"EDWARD ELRIC", cried Armstrong from across the cafeteria, "I NEED A PRIVATE WORD".
"Private my ass!" Ed mumbled, kicking back his chair and walking towards the Major, "What?"
"I'm lonely, Elric" Armstrong said, his man curl falling solemnly, "I need a lover"
Edward backed away nervously, terrified the man was making a move on him, "What the hell, Major, I'm not…"
"Not you, Elric. I need a real man", Edward blushed furiously, disintegrating into the ground, "I need your help to find the man of my dreams"
"Can't help you there", Edward shrugged, beginning to move away before being grabbed around the waist by the alchemist.
"I need to know your secret", Armstrong whispered menacingly into Edward's ear, "Human transmutation"
Edward did the thing he does when human transmutation is mentioned in the anime and his pupils like go wide and the 'camera' zooms in on his eyes and there's that string music.
"No. I can't tell you anything about that", Edward said, looking at the floor emo-ly. "It's evil"
"I'm not using it for anything like that… I want to clone myself", admitted Armstrong.
"What, why?"
Armstrong's man sparkles appear. "WHY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SUCH A PERFECT SPECIMEN OF A MAN? I NEED TO CLONE MYSELF TO LOVE MYSELF ELRIC, TO MAKE LOVE TO THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF A HUMAN BODY"
"Fair enough…" said Edward.
Armstrong knew it all, the theory behind human transmutation, now he had to put it into practise. Kneeling on his bedroom floor, beside a transmutation circle, Armstrong clapped his hands and began the transmutation.
Through the portal Armstrong went, until he was met by Truth.
"So, you want me to give you a clone, eh? But what do I get in return?"
Armstrong gulped, the thought of losing his best appendage being unbearable for him, "I give you my man sparkles"
Truth laughed like a retard and was like ok then and Armstrong got a clone.
"My name is Armstrong, I shall call you… Legstrong", Armstrong told him clone, who nodded happily.
"Of course, master"
"Now, let us commence fellacio!"
"That was amazing, Armstrong!"
"Well, the cock sucking technique has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"
THE END