A/N: The first chapter starts at the very end of "the Star", during Saul and Carrie's parting conversation. I started here because I wanted to rationalize it from Carrie's POV. After all, these two are the heart and soul of the show. The rest of the story is everything that happens after.
Saul has a vague idea of how Carrie's life has been going for the last 4 months but hasn't actually spoken with her. He's had a little bit of contact with Peter Quinn, informing him of the vital details. With the annual commemorative ceremony coming up, it will be the perfect time to catch her.
Friday August 23, 2013
"I'm so sorry for your loss."
Saul begins their reunion as sincere as possible.
"Good to see you Saul," Carrie replies, as if she's been waiting for him to approach her. She hasn't seen him since April.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"He gives a nice speech," Saul spits out unable to ignite familiar conversation.
"He's a politician," Carrie says, relieved that he's shifted to a work related subject.
That's really it though...that's our whole relationship... work. Nothing personal needs to be discussed. No Mira, no dad, no Maggie, and certainly Saul wouldn't bring up the baby. My baby. My baby?
"How are you?", He asks carefully.
"Okay," she says honestly, but keeps it blunt.
"I heard about Istanbul."
"Oh," she says not expecting him to know.
"Word gets around. That's wonderful. It's what you always wanted," he says with a smile.
She smiles as if she agrees with him but she's not even sure if she does.
Does he even know what I want? Do I even know what I want? Just eight months ago he offered to put me up for the same position. How did that conversation go? Something about wanting more to life than the job. Yes Brody. I wanted to leave my job to be with him. I miss him. Why doesn't he get a damn star. He should be here, watching us memorialize these names right now. I don't want to be alone my whole life like Saul. But he's happy now, Saul, isn't he?
She snaps out of it as he speaks.
"You deserve it," he adds.
Not able to further press on the Istanbul posting, Carrie focuses on Saul.
"This is wrong. That's plain wrong," she fumbles quickly changing the subject.
"How many times have you heard me say it? When it's over, it's over. Pull down the shades and go home," Saul explains.
"But you won, Saul. You won," Carrie retorts.
"Did I? I guess I did," Saul acknowledges.
"Carrie? There's a situation," Dar says as he interrupts their short lived reunion, "The Director's asking for you in Ops 4," He says as he casually walks away.
"Saul."
"Well, you're needed," Saul says as they get up from their chairs.
"Well good luck in New York."
"Take care."
Carrie leans in for a hug and Saul reciprocates. It's short, sweet and awkward especially with her stomach in the way, but she needed it. Would she ever see this man again?
"Bye."
"Good-bye."
They part ways and about five steps in Carrie turns around hoping Saul would do the same. But he doesn't. He's done, finished with this place. He says his goodbyes to a few familiar faces and continues walking out. Carrie stands there pondering.
How come he hasn't turned around? How can he just walk away like this after fourteen years? He has been through everything with me here. The good, the bad and the ugly. If it were the other way around I would have stayed. Even when they tell me to go, I stay. But here he is just waltzing out of my life like it doesn't even matter anymore. Nope still not turning around, he's gone. My best friend in the whole world. Time to go to this "emergency".
Carrie turns around and heads towards the ops room. She thinks about her and Saul's conversation and accepts that she should take the Istanbul posting. The only thing holding her back before was Brody and now that he's gone, what's to stop her. Work is her other love, now her only love. Saul left her there to fill his shoes. And all by herself.
She reaches the gate, which she would usually glides through. But now, she must stop, and push the bar with her hand to avoid contact with her growing stomach. It seems as if she's been pregnant forever and this only reminds her of Brody everyday. The only things she can connect with this baby are thoughts about his death. The way she last saw him. What she thinks about, all day, everyday. It needed to end, these thoughts, that is. It's the only way she could move on, if ever. First step, a proper goodbye.