Brenda smiled as she watched the snow falling silently from the dark afternoon sky and slowly covering the streets of London. Soon the sounds of the city would be muffled by the snow and that special light that came with snow covered streets would light up the whole city. She knew that right now there were thousands of people cursing the snow but she didn't care because the loud excited squeals of her 8 months old daughter made it clear that she wasn't alone in loving the snow. Brenda pressed her lips against the baby's thick black hair.
"I know sweetie its pretty isn't it" the little girl flapped her arms in responds to her mother's question.
The two them had only been back in London for two months and to some extent they were still settling in. The only room in their apartment that was completely decorated was Mollie's, but to be fair she didn't spend a lot of time in there. Brenda still felt more comfortable having her in the bedroom with her.
They had spend their first months together in Beverly Hills but Brenda had soon come to realize that it was no longer her home. No matter how hard she tried to settle back down in Beverly Hills, London was her home.
Of course her parents had objected to the idea questioning the logic in bringing up a child alone in a foreign country completely ignoring that London and England wasn't foreign to her it was home. They had argued that they were returning to the states and therefore they would be able to help her wherever she needed it. But the thought of them weighing in and having an opinion on her every single decision was more that she could handle.
Brenda loved her parents very much and they had managed bridged the gap that had been developing since her teen years and she didn't doubt for a second they had the best intentions at heart but between the three of them they had very different opinions on what that was.
Brenda smiled as Mollie slammed her chuppy little palm against the widow the little girl pulled her hand back only to repeat the movement. Brenda turned the baby in her arms and balanced her on her hip.
"You can't touch it from in here but how about the two of us go to the park tomorrow and play in the snow?"
Mollie stared at her mother but almost immediately began to wiggle indicating she wanted to get down.
Brenda shook her head "okay I get it, down you go."
Brenda lowered the little girl to the floor and as soon as she sat on the floor Mollie picked up her favorite toy a stuffed panda bear. It was the very first toy Brenda had given her and the little girl had taken to it when Brenda had given it to her the first time they met.
Brenda couldn't help but smile when she looked at her daughter if somebody had told her a few years that she would be happy being a single mom raising a daughter she would have laughed in their face. But when she thought about it she had hard time remembering a time when she was as happy as she was now. She had made the right choice when she had decided it was time to have a child and somehow the way Mollie had come into her life made it feel even more right.
It was like the two of them had been waiting for each other Brenda remembered how surprised she was at how connected to Mollie she had felt when she had first been placed in her arms. Mollie hadn't cried or pulled away she had simply looked Brenda straight in the eyes as say "what took you so long to find me." Mollie had always been an easy baby well at least as she was close to Brenda when her parents had held Mollie for the first times she screamed her head off until she was safely back in Brenda's arms. It was better now but Mollie still preferred to be in Brenda's arms if given the choice.
Brenda was jumped slightly at the sound of the door buzzer Brenda wasn't expecting anyone not wanting to leave Mollie alone she quickly picked her up and balanced her on her hip.
"Hey Miss Mollie let's go see who's at the door" the little girl brought her stuffed toy to her mouth chewing on its nose focusing more on the toy than on her mother's action and words. Brenda pulled open the door and when she saw who was on the other side of the door she tighten her hold on Mollie and kept her hand on the door to steady herself.
Out of all the people she knew she had never expected to see him standing there she had done everything she could to distance herself from him. She had deleted him from her phone, blocked his emails and thrown out his letters without opening them. She refused to be pulled in to the whole messy situation again she had Mollie to think about and then there was Sammy she refused to be the reason why he didn't have his father in his life. She took a deep breath to get control of her emotions.
"Dylan?" Brenda almost lost her new found control when he leaned in wrapped his arm around her waist and a placed a kiss on her cheek.
"Good to see you Bren."
Brenda pulled back "what are you doing here?"
Dylan shrugged "you are such a hard person to get in contact with that I thought that I'd stop by."
Dylan held out his finger to Mollie who stared very intensely at him before grabbing it.
"hey Mol" Mollie gave him a big smile and held out both her arms indicating her desire to be held by him. Brenda held her closer she couldn't believe the child that would normally need to get to know people before wanting to be held by them was so eager to be held by Dylan.
Mollie squirmed against her mother's hold and Brenda finally relented she brought her lips to Mollie's cheek and kissed her as she with a smile on her lips whispered.
"Traitor."
Dylan looked slightly confused as Brenda leaned closer and offered Mollie to him he held out his arms and gently lifted her from Brenda's arm.
