A/N: This is a fic that Ryouko and I thought up quite a while ago... I wrote the first chapter about three or four years ago, then ended up shelving it as I worked on other projects, or worked on nothing at all... But I recently dug it back up and started working on it and ended up finishing it after only a couple months. So enjoy while I continue to work at my new pet project (which will hopefully be ready for posting sometime in the next month or so, but we'll see since I keep changing my mind about how much I want to have written before I start posting...) and also maybe work on the other fics that I have... I'm currently trying to work on about five other fics right now and I'm not sure how well this is going to work but we shall see... Anyways, I'm rambling again... ignore me. Go read.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Mountain Dew, Law & Order, Panic at the Disco, Fall Out Boy, or anything else I might have mentioned and have now forgotten about.
Flaw and Disorder
Ryouko, Risu, Himizu were hanging out in Animedom, drinking Mountain Dew. They seemed to be competing over who could drink the most without passing out. Ryouko threw yet another can onto her pile."Things've been too quiet 'ere lately…" she slurred, eyes slowly closing and then popping back open.
"We should do something fun… Get the YYH Cast down here again…" said Risu. She was swaying back and forth in her seat, staring blearily at her can. Ryouko nodded agreement as she sat in a position of meditation on the mushroom chair. Himizu was the only one who "appeared" rational.
"Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow Iknow!" she squealed, jumping up and leaping into the air, waving her hand wildly. "Pickme pickme pickme pickme pickme pickme pickme pickme pickme pickme pickme!"
The other two girls looked at her with interest.
"Go on… they said cautiously. Himizu quickly outlined a hellishly complicated plan to drive certain members of the YYH Cast nuts. After a few more cases of Mountain Dew, the plan was perfect. They sealed it with one last can of Mountain Dew. They toasted each other, chugged the can in a single gulp, and simultaneously keeled over.
~A couple days later~
"I agreed to WHAT?"
"You swore on Mountain Dew and the Holy Duck!"
"I WAS DRUNK, DAMNIT!"
"Here's the phone. Here's his number. Shut up and call him."
~A few hours, a couple arguments, and one vicious fight later~
Kurama's phone rings.
"Shuuichi? Phone!"
"Arigatou, kassan… Moshi moshi?"
"Hi Kurama. It's Ryouko. Is Hiei around?"
"Uh…"
"I tried his cell phone, but he didn't answer."
"How did you get our phone numbers?"
"I have connections…"
That's putting it a bit mildly… Kurama thought. She and her cohorts practically have Enma in their back pockets… when he's not trying to have them murdered…
"Are you still there?"
"Wha- Yeah, I'm still here."
"So, is Hiei around?"
It was on the tip of Kurama's tongue to say no, but at that moment, he glanced out the window and saw Hiei standing in the tree outside his window.
"I think he's in the neighborhood… will you hold please?"
"Sure."
"Okay, just a minute." Laying the phone down, Kurama walked over to the window and let Hiei in.
"Who are you talking to?" Hiei asked.
"Ryouko. She says she tried to call you, but you wouldn't answer."
"I thought it was a telemarketer."
"I'm surprised you even know what that is. I wouldn't tell her that in any case."
"Right… How the hell did she get our numbers anyways?"
"She says she has connections…"
"Right…" -.-;;; He sighed, but picked up the phone. "Moshi moshi?"
"Hiei?" Yep, that was definitely Ryouko… But she sounded weird… different…
"Are you okay? You don't sound too good…"
"Well, it's hard to talk through a fat lip, courtesy of a mallet-wielding psychotic raccoon…" Hiei could hear a furious Himizu raging in the background, probably still wielding her trusty giant mallet.
"Well, I'm sure you didn't call to tell me that… you two beat each other up all the time…"
"Right. Actually, I wanted to ask you to come over here sometime soon. I just got a haul from my associates in Makai, and I wanted you to come and take a look at the stuff they brought…"
"Here meaning your mansion?"
