Full Summary:
[Set roughly two years after the end of the cartoon series, unfinished episodes included]
It all started with a toxic-waffles-flavoured accident, followed by a radioactive coincidence. The exposure to a mysterious space radiation messes up not just Zim's routine on Earth but also his behaviour patterns and leads to an accidentally eavesdropped conversation between the Tallest and the discovery that his mission on Earth is, in truth, nothing but a joke. Zim is faced with the fact that he isn't what he thought he had always been. Not an Invader, not even a member of the Irken society. He's a Defective, an exile, a wild card his people want either dead or far away. His whole existence, a lie. All he has left, a planet he hates, the incredibly deep, absurdly complicated relationship with his nemesis, a game-obsessed scary girl, a robot who's as Defective as he is and a snarky Computer.
The events, though, aren't done with him. A chance meeting, with one of the Hi Skool counsellors, opens up a whole new range of prospects. Can his status as an exile be a beginning, instead of a doomed end? Even if it means changing most of what he had known and believed in? Can Earth conquest still be available...in another fashion?

Pairings: Mainly ZaDR/F, others to be added

Author's (long) notes:

"Kalopsía": The delusion of things being more beautiful than they are.

Hello! This is my first Invader Zim story. I used to watch the show when I was a kid, but a couple of months ago a friend of mine made me reminisce the good old times when it was being aired and I had to go back and rewatch it. So, here I am, over ten years later after the last time I saw an episode! This said, the story will contain mostly references to the show (some unfinished episodes included), even if I've been reading the comics too, so I might mention some stuff from those as well.

A few things about the plot and the characters.
Dib is 14-15 in this story, which makes Gaz 13-14.
I really love Gaz's characters, with her badass, I-don't-give-a-damn attitude. I tried to stick to it, but I also made her more mature and less of a bully, especially when it comes to Dib. They get along a bit better now. She's going to be a (reluctant) supportive character through the story (and most likely the one who'll eventually saves everyone's ass).
As for Dib, while he's still hellbent on defending Earth and utterly persuaded that Zim is above anything else a menace, he has started to realise that there's more than hate in his relationship with the alien. He's older now, is going through all the changes that becoming an adolescent and so an almost adult means, and during the four years he had been battling the Irken he had come to realise, and especially admit, that Zim is the closest thing he has to a friend. This has changed his view of his rival a bit, and it will develop more as the story goes.
Now, Zim. He's the character who'll go through the biggest amount of character development, having to deal with the truth about his banishment on Earth and status as a Defective. I liked the idea of him accidentally ending up in "therapy", which was the idea that made me start this story, and gradually starting to see things through a different point of view, becoming more aware of his own unique, independent way to see reality, through different experiences and experimental changes in his interactions with the other characters. I tried to keep him as IC as possible in this viewpoint, I guess you'll let me know what you think. His working around his new reality is the main theme of the first arc of the story.
Aside from these three (and GIR of course! Oh, and Zim's counsellor), there will be other characters, starting from Red and Purple, then Skoodge, Tenn, Professor Membrane, even Tak (I'm not exactly a fan of hers, but we'll see). The other characters will have a bigger role in the second part of the story, while in the first they are mostly background characters.
Plotwise, as I mentioned there will be two main parts. The first set on Earth and involving the consequences of Zim's discovery (which means it will be mostly focused on characters and relationships development). The second with more action/adventure parts, actual war/battles, with more characters involved and different settings. I have plans to explore the Irken civilisation a bit more, basing it on my own ideas and some headcanons I've met exploring the fandom.
As for the pairings/general relationships, the main focus will be on Zim and Dib, starting from their rivalry, landing to a weird friendship and ending up on something that can be defined as romantic (as much as Zim can do romance, at least). I also intend to explore Dib/Gaz sibling bond a bit, Zim/GIR sort of friendship and Zim/Gaz interactions which will go in the direction of a friendly alliance. I intend to bring Skoodge and Tenn back on the picture, and they both will act as friends for Zim along the way. As the tags might suggest, the other important (even if not as much as Zim's & Dib's) friendship/romance will involve Red and Purple (mainly in the second arc of the story).
I might add other background romantic relationships later on, but it's still to be decided. Suggestions are welcome, about this subject and any other! xD

I apologise for the super long intro, but I wanted to give a full panoramic of this project! I'm open to questions and comments of every sort (as long as we respect each other). Feedback is gold for inspiration!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: the show and the characters belong to the rightful owners.

