Author's Note: Yes, another one-shot. I've lost my muse for my other stories so I'm taking a break with a bunch of random one-shots. This one here is basically a letter that Harry and Ron write in retaliation to what Draco wrote in my other one-shot, Dear Anti-Draco HP Fans. My next one-shot will be about what happens after Sirius dies and the Marauders (the good ones, anyway) get reunited. It will be humor. So, enjoy this and tell me what you think.

Dear "Amazing Bouncing Ferret",

Malfoy, you can't possibly believe that load of bullocks you tried selling to my fans, can you? Honestly, I doubt anyone would read a book about the seventy-two and a half hours you spend fixing your hair every week. Besides, "The Spectacular Draco Malfoy: Prince of Slytherins"? What were you on when you thought that garbage up? I believe a better title would have been, "The Adventure of Draco Malfoy: Amazing Bouncing Ferret".

If it was well written enough, I might even read it.

Now, normally, I would not even bother to retaliate to something so very immature on your part, but unfortunately, Ron found the letter first and demanded I do this. He's actually sitting behind me right now telling me to write, "what a pompous git you are". Well, he may have said something a bit… different, but I'd rather not say in case this letter were to get into the hands of an innocent child. You should be glad Hermione hasn't found out about this yet. Otherwise, you'd probably end up getting slapped in the face. Again.

If you're lucky, anyway. She might just get mad enough to actually punch you this time.

I'd wish you good luck, but I'm personally looking forward to some entertainment.

I would also like to say, had you not been a complete and total prat when we first met, I may have accepted your "friendship" offer.

…Actually, I probably wouldn't even then.

So, in retaliation, Ron and I have come up with our own little poem. Do enjoy, Malfoy.

An apple a day,

Keeps the doctor away.

But even a doctor can't stop

Hermione from getting her way.

I know you see me having her fight my battles as sad,

But you getting your arse kicked by her is just as bad.

So when you come face-to-face with unimaginable pain

You will only have yourself to blame.

So I'll bid you adieu,

As this is only a fair warning,

If I had to guess,

She'll find out by morning.

I'll leave you to hiding from a pissed off witch,

But as they say…

Payback's a bitch.

Currently Laughing Our Arses Off In The Safety Of Our Dorm,

Harry Potter

And

Ron Weasley

P.S. Hermione just found out. I suppose my guess was wrong. (Ron: You better run, Ferret Boy.)

AN: Review! They are really appreciated.