Disclaimer: Mentioned characters/places/concepts and quoted lyrics belond to their respective owners, not me.
Notes: I have NOTHING against the musicals I have included in this story, as much as I may insult/humiliate the characters. They are all brilliant, amazing, fantastic musicals and I just wanted to combine them all into one random, plotless story.
This started off as a doodle I did in Geometry, of Audrey II eating the Cat in the Hat. I apologize to all you Cat fans out there, but it was so much more interesting that the surface area of a sphere...
Anyways, I've been thinking (not Thinking) about how I could mash together a bunch of different musicals. I may come back and add more than the ones I've already included, but that would take some serious thought. Feel free to comment with ideas! More info at the end.
The sky was a bright, cloudless blue and the pier was sunny and crowed with travelers – the perfect day. Three travelers stood on the dock, looking up at the liner the SS American. Madame Giry, her daughter Meg, and Erik, the Phantom of the Opera, were moving from Paris to Coney Island, New York in hopes of starting a better life. Madame Giry and Meg seemed to be enjoying the cheerful atmosphere, but Erik was thoroughly depressed by the brightly waving flags. Huddled in his black cloak, despite the warn day, he glared witheringly at anyone who dared catch his eyes while looking for something gloomy and dark to cheer him up.
Then he spotted it: a shoddy, run-down little flower stand off to one side. Sidling away from his companions, he walked casually up to the stand. The man behind the counter happily greeted Erik. "Good afternoon, sir! Is there anything in particular you are looking for?"
Brusquely, Erik shook his head, still surveying the exotic flowers and plants. Only one caught his attention, a rather small plant Venus flytrap-like plant hiding behind a bunch of red roses. He picked it up and shoved a wad of money into the manager's hands. "I'll take this."
The manager looked at Erik funnily. "Ah, Audrey II; alright, but I'm warning you: this little girl is more… let's just say, unique than she looks at first glance."
Erik looked daggers at the manger, who quickly tried to regain his footing. He put the plant into a brown paper bag. "Have a nice day," he said with faux-cheerfulness.
With his cloak flapping behind him, Erik stalked back to Madame Giry and Meg. "Mama, there he is!" Meg called when she saw Erik approaching.
"Where did you go?" Madame Giry asked, as though scolding a young child.
"Bought some flowers," Erik muttered under his breath, clutching the brown paper bag.
Suddenly, a boat whistle sounded. "That's the final whistle!" Madame Giry said, herding Meg and Erik onto the massive ship.
They showed their tickets and boarded. On the deck, Meg leaned over the railing, trying to see something in the murky water, while Madame Giry and Erik stood by. Then, with a little jolt, the boat pushed off from the dock and set sail to New York. "Bon voyage!" all the people on the dock called, waving hankercheifs in farewell.
When at last the pier disappeared into the distance, Madame Giry, Meg, and Erik went down to their cabins. Meg and her mother were sharing one, and Erik had one to himself. Once situated in his, Erik carefully took Audrey II from its bag and set it on his bed, admiring it proudly; the perfect touch of gloominess to this overly-happy, goody-goody environment.
Several days later, Erik had still hardly left his cabin, preferring to stay inside and coddle his plant than mingle with the other passengers. At this particular moment, Erik was sitting at his desk, writing a new opera when he heard a voice say: "Feed me."
He ignored it, thinking he was just hearing things. Until he heard it again, louder. "Feed me!"
Still, he paid no attention to the voice. "FEED ME!"
This time it was almost a shout, and Erik couldn't ignore it any longer. He turned around in his chair to find the source, but nobody was there, just Audrey II, who had grown ten times in size since Erik had bought it. Erik looked at the plant, and a very strange though crossed his psychotic, opera-writing, young soprano-obsessed mind. As if to prove him right, Audrey II opened her jaws wide and asked, "Feed me?"
Erik was stunned. A plant, talking? "Feed you?" he asked. "But I have. I've given you water and fertilizer and you've been digesting bugs… what more do you want?"
"People. Feed me people," Audrey II intoned again.
"People? Alright, I'll get you some people, since you are my little plant and I love you very much," Erik said, giving Audrey II a fond look. "How about I bring you along?"
Audrey II bobbed her jaws up and down in a nod. Erik scooped up the potted plant and walked up onto the deck. There were a lot of people up there; an all-you-can-eat buffet to Audrey II. "You can't possibly eat a whole real person, can you?" Erik asked Audrey II. Then he spotted a group of Who's and Munchkins. "Could you eat them, though?"
Audrey II nodded again. Erik approached the group of tiny people, who looked frightened at the sight of Erik for a moment, then went back to playing their games. Audrey II stretched out her stem and open her jaws wide, and grabbed a pink Who and swallowed her whole, before devouring three other Who's and five Munchkins. And then burped loudly.
"Are you done eating?" Erik asked his plant. Audrey II nodded for a third time.
Erik took Audrey II back to his cabin, and then decided to go wander the ship for a while. In the lounge he ran into two girls: one with curly blonde hair, and the other with black hair and green skin, both of whom immediately ambushed him. "Hello," the blonde one said. "Who are you? I'm Glinda."
"E-Erik," Erik stuttered.
