A/N: Hello all. I know I have a pretty stunning track record for starting stories and abandoning them, and that's my problem- not yours. Let it be known that I am a college student that is about to be on winter break and I have recently quit smoking, so I'll fly into a rage given half the chance. This is a Rosario+Vampire crossover, because I can't write a story without more than one fandom involved. The main pairing is pretty self-explanatory. Naruto is fifteen in this story, entering the academy as a freshman. It also makes his habit illegal.

P.O.V. designation/thought

Speech, description, dialog.

Biiju/ Enraged Yōkai

Chapter One:

High School?

Naruto: Baa-Chan and the Pervert called me in this morning to deliver some strange news. I sat down in front of her desk, and as usual she poured herself a bowl of sake. The view out of the bay window behind her was as majestic ever, with the Hokage monument to the left and the city that I so loved sprawling below. Jiraiya was sitting at her right in an old wooden chair.

The most lecherous of us took the lead that morning. "So, kid, how would you like to master your… tenant?" white hair slipping in front of his face as he talked. I took the chance to expose the habit that I'd recently picked up from the lazy savant's example, and put a cigarette to my lips. Striking a match and inhaling deeply, I waited for the telltale burn in my lungs to take hold and let me know that the plant was working.

"What's your plan?" I said, around the cancer-stick. Clouds of smoke escaped from my mouth as I spoke. Baa-chan looked at me with contempt.

"Naruto, please don't tell me you've picked up that disgusting habit."

"Is it as bad as drinking yourself stupid on a daily basis?" she gave me a glare that could kill a horse. Sighed deeply, and ran her hand through her hair.

"I suppose not, and it's not like you're going to need to worry about your lifespan much longer anyways," She snaps her gaze over to the peeping tom and asks "Are you sure about this Jiraiya?"

"What does he need to be sure about exactly?"

"Kid, you know how I trained in a different world to learn senjutsu, and stayed there for quite a while before I mastered it?"

"Yes."

"Well, another world has sent out looking for a person to fill the position of Hades Lord in this realm. Because none of us around here can claim to be monsters, we can't offer ourselves up to the position. You, however, are special. You have a Biiju sealed into your body. If you go to this world to train and learn to control your monstrous side, you would be in a position far greater than Hokage."

"Hades Lord does sound a lot more bad ass. What do I gotta do?"

"You have to attend the school in said world until you graduate, where you'll be trained to control and master monstrous energy."

"Wait, wait, wait. School? As in, like, the ninja academy?" Tsunade shakes her head

"No, Naruto. Yōkai Academy is a school made by, run by, and for monsters and monster-kin. It's run like a normal civilian highschool, dedicated to teaching monsters how to master their powers and co-exist with humans."

"So," I flick ash off of my cigarette "What you're saying," I drag long, and hard "is that I have to attend a fucking high school, with all the boy drama, cheerleader letter man bullshit," I drag again "and behave like a normal high schooler would?" She nods

"Not a snowballs chance in hell." Jiraiya laughs.

"Kid, have I ever told you that your change in attitude after the retrieval mission was amazing? You're the perfect bad boy for Yōkai." I glared at him a little, but had to accept that what he was saying did, in fact, have merit. I had changed. Not ninja sandals, but combat boots. No orange jumpsuit, but a pair of loose black jeans, a long sleeved red thermal and a black hoodie, with the leaf symbol at the ears. My headband around my neck, and a tattoo on my right wrist. A typography piece that my long time friend and surrogate older sister Anko drew. Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions. Funny story about that tattoo. It came out of a bet I made with her while I was drunk. Bet her she couldn't describe me in less than ten words.

Good times. I looked from my tattoo, a little cursive ordeal with tight calligraphy back to Baa-Chan. She had that look on her face. "No. Oh no. No, no, no, no. I refuse. I won't."

"I'm making this a mandatory mission, Naruto. You will."

