Emma jumped, startled, from her spot on the couch when the doorbell rang. She hated that fear was her first reaction to such a normal sound. She tried to control her breathe as she walked to the door. Her heart was in her throat as she leaned in to look through the peephole. Seeing who it was, she sighed in relief.
"Audrey, hey," Emma said when she opened the door. Audrey stood in front of her with a duffle bag over her shoulder. "What are you doing here?'
Audrey shrugged. "I thought we should do a sleepover, like the old days, before life got complicated with high school and viral videos and serial killers. Also, I brought vodka."
The promise of alcohol was tempting, but it was the hopeful look on Audrey's face that swayed Emma into opening the door wider for Audrey to come inside.
"Yeah, okay," Emma said with a smile.
They made a nest of pillows and blankets on the floor of Emma's room, sitting side-by-side with their backs against Emma's bed and passing the bottle between them.
"So," Emma said, stretching out the vowel as she smiled over the rim of the bottle. "Is there anyone you're interested in? You know, romantically."
"Oh, no way. I'm not doing this." Audrey shook her head. Emma's eyes followed Audrey's bangs as they swayed with the motion.
Emma nudged her with an elbow, her smile turned mischievous. "Come on. You're the one who came up with the idea of a sleepover. This is what you do at a sleepover."
"We never used to do this."
Emma waved her hand dismissively. "Come on. No one?"
"After Rachel, it's been kind of hard. To think about someone like that, you know? Kind of like, I'm betraying her somehow. You know? Like, if it wasn't for me she'd still be alive and then I go and just move on. Act like nothing happened."
"Can I ask you a really personal question?"
"Uh, sure. Yeah, I guess."
"Do you still like guys?"
Audrey opened her mouth but hesitated, looking away.
"I'm sorry. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"No, it's just -" Audrey cut herself off. "I do. Still like guys. But it's more in a hypothetical openness. Like, I have the capacity to be attracted to guys, to want to be in a relationship with them, but there aren't any currently around me that I would want to be more than friends with."
"So, you're bisexual then?"
"I don't know, maybe. I haven't really tried to label it yet. I'm still figuring everything out myself."
Emma nodded, but then suddenly there was a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Wait. Does that mean that there are girls around you that you want to be more than friends with?"
"Oh no. No way. I'm not answering that."
"There is! Who is it? Is it Brooke."
"No, of course it isn't Brooke. Do I look like a masochist?"
They were both laughing and, for a minute, it was like being in middle school again, like nothing had changed.
They were in the middle of an Laverne & Shirley marathon, when Emma turned to face Audrey and said, "You don't think I'm crazy, right?"
"I mean, you have the medical history to prove that you're crazy," Audrey said, with a straight face but she had laughter in her voice.
Emma grinned and rolled her eyes. "Shut up."
"But," Audrey continued, her voice more serious now. "I don't think you're crazy about what's going on. I believe you." Audrey grabbed her hand, looking Emma in the eye to emphasis her point. "I believe you, Emma."
Emma let out a deep breath, relief flooding through her chest. "I think you're the only one that does."
"Well, that's because I'm smarter than everyone else," Audrey said, with faux-smugness in her voice. "Seriously, though, Em. All of this shit is starting over again. Someone's messing with us."
"Us?"
"You. I meant you," Audrey stammered. "I said us as in someone messes with you then they mess with all of us."
Emma raised a suspicious eyebrow. "If something was going on with you, you'd tell me, right?"
"Of course," Audrey told her, but she couldn't meet Emma's eyes.
"Audrey."
"I'll tell you. When I'm ready, I'll tell you. But I'm not ready yet, okay?"
Emma nodded and reached over to give Audrey's hand a reassuring squeeze before returning her attention to the television. While Emma seemed more relaxed after the conversation, it put Audrey on edge.
The night bled into early morning as their carefree, vodka-induced euphoria started to wear off. Emma had started to doze, but Audrey wasn't so lucky. The guilt that had been eating away at Audrey's nerves for months had returned. Every minute that passed by without a confession just made Audrey feel guiltier.
"I'm the reason Piper came to Lakewood," Audrey blurted out.
"What?" Emma replied sleepily, her brow furrowed.
"I'm the reason Piper came to Lakewood," Audrey repeated. "And I'm the reason she started looking into Brandon James in the first it wasn't for me, none of this would have happened...would still be happening."
Audrey told Emma everything that she'd told Noah, her voice cracking occasionally as she tried not to cry. She stared down at the carpet during her entire confession, unable to look Emma in the eye.
"All of it was my fault," she concluded. Even though she finally confessed her part in it all, she didn't feel any better. She didn't know she could have felt any worse than she did as she waited for Emma's reaction.
"It's just as much my fault as it is yours then," Emma said, finally.
"What? No, Emma none of it is your fault."
"But you were feeling alone and angry because I stopped hanging out with you. And Piper would have found out about Brandon eventually." Emma replied, squeezing Audrey's hand.
Audrey was speechless. She was expecting anger and accusations of betrayal.
"Why didn't you feel like you could tell me?" Emma asked with a sad smile, still holding Audrey's hand.
"Because… I didn't want to lose you again. You're my best friend, Emma. You always have been and I really don't ever want to go without you being my best friend again. And I was ashamed, you know? I never wanted to ever do anything to hurt you and, with all this stuff, you were hurt, a lot."
"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even be alive right only person who's to blame for all the murders is Piper," Emma asserted gently.
"Is that what they taught you in treatment?" Audrey joked, halfheartedly trying to relieve some of the tension that had developed in the room.
Emma went with it. "As a matter of fact, it was."
Emma wrapped an arm around her and Audrey put her head on her shoulder.