One-shot Brittana Fan fiction (Set After 2x16): "I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it"
The white Range Rover came to a complete stop, inches away from touching the raised concrete above when the driver's door flew open. Santana kept telling herself she would rather be anywhere else in the world right now, but felt her stomach sink knowing that was anything but the case. She hesitated before she shut her car door, trying to find something to distract herself from jumping into her vehicle and flooring it towards a place far away from here. She took in the scenery, breathing in the stale air of Lima Heights. It was a familiar smell to the Latina who was born and raised on these streets, and relished in some of her memories. Breathing in the spring breeze, stopping in her tracks to see where exactly she put herself.
walked out of his office wearing his usual goofy grin, but wore an entirely different expression for what he was about to tell the Glee club. "We're only three weeks from Nationals, and you can count that Vocal Adrenaline are going to be doing some heavy duty practice in preparation. We're nowhere close to being ready, so I want you all to put in your best efforts and really prove to me how much we've grown from last year. And to make things a little different, to add along to our vocal performances I've decided that we're going to do a dance number." He couldn't hold a serious face for very long, and soon slipped out a coy smile. "A duet to be exact."
No one expected this to come from , sure enough he must have been kidding. When the room took account the seriousness in his face and his voice, all went silent. Everyone looked at each other, whispering to one another what exactly he was talking about. The room once clouded in noise and laughter couldn't have been any quieter than it had become in the last minute.
"We've never done a dance number alone, ever. This could totally blow our chances of winning!" Puck shouted from his seat and felt as if he was speaking for the rest of the club.
"I know you guys might think I'm crazy, but I've thought about this for quite some time. We need to do something different, something the judges won't be expecting, which will give us an edge. We're still continuing with all our original songs, just adding in a duet at the end, as a somewhat climatic ending." He knew he wasn't going to get the initial reaction he wanted, and was soon flooding by the comments being shouted from the large group in front of him.
There were mixed reactions to what had just been said, but the silence returned once calmed all of the restless kids down.
"Mike and Brittany are the ones who came up to me with this idea and I thought it was nothing short of a great idea. We can't wait to see what you guys' come up with."
Everyone had been dismissed; a mix of excitement and worry in the conversations of the kids once shrouded the room now disappearing into the hallway.
It was a Friday and Santana came home from school wanting nothing more than to have warm shower and sleep away the stress she had from her day. She quickly undressed herself and slipped into her favourite lavender bathrobe, running her fingers through her thick dark hair. She was about to turn the handle of the bathroom door when she heard her ringtone starting to play from on top of her dresser. She let out a frustrated sigh, and went over to bitch out the person who was calling her.
"Hello?!" Santana said with her usual "I don't give a flying fuck" tone.
"San? Hi, it's Brittany." The voice was small, fragile.
Santana suddenly felt uneasy, Brittany was the last person she was expecting a call from. She felt bad for making her greeting sound harsh, but disregarded that feeling. She was still hurting, and just hearing her voice made her heart ache a little more.
"Hey... Is everything alright?" She asked lightly.
The two of them weren't really on speaking terms after what happened at their lockers two weeks ago. Santana's gone from being in love with her best friend, to being heartbroken, but yet, still in love just the same.
"Well, it's just, you know the dance duet me and Mike are supposed to be doing for Nationals?" Brittany asked timidly.
"Yeah, what about it?" She tried to make herself sound uninterested. Santana was sitting on her bed now, listening to the words coming from her cell phone.
"Uh, well, we were rehearsing the number earlier, and during one of his flips, he fell and broke his ankle. He won't be able to perform with me now and now I..." She trailed off.
"You want me to replace him?" Santana asked in disbelief. Mike was no doubt the best dancer in Glee club besides Brittany, how could she fill his shoes?
"Um, yeah. I just thought, you're a great dancer, and..." Brittany was so nervous, and Santana couldn't help but let out a smirk. "And we'd be really amazing together..." Everything about that last sentence made Santana want to hang up on her right this second, and want to burst into tears from the feelings she's trying so hard to hide away.
"We'd be really amazing together." The words lingered around her mind, and refused to leave.
"Sure Britts." She couldn't believe she let those words out slip out so easily. She was still trying to compose herself after what Brittany said before, hoping she didn't give herself away.
"W-what? Oh! Great! I'm so excited! Come to the studio on Saturday at 5, I'll be waiting! See you then!" Brittany couldn't believe how easy it was to get Santana to agree to be her new partner, but she was ecstatic just the same.
