Here I am with another story. This fix-it was inspired by a beautiful song I discovered yesterday, called 'Love Me Again' by Katelyn Tarver. It made me think about Malec and how perfect it'd be for a video, if I just knew how to make one, so I wrote this instead.
...
'I woke up wondering,
Questioning, how'd this begin
How'd things get so out of place?'
...
After Magnus leaves, Alec retreats to his room. He still has responsibilities, especially after recent events, but the last thing he needs is to break down in front of the entire institute. So he hides away, hoping to at least for a little while escape his reality.
Alec can't quite wrap his head around it. Magnus has always been such a stable structure in his life, somehow, he'd thought they'd be forever. Alec doesn't want to think about how naïve that sounds, and he most definitely doesn't want to think about the image of Magnus walking away from him.
So he doesn't.
Instead, he thinks about his very first kiss, the entire clave watching and then fading away the moment Alec's lips touch Magnus's. He remembers the excitement of their first time together, the vulnerability and beauty in Magnus's golden eyes.
But the ache of their last conversation is too sharp and Alec has to stop thinking about that too.
It had all been so perfect, so how did it go so wrong? Was there a turning point and Alec just missed it? He doesn't know, but somehow, somewhere, the world has conspired against them, chipping at their little bubble until all they could do was crash and burn.
If only he could go back, he'd do so many things differently.
Alec supposes this is the part where he starts coming to terms with it… moving on. If only that didn't seem like such an impossible task.
Alec frowns. Would Magnus move on from him? He must've experienced this plenty of times before, did it somehow become easier? Surely after 17 thousand past lovers heartbreak wasn't so… crippling anymore. The thought of Magnus getting over him makes Alec's heart clench painfully.
But then he remembers the conversation they once had, the one Magnus mentioned today.
"The key to having no fear, is… having nothing to lose." And "I guess it's why I haven't opened my heart up, for almost a hundred years… then I met you."
Alec's heart sinks, a terrible feeling washing over him. No, no, this just won't do. So he throws on his jacket and storms out of the room.
...
'So will you know when to hold me,
And not let me be lonely,
When I won't let you in?
And sometimes when I'm angry,
Will you know how to face me,
Put me together again?'
...
Alec hesitates in front of the door. He's not quite sure what he can say. It's more like a feeling, overwhelming with its intensity and pushing him towards Magnus.
He knocks. "Magnus?" A pause. "Magnus, it's me!"
Alec thinks he hears shuffling on the other side, but his only answer is the silence.
"Magnus, come one, I know you're here!" Alec leans against the door. "I want to talk."
"We talked. There's nothing more to say." Magnus's voice is slightly muffled through the door, but it sounds like he's standing right on the other side.
"You talked. Now it's my turn." Alec says with determination.
There's a pause, then - "Alexander, don't- don't make this harder than it already is." Magnus sounds incredibly tired, his voice laced with the weight of centuries.
If anything, that only makes Alec more determined.
"I can't do this." Magnus says hoarsely, but Alec hears him.
"Yes, you can." Alec sighs. "Look, I get what you said and… and maybe you're right, but- but you're wrong too. It's not about your people and mypeople. It's you and me, because we're a team. And all those other things, different centuries or worlds… shadowhunter, downworlder, it doesn't matter! We're in this together, Magnus." He rests his head against the door. "I'm sorry I forgot that."
"Alexander…" Magnus sounds shaken.
"And that's why I can't let you shut yourself off. I know you're upset and angry and you have every right to be, but… but I won't let you be lonely again." Alec pauses, listening for any sounds. "Please, Magnus. Let me in." He doesn't mean it just literally.
There's a moment of silence and Alec begins to fear he messed up again when finally the lock turns. Alec holds his breath, only releasing it when Magnus appears in the doorway. Even with smeared makeup and red eyes, Magnus is just as beautiful as ever.
For a moment they stare at each other without saying a word, both tense and unsure.
"I'm not good with words." Alec offers sheepishly.
Magnus's posture visibly loosens and a hesitant, but heartfelt smile graces his lips. "You're great with them."
Alec isn't sure which one of them initiates it, but before he knows it, they're embraced in each other's arms, both holding on as if the other might disappear. Alec breaths in Magnus's scent and for the first time in days feels himself relax. Here, in Magnus's arms, it feels like he's exactly where he's supposed to be.
Alec pulls back enough to see Magnus's face. "I'm so sorry, I just keep screwing everything up and I-"
Magnus squeezes his arm. "We're both to blame here."
Alec blinks. "So you forgive me?"