It all started with a sugar and toxins flavoured accident. It was February the 14th again, the date of that crazy, useless, disgusting holiday that some humans were so fond of. Valentine's Day. For the third time since he had landed on Earth, Zim had been forced to spend the holiday trying to avoid the random flying slabs of meat that, somehow, seemed to frequently head in his direction. He strongly suspected that the phenomenon was Dib-related, since no one in the school would ever even think about gifting him one. Not that he would have appreciated such shows of affection. Witnessing them among the other students was already too much to bear.

After how his first Valentine had ended, with Tak's involvement and the mess that had almost made him lose his mission, he hadn't made any further attempt to understand how all that human love thing worked and had been contented to with trying to stay out of the trajectory of the steaks. Those rituals were nonsensical in themselves, and, now that they had started Hi Skool and had been able to witness what was supposed to happen when they succeeded, he had decided that the results were simply revolting in most cases.

So, leaving the building behind at the end of the lessons, with all the smooching humans at every corner, was a relief. Despite the fact that he had found out, a couple of years before, through some thorough testing, that what harmed his kind wasn't Earth water itself but the pollutants in it, the idea of getting too close to any kind of human-related fluids gave him the creeps. He had even walked the whole back to his base just not to have to witness more making out sessions. Mankind was really a dumb, shameless, filthy race. Every day spent on that planet just made the first impression he had had of it stronger and stronger.

"Welcome home, MASTER!" GIR squealed as soon as the Irken had crossed the threshold, his high pitch voice giving the alien an instant headache. The robot twirled on his left foot and then started to jump around the Invader. "I have a present for you! Guess who made waffles?"

Zim made a face, both at the yelling and at the mention of the food. "GIR, we talked about you and cooking, remember? Several times," he scowled, even if he knew that he would have ended up eating whatever his crazy SIR Unit had made for him, out of exasperation. He reached out and took off his wing and contact lenses, stretching his antennae. "Especially about you adding random chemicals to the food."

"But…But…These waffles are special!" The robot complained, grabbing his master by the wrist and starting to drag him towards the kitchen. "These are luuuurve waffles! For Lurve Day!"

The scepticism on the alien's face started to turn into horror and he was shaved in one of the chairs. "You made themed sweets for the human pig-love's day?" He asked, incredulous. He should be used to his sidekick's stunts and to his madness, but somehow the other still managed to catch him off guard. "Why on Irk…?!"

He couldn't finish his sentence because a plate was slammed down before his face. On it there was a pile of what he guessed being the "special waffles" GIR had mentioned, but in truth what his eyes met were neon-pink and brown, weirdly shaped somethings. Some of them might have looked like hearts, if one wanted to take a wild guess, while others were simply irregular masses of baked dough. On the top of the pile, there was a bigger waffle, shaped neatly, at least compared to the others, as a pig. The sight of the robot's cheerful, large grin as he held out a fork just made the whole scene look even more horrifying.

Zim gulped loudly at the sight, antennae flattening against his scalp. He was afraid to ask what exactly his SIR Unit had put in the sweets, but on one thing he didn't have many doubts. Once he would be done eating, he would be very, very sick. Perhaps so sick that he would have to go down the lab and hook his PAK to the Computer to help it clear the toxins faster.

"Aren't you going to eat my lurve waffles?" The robot whined, looking at the Irken expectantly. His pose suggested that he would start crying and screaming any moment, if his request wasn't complied and fast. "I made them for you! GIR loooves his master!"