"And that's how I wound up on this stupid fucking bus, with your creepy cigar smokin' ass driving me to school." I look over to the bus driver, and see he's still holding a smoldering cigar. I light up, despite Baa-chan telling me it's illegal in this world.

If that motherfucker can smoke, I'm gonna goddamn smoke.

"Heh. You should give the academy a chance kid. You never know, you might make some friends. So. You're a Pall Mall man?"

I drag "Yeah. Menthols. I'm a pansy."

"To each their own. You're only fifteen anyways, so the fact you're smoking anything shows you have guts. You must be one hell of a delinquent."

I look back fondly, on the time I painted the Hokage monument in kabuki make up. "Oh, yeah man. Oh yeah." I hear the brakes hiss, and we stop on a cliffside outside of some really nasty looking woods. There's a scarecrow planted at the cliff junction, with a pumpkin on its head. Next to it is a blue-haired girl. She seems to be crying, and she's surrounded by ice.

"Better work hard here. You're arriving mid term. And be careful, things at Yōkai aren't always what they seem." The bus doors open and a burst of cold air rushes in.

"Holy shit, it's fucking cold here." I'm used to fire country's civilized 96-102.

"Your blood'll thicken up, kid. That little lady looks like she could use some help." I put my cigarette to my lips, flip up my hood and start walking towards her.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." As I get closer, I see faces in the ice, and I hear moaning coming from them

"Aloooone, so alone…"

"He would never love yooou…"

"Well this is corny." I get even closer to the blue-haired girl, and I notice for the first time that she is a bombshell. Lithe and fit, with legs that go on forever, and her mouth wrapped around a sucker. She has purple and lavender striped stockings and she's wearing a skimpy skirt, with a loose fitting longsleeved T-shirt.

Daddy likey. She looks up, and sniffles. "Who're you?"

"Room for two in this pity party, or what?" she glares daggers at me.

"You're just like the last guy. I'm getting punished for defending myself and now I have to do it all over again." Her voice is cold and emotionless, but expressive at the same time.

Aloof, that's the word for it. "I'm not here to hurt you. Just wondering what all this," I gesture to the ice "is about."

"I still don't know your name."

"Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki, I'm new to, uh, Yōkai haven place or whatever."

She smiles a little "See, now, that wasn't so hard! Now tell me…"

"Mizore. Mizore Shirayuki."

"Mizore Shirayuki, what exactly is this all about?" She looks at me and sighs.

"Have you ever felt… No, who am I kidding, there's no way you have. You've got that personality that people are drawn to. You probably never had a hard time making friends."

Oh. Shit I know that face.

I crouch down, and look at her eye to eye. "Oh, yeah, I know that look." She stares at me "Like looking in a mirror."

"How could you know?" I squint at her. Should I? Fuck why shouldn't I?

"Wanna know a secret?" I lift up my shirt, and focus Chakra into my stomach. The fourth's seal appears there. She gasps

"What… What is that?"

"That, Mizore, is a quadruple tetragram seal. My father designed it, to seal a demon into my stomach. Dad's dead, and mom died in childbirth. On top of that, most of the people in my homeland couldn't grasp the difference between the demon, who committed awful acts, and the six year old boy that didn't have a mommy or a daddy." She looked at me in silence, and I could hear the ice around us crackling.

I pulled up my left sleeve and pointed to a large scar on my wrist "First suicide attempt, eighth birthday."

I pull down my shirt's collar, exposing the skin just below my clavicle, which has several puckered and dented areas "Assassination attempt, October 27, of my second year in the academy. I was ten."

I pull up my shirt again, and expose the junction between my stomach and my ribcage. There's a large slash there, it's still slightly red. It's a fresh scar.

" My best friend did this to me, three weeks ago." She gasps.

"Some best friend, huh?" I take one of her hands "Point is, Mizore, I'm kind of an expert at knowing what feeling alone is all about. I'll be your friend. If you'll have me?" She looks at me, and the ice crashes. She clasps on to me, and I almost fall over. "Whoa-shi-"

"I'm scared, Naruto."

