When she was 22 the future looked bright
"I now announce the NYADA graduates of 2016"
The room filled with applause and she couldn't wipe the smile off her face. She had made it. She'd graduated from college and now she had her whole life ahead her; she'd already been in two off-broadway shows and was bound to land a role in a real broadway show within the next year, and she had only just turned 22. She looked at Finn and he winked at her. Things really were perfect.
But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night
I see that look in her face, she's got that look in her eye
She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why
It's her 29th birthday and she's alone. Well, she has Chris but that just isn't really the same. He's her son - she can't have sex with her son, she can't marry her son. She just wants a partner; someone to share this all with. Chris is nearly 7 years old now and she knows he has questions about his father. He doesn't deserve a life like this. She doesn't deserve a life like this.
She wishes Finn were there to tell her everything'd be fine, to teach Chris things that only he could teach him. But she left him. She was scared and she ran away: it was her fault, really.
How did she become such a screw-up?
Sometimes she wonders what his life is like now or what their life would've been like if she had stayed. But most of the time it's just too painful. Every now and then she still feels that pull on her heart, their tether. She chooses to just ignore it.
"Happy Birthday Mum!"
It's sad but it's true how society says her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
'Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age
Whenever she walks down the street with Chris she hears the harsh whispers of surrounding women claiming she's too young, that she isn't a good mother, that she's a dirty slut, that she's throwing her life away - They judge her. They judge her without knowing a single thing about her and it hurts. Sure, her life may not have gone as she had planned but that didn't make her a bad person, did it?
She always thought of Chris as an accident at first. She hated him. She hated what he had done to her life. But as soon as she saw his face for the first time and held his tiny body in her arms she realised he wasn't a mistake; he was a surprise. Much like everything else in her relationship with Finn. Chris was the product of their love and she was going to do everything in her power to give him the best life she could.
So she gave up Broadway, said good-bye to singing and acting. Those days were over now. They were the dreams of a child, the dreams of someone who didn't truly know how cruel life can be. She had to let go of those stupid fantasies. They were pointless.
She's got an alright job but it's not a career
Whenever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
Okay, so she regrets giving up the stage. But her job isn't all that bad - at least she doesn't have to collect garbage or something.
She works in the Lima Bean now, the pay is decent and she gets by with the occasional support of her dads. She moved back to Lima when Chris was three years old after deciding that being in New York was just too expensive and too depressing. That city didn't hold anything for her anymore; why bother living there?
"Hey Rach, sorry I'm late - Beth had a sleepover last night and those girls just wouldn't go to sleep an-"
"It's fine, Quinn. I covered for you"
"Thanks so much!" the pretty blonde replied, gracefully tying on her apron "How's Chris doing these days?"
"He's good. He's really enjoying school and I just enrolled him in Drum lessons which he is absolutely over the moon about. He gets more and more like Finn each day"
Quinn grimaced and took the order of a waiting customer before turning to her best friend again "And what about you, how are you doing?"
How was she doing?
She wasn't doing well, that's for sure. Her mind wonders what could've been for her. Not for her and Finn, just her. She feels tears begin to form in the corners of her eyes and quickly tries to wipe them away before anyone notices but they just keep coming. All in all: she's a mess. She's broken and she doesn't know how to fix herself.
'Cause all she wants is a boyfriend, she gets one night stands
She's thinking how did I get here, I'm doing all that I can
Noah comes to pick Quinn up from work that day, dropping a sweet kiss onto his wife's lips and claiming the kids are staying over at his mother's so they have the house to themselves tonight before waving at Rachel and driving away. She sighs. Quinn and Noah were so messed up during high school, but after Beth was born and then they graduated everything just clicked for them. Now they were living the American dream: a nice, big house with 2.5 kids. And she was living in a small apartment with her only son completely broken-hearted and constantly beating herself up for what she's done.
Some nights she goes out to the local bar to ease her loneliness. Almost every time she hooks up with a different guy and they invite her back to their place. She goes but she never stays. It doesn't feel right with them. The sex is mediocre and their hearts just aren't in it. She hardly even knows their names. When she gets home in the early hours of the morning she always finds one of her dads asleep on the couch with Chris sprawled out across him. And then she goes to her room and cries.
She tries, she really does. She works hard and always makes sure Chris is safe. But that hole in her heart is never filled and she knows Chris feels it too.
It's sad but it's true how society says her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Working in a Café is repetitive. All she does is the same thing over and over, nothing ever changes.
And at this point, it feels like nothing ever will.
'Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age
"Um, excuse me Miss?"
She wipes her eyes a little then looks up at the waiting customer and everything in the world stops. Her breath catches and she thinks that maybe she's dead or dreaming or somethings because he's here. He's standing right in front of her as handsome as ever and asking for coffee.
"Rachel?" His voice is like a whisper and he just can't describe what he's feeling right now. Is it possible to hate someone you love?
And she runs again, just like all those years ago but this time he chases her. When he finally reaches her they're in the parking lot and he just wants to kiss her but he has to remember that he's angry and he hates her. Kissing isn't something you do with your enemies.
"W-what you doing here?"
"I work here now, I live in Lima"
"But New York?"
"Was a stupid, childish idea and I realised that there are more important things in life than being a star"
"...Like?"
"Family" She bites her lip and hopes he doesn't catch on. "I need to go"
Why did she do it? Why did she run away from the guy she's been yearning for for years now?
She doesn't know. She just knows it wasn't supposed to be like this.
x Sofia
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