The Invade took the fork out of his sidekick's grasp in a hurry, more because he was afraid that the other would stab him with it than because he was in a rush to do as he was being demanded. "Yes, yes, Zim will eat them," he quickly said, using the piece of cutlery to cut off the head of the pig waffle. His squeedly spooch contracted painfully as he brought the piece of waffle near his mouth, but he forced himself to ignore the feeling. He shot the SIR Unit one last glance, noticing that the other's expression had become, if possible, even more eager, and then wrapped his thin lips around the forkful, shoving the food in his mouth and coaxing himself into chewing and swallowing it.

The flavour that hit his taste buds was acrid and bitter, with a sickeningly sweet aftertaste that, unlike the first impact, wasn't that bad. However, it wasn't much of a consolation considering that the way in which his insides grumbled confirmed the scary entity of the sickness that waited ahead of him. Damn robot. Once he would have recovered, assuming that those waffles wouldn't kill him, he would have to make sure to keep the SIR Unit away from the kitchen for at least a month. He had been subjected to enough food poisoning in the last year. He needed a break.

"YAAAAAAY!" GIR exploded as he saw his beloved master starting to eat the snack he had prepared, completely oblivious to the fact that he was harming him. Not even the heavy grimace on the alien's face seemed to give away the truth in his teal eyes. "I'm glad you like them! Eat, eat, eat, eat, eeeeeeeeat!"

Zim watched his sidekick whirling around the room, pleading, in the vain attempt of somehow escaping his cruel fate. However, it became quickly clear that the robot had no intention of stopping his movements or meeting his gaze until all the waffles would be eaten, so he resigned himself to look back at the pile of poisonous sweets in front of him. He would eat them, because there was nothing he wouldn't face for the sake of his mission and of the glory of the Irken Empire. Deep down he knew that complying to the whims of a crazy SIR Unit had nothing to do with his task as an Invader, but he refused to acknowledge that truth. He needed something that would keep him eating those sweet horrors and nothing was a strongest incentive as his devotion to his Tallest and what they represented. Even when he was just, consciously, deluding himself.

"Curse you, GIR! Curse you!"

His swearing was met only by a cheerful, mad fit of giggling.

xxx

"Master. Master! Master! MASTER!"

The single word pounded in Zim's brain, shaking his whole body and bringing back that nasty headache that GIR's voice had given him when he had come home in the afternoon. Or the day before. The Invader wasn't exactly sure of what time it was. He had a vague recollection of getting down to his lab, while throwing up horribly inside a bucket that the robot had pulled out apparently of thin air, and to have somehow managed to order the Computer to link his PAK to the recharging unit. What happened next was a mystery. He clearly hadn't choked himself in his own vomit, but he had no idea if he had just passed out or if he had kept emptying his spooch for some more hours before fainting. He didn't really want to know.

"Master, are you awake?" The annoying voice insisted.

The Invader let out a growl, forcing his eyes open. He was laying on the floor, still connected to the main system of his base, and his uniform was all sticky with what he guessed being the contents of his guts. The bucket, filled with the same brown-greenish substance, was a meter away from him, spreading the nasty, acid smell in the lab air. Irkens, while capable of sleeping, didn't need to, unless they were extremely bored and needed to pass the time, as he had during his trip to Earth, or if they were in very bad conditions and had the chance to run into a safe refuge. In this case, it had obviously been the latter.

He stood up, making a few gagging noises. He was perfectly fine now, aside from the dirty cloth he was wearing, which meant that his PAK had done his job, but he was infinitely pissed off at his SIR Unit. "Why on Irk haven't you cleaned up this mess yet?" He barked at the Computer, pointing the bucket and the pools of vomit around it. "And what do you want?!"

"You didn't ask," the electronic voice asked, the shrug perfectly audible in his tone. Then one of the screens lit up, showing the time. "You're late. Hi Skool will be starting in half an hour."

Zim's eyes went wide. Being late in itself wasn't a problem. He had been often late for lessons, especially when the preparations for his plans occupied his whole night. The problem was that he had been late too often in the last period and the teachers had threatened him to send him to the headmaster's office, if he kept arriving after the start of the lessons. Now, being brought in front of the school principal sounded like a way to get a lot of attention and that was what he had been trying to avoid since he had landed on that ball of dirt almost four years before.

