Author's Note: This is just a simple song fic idea; nothing more, nothing less. I'm only testing a simple, crazy idea of mine. For those daring enough to read, hope you enjoy this for whatever its worth!
--
Title:
"If You Only Knew."
Author: Alliegirl4life
Character(s):
Bret Hart with mentions of Shawn Michaels.
Warnings: Slash.
Notes
of Interest: This story is from Bret's Point-of-View. Also, the
lyrics come from the song, "If You
Only Knew," by Shinedown. Check the song out
sometime!
Disclaimers: I don't own anyone or any of the lyrics
featured in this story. I simply own the story idea itself, that's
all.
Hope you Enjoy!
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"If You Only Knew."
I sit down upon my bed as several thoughts continue to bombard my mind. All of which seem to focus on one particular somebody: HIM. He is all I seem to think about anymore. Day and night, his image never seems to leave my mind.
It's starting to drive me insane.
If
you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread.
I
know I'm supposed to hate him. Hell, that's what I've been telling
the world ever since the incident in Montreal. But in all honesty,
I'm starting to second-guess my feelings towards him, towards the
situation between him and me.
The
web I spin for you
If only you knew.
Even
though I really shouldn't be.
God, what is wrong with me? Am I really going crazy? Am I insane enough to believe that I'm...No, I can't be. I can't be falling for the guy.
Am I?
No, it's impossible. But then I glimpse at the photo setting upon the nightstand next to me and feel the all-too familiar sensation of a lump in my throat; the sensation that could only come from the feeling of sadness. It's a simple photo, one that I barely look at anymore; but damn, whenever I do look at it, it brings back so many memories. And this time is no exception to the rule. I almost miss him.
I'd
sacrifice my beating heart
Before I'd lose you.
As I continue to stare at the photograph, I suddenly feel regret for what had happened between the two of us. Even though things were supposed to remain the same between him and I, circumstances and life itself took its toll, and here I find myself, looking back on it all.
Hell, I remember all of the letters he had sent me right after I left the business for good. I wonder if I still have them, in fact.
Pondering the possibility, I reach for the drawer knob and pull the drawer open; only to find that I do indeed still have the letters that he had sent me.
I
still hold onto the letters you returned.
I swear I've lived and
learned.
I skim through the contents of the first of three letters, and am quite surprised by what I read:
"Dear
Bret, I don't really know what else I can say that will make
you believe me. I am telling you the truth about what happened. I had
to do it, Bret, you know that as well as I do. I am still sorry for
having lied to you, but I am not sorry for having done what I did. I
was only doing what was asked of me. The fact still remains
that my feelings for you have not changed. Unfortunately, I can't say
the same for you, can I? I wish you would see it from my perspective,
Bret. I wish that I could show you how I truly feel about you, about
us; but you don't want anything to do with me. At least, that's what
you told me right before you walked out the back doors of the arena
in Montreal. So, what else am I supposed to do other than
write to you? You refuse to listen, but here I am, still writing like
the fool I am. Who knew that coming out of the closet can do so much
damage to a potential friendship? Better yet, who knew that you'd
turn your back when I needed you the most? I certainly didn't, that's
for sure. But what do I know, right? I'm still the hick from Texas,
after all, so my thoughts and feelings don't matter to you. But they
matter to me, Bret. I only wish you would finally realize that
and write me back. Forever Yours,
Shawn Michaels.
"
Having
read the letter, I glance up at the clock and nearly scream; there is
no way that that much time has passed since I opened this
letter!
It's
4:03, and I can't sleep
Without you next to me...
I
finally put the first letter away and place the other two upon the
top of the nightstand before turning off the lamp once and for all.
Time to finally get some sleep.
...I
toss and turn like the sea.
If I drown tonight
Bring me back to
life...
But I can't sleep. My mind continues to race with thoughts as I simply lay there in complete silence. Who knew that a small letter could keep me from getting any sleep?
Breathe
your breath in me...
Okay,
so I admit it; I did have feelings for him back when we were feuding
with each other. Maybe those same feelings exist deep down. I guess I
just haven't thought about it until now.
The
only thing that I
Still believe in is you
If you only
knew.
As
I allow the many thoughts to plague my mind, I suddenly reminisce all
of the things I had said to him, and I begin feeling more regretful
than before.
If
you only knew
How many times I
Counted all the words
That
went wrong...
Damn it! Why can't I simply forget about him, forget the past and move on with my life? That's what I'm supposed to do, right? Well, I wish it was that simple.
...If
you only knew
How I refuse to let you go
Even when you're
gone.
But it isn't. It's never that simple, though I wish it was. God, what I would give to forget his face for once!
But then again, if that was possible, then I'd have no pleasant memories left; only regrets.
If only he knew how I truly feel about him. If only those letters I had sent had arrived to their destination; but they hadn't. They had been returned to me soon after I had mailed them out. Turns out, I had the wrong mailing address. I never did get the updated address, but I guess it was meant to be that way. I will admit one other thing, now that I'm thinking about it: I don't regret my past with him.
I
don't regret any days I spend
Nights we shared
Or letters that
I sent.
I
only regret how things turned out between the two of us.
The End