"And I'm Elphaba," the green-skinned girl - Elphaba - purred, trailing her hand across Erik's shoulders and chest.
"Why do you wear a mask?" Glinda asked, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously. "You're soooo handsome, and it's just hiding your good looks."
"Umm..." Erik started awkwardly. "Well, it's not really..." He trailed off as Meg came into view. She immediately blanched when she saw Erik with the two girls.
"Hello, Erik," Meg said, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his neck and glowering at Glinda and Elphaba over Erik's shoulder. "Come on, Mother's looking for you."
The two girls looked offended at the obvious affection Meg was showing Erik.
"Excuse us," Erik said to Glinda and Elphaba with a polite bow, "But I must get going."
He followed Meg to a commons area where Madame Giry was waiting. "Erik, I have recently been informed that several Who's and Munchkins have gone missing. Do you know anything of this?"
Erik shook his head. "No, I don't know anything. But it is very tragic."
"Thank you, that's all I wanted to ask."
Erik wandered off, thinking of going back to his cabin, when he sensed a prescense behind him. He whirled aroung to come mask-to-whisker with a black cat with a white stomach and paws who was wearing a red-and-white striped hat and huge red bow tie. "I can see you've got quite a mind for your age," the Cat began. "Why, one think and you dragged me right onto the stage! Now I'm here, there's no telling what may ensue. With a Cat such as me, and a Thinker like you!" Then he started singing and gesturing wildly, "Oh the thinks you can think, oh the thinks you can think! If you're willing to try... Think invisible ink, or a gink with a stink, or a stair to the sky-y-y! If you open your mind, oh the thinks you will find, lining up to get loose! Oh the thinks you can think, when you think about Seuss!"
"Shut up!" Erik snapped. "And leave me alone, I don't care about your stupid song."
The Cat wilted comically, then said, "Alright, I'll be going. But first, let me say..."
"Don't start singing again," Erik threatened, striding along.
But the Cat, despite Erik's warning, launched into song again, "As you sit there and scrub, have a think in that tub. Think of water... and fish!"
How will I get rid of him? Erik thought, casting desperately around for an idea.
It was like a lightbulb turning on; the perfect solution came to him in a sudden flash of inspiration. "Why don't you come to my cabin with me," Erik told the told the Cat, turning on his 'luring innocent people (or annoying cats) to their doom" attitude.
Instantly, the Cat stopped. "You've been Thinking! What a brilliant Think, said the Cat with an encouraging wink!" he exclaimed, giving Erik an overly exaggerated wink.
Oh, great. Not only is this a talking, singing, and dancing cat, this is a cat who speaks in rhymes! As much as he wanted to kill the Cat on the spot, Erik gritted his teeth and fought back the impulse.
They reached Erik's cain, the Cat still ranting about Erik's Thinks. Erik opened the door and the Cat bounded in, immediately focusing in on Audrey II. He crouched down next to the plant and said, "How that is a very unusual plant, I wonder who could think of a plant such as that."
Erik examined Audrey II. She was bigger than she had been even that morning. "Audrey, I brought you dinner," he said.
"Audrey has already eaten, but it looks soooooo delicious," Audrey II mused. Then once again, she opened her jaws, stretched forward, and swallowed the Cat in a last flurry of rhymes, leaving one arm holding the red-and-white hat dangling out of her trap. Erik coughed, adverting his gaze, and Audrey II slurped it up, smacking her jaws happily. Then she burped again, dislodging the hat and bow tie. "Too furry, but quite tender," Audrey II said.
Disgusted, Erik made a face and turned back to his desk, thinking he would continue his opera, when there was a knock at the door. "Come in!" he called.
Meg entered, looking thrilled. "There's a concert up on deck; it's starting in just a few minutes!"
"Oh, that's nice."
"And you're coming whether you like it or not!" Meg grabbed Erik roughly and dragged him up onto the deck, where a stage had been erected and the concert had already begun.
"Victoria, the dancing white kitten!" an announcer's voice boomed loudly over the speakers.
On stage, a small white cat-human wearing a white tulle tutu and pointe slippers took center stage. A spotlight blinked on and she began to dance. Slowly at first, then faster and faster. Erik was mezmerized. She was so beautiful.
But all of a sudden the music stuttered to a stop and Victoria, still on stage, stopped dancing and looked around curiously. The audience, who had been cheering, also feel silent.
The announcers voice rumbled out a second time, "We intterupt this performance to inform you that the Captain has been misinformed on how to get to Coney Island and took a wrong turn. We are currently followed the Yellow Brick Road and will be arriving shortly in-" A breif pause. "Wonderland."
I'm sorry if you hated this. As stated at the beginning, this was a completely random idea that just popped into my head becuase of one dumb doodle.
If you liked it and would like to help me work more musicals in, please comment! Musicals already included in this story are: The Phantom of the Opera, Love Never Dies, Wonderland, Little Shop of Horrors, Anything Goes, CATS, Wicked, The Wizard of Oz, Seussical.
I would like to include: The Scarlet Pimpernel, Mamma Mia, The Lion King, Les Miz, and really any other musical. Again, please comment if you have any ideas for those, any others, or the ones I have already included! I will try to include them as best as possible, and will credit you!