"WHAAA?! Why didn't you wake me up sooner, you stupid bunch of circuits!" He screamed, struggling to get his dirty top off. He managed after a few agitated moments. "GIR! You useless robot! Get me some cleansing chalk! I need to wash myself. Now!"

"I've been trying for almost twenty minutes, but you wouldn't wake up," the Computer talked back, now sounded almost offended.

"Whatever," the Irken growled, hurrying to get rid of the rest of his clothes just as the SIR Unit stepped inside the lab, carrying the soap and humming under his breath. "Get me a new uniform. And clean up this mess!"

"Good morning, master!" GIR chirped, obviously in high spirits. "You done puking! Good! It was so, so grooooooss!"

"I'm so dismantling you later!" The alien yelled, but didn't really bother to even kick his sidekick as he grabbed the soap from his grip. "Be glad that I don't have time, right now!"

The robot giggled happily at the threats, as if they had been the most delightful jokes. Zim wondered why he still bothered to make them at all, seeing how they always fell flat. They helped him venting a bit, but most of the times they were really a pure waste of breath. He could have screamed himself hoarse and GIR almost wouldn't have noticed.

He busied himself washing up and drying, using the small time he needed for cleaning to clear his head too. Now that part of the frenzy was gone, he was starting to notice that he felt light-headed, in a somehow pleasant, dazing way. The sensation confused him, but he quickly discarded it, focusing on trying to go around his business as quickly as possible. He didn't notice when he distractedly offered a heartfelt "thank you", instead of a string of insults, to the Computer when the latter handed him a clean uniform, leaving the machine utterly astonished. Nor he realised that he had hugged the crazy robot back when the other had clung on him, saying his goodbyes, and that, by the time he was on the road, running towards the school building, his anger was gone and he was in a rare, genuine good mood.

xxx

Dib rested his chin on the palm of his hand, looking out of the window. The bell that marked the start of the lessons hadn't rung yet, but he knew that it would in less than a couple of minutes. The teacher had already arrived and all the students were already sat in the classroom, with a single, noticeable, at least in the teen's eyes, exception: Zim was nowhere to be seen. The scythe-haired boy smirked, remembering how shocked the alien had looked when he had been threatened to be sent to the principal's office if he was late again. Perhaps that day he would have the pleasure to see his rival being kicked around by the system.

Looking at her watch, the teacher got up, deciding that she could as well close the door since the bell was about to ring. However, right before the lock could click, a gloved hand stopped it, pushing the wooden surface back open until a gap, large enough to let the Irken sneak in, was created. The woman raised an eyebrow at the newcomer, as if she was considering whether she should let him in or not.

"The bell hasn't rung yet," Zim pointed out, helpfully, giving her a sweet smile that definitely didn't suit him. "Can I take my seat?"

The grin got brighter as soon as the teacher nodded, moving out of his way, and he walked over the only desk that had been left empty, the one right next to Dib's. Usually the two of them sat as far as possible from one another, or rather, the alien made sure to stay away from his rival so that the other couldn't spy on his planning, but that day the Irken found that he didn't mind. He also realised that had no intention of trying to conquer the planet for once. He wasn't in the mood.

"Morning, Dib-thing," he greeted in a tone that, if not coming from him, could have been classified as cheerful. He sat down and pulled out his notebook, ignoring the fact that the teen was staring at him with wide eyes as he had done in a very few occasions.

Dib eyed the alien suspiciously. Zim was acting weird, in a way that was far, far different from his usual oddness. He hadn't come in screaming, hadn't thrown any sort of nasty glance at anyone and hadn't insulted him, outside his usual nicknames. On the contrary, he had been almost…nice. Shivers ran down his spine as a very bad feeling spread in his guts. The Irken was planning something huge and nasty for sure. There was no other explanation for his attitude. He narrowed his eyes. Whatever it was, he would find out and stop him before it was too late. After almost four years spent fighting the other, there was no way that he would let himself be misled by his behaviour, no matter how unusual it might be. If Zim thought that he was so dumb that he would fall for him, then he would prove him wrong once again.

