AN: It's always bothered me the way that Catherine and Sara have never been able to build a solid relationship on the show. I know that they are exact opposites in some ways, but they are also similar in some ways: they are both strong, independent, intelligent women. I love Catherine's character because it is so fiery and passionate without losing touch with the very human feelings of compassion, but I also like Sara's character for its mellowness and calm, strong stability. So, while trying to keep as much in character as possible, I'm trying out a series to sketch a building friendship. I'm staying away from romantic relationships even though I'm trying to stick to canon so there might be a hint of GSR, even though I'm not a shipper. I also don't go for any character bashing, because I love all the members of the Grave shift :).

Part I is a post-ep for "Nesting Dolls," and is inspired by the song "I Am What I Am" from La Cage aux Folles. (Warning: just one very rude, bad word.)

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or any of the wonderful cast. They belong the CBS... I'm sad now...

"The Red Rose and the White Lily"

A Series of Perspectives: Part I

I couldn't stand it. I messed up big time today… I could understand why Gil would be disappointed in me. I… I was a jerk, and I know it. I couldn't swallow my pride. Somehow, what Sara said struck a nerve in me… or maybe it was the case. Domestic abuse. I hate those two words. It reminds me of Eddie too much. Oh, it wasn't always physical, but it was abuse all the same, but I've wondered whether my experience with it has inured me to it, to the victims… no, never. In fact, it has deepened my empathy for them. It is and will never be right, but I've forgotten, I guess, that not everyone will cope with it the same as I do: "Never doubt. Never look back." Many don't get the chance to. This case is only one of many.

God, I can only imagine now how cold I must have seemed to Sara. Yes, she crossed the line, and I've wondered why. I can only guess, but I should have taken it into my office… I should have been supportive when this was something that obviously bothers her. Instead, I attacked her. I don't blame her for fighting back. What kind of supervisor am I? It's straining all my relationships… at home and at work, and I can't say that I'm blameless.

Then, there is Ecklie. Oh, Ecklie, that weasel of a man. I shouldn't have gone and backed Ecklie. Sara doesn't deserve to be fired… He's been out to get her since day one, probably just to spite Gil. I'm still insecure in my position, and I hate it. What happened to all that confidence I had? Yeah right. In the end, it's all just an excuse. I wasn't there for Sara and took advantage of the political situation because I was scared and angry and being egocentric. I have to admit though; I certainly admired Sara. She had the guts to tear at Ecklie, and he deserved it. She was right you know? Now, she's suspended, and I'm still sitting here in my office wondering what I'm doing, wondering if I can change, wondering if I can actually lead this team without it falling apart. Greg can't understand why, Warrick isn't happy either, and I can only imagine what Gil must be thinking… Wait. This is just some self-pity crap right now. I have to get off my but and do something… I just hope she won't mind or refuse.

Xxx

Good. Gil is in his office right now. As I go in, he looks up, and I see a shadow pass over his eyes. His face is a mask, closed off from me. I use to be his best friend. I hope I still am. This is another relationship I have to rebuild.

"Gil, do you have Sara's phone number?"

I can see the surprise in his eyes and a slight wariness leaks into them.

"What for?"

"I need to talk to her."

"Look Catherine, I don't know what exactly passed between the two of you today or what part you may have had in Ecklie's decisions, if any, but I don't think that she, or you, want to have another confrontation."

I feel some anger course its way through me, but I quickly push it down. I realized that what he says isn't entirely unjustified. I also don't need another scene here right now.

"I don't want another confrontation. Gil, I'm sorry that Sara was suspended because of me, and while I realize that I didn't do anything to help the situation, I wasn't exactly dogging Ecklie or you to fire her." I wince, when I realized that it came out sharper than I thought, but Gil seemed to get the point.

He sighed. "I realize, Cath, that you're feeling a bit of pressure right now, but you have to remember how the deal with these sort of situations. I know you're qualified for the job, but you have to still remember that without the people there is no lab. I wasn't saying that the situation was entirely your fault, but not everything is as it seems. Don't forget that." With that, he handed me a card with Sara's phone number and address written on it. I couldn't help a small smile when I understood that he had seen this coming all along. That's Gil Grissom.

"Thanks Gil."

"I just hope everything is settled between you two."

As I walked out of his office, I hoped so too.

Xxx

I had rung Sara up, and she seemed surprisingly calm. I guess it's Gil's influence. When I asked if I could come over for a talk, I could hear the suspicion in her voice, but she agreed. Now, I can feel a nervous weight in my stomach as I pull into the parking lot for her apartment complex. When I reach her door, she opens it with the first knock. I realized that she must have been waiting for me. She looked a bit fidgety as well. How was I going to start?

She made the first move by inviting me in. She was absolutely civil. I was thankful for that. As we sat down at her couch, I decided that it was now or never. "Sara, I'm sorry that things got to this point with us. I'm sorry that I hadn't supported you against Ecklie, and I hope that you will not hold anything I said earlier against me."

She was a bit shocked nonetheless, but she quickly recovered. "I guess… I'm sorry too… I was a bit out of line, and the comment… well, it was a stupid comment, and I was a bit pissed off."

The conversation quickly slid into an awkward silence as we tried to avoid one another's eyes. My hands started fidgeting in my lap, and darn it! I couldn't stop them. Sara decided to offer me a drink, and I thankfully accepted. When she sat back down again, I decided to start again. "Look, Sara, I really am sorry that things got out of hand, but we were both annoyed." She gave me a look. "Okay, so we were both very pissed off, but I think that if we worked at it, we could have a chance to build a stronger relationship than the one we've had. I don't mean that we suddenly become the best of friends and go out shopping every Saturday, but I would like to try to become friends as well as coworkers. I mean, the grave shift team has always been like family to me, but when you joined… I was annoyed with Grissom, and I've just realized that I've never given you a proper chance."

Sara smirked, "Yeah, you were pretty hostile when we first met."

I smiled. "I guess I was, but in reality, I don't bite… much."

We both let out a nervous laugh. Sara seemed to be thinking. "You know, I'd like to give it a try." She turned back to me and gave a real smile.

I returned it. "Okay, so are we alright for now?"

Sara nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, I should be getting back to Lindsey. The babysitter will be asking for overtime soon." Sara got up as well. "Oh, and Sara, I'll try and talk to Ecklie for you if you want."

Sara wrinkled her nose. "It's alright Catherine. I rather not deal with him for another week anyway. Plus, I might catch up on some of the forensic news."

I smiled and turned to leave.

"Oh, and Catherine?" I turned around to face the brunette. "Thanks."

As I got into my car, I thought about the conversation, and I decided that it was a pretty good start.