It was entirely possible that Sirius Black was never going to get anything productive done ever again, ever. That's not to say he'd ever been a remarkably productive boy by, say, his beloved Minnie McGobbledygook's standards, but in the eyes of his equally beloved Prongs, he was just spectacularly productive. Sirius was the All Powerful and Completely Mighty and Utterly Sexy God of Shenanigans- a self given title, to be sure, but one he'd felt he'd earned.
But lately, his grasp on the title was slipping. It wasn't as though the Truly Upsetting had happened and a Slytherin had usurped him or anything, but there was an endless distraction that just refused to go away. And Sirius didn't want it to, that was the worst bit.
It had taken four years for him to figure it out, but sweet Merlin, Moony had gotten hot. And that was both alarming and wonderful.
Remus hated his scars. Sirius wanted to lick them.
The near-constant idea of licking Remus was exactly why he had no time to plan pranks anymore. James was always grumbling about Sirius' squirrel-like attention span, but Sirius didn't agree in the slightest. Obviously, squirrels couldn't focus on anything the way Sirius could focus on Moony.
James and Peter were talking at him right now, actually, and Sirius wasn't hearing a word. Remus was actually paying attention to Binns, for reasons unknown to the universe, and Sirius was paying attention to Remus.
He liked how he bit his lip when he was concentrating. And he liked how he absentmindedly scrawled the notes across his parchment. And he liked his throat. He liked his throat a lot.
"Sirius!" James exclaimed loudly, poking him in the cheek with his wand. "Are you actually taking notes? Are you alright?" Sirius jerked out of his reverie induced by an unfairly lickable werewolf and looked down at the paper in front of him.
In 1527 there was a goblin war. And in 1528 some more goblins had another war and Remus probably ended it somehow, that wonderful bastard. Stroganoff the Strenuous probably had a different name than that. Stroganoff sounds delicious and goblins are probably not delicious at all so I guess that wasn't what Binns said. Should I buy Remus a new quill? That one looks old. But maybe he likes it, maybe it has sentimental value. Besides, is it weird to buy another bloke a quill for him? Rungustus the Reeking ended the goblin war of 1531 with the aid of an intoxicated giant squid. Remus's hair is shaggy and light and falls in his eyes like it doesn't even care.
Sirius crumpled up the paper. "No. Not really. Just… ideas for a new prank."
"Well then why'd you crumple them? Lemme see!" Peter reached over James for the notes and Sirius did the only logical thing there was to do in this situation and stuffed the wad of parchment into his mouth.
"Sorry," he said around a mouthful of Moony-based ramblings.
Peter and James were looking at him like he'd sprouted another head. "Did he just call me a whore?" Peter whispered to James, who could only shrug.
Remus glanced over to find two of his best friends gaping at the third, who inexplicably had what had to be a scrunched up sheet of parchment in his mouth. Sirius waved at him.
It concerned Remus a little bit that this behavior was no longer especially surprising. "Sirius," he drawled, and those gray eyes lit up. "Take the paper out of your mouth, okay?"
He obediently spit it out, and Peter looked at it with a crinkled nose. "I don't really want to touch it anymore."
"Good boy." Remus patted Sirius on the head and went back to paying attention to the lecture. Peter and James were snickering at him, but Sirius was too busy staring at Remus in adoration to notice. Remus was too busy paying attention to Binns to notice Sirius paying attention to him. Peter and James, however, noticed Sirius noticing, and both dissolved back into Totally Manly giggles.