As the time passed, though, no outline of some crazy, dumb plan or any other explanation for the Invader's demeanour surfaced. The Irken just spent the first period doodling on his notebook and staring out of the window, and so did in the next two classes they shared. He didn't complain when the human stalked him to his locker, demanding to know what he was planning. Even the answer he got to his inquiries was weird. A shrug and the word "nothing" spoken in the most casual tone ever. There was no sign of the loudness that usually characterised the alien when he was lying. He didn't stammer, let out maniacal laughs, evade his eyes or words. In the end, the teen gave up, still not persuaded that there was nothing going on, but starting to doubt of his certainty too.

They had different lessons during the fourth period, so the next time the scythe-haired boy's eyes landed on Zim was in the cafeteria. Even after all that time, the alien was still stubborn in taking a trail of food, despite the fact that he ate nothing or almost out of it. The cooking was a bit better than it had been in Skool canteen, at least for humans, but apparently almost everything was still incompatible with the Irken physiology. The only things Dib had ever seen the Invader swallowing, aside from the random, failed attempts at eating whatever was put in his plate, were some of the desserts. He had started to wonder if Zim really lived off on GIR's soapy waffles and taquitos or if he had more proper supplies shipped from outer space.

After a few minutes, the Invader seemed to notice his intense stare and looked up from where he had been poking his lunch, lifting a hand to actually wave at him, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. The teen instantly ducked his head, feeling irritated for having been caught red-handed, but also even more weirded out by the gesture. He had to find out what was going on, and soon, or that would be the time when he finally went crazy because of the green idiot.

"Hey, Gaz," he started, turning to look at his sisters who, as per usual, was sitting next to him. He paused for a moment, amazed by how well she managed to multitask, eating her food dutifully without removing her eyes from the videogame she was playing. No matter how many times he saw her, the ability always surprised him. And he had to admit that he was a bit jealous of her hand-eye coordination. "Do you think that Zim is acting weird today?"

The girl didn't even bother to look up. She never did. "Will you ever give up on this obsession of yours?" She asked, even if the question sounded more like a statement. "Nah, on second thoughts, you deserve each other." She then shrugged. "He's the usual dumb head. Even if…" Her voice trailed off and she opened her eyes for a moment, looking pensive. "Now that I think about it. He greeted me this morning, when I ran into him in the corridor. He usually either pretends not to have noticed me or runs away." Her gaze fell on the screen once again. "Perhaps there's something different. Not that I care anyway."

Dib rolled his eyes at his sister's first statements, but he decided not to comment on them, focusing instead on what she had said next. So, the Irken's attitude wasn't just an act that the other had put on around him. The fact left him both contemplative and confused. Could it be the effect of some weird experiment that the alien had been conducting and that had turned on him? Knowing the Invader, it was more than possible. Perhaps he should let it slide, for the moment, and just keep an eye on him as per usual, to see if the behaviour pattern persisted.

From his spot at the empty table, Zim frowned slightly at Dib's reaction to his waving. He was used to the human reacting badly to him, but that day he hadn't done anything to bother him, or anyone else for the matter, yet, so he didn't understand why the teen looked so upset with him. He poked the peas in his plate, knotting his brows together, struck by a sudden thought. Why hadn't he at least tried to make a bit of mischief? Not cooking up a new plan to take over Earth was one thing, he had days when his cruel creativity was on strike, but even in those moments he usually still found ways to torment the inhabitants of the so much hated planet. That day, however, the prospect too seemed unappealing. He was more or less content with going around with his school day, even if he still had the feeling that he was missing something. That he should be doing something, but, whatever it was, it was none of his usual activities.

His frown deepened as he stood up, collecting his trail and going to dump the contents in the nearest trash bin. He still felt that lightness that had fallen upon him when he had fully waken up that morning. The sensation wasn't disturbing him, or at least it wouldn't be if he hadn't kept constantly focusing on it. Still, despite the confusion it brought to him, his mood had stayed good. Nothing had been able to really ruin it. Not his abrupt awakening, not the boredom of the lessons, not Dib. He had even paid a bit of attention during classes and, for once, he had ignored the taunts that the bullies had thrown him across the corridor, when he would have usually at least yelled back at them. He had remained undisturbed, with that light spring in his step that had appeared while he had hurried to Hi Skool that morning and had stayed.

