I don't want him to feel he can't have other friends…"
She tailed off, not wanting to tell Angel what she was really thinking. As part of the court of the Princess of Friendship, she had been at one or two of the same events as him. She had seen him being charming to all those elegant, cosmopolitan types, making them laugh, and she'd felt something that did not normally trouble her tender heart; envy.
She'd been touched that he'd risked his life to save her friends and herself from the Changelings. It had surprised her how overjoyed he'd been to find them all alive, but ever since she had found herself getting jealous and upset when she didn't see him "I guess I'm just feeling insecure because he's not as available as he used to be – although we do still see each other a lot. I wish I could put my hoof on why it's bothering me so much!"
The remark had been intended as a joke but a part of her had meant what she'd said; she was worried that he would forget about her. Shy and tongue-tied as she often was; how could she compete? She didn't worry about his friendships with Twilight and the others because … well … "It's not very nice to admit it but I never minded because he's always made it clear that I was his favourite, that we had something special! Maybe now he'll find other friends more confident and funny and entertaining than me – more like he is – and then I won't see him anymore…"
She winced again, feeling guilty "I can't believe I'm been getting jealous when things are going so well for him – I'm a horrible friend! And after the talking to I gave him about Treehugger? I'm a hypocrite too!" A determined expression settled on her face "Well not this vacation!" She said out loud "Discord's made a big effort and it's time to stop being such a wallflower. We're going to have the best time ever and I won't let myself get shy or tongue-tied or jealous, not even one little bit. I can do this! Las Pegasus here I come!"
Back in his favourite spot on the couch, Angel put his paw over his face.