Magnus pauses, searching Alec's eyes. "Yes," He finally says. "I couldn't stay angry at you if I tried."
Alec sighs with relief.
"But," Magnus pauses uncertainly. "this situation with our fractions," He shakes his head slowly "I don't know how to navigate this."
Alec's never seen Magnus look so lost. He makes sure to catch Magnus's eyes. "So let's figure it out together."
Magnus smiles slowly. "As a team, huh?"
"Exactly." Alec brings his hand to Magnus's cheek. "I know this road we're on is hard, but we can walk it together." Alec prays to Raziel and all the other angels that Magnus believes him.
Magnus leans closer so that their foreheads are touching. "I'd like that." He whispers before kissing Alec.
The kiss is short, just a small peck before they're pulling apart to look at each other, both timid and trying to navigate the fragile moment. And then they're pulling each other into a heated kiss. It's a mess of lips and mouths and touch and it makes Alec's head spin, the burning in his chest begging for more, more, more.
...
'And even when I need space,
And don't mean the words that I say,
Please don't go too far away.
So when it feels like we're breaking,
Will you know how to hate me,
And love me again?'
...
"Magnus." Alec manages in between kisses. They stumble backwards towards the bedroom, both unwilling to break the embrace.
Alec can't believe he nearly lost this. The thought makes his heart break and something gives him away, because Magnus withdraws, eyes filling with concern.
"Is something wrong?"
"No." Alec chokes. He feels silly for being emotional, but he can't help it, after the day he's had his emotions seem to be all over the place.
They've managed to make it to the bedroom, so Magnus guides them to the bed and takes Alec's hand in his, hesitating only slightly before the action, but that small moment is enough to remind Alec of their situation.
Alec meets Magnus's eyes and with a pang notes the tentativeness in them. When they were kissing it was like all the problems faded away, and they were back to before this mess started. But now the moment's been broken and the distance between them is once again a tangible thing.
"I just…" Alec searches for the right words. For once, by the Angel, just this once, he needs for his words to come out right. "I feel like I broke something, and I don't know how to fix it."
"Oh, Alexander." Magnus squeezes his hand. "You're not the only one who did the breaking… I literally broke half my living room." Magnus means it as a joke, but Alec frowns. "But we're not broken, Alec. You're the one who said we always seem to find our way back to each other."
"Do you really believe that?"
Magnus seems to ponder it. "I do. I mean it only took us an hour." He chuckles softly. "I think this has officially been the shortest break up of my entire life."
At this Alec can't help but chuckle too. "I just… I remembered how you said you'd closed your heart off for almost a hundred years, and I thought about how terribly lonely that must have been and what could've made you do that. I just couldn't stand the thought of you going through that again. Especially because of me."
Alec looks down sheepishly, worried he'd made a fool of himself when he feels Magnus gently tilt his chin up.
"Thank you." Magnus's eyes shine with awe. "Lilith, do you have any idea how incredible that is?"
"Or stalkerish." Alec says self-deprecatingly.
Magnus tightens his hold on Alec's hand. "I was upset, I didn't mean those things I said… The truth is, I really didn't want for you to go away. Somehow, you saw that. No one ever has before."
Alec gapes at Magnus.
"I'm sorry I pushed you away." Magnus adds honestly.
"I forgive you." Alec says quickly. He leans closer to Magnus. "I love you."
"Oh, Angel. I love you too."
And unlike last time, the words aren't laced with hurt or sadness, and they don't sound like a goodbye. It makes the rest of Alec's tension melt away, and when he sees the same in Magnus's eyes, he doesn't hesitate to lean in for a kiss. Soon the kiss escalates and they're falling back on the bed, Alec straddling Magnus's waist.
…
'There'll be times we
Fight, there'll be tears
We cry, but it's just you and I
On this road.'
...
The next morning Alec wakes up surrounded with familiar fancy sheets that smell like Magnus's body wash and that alone is enough to instantly remind him that he still has this. He hasn't lost Magnus.
He turns towards Magnus to see him already awake and looking at him with adoration.
"Hey." Alec says softly.
"Hey." Magnus echoes with a smile that makes Alec's heart melt.
Alec reaches his hand out and Magnus intertwines their fingers, the familiar gesture sending a burst of happiness through both of them.
They still have the world to face, but this time they'll face it together instead of apart.
...
'So when it feels like we're breaking,
Will you know how to hate me,
And love me again?'
...
So, *gasps* I actually wrote something that wasn't totally angsty and depressing. I hope it turned out okay. Reviews make my day :)
I can also be found on twitter and tumblr as InWinterHaze, so stop by to say hi if you'd like.