He rested a hand over his abdomen, thoughtful. Perhaps GIR's "lurve waffles" had messed up with the chemistry of his body and that was why he was feeling so weird. Once back at the base, he would have to run a thorough check up on himself, to make sure that there weren't any ill effects left. Normally, the thought that the robot might have messed up his amazing Irken physiology would have enraged him, because he was an Invader and he couldn't afford showing any weakness, but all he felt was a mild irritation that was gone almost immediately, even if he grimaced a bit at the memory of waking up covered in his own vomit. Weird.

Balling slightly his fists along his sides, he headed out of the cafeteria, stalking along the corridors without a real destination. Most of the students were eating their lunch, either in the dining hall or in the empty classrooms, so the dirty corridors were mostly deserted. Better that way. He didn't enjoy moving among the shapeless mass of humans that usually filled them during the "rush hours" in-between classes. The smells and the constant contact disturbed him. His people weren't so unorganised when they moved. Even in the thickest crowds, every Irken was able to follow his path without bumping into another. Unless they were in the middle of some messy battle or running for their lives.

He tilted his head. Thinking about his race had reminded him that the day before he hadn't called the Tallest as he had planned to do. He had been too busy firstly swallowing GIR's hideous waffles and then removing said food from his spooch. He didn't have news for them, unless he decided to tell them the tale of his epic night of puking, the one he didn't remember, but it had been over a week since his last contact. He could at least call in and say hi, see if they had missed him. He might as well ask for news, instead of giving them, for once. He hadn't heard about any of the other Invaders in quite a long time, over two years, and he was curious to know how they were faring. Skoodge and Tenn, in particular. To his people, concepts like "friendship" and "companionship" weren't familiar, even if they knew the meaning of the words, in theory. However, he and Skoodge had trained together and he had shared the battlefield with Tenn a few times. Not to mention that the first seemed almost fond of him, despite everything he had put him through.

The thought of his two counterparts lingered in his mind, making him aware of how weird it was that he was showing even just the slightest interest in anything that wasn't himself or his mission. Another element to add to the list of the oddness of that day. Perhaps he would ask the computer to run a check-up on his PAK too, together with checking his biochemistry. Just to be sure that there wasn't some weird fault in his thinking process. Not that it could be possible. He was Zim and nothing in him was less than perfect and amazing. But just to be sure.

His attention was distracted by those thoughts as his fake violet irises fell on a bunch of fliers left over a desk, near the entrance of one of the study rooms. Curious, he lifted it up, taking a moment to study it and read what it said. His expression lit up suddenly, as a grin, not unlike the one that had grazed his face that morning, when he had managed to get in class in time, opened on his face. No matter how weird it could be, but that piece of paper carried the answer to the feeling of something amiss he had been carrying around for most of the morning. Shooting a quick look around, he folded the flyer and stuffed it in his PAK, before resuming his walk, chin held higher than the usual, as he looked clearly delighted with his discovery.

Unknowingly to him, a pair of amber glass-covered eyes followed each of his movements from behind line of lockers, narrowing when they saw him taking the flyer. Dib waited for the alien to have turned a corner before dashing towards the desk. He had been right after all. Zim was indeed up to something and the answer had to be in those pieces of paper. Looking almost triumphant, he lifted one of them, eagerness shining in his eyes as he greedily read the printed words. His expression, however, fell almost instantly as he realised what he was looking at. New Friendship Day. Apparently the student council had decided to add, right after Valentine's Day and Singles Day, a day to celebrate friendship, instead of love or lack of the latter. The flyer explained that technically the real Friendship Day was on July 30th, but it had seemed more proper celebrating it on February 16th and it invited all the students to make cards or bring small presents for their school best pals.

The teen frowned, feeling even more confused than he had been before his new discovery. What could Zim be planning, involving that stupid, made-up celebration?