"Crazy ice user lady like you? What've you got to be afraid of? I fought an ice user once. She kicked my ass." She smiles slightly. I notice that she smells like cherry popsicles.

"I was trying to get a guy to fall in love with me, and he turned me down. One of the gym teachers saw me trying to deal with the rejection and attempted to take advantage of me. He's in a coma and they're talking about expelling me." I look at her again. Hot, Check. Smells nice, Check. Terrifying, Check.

"Remind me not to piss you off," I pull out a cigarette. And roll it between my forefinger and thumb a little considering. On the one hand, she needs to relax. On the other hand, these things are fuck all addictive. Well, shit, what's the harm? I am supposed to be the bad boy in this place, after all. I pull out the windproof lighter that Shikamaru had given me as a parting gift. "Mizore, close your eyes." She does so. I part her lips a little and place the cigarette, it hangs there without falling out.

"What are you doing?" she says around the cigarette. I flick the lighter and put the flame up next to the cancer-stick.

"Take a deep breath." She does so, the cigarette lights and she opens her eyes surprised. She takes the smoke out of her mouth and starts to cough.

I take a drag off of mine. "It gets easier with practice. Try to hold it in as long as you can. The nicotine will help you relax."

"I shouldn't be doing this…"

"If you don't want to, that's fine. Just hand me the smoke and I'll smoke them both. It was just the only thing I could think of that might take the edge off." She looks at me.

"Why do you smoke?"

"'Cause I'm an idiot. Why did you start smoking?" I look at her, and give her my best Cheshire grin.

"Because you made me." She takes another drag, and holds it in slightly longer, then releases it with a spatter of hiccup-coughs.

"It just takes practice. I honestly didn't get it all the way down until my fifth cigarette. Try not to swallow while you have smoke in your lungs, though. You'll puke." My cig hits the filter, so I throw the butt over the cliff and light another.

"It's nice to know that my first friend in this place smokes like a chimney with a burning lust for cancer." At this point I notice four people running up to us.

"MIZORE!"

I look at her "You know these guys?" I take a drag.

"Yeah. The guy in front is the guy that rejected me." There's a dude with brown hair and eyes in the stupid green school uniform they sent me running at us. Behind him there's a pink haired chick with green eyes and a huge cross choker, a little girl in a witch costume and a blue haired girl with tits the size of boulders.

"Why'd you go after a dude who's being followed by a walking fetish porno?"

"He writes for the school newspaper. The point of view in his articles was really lonely, and I related to it really well. Kind of fell for him that way." She flicks ash off her cigarette and inhales deeply, then holds.

This girl is better at smoking than I am.

Brown haired boy finally reaches us. "Mizore, I… Who's this?"

"This is Naruto, Tsukune. He's new to Yōkai, and he'll be joining the newspaper club with me." Smoke exudes from her mouth as she speaks.

"I will?" I look at her and she nods. She takes another drag. "A'ight."

Brown hair looks dumbfounded. "You smoke?"

"There's a lot you don't know about me Tsukune." He rubs the back of his head with his hand and laughs

"I guess so. I just wanted to apologize. Gin caught the bastard in the act, on film. Me assuming you attacked him wasn't fair."

"We've got a saying in Konoha. 'Look underneath the underneath'." I look at him, and take drag "You shouldn't reach a conclusion until you've gathered as much information as you possibly can. Especially if you're a reporter for the school news, it'll save your life." He laughs again

"I guess so." I stand up and look around, noticing that every girl near this dude is beautiful. And that they've only got eyes for him.

"You've got a kind heart, don't you Tsukune?" he looks at me, surprised

"I don't know about that..."

"Tsukune is the nicest, desu!" witch-girl says. The other two nod along with her.

"Thought so," I put a hand on his shoulder "It may not seem like the easiest decision right now, but I can see it in the way they look at you. All three of these girls are interested in you as more than a friend, Tsukune. Stringing them along and not making a decision is selfish, it'll keep them from finding happiness."

