So it's more or less canon that Brainy has a creepy stalker crush on Helga. While I don't see him waxing poetic, his thought process is...well, there's gotta be a reason he just stands their panting down her neck instead of SAYING something. XD
His voice is probably off, but it's kinda tough to figure out the canon voice of a guy who has a total of three speaking lines in the whole series so what can you do?
Of all the girls in PS 118, it had to be her.
Yeah, I can picture all the guys saying that. Why not a nice girl like Sheena or Phoebe or Lila? Rhonda, the richest girl in Hillwood? Even the sixth grade girls who thought us fourth graders were goofs? And I'd say sure, they're okay, but none of them could hold a candle to her.
Helga G. Pataki.
Sure, she's rude and crude, but when you get underneath it she's got a real poetic soul. Hearing her wax poetic twists my insides all up in a knot like no one's business, I tell you. Why do you think I'm always breathing down her neck? I've memorized her patterns, I know when she's about to duck into a corner and deliver another one of her lovelorn monologues. The punch in the face is worth it.
And she's pretty even if none of the other guys think so. Those blonde pigtails, those angry eyes, that pink jumper and hairbow. Aah, she's a vision!
But of course, even if I had the guts to say anything it'd be pointless. The price of hearing her beautiful monologues is the constant reminder of how she only has eyes for Arnold.
Don't get me wrong, Arnold's a nice guy and I got nothing against him, but it just doesn't seem fair. I mean, look at him, he's already cool and handsome and wise beyond his years. He can solve any problem and he'll reach out to anyone no matter what, and even if the other kids make fun of him for it we all know that's why they like him.
A fellow can't help but feel a little jealous, you know? Arnold has everything, including my dream girl's heart in the palm of his hand.
But I'm not giving up. She can smack me in the face and reject my ring, but the way I see it at least she's not completely ignoring me.
Who knows? Maybe someday she'll realize the love behind my heavy breathing and give me a chance.
A guy can dream, can't he?