The phone went dead, and Santana sat on her bed unmoving. Why did she let herself agree to this, when she can't even hold a steady conversation over the phone with her? She bit her lip, she wasn't going to cry, or get emotional about what she just did. She got up from her bed, and made her way into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
The sound of traffic around the parking lot snapped Santana back into her senses. It was Saturday; she looked at her watch, 5:03. She went back inside the car only to look in the mirror, and inspect herself. She slumped into her seat, not wanting to get back out and face what was coming. Should I just tell her I couldn't make it? I have better things to do, she thought. She didn't have anything else to do the whole day; she even ditched trouty mouth to be here.
"Fuck it."
She was stepping out of her car before she knew it and walked towards the building ahead of her. This was a very familiar place to Santana, every corner in the building, every door, she knew where it all lead. Her and Brittany came here often to fool around when they didn't have any other place to go to. The memories were the recollection of the past that Santana missed so much, but told herself otherwise. She tried to ignore the images that were appearing in her head each corner she took, and slowly made her way up the stairs. The sound of music was getting louder and more apparent each step she took, and started to feel a knot in her gut.
I heard that your settled down.
That you found a girl and your married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
She walked slower, listening intently to the song that was now filling her ears, she recognized it, smiling.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend why are you so shy?
It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
There were only a few more steps until she reached the corner that would lead her into the room where she'd see the person her hearts been yearning for as long as she could remember. Around the corner, she saw the open door, and slowly crept up to the doorframe.
There she was the blonde haired beauty that always seemed to turn heads wherever she went. Her body synchronized perfectly to the melody of the song, each movement in sync with the next. Santana felt her heart pounding faster and louder, she never saw anything more beautiful in all her life.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.
Her skin was glistening in the light, sweat dripping off her skin and flying in the direction of her fluid movement. The slow music kept her moving gently and softly to the rhythm of the piano. There were mirrors all around the studio, to be used to watch yourself as you get lost into the flowing moves. But Brittany never felt the need to look at herself all the time; she told Santana that she always dances better when she keeps her eyes closed. Her focus and passion for what she was doing had Santana mesmerized, and she couldn't seem to take her eyes off of her if she wanted to. She had never found Brittany more perfect than when she was dancing. The way she moves her body so gracefully across the room, she would make herself the only thing your eyes would be drawn to. Santana constantly found herself in a trance whenever she was watching her best friend dance. Flawless, she thought.
Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead yeah.
Santana had been standing there for a long time unable to notice the spell she was under, her gaze fixed on the tall blonde enjoying every moment she had to herself. She realized that she was still peering around the frame of the door in a not-so-subtle manner, but didn't care because in that moment, that's all that mattered most to her. The person she's madly in love with was right in front of her eyes, and nothing could get her to take her eyes off her. Tears began to well up inside the eyes of the girl who couldn't handle her emotions any longer, but she fought them off and didn't let a single one fall.
Santana would be the last person anyone would guess to be someone who had trouble with feelings, and expressing her emotions because of the person she pretends to be every day. She knows by acting like a bitch and making other people feel bad about themselves would draw attention away from herself, so she grew up with a familiar label throughout her life. Talking about feelings wasn't something Santana did very often, and was made up by trying to forget about her problems to keep from letting herself become too vulnerable. The one thing she was terrified of was showing people how big of a softie she really was, she would lose her reputation of being the badass of McKinley High. Although everyone is aware of her "weepy hysterical drunk" role when she's anything but sober, that is really the only time she gets to let out everything she's feeling, which is the perfect excuse for her.
Though most people think that all Santana is, is a cold hearted, soulless bitch that will kick anyone's ass who crosses her, one person knew that it's only used to cover up the heart of a scared girl. If she stopped caring about her popularity, and what everyone thought of her, then maybe she wouldn't need to act like someone she really isn't.
The only person, who could break through her plastic shield from the rest of the world, was Brittany, the only one in her life who actually cared about her and meant it. She was always put first in Santana's life, and though she was too stubborn to admit it, she wouldn't know how she could live without the adorable blue-eyed blondie by her side. She never felt whole without her, and couldn't function properly without Brittany delivering her one-liners which always made her day considerably better. Ever since the age of 7, she hadn't grown up in a world without Brittany, and certainly didn't wish to live in a place without her.
The day she first laid eyes on the blonde, she could've sweared it was love at first sight. But if you actually asked her if she believed in that stuff, she would deny it like most things she actually believed in. As she grew up though, she learned that loving Brittany more than she wanted to would make life shittier than it already was, so to add onto her other buried feelings, she added more. It was physically impossible for Santana to keep things friendly between her and Brittany, so they both started getting close in all ways possible, refusing to let sex be considered dating. She denied all the things she felt for her, and only made herself interested in their physical friendship disregarding anything to do with feelings. This only made Santana act worse to people around her because she couldn't deal with all the emotions running through her mind, and felt the need to take out her frustration on the rest of the world.