Dylan took Mollie in his arms staring into her eyes he tighten his hold on her fearing he'd might drop her but he was also very careful not to hold her too tight. Brenda ushered him in closing the door behind him Brenda inhaled sharply at the sight of her daughter in Dylan's arms.
Brenda silently guided Dylan towards the living room and helped him take of his jacket she resisted the urge to brush the snow from his hair. Dylan sat down on the sofa sitting Mollie down in his lap she continued to stare at him as if she was trying to decide if sitting on his lap was the right place to be. Dylan couldn't help but smile at her intense stare.
"You know Mol you look like your mother"
Brenda shook her head "Dylan…"
Dylan turned his attention away from Mollie and locked eyes with her "I know what you're going to say but she looks exactly like you do when you're trying to make up your mind and don't you doubt it for a second."
Brenda nodded deciding to accept Dylan's claim Dylan helped Mollie stand up on his thighs. "And if you're anything like your mama she is going to have her work cut out for her once you become a teenager."
Brenda let herself fall back "please don't remind me."
Dylan wiggled his eyebrow "hey I was the very happy teenage boy who reaped the benefits of your rebellious side."
Mollie clapped her pudgy hands together causing Dylan to look at her and stiffen for a second as reality hit him.
"And that's why your mama is going to enroll you in a Catholic all girls school and you're band from dating till you're 25."
Brenda leaned closer and kissed her daughter's chubby cheek "don't listen to him."
Dylan shook his head "you don't know teenage boys or how their dirty little minds work I do I was one you know."
Brenda smiled "I know exactly how dirty your mind was."
She suddenly became aware of how the flirty tone of the conversation had changed and jumped up grabbing his jacket next to her and crossed the room.
"She's 8 months old let's get her walking before you buy a chastity belt and a gun and start shooting unsuspecting teenage boys."
Dylan smiled at Mollie "with a smile like hers you can never be too careful."
Brenda listen from the hallway as Mollie let out another high pitch sound. She leaned forward and found her herself inhaling that special Dylan scent that clung to his coat she quickly pulled away cursing her moment of weakness.
"So who told you about Mollie?"
"That would be the proud uncle."
Brenda leaned against the door frame and watched as Dylan made several funny faces at Mollie each one earning him a loud squeal and flapping arms. Brenda brushed her bangs to the side this was what family life looked like to her.
Quiet moments spend with Dylan and their kids but no matter how much she had thought about this over the years it just wasn't a possibility anymore. Brenda swallowed as she saw how much the two people she loved most in this world enjoyed each other's company.
They seemed so in sync Mollie looked at him like he was interesting thing she had seen in a long time. Brenda signed what was it with Walsh women and Dylan McKay why was he so damn irresistible to them.
Brenda laughed when Mollie reached out and grabbed a hold on Dylan's hair and pulled him closer, Dylan tried to look up but Mollie's grip made it impossible.
"A little help here Bren."
Brenda walked over and gently opened her daughter's fists making it possible for Dylan to pull away Brenda moved to take her daughter in her arms but Mollie seemed to have no interest I her mother. Mollie bent her legs and made a bobbing motion with her head it took Dylan a few minutes to figure out what she wanted but as soon as he started bouncing her on his thighs he was rewarded with a loud squeal and a wide smile that revealed the few teeth that had broken through her gums.
Brenda leaned back and enjoyed the scene that played out in front of her though he hid well she knew that he was actually really good with kids. She would fight anyone to have what was right in front of her for the rest of her life. Anyone except one that sweet sandy blond boy she had grown to know and love when she had been back in LA.
She felt her stomach clench with an unknown anger, sadness and frustration how could he sit on her sofa smiling and laughing with her daughter like he there was no place he would rather be and why couldn't he do the same for his own son.
Why couldn't he see how lucky he was to have that boy in his life and why did he insist on repeating the mistakes his parents had made. Why was he willing to submit his son to the same kind of pain that had followed him his whole life?
Keeping her emotions in check she crossed the floor and stood beside them it took Dylan a few seconds before he acknowledged her presence.
"She's amazing Bren" Brenda nodded as she bend down and scooped the baby into her arms.
"I know but now it's time for her bath."
Dylan's eyes followed them out of the room and soon the apartment was filled with sounds of splashing water and Brenda's sweet laugh.
Dylan stood up and walked over to the window he was surprised at how at home he felt standing in Brenda's living room. He could almost fool himself in to think this was his home that it was his wife and daughter laughing and splashing around out in the bathroom.
But it wasn't she had moved on building a life for herself and her daughter here in London and no matter how much he wanted to be a part of it he highly doubted that she would let him.