"Where do you want me to be, Madagascar?"
"Why do I have to come to your funhouse? Why don't you ask Youko? He probably knows more about Makai artifacts then I do."
"Because he's a lying, cheating, Makai-damned bastard!" she said vehemently.
Kurama's sensitive ears caught every word and he twitched nervously. He knew exactly what Ryouko was talking about. Only a few weeks ago, Youko was her most trusted thief and appraiser. But when one of her lesser associates managed to steal the priceless Bachiatari Shugyoku, Youko lied to her, saying that it was nearly worthless. But only hours later, she caught him trying to smuggle the jewel out of the mansion. He was lucky to escape with his life, and he certainly didn't get to keep the jewel. Hiei lifted his eyebrows slightly at Kurama.
"Is that so?" he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"Long story. So, will you come?"
"Sure. When do you want me to come?"
"Uh, is five okay? That gives us a couple hours…"
"Until what?"
"Oh, that's right, we haven't invited you guys yet! Silly me. Well, Himizu, Risu, and I wanted to invite you and Kurama and Yusuke and Kuwabara over to hang out for a little while, around seven or so?"
Covering the mouthpiece with his hand, Hiei relayed the invitation to Kurama, who nodded assent.
"They'll come," he said into the phone.
"Great! So I'll see you at five and the others at seven!"
"Yeah…"
"Okay, see you later!" She hung up.
Hiei hung up Kurama's phone. "I guess I better get going…" he said finally. "But what was she talking about when she was cussing Youko out?"
"He…eh… tried to rip her off… it didn't go very well… she caught him red-handed."
"That was stupid of him then…" Hiei said. "There's no way anyone could get away with something like that around her, or any of those girls."
"Well I know that NOW!" Kurama exclaimed. Hiei rolled his eyes, and then headed off to the mansion.
~At Animedom~
Hiei rang the doorbell, and twitched slightly as "DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!" reverberated throughout the mansion. Their doorbell was so annoying… he would bet everything he owned that Himizu had picked it. He tapped his foot impatiently. Why in the name of everything good in this world were those girls so slow and spastic? Then the door swung open and he was facing Himizu, who had the earphones of her MP3 player plugged into her ears. She was headbanging to some rock song, probably Fall Out Boy or Panic At the Disco if he knew anything about her. And of course, she was wearing a sweatshirt with the Blue Jackets logo… Did she own any clothes that didn't advertise either hockey or a crime show?
"Hey Hiei. You're here to see Ryouko aren't you?"
"Hn…" he said, wondering why she was even talking to him.
"Okay, but you have to answer one question first… When I say shotgun, you say…?"
"…Death?"
"WRONG! WHEN I SAY SHOTGUN, YOU SAY WEDDING! SHOTGUN… WEDDING! SHOTGUN… WEDDING! Boys will be boys, Hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams!" She slammed the door in his face, still singing that stupid song. (A/N: I love that song, and I love PATD, but I'm sure Hiei would think it was stupid… stupid Hiei.)
Hiei stared blankly at the door, wondering what kind of drugs Himizu took. Then he heard Ryouko's voice.
"Himizu, who was at the door?"
"A psychotic Easter Bunny disguised as a Jehovah's Witness."
"What the hell are you on?"
"I'm serious. Know how I know? He couldn't answer the question."
"What question?"
"When I say shotgun, you say…?"
"… Murder?"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!" Himizu screamed. Hiei could hear her running away, still screaming. After a moment's pause in which he could picture Ryouko staring blankly after Himizu, the door opened.
"Hi Hiei. Don't mind her. She forgot to take her medication this morning."
"I DON'T TAKE MEDICATION, BAKA!" Himizu screamed at her from wherever she was.
"WELL, YOU SHOULD!" Ryouko screamed back. Hiei hid a grin and followed her through the halls of the mansion. He could sense Himizu's presence ahead of them, and soon he heard a distant door slamming, and moments later he heard a Fall Out Boy CD reverberating through the house.