Growing up helped make her realize that hiding your feelings, and keeping it to yourself only made things worse for yourself. She couldn't deny what she felt for Brittany, but still couldn't fully accept it either, because she was still the scared girl she always had been, who couldn't bear the thought of constantly being judged.
But in this moment, everything she was feeling didn't matter. For the first time in her life, she didn't let her brain do the thinking like it usually did. Brittany was all she every wanted since she could remember, but being Santana, it took a while to finally realize it. Now, standing here and watching her dance, she felt her knees go weak, Brittany was stunning beyond words. When she thought about it, she didn't know how she was able to speak properly or complete sentences when she was around Brittany. The rush of these sudden thoughts only made Santana more certain than she was before about how she felt. She could watch her forever, she would love her forever.
You'd know how the time flies.
Only yesterday was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.
As if she knew someone was watching, Brittany stopped herself and instinctively looked towards the door where Santana had been standing. It took her a few seconds to realize that Brittany was looking right at her, and she quickly blinked away the wetness in her eyes. The music had faltered, and there was nothing but silence between the pair. Brittany was trying to slow her breathing, and shot a smile towards Santana. She stood there dumbfounded, trying to realize she wasn't watching her dance anymore. Her smile is what brought Santana back to reality, they were here together. She composed herself, and returned a small but genuine smile to Brittany.
"Were you watching me that whole time?" She blushed, red as a tomato.
"Sorry if I creeped you out, I didn't want you to stop." Santana answered, finally making her way through the doorway and setting down her Cheerios bag to the side of the room.
"You didn't creep me out, don't be silly. I'm used to you watching me dance all the time!" Brittany grinned wide and let out a giggle.
You're so fucking cute. Santana thanked the higher power above that she didn't think that one aloud.
Santana smiled, feeling her face become warm. She loved Brittany, and the feeling she gets just being around her only made her surer of it. But the memories off being shut down by her to be with Artie was a constant reminder that she couldn't always get what she wanted.
"I'd totally be with you if it weren't for Artie."
It wasn't too long ago that she was standing in front of her locker pouring her heart out only to be put as a second choice. The memory still cuts deep, but right now wasn't the time to relive any of the past.
"So what do you want me to do?" The words came out cold, as if she was doing a favour of being here.
Brittany could see right through Santana, and knew her better than she knew herself, both of them knew this. Santana's only defence from something that was causing her pain was her sarcasm mixed with what she calls humour. Brittany knew all too well what was going on between them, and nothing could be done or said to make Santana's hurt go away. Brittany did love her, just as much as Santana loves her, or even more. But how could she tell her when there's Artie in all of this? Santana couldn't give a crap about him, but Brittany is someone who actually takes account of people's feelings, and that's something Santana adores about her, but refuses to accept it on this occasion. Her heart wanted two very different things, and she hated having to feel like she had to pick between the two. She couldn't have one, without being reminded of the hurt she's causing by her decision. Brittany's heart was in pieces, and she wants nothing more than to be happy again.
She tells herself she's in love with both Artie and Santana, and finds absolutely nothing wrong with that. But when it comes to having to choose between her boyfriend, and her best friend, it wasn't at all possible in her mind. Brittany has never been someone who could break someone's heart, let alone step on an ant without going through an unimaginable pain. She wanted both of them in her life, and her heart breaks each time she thinks about having to want one of them more than the other.
Artie was nothing but sweet and loving towards her, everything Brittany would want in a boyfriend. He was easily someone Brittany felt at ease around, and had crazy amounts of fun whenever she was with him. They had been together 4 months now, and could say she's in love without a doubt in her mind. He was perfect to her, and everyone who knew them could see how happy they made each other. Rarely did they argue, but when they did, they ended up laughing about it the next day.
Then there was Santana, her best friend of 11 years. They literally grew up their whole lives together, and knew everything there was to know about each other. Though they were total opposites, it didn't affect their friendship in any way. They were so different; people would compare them to being on either sides of the Yin Yang. Brittany was used to being second best to Santana all her life, but she didn't see it in a bad way. She looked up to her in a way, Santana was always there for her whenever she needed her, and kicked anyone's ass who even thought about making her upset. She was the only one in her life who would always accept her, and couldn't bear the thought of bringing sadness to her constant angelic face.
