Note:

This is my very first fanfic, constructive criticism is more than welcome. Also, English is not my native language, so please feel free to point out any blatant grammar/style/spelling errors by reviewing or emailing and I promise I'll do better in the future.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter.. as if you didn't know.

1. Conscience


She deserves an Outstanding.

He hesitated, his quill motionless in mid-air. He recognized the nagging voice in the back of his head: it always seemed to speak up just as he had finally convinced himself that he had been able to silence it for good. Moreover, it always picked the wrong moments.

For Severus Snape, who, seconds ago, didn't need to think twice about writing down an utterly unfair 'E' (it wasn't as if he hadn't done that before with other students that annoyed him), shuddered at the idea of having to put up with Nymphadora Tonks in his Advanced Potions class. The very way she looked was offensive – her hair and eyes changing almost daily to new, clashing, eye-hurting colours that completely disrupted the quiet, dark atmosphere of his beloved dungeons – the way she couldn't enter the room and get to her desk without accidentally kicking over at least two chairs or cauldrons – everything in her manner seemed to speak disregard for him. The fact that once she was bent over her cauldron, subtly stirring its contents, her clumsiness and loudness seemed to have disappeared completely, somehow only made it worse. Was it because occasionally, he couldn't restrain himself from being fascinated by the sight?

He couldn't care less about her ambitions to become an Auror. She'd probably be quick to change her mind once she found out it wasn't in the least the glamourous job she probably expected. She was so naïve – what would she know about darkness, loneliness, distrust, hurt? The Dark Lord might be dead, but even from beyond the grave he knew how to keep his followers bound to him. Snape snorted. He'd do her a favour by not allowing her to take her NEWT… and yet he couldn't bring himself to write down that 'E'.

He hated to admit it, but she had passed both the theoretical and practical part of the OWL-exam with only a few minor errors. She deserved an 'O', so much was clear.

Finally, cursing his weakness through gritted teeth, the Potions Master wrote down the mark that would sentence him to two more years with Nymphadora Tonks.

'Nymphie, just sit down,' her father, who was drinking tea at the kitchen table, said gently. 'The post won't go faster with you waiting for it at the window all the time.'

'I know, but I can pretend it will. And don't call me Nymphie,' she added out of habit, though she really didn't expect him to ever drop her childhood nickname.

'Why don't you just sit down and have tea with me?'

'Dad, you do realize this is my career we're talking about? All my dreams and plans about to either come true or be, you know, poof, just like that?'

'My dear, I'm almost as nervous as you are, you know that… But I also know that you're the cleverest witch I ever met and that it would take a miracle for you to fail your favourite subjects.'

'Are you even taking me seriously?'

'Well, maybe I know one or two witches who…'

Tonks, finally turning her back to the window, sighed heavily. 'I'm not putting up a show or something. I know I'm not stupid. I'm sure I got at least 'Exceeds Expectations' in Defence Against The Dark Arts and Charms… and I'm really hoping for 'Outstanding' in Transfiguration… it's just, I'm not sure about Potions. Snape allows only those with the highest possible mark to take his NEWT-class. And Snape is a greasy…'

'Nymphadora,' said her father warningly.

'Ok, ok, Professor Snape is not exactly notable for his fairness and unprejudiced attitude. And he hates me. How would you like it if someone was constantly making sarcastic remarks about the way you looked? As if he looks even remotely attractive!'

'I can actually imagine he has some trouble getting used to, well, at least some of the things you do to your hair…'

'He thinks I'm inferior to the rest of the family because my father is a Muggle-born and I'm not in Slytherin!'

Ted Tonks felt his grip on his teacup tighten. The mention of his wife's family always made him feel like saying or doing some very unpleasant things that he wouldn't want his sixteen-year-old daughter to witness. From the moment Andromeda had announced her engagement with Ted, she'd been dead to them – with one exception, her cousin Sirius Black, who in the end, however, (Ted shuddered) had proved himself to be no different from the rest of them. None of them had attended their marriage, except again for Sirius (Andromeda's uncle Alphard had sent his congratulations by owl). Whenever he brought the subject up to her, Andromeda merely used to shrug, saying she hadn't expected it to be any different and that she'd never been able to stand her sisters anyway – but he knew it had hurt her, and it was hurting her still.

His beautiful daughter inferior to those arrogant, inbred –

He recollected himself. 'Did he say so literally?'

'Well, maybe not really, I mean, not about you being a Muggle-born… He can't say things like that in public, of course… but he does make a point of constantly reminding me of the fact that the only other Black who didn't end up in Slytherin turned out to be an insane mass-murderer.'

'I see,' said Ted weakly. 'What I meant to say was, well, he's still a professor who deserves some respect.'

For a second Tonks, who was a little red in the face, looked as if she planned to vividly describe to her father exactly how much respect she had for Severus Snape, but she remained silent. A thoughtful look appeared on her heart-shaped face. 'Actually,' she said, 'in my first few years at Hogwarts, I thought he was pretty cool. You know, the kind of guy who just doesn't care about what others think, who just goes his own way. I thought his whole behaviour was, well, some kind of joke, that he did it to put us to the test and that he'd end up treating us normally. But he never did. I really was prepared to respect him, to like him even. But you can't really say he earned it, can you?'

Before Ted could answer, they heard the sound of something ticking against the window. It was a small, brown owl carrying a very official-looking parchment envelope. Tonks screamed and jumped towards the window to open it, knocking over some of the potted plants on the windowsill in the process.

It took her a couple of minutes to untie the envelope from the leg of the owl, but finally she was able to open it. With trembling fingers, she took out the parchment inside and unfolded it.

The next moment, she almost knocked over the teapot in her haste to show the letter to her father. 'Dad!' she screamed. 'Look! I did it! I'm going to be an Auror!'

That night, Severus Snape dreamt about his parents. When he awoke in his small, gloomy bedroom, bathing in sweat, it took him a few seconds to realize his hands were clenched into fists so tightly it hurt.

'Why?' he had been yelling to his mother, his voice high-pitched and trembling (he had hated himself for sounding like that). 'Why do you allow him to do this to you? Why don't you just…' take out your wand and blast him to smithereens, he wanted to say, but something in his mother's eyes had held him back, '…leave him? He's just a worthless Muggle, anyway…'

'Don't say that, Severus,' his mother had said, almost in a whisper.

'Why are you so weak? You're so much more powerful than him! Aren't you proud of what you are?'

'Sev…'

'Why? Why?'

She had cried then, hiding her face in her hands. 'You wouldn't understand.'

'Try me!'

'Because he is the only man who has ever made me feel special,' she said after a moment. She looked up, her tear-stained face carrying a strangely determined look.

'Because I love him.'

The weak hold on to love because they can't face life on their own.

I will… be strong. Ever.

Another Author's Note: Yes, I know OWLs are not graded by the Hogwarts teachers themselves. I just didn't remember until I had finished the first couple of paragraphs and I didn't feel like rewriting everything. Let's just say the Wizarding Examinations Authority didn't yet exist at the time. Oh… and I'd really feel flattered if you left a review, so I can decide whether to continue with this story (though I probably will, no matter what you guys write). By the way, if you like fluffy happy love stories, well… I do too, but this isn't going to be one.