Too much had happened too many things had changed even the one thing he thought would never changed had; her touch. He felt as soon as he had said hello and pulled her into his arms she didn't relax in his arms as she had before there was a distance in her touch almost as if she was shielding herself from him.
Dylan looked around the living room it was exactly like he imagined the room looked very much like the living room in the apartment they had once shared. There were shelves filled with books, plays, magazines and strange souvenirs she insisted on buying whenever she visited some place new.
A couple of frames leaned against the wall, painting she hadn't had a chance to hang Dylan walked across the room that wall was filled with loads of different pictures and each on in a different frame. He glanced at the pictures but he eyes were quickly drawn to a picture of Brenda and Mollie from the surroundings and Brenda's flushed cheeks Dylan guess that it was taken when they had met each other for the first time.
Mollie was resting her head on Brenda's shoulder her small fist had a tight grip on Brenda's top. Brenda's had her arms wrapped around Mollie holding her close to her chest one hand cupping the back of Mollie's head and her lips were pressed against the top of her daughter's head and her eyes were filled with happy tears.
Dylan kept staring at the picture he could honestly say that he couldn't remember seeing Brenda this happy. The selfish part of him wished that it was him that had made her so happy but he knew that no matter how much he wanted to be a part of that picture he wasn't.
The sound of Brenda's voice interrupted his thoughts "Dylan could you give me a hand?"
He made his way to the bathroom a wide smile spread across his face when he saw a soaked Brenda sitting on the floor blowing raspberries on her daughter's belly. Brenda could feel his eyes on her.
"Could you please warm her bottle it's in the fridge just pop it in the microwave for 35 seconds."
Dylan stood behind Brenda and leaned closer to Mollie "you don't want to go to bed do Mol? You want to party all night long."
Mollie kicked her legs in response and let out a high pitch laugh, Brenda tilted her head back and lokked up at Dylan.
"Please don't get her worked up, she needs to go to bed."
Dylan turned to leave the room.
"You know Mol I speak from experience that when she uses that tone there's no messing around."
Brenda threw her arm out to swat him away but she didn't come close to touching him, Dylan laughed as he left the room.
"Not even close Bren."
Brenda lifted Mollie up in her arms and kissed her on the cheek and whispered.
"Don't go falling in love with him girlie, he has his own family."
Mollie struggled to keep her eyes open as she lay in Brenda's arms finishing of the rest of her bottle Dylan stood by the window silently observing Brenda as she put the bottle down and motioned to him that Mollie was sleeping and left the room.
Dylan crossed the room and returned his attention to the pictures on the wall. There were pictures he recognized from their time together in London there were pictures of her family in Minnesota, pictures of Brandon and her as kids along with their parents. His heart sank and he swallowed hard when he saw the picture, he couldn't believe how he could have missed it the first time.
He gently took the frame off the wall never taking his eyes of it he could tell it was taken at Kelly's house in her living room. Brenda was sitting on the floor with Mollie in her arms that was busy chewing on her own hand and next to her was Sammy playing with Lego blocks and they looked like they really relaxed together.
"He's such a sweet boy."
Dylan almost dropped the frame at the sound of her voice he hadn't heard her come back in and he had no idea how long she had been standing there. Dylan hung the frame back on the wall.
"Yeah I know" Brenda snorted as she walked away and grabbed the bottle and a few other things from the living room and made her way towards the kitchen.
Dylan could tell she was upset and he knew her well enough to know that if he wanted to know why he would have to put in an effort. As she past him again his hand shot out and grabbed her arm.
"Can you just stop that for a minute?" Brenda inhaled deeply she really wasn't in the mood to have this conversation.
"Stop what?"
Dylan brushed his thumb up and down her arm but stop when he felt her body growing tense "ignoring me, barely talking to me."
Brenda fought to keep her frustrations under control her feelings were all over the place. A part of her wanted to throw herself in his arms and start over again but she couldn't go there again it wasn't just about the two of them anymore; she pulled out of his grip and looked him straight in the eyes.
"Why did you come, why now?"
The harshness of her voice surprised him and the distance in her eyes confused him no matter what they had gone through they had always managed to come out on the other side but her attitude towards him now was troubling him. She had always been unpredictable but that wasn't the case now she had changed. Maybe this change could be attributed to having Mollie but that didn't explain her cutting him out of her life long before she became a mother.
Dylan was sure that something had happened in L.A. that had changed things. He wanted to understand he wanted to be a part of her life again not being able to just pick up the phone and hearing her voice was killing him.