Blue-haired girl scoffs at me. "Where do you get off being all wise and holier-than-thou? You're standing here smoking – which is illegal, by the way – and you've got Mizore doing it too! You're nothing but a bad influence!"

"Look… uh…"

"Kurumu. Kurumu Kurono."

"Look, Kumuru, where I come from, with the career path I've chosen, life is harsh and short. Ninja are lucky to make it past twenty-five with all of their bodily functions in tact. One of my best friends sleeps with anything that has a penis, both of my teachers can't stop looking at porn and the leader of my homeland is a raging alcoholic. I learn lessons and take pleasures where I can get them, and as fast as I can. My profession won't allow anything else."

She looks at me with doubt in her eyes "What kind of society would have a career path with such a short life expectancy?"

I put out my cigarette on the ground. "Fine, you wanna know what makes my profession so goddamn risky? All of you follow me." I start walking toward the nearest tree. When I get there, I form a rasengan and look at it. The blue glow brings back a memory of the first time I formed one without a shadow clone.

"what's so special about that?" Pink haired girl asks

"Well Sakura 2, this little sphere here contains all the force and destructive power of a typhoon."

"Sakura 2?" she asks, "My name is Moka."

"Sorry, you just look a lot like a girl I know back home." I push the sphere into the tree, and it explodes. Everyone gasps

"Where I come from, every mediocre ninja has an ability that powerful or even more so. The balance of power is fragile, and we constantly fight for land and resources. Expert ninja know plenty of these abilities, but rookies who aren't on their guard end up like that tree. When I was back home, I could have died at any time – be it on a high level escort or a routine patrol gone to shit. I've seen people die, and I've killed my fair share. It's never easy and it's never pretty, but it's taught me a lot." They just stare at me for a little bit. Then Tsukune speaks up.

"Then it's settled! You'll write the advice column!"

Aw, a second.

"Can I name it?"

"I, erm, what would you like to call it? I'm not the editor, so you'll have to take it up with Gin"

"Naruto's tips for not Fucking up Your Life." Mizore snorts.

"I'd read it."

"Me too! It sounds like Naruto would be good at giving advice! Desu!" I point at Kurumu

"Kurumu." She nods

To Moka "Moka." She nods as well

To Tsukune "Tsukune." He nods

"So who's the midget?" everyone but Mizore slaps their palms to their foreheads.

"My name is Yukari!"

"You are every lolicon's dream, Yukari." Mizore snorts, and everyone else just sort of hangs their heads.

Mizore takes my arm, and starts to pull me along. "Come on!" She giggles. It could be my imagination, but I think I'm starting to like this girl. We go to the cafeteria, and all of us grab some food and get to know each other. The place is big, with two tiers of seats and a lot of windows. There's a wide selection of really good food.

Moka's from a massively rich family, but left for the human world to find her mom.

Kurumu is from just outside of Las Vegas, Nevada. Wherever the fuck that is.

Yukari actually skipped three years f school, and she's a true-blooded witch.

I have no doubt in my mind that Tsukune us actually a human.

Mizore is from the Himalayas, her favorite food is mint chocolate chip ice cream, and her birthday is…

Shut up, I like her.

When that was done I walked with Tsukune and the girls back to the girls dorm. Mizore took my arm again, and I noticed that Kurumu and Moka each took one of Tsukune's arms. They all went inside, and Tsukune and I were off for the men's dorm.

While we were on our way, I pulled up the subject of his race. "So, Tsukune, you're a human, right?" He looks at me, stricken and scared.

"Don't worry dude, your secret's safe with me. If anything, I'm asking because I want to make sure you stay safe for Moka and Kurumu." He squints his eyes. "I'm serious, man. They find out you die, I can make it so you'll at least look like a monster."

He shakes a little "how?"

"It's simple. All we have to do is unlock your Chakra."