Santana got through her life being used to having the best and being the best of everything, which hadn't exactly got her the best of reputations. She was a bitch, everyone knew it, including herself, but it helped her get what she wanted so she went with it. Though she could have a heart colder than ice, Brittany was the one person who brought her walls down, and didn't see Santana as the bitch everyone thinks of her to be. Santana protected her in any way possible, and if being a bitch made everyone afraid to hurt Brittany, then she sure as hell wasn't going to stop. They were inseparable throughout their lives, and knew the bond they shared was always a little more than friendly. Brittany thought it was normal to be able to make out with your best friend, and to have sex with her, and was always reminded that "Sex is not dating". Though Santana made it clear she didn't want a relationship with her, Brittany had always had feelings that went beyond friendship, but she made herself bury it deep inside and never acted upon it. It was hard enough trying to act like she didn't want her in that way, that when she finally opened her heart to Artie, Santana told her she was in love with her. Though she had never lost feelings for her best friend, there was another person she loved, and she wasn't going to drop him the second she found out Santana felt the same way about her.
But as much as she thinks about it, she was always in love. She always closed her eyes at night and saw that one person before her mind drifted off to a deep slumber. It's easy to fall in love with your best friend, and Brittany knew this more than anyone. She couldn't stand going through life lying to herself any longer about something she's been feeling since the first day they met. The girl who gave her life meaning and warmth was standing right in front of her.
"Britt..?" Santana asked in confusion as she saw the blonde getting lost in her thoughts, something she's used to seeing. Brittany had been standing in silence for almost 5 minutes, oblivious to the confusion spread across Santana's face.
"I want to kiss you, but I can't. My heart's having a fight with my brain." Brittany said, looking down.
"W-what?" Santana didn't just hear those words come out of the girl standing opposite of her.
Brittany looked up with her scared blue eyes, the eyes that could see right into Santana's soul and beyond. The eyes that make Santana's heart skip a beat whenever they exchange a glance. The eyes that she sees before she goes to sleep, the eyes she sees when she wakes up, as corny as it sounds.
"What do you mean?" Santana asked not noticing her voice crack.
"I feel different when I'm around you, and even more different when I'm with Artie." She said, returning her gaze back to the hardwood floor.
Santana came here to learn a few dance moves, and was shocked by Brittany's sudden urge to bring up this topic. What's she trying to tell me?
She gave Brittany a puzzled look, wanting her to say something more.
The gap between them became smaller as Brittany walked towards the already stunned girl. She stared deep into her eyes, and stopped inches away from her. Santana didn't know what was happening, but was too lost in Brittany's eyes to give a damn. Their eyes were fixed on each other, not knowing what was supposed to happen next.
"Whenever I look at you, my heart smiles, and dances, and does all kinds of back flips." She whispered looking into Santana's dark eyes. She saw things no one else saw just by looking in her eyes, and knew she was the only one who could break through her tough exterior and make her as vulnerable as she was now.
Before Santana could say a word, she felt herself being embraced in a tight, warm hug. The air smelled of nothing but the sweet familiar scent of Brittany, and she couldn't have enough. She buried her face into the nook of her neck and smiled against her smooth skin. This is where she wanted to be, in the arms of the girl she couldn't live without, and would die for.
Brittany longed to have this feeling again, to have this girl in her arms where she rightfully belongs. The pain she felt that burdened her night and day was now replaced with an unconditional love that she had been hiding all this time. It upset her that both of them had to get hurt along the way and that she took so long to realize it, but knows it's the best decision she was ever going to make.
It was as if time had stopped, and the connection between the two was certainly unbreakable. They both had their arms draped around each other for what seemed like forever, lost in their thoughts, engulfed in each other's scents.
"I'm scared." The first word that had been uttered in the overdue silence was by Santana, struggling to keep in her suppressed sobs. Her voice was muffled as she spoke, her face hidden in Brittany's collarbone burying herself deeper into the comfort of her beautiful blonde hair.
"So am I." The words came out soft and clear, with just as much worry in her voice.
The clutch the two had on each other was now pulled apart, leaving each other unable to speak. They looked at each other with their warm and tender eyes and smiled like love struck teenagers when they realized they were wearing the same look they gave each other the moment they first laid eyes on one another.
Santana looked towards the floor feeling her cheeks dampen, watching as her tears fell, overwhelmed by the emotions flooding her entire body. She felt a gentle touch on her chin, her gaze being lifted from the ground and up towards the face of the girl who she could call an angel from above.
"Your mine, forever."
Nothing more was said, their fate was sealed the moment the two sets of lips finally crashed together.
Fin