"Why did you cut me out off?"
Brenda slumped down on the sofa she knew there was no way around this conversation "because I know what I want from my life now and I'm not going to let anything mess that up."
Dylan sat down next to her "and you think I would mess things up for you and Mol?"
Brenda reached behind her and pulled one of Mollie's toys that she had been sitting on.
"Yes I can't do this with you anymore I'm not going to let myself get sucked into this mess again."
Dylan drew a sharp breath he would never expect to hear admit to something like that "what mess are you talking about?"
Brenda ran her hands through her hair "the mess that automatically follows when we're in each other's lives."
Dylan gritted his teeth "that's a bunch of crap."
"No it's not we keep doing the same thing over and over again each time expecting a different outcome and it's got to stop."
Dylan stood up "so you've decided that you don't want me around anymore."
Brenda jumped up "yes if I wanted you here I would have contacted you."
Dylan took a step forward "I wanted to see how you and Mol were doing."
Dylan rubbed his hand over his face and let head fell forward as Brenda hurried past him he looked up when he sense her presence again.
"You shouldn't be so concerned about Mollie and me there are other people in your life that need you more than we do."
Dylan looked down at the frame she had shoved into his hands it was the picture he had looked at before.
"Your son" Dylan inhaled sharply.
"Why don't you get your ass on the first plane to LA and start making it up to that sweet little boy give him his father back."
Dylan tighten his grip on the frame "I can't do that Bren not now."
Brenda wrapped her arms around her waist she had really hoped that somehow she would be able to get through to him and get him to do the right thing by his son. She had done what she could by removing herself from the equation now it was up to Dylan to the last step.
It had taken all her strength to distance herself from him and she knew she was doing the right thing but that didn't make it any less difficult and if Dylan didn't do the right thing all this would have been for nothing.
"Do you have any idea what it was like to sit there with him and having him ask me why he doesn't have a father" Dylan's jaw was clenched he had always been able to count on Brenda' patience and understanding but he didn't have that now.
"Why don't you ask Kelly."
Brenda threw her arms up "you know what I don't give a fuck about Kelly she's not important the only one who matters is Sammy, so why don't you grow a pair and be a father to your son."
Dylan didn't move every single word she spoke was laced with anger he wasn't sure if he could get her to listen to him.
"You know he asked me if I knew his dad."
Dylan snorted "you don't"
"You're right because the Dylan I knew would never abandon his own child make that child suffer the same way he suffered. He would never let his own child wonder if he had done something wrong and what it was that he had done that was so bad that his dad didn't love him anymore."
Dylan hurled the frame against the wall the grass scattered all over the floor "he's not my son, she fucking screw me over."
Brenda jumped back she looked at the broken frame her stomach dropped and her eyes burned with tears as a high pitch cry broke the silence Brenda locked eyes with Dylan.
"Get out" she hurried past him and into her bedroom.
Brenda gently lifted a crying Mollie into her arms "shhh its okay baby mama's here."
Brenda gently rocked from side to side soothing her crying daughter tightening her hold on her. Mollie sighed several times slowly settling down her crying changed to several sniffing sounds until she stopped Dylan stood in the door way quietly watching the two of them.
Of all the outcomes he had played over his head him throwing a frame at the wall scaring that sweet little girl had never once crossed his mind.
He took a small step forward "I'm so sorry Bren, I didn't mean scare her."
Brenda turned around and looked at him and despite the small amount of light in the room he could see the anger in her eyes "I told you to get out."
Dylan's throat closed up the look in Brenda's eyes and the tone of her voice made it clear that he was no longer welcome Dylan quietly left the room closing the door behind him.
Brenda closed the bedroom door behind her Mollie had gone back to sleep almost immediately with her little fist wrapped tightly around her panda's leg. Brenda stood still and listened hoping that Dylan had left feeling confident that he had left her defenses crumbled and as she let herself fall back on the sofa. Dylan's revelation ran through her mind how could Sammy not be Dylan son
Brenda studied the blue velvet box and the folded piece of paper lying on top of it she took a deep breath and opened the paper.
Bren,
I'm really sorry things got out of control I never meant to scare either one of you.
Love Dylan.
Brenda slowly opened the box she covered her lips in a pointless attempt to prevent a smile from forming on her lips. She gently picked up the child size silver charm bracelet and ran her finger over the three charms.
The first one was a panda bear followed by a silver heart the last one was a red London bus Brenda brushed her tear stained cheeks with the back of her hand she lay back on the sofa running the bracelet through her fingers and slowly sleep overtook her.