Inhuman Needs
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping
but my world is you
The Paper Kites "Bloom"
"I hate you"
He tried, he swore he did. Heck, he always tried, tries, will keep trying. He gave her personal space, he gave her freedom of choice, and he gave her solitary. He gave her all she ever wanted. Did she give him what he wanted? No, technically. But he felt satisfied.
"I hate all of you humans"
No, he didn't deny that scientifically, logically and in reality- he is a human. And he understood why the hatred grew so deep in the heart of the young maiden of wolves, although her daring animal soul rested still in her unchanged human body. And she hated her shell to roots. He couldn't understand why, though, she still hated him in particular. He tried being inhuman, as humanly as possible. He went to some insane measures, but he didn't care. She drove him nuts to his cores and there's no turning back to that. It's sort of permanent, now.
"Why?"
It was the question almost everyone asked. Why did you go through all this just for her? Why are you in between? His smile was the most frequent answer to all the questions posed. But there's one particular question that needed more than just a boyish grin.
"Why do you need her?"
He wondered sometimes, pondering the question for quite some times. He's a grown up, a perfectly independent and mature man. Mentally speaking, he surpassed her in a significant level. But why was he the one grasping onto her? He didn't know. He was perfectly capable of living without her, but he didn't feel like living in the absence of her presence. It's indescribable, to put down. He would metaphorically illustrate her as sleeping.
"You know when the sun goes down and when all you need is an eye-shut or a drink or two. Well, to me, the smell of the sun, her odor, is my shot. She is my sleep in the night. That's why I'm restless without her. I'm sleep-deprived"
The answer was enough to silence every questioning mouth; even the ear-numbing Toki. But it was not made-up; he meant it with his whole life. Funny how the girl mentioned in the topic never brought even a single question about his demeanor until one afternoon. He was exhausted from helping the townspeople in one-week Iron City renovation. Despite his biological pleading for resting, he made his way to the, her, forest one Yakul's back.
"Why do you keep doing this, Ashitaka?"
It was his welcome. He was mildly surprised by her suddenly posing such question, but he replied her with a smile. He hoped down from his trustee's back and patted the wolf maiden's hair. She smelled like the morning dew.
"Because I'm tired, and I need my sleep" was all he offered. Clearly the young woman was not at all satisfied with the answer.
"Well, I don't see you sleeping right now. And I don't think I can offer you a good resting nest like you humans have in the town. Why are you here? My question is still unanswered"
Consistent and persistent, he noted, all the reasons to love her more. Chuckling softly, he then gave her his reply.
"You're my sleep, San, my resting nest. What you offer is far better than any king's bed ever made. Your presence rejuvenates my whole soul and that's more than enough. So you've noticed my lack of rest. Well then, let me sleep, San. Let me be with you"
She figured she'd never need him. Heck, she was more than capable of taking care of two adult wolves and dozens of humongous forest gods. But, like how she was his inhuman needs, he was her human needs. It was a frustrating tug-of-war between her animal instinct and her deep, human side. Every time she saw him, all she ever felt like doing was to run and be engulfed in his sun-kissed arms. He was warm, like mother's embrace, she noted. He wasn't like Moro- she was aware that he wasn't blessed with furs as much as her Mother's- but he was more than okay to her. He was imperfectly beautiful, subtle hints of sensibility in every gaze he directed. He filled her. And she was happy to know that she filled him too.
So she closed her agape lips and gave him a low, quivering growl. He took that as a 'yes' and they both let themselves rest within each other.
A/N: It's been SO long since I've written here- or anywhere. Hi, to writing realm once again! And Princess Mononoke has been my recent obsession, alongside with other Ghibli films, so this is practically... a warm up for my other projects. Phew.