HUGE thanks to llano for the beta!
Her mind had been wandering for hours. Her feet had been pacing for just as long. Her eyes darted around the room as she took in everything that was theirs. The pictures on the fireplace, the new couch, the new paint. She paused to watch Paul Anka take a slow, deep breath as he lay on the landing, his tail moving rhythmically from side to side. At least someone is getting some sleep around here, she thought She's been restless ever since the announcement of Lane and Zach's wedding. Her daughter's best friend was getting married before her, and it hit her hard. It broke her heart to think that she and Luke couldn't get it together. It broke her heart even more to do nothing about it. The thought punched her in the gut, momentarily knocking the wind out of her.
Why aren't I doing anything about it? As abruptly as the thought hit her, she was moving out the door.
She took the long way through the center of town to gather her thoughts and calm her nerves before making her way towards Luke's. As she dragged her feet past the gazebo, she caught sight of Luke at the window, waving to whom she could only assume was Anna, driving away with April tucked into the passenger seat. Tears slowly formed in her eyes and her fingers tangled together as she steadied herself to face him.
She walked into the diner, her eyes searching for Luke even before the bell above the door ceased to jingle. Their eyes met as she started for the stairs, wordlessly telling him to follow. She stood in the middle of this apartment and waited to hear his boots on the staircase. Her body slowly turned to face him as she heard him approach. He stood in front of her, staring with a look of confusion mingled with concern.
Her eyes skimmed his features as she brought her hand up to touch his cheek. His day-old scruff never failed to send shivers throughout her body. Her fingers lowly stroked his cheek as her thumb grazed his slightly protruding bottom lip. Her hand moved down to cup his jaw, then slid further to his neck. He stood motionless as she continued her decent to rest her hand over his heart. She left it there for a moment, reveling in the feeling of his heart beat. She closed her eyes and remembered the way it felt to lie next to him at night, feeling his chest move up and down with every breath, counting the beats of his heart. She opened her eyes and pushed herself back as she shook her head.
Luke reached out to grab her falling hand, but she quickly brought it to her side. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed her toying with the ring on her left hand, her brow furrowed as if gathering the courage to speak. He raised his eyes to look at her questioningly. Her eyes still fixed on her shoes, he barely heard her as she spoke.
"This isn't going to work –," her voice broke, stopping her mid-sentence.
"Wha..." his eyes were wide, his voice was choked with panic, cutting off his words, and that same panic spread across his features.
She looked up and saw the fear in his eyes, and realized the implication of what she had just said. "No! No, I wasn't done. That's not what I meant." Luke nodded but the lump in his throat and the knot that had just planted itself in his stomach remained. "This isn't going to work…like this. We aren't talking. I barely see you outside of the diner anymore," her voice pleading.
"We just went out last night!"
"True. What about the night before, and the night before that? Where did you sleep?"
"Lorelai…" he starts, then drops his chin to meet his chest, too overwhelmed to even finish his sentence. Lorelai steps forward and raises his chin so his eyes meet hers. Her hand moves to grab a handful of flannel as she continues to talk.
"I told you I would help you, Luke! I told you I would be there for you, through all of this!" The end of her sentences is punctuated with a tug on the flannel that she has bundled in her fist. She sighs, looking almost defeated. "We should be doing this together. I want to help you. I need to help you."
"Lorelai…"
"Luke. I need you to need me too." She whispers, tears falling down her cheeks.
"God…" He immediately reaches up to swipe the falling tears away from her eyes.
"I want to meet her." The words suddenly spill from her mouth without a second thought. "Why can't I meet her?"
"Meet who?"
"Oh, please."
"April?"
"Yes, April! Why? Are you hiding another secret daughter from me?" she spits out. "Sorry, that was mean," she apologized, seeing the hurt present in his eyes. She laughed bitterly inside as she saw the hurt settle itself into his features; recognizing those same features grace her face was a skill he had been lacking recently.
"I-I told you I wanted some alone time with her. I wanted to get to know her. I thought you understood that," he chokes out; stupefied by the situation he has found himself in.
"I get it, Luke. I do, but you aren't going to make up for 12 years in a couple of months." She pauses, "Does she even know about me?"
"Of course she does!" he yells, startled that she even had to ask.
"Does she want to meet me?" Lorelai drops her eyes, afraid of the answer, as the words leave her mouth.
"Yes."
"Well then what's the problem!" She dropped the flannel from her fist to wave her arm in the air as her voice grew louder. "I don't understand why you won't let me meet her."
"You will meet her, Lorelai. I promise."
"When, Luke? We're getting married. Married! She's going to be my step-daughter." Lorelai sighs, her arms limp at her sides, chin to her chest, clearly exhausted. "I just want to help. I want to be involved."
"Lorelai." He cups her cheeks to look her in the eye. "Lorelai, I am so sorry. I had no intention of making you feel like you weren't a part of my life. I love you so much. I want your help. I want you to be involved. I just don't know how to do this," he shrugged his shoulders as he trailed off.
He steps forward to kiss her. First on the forehead, then her eyes and cheeks as he kisses away her tears. He finally lands on her lips and kisses her with everything he has, if only to show her just how much he can't be without her. He says it again. This time softer as his lips brush up against her ear, "I need you. I need you so much."
She leans her forehead against his chest before looking up into his eyes. If he weren't Luke, she'd swear that his eyes were wet with unshed tears.
"Then let me be with you. I mean really be with you. I don't want to wake up alone anymore. I don't want to stay away from the diner anymore. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be with you. Now. You and me. Us against the world." She speaks the last part with a small half-smile.
He leans down to kiss her lightly on the lips and quietly chuckles, "Us against the world, huh?"
"Us against the world," she mumbles as she closes her eyes and tucks her forehead into the crook of his neck.
End