"Is she trying to blow her eardrums out?" he asked.
"No, I think she's trying to blow out ours…" Ryouko muttered furiously. She opened the door to Himizu's room and poked her head in. The music nearly knocked her over. Himizu was sitting at her computer typing away madly and singing along to Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. "Himizu no baka, turn down the goddamn music!" she yelled.
"What? I can't hear you! Let me turn my music down!" Himizu yelled back. She turned the volume way down. "What?"
"Leave the volume at that level… Hiei and I can't even hear ourselves think."
"Don't think. Use your instincts."
"…You meant that in a perverted way, didn't you?"
"…Possibly…"
"HIMIZU NO BAKA!" Ryouko yelled, beaning Himizu over the head with one of the autographed hockey sticks in the room. Himizu fell over with swirly eyes. Ryouko rolled her eyes in disgust and slammed the door closed behind her as she walked back into the hall. The door to Risu's room opened a crack and they saw her eye peeking out at them.
"Demon child…" she whispered, and slammed the door shut with a loud smack. Ryouko rolled her eyes.
"What nutjobs…" she muttered.
"You're usually almost that bad…" Hiei reminded her.
"…Shut up," she said. They walked into her bedroom. She sat down at her computer chair and Hiei perched cross-legged on her bed. Then she pulled out several artifacts from her desk drawers and they started going over the items and their value, Ryouko taking careful notes the whole time.
~About two hours later~
"DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!" sang the doorbell. BANG! Himizu's door slammed open and she slid right down the banister and crashed headfirst into the front door with another loud BANG! Somehow though, she managed to open the door. Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara all stood on the doorstep and stared down at her.
"Are… you okay, Himizu?" Kurama asked finally.
"Just peachy!" she exclaimed. "But could you help me up?" Kurama obligingly bent and pulled the girl to her feet. "Thanks. The rest of the crew is around here somewhere… cover your ears… COMPANY HAS ENTERED OUR DOMAIN!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Kurama had covered his ears, but his ears still throbbed from the excessive volume of her voice. Yusuke and Kuwabara, like the bakas they are, had not covered their ears, and were deafened at once. Himizu laughed her head off at this.
"Hn… baka onna…" Hiei said, glaring down at them from his perch on the banister of the second floor. He seemed not to notice that Risu was sneaking up behind him. At the last second before she would have caught him and shoved him off the banister, he jumped away from her and slid down the banister with ease. Risu snapped her fingers in annoyance.
"Ryouko! Come on, they're here!" she yelled.
"I got the Mountain Dew!" Himizu squealed. No one had even seen her leave the room, but she was now holding a 24-pack of Mountain Dew in each hand, one more under each arm, and was even balancing one on her head. They all sat down and opened cans while Risu turned on a Linkin Park CD.
"So what should we do tonight?" asked Risu.
"You mean you didn't make any evil plans?" asked Yusuke, surprised.
"Nope, none," said Himizu, fingers crossed behind her back. "Oh for the love of humanity, where is Ryouko? RYOUKO! MOUNTAIN DEW!" she screamed.
"Maybe she's asleep?" Kuwabara suggested as he finally managed to restore his hearing. He was sorry he had since the loud laughter of everyone else in the room deafened him again.
"Seriously, how can anyone sleep with Himizu screaming like a banshee?" asked Risu.
"My screams are more melodious than a banshee I'll have you know!" Himizu exclaimed in annoyance.
"Regardless, perhaps we should make sure that everything's all right?" Kurama suggested.
Risu rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll go look!" She took off at a quick run. There were a few moments of silence, then Risu's screams split the air around them.
"What the heck?" exclaimed Himizu.
"What is that all about?" Hiei wondered.
"Something's wrong, obviously," Kurama said. They all took off up the stairs. In moments they were crowded around Risu at the door to Ryouko's bedroom. Ryouko was definitely not there, but her tan carpet was blotted with an ominous red stain…