---- what i couldn't say

She's beautiful, isn't she? Yeah, she is. With her pretty blue eyes and shy smile, with her childish words and gentle touches. She loves you, you know. But of course you know. You love her too, don't you? Yeah, you do, don't deny it.

(and i was never like that; i was always the wild mysterious stranger that may or may not have loved you)

You love it when she settles in your lap and rests her head against your chest, closing her eyes and snuggling up against you. You love it when she wraps her arms around your waist and leans up for a simple little kiss that somehow says everything I never could. You love it when her tiny white hands play with your messy blonde hair, as she twirls it around her fingers and smiles in her simple little way. You love it when she says those words I could never say.

(you liked it when i talked to you and you liked it when i teased you and you liked it when we ate ice cream together but you never loved anything about me)

I'm jealous of her, you know. She's stronger than me. Braver. She doesn't let go when things get rough. She understands you more than I ever could. She would give anything for you. She loves you, in a way I was always too afraid to.

(i guess it was my fault for never telling you, for being a coward, for running away, but that doesn't really matter anymore 'cause i already lost you)

I guess you're happy now, huh? You're smiling so much more with her than you ever did with me. You've got this look in your eyes that I can't explain---this look that makes you seem just so much more alive. I don't understand it. I don't think I ever will. But, like I said, you're happy now. That's... good. I want you to be happy. Really. I love to see you smile. I love to see you laugh. I love to see you with so much light in you. The only thing I wish is that you were that way with me. But if I wanted that...

(but it's too late to want that because i already had my chance and i was everything i shouldn't have been)

...I guess I should've been more like her.

(and i guess i got what i deserved)

inspired/based on More Like Her by miranda lambert.