Aylan had explained that.
It was possible, yes, that he wouldn't be corrupted for it. For wanting something that was more than desire, something that was offered, and available, and it was possible that taking it would help. ...Right?
Love felt beautiful in her mind —in all of their whenever they thought about it— enough for him to take the chance to live, too. Wasn't it reckless? Reckless, dangerous ; useless as help, would it be?
He wasn't afraid of her touch.
Only in upsetting her or causing pain~it would be complicated, maybe sometimes a little tedious. But he was curious, willing to learn, eager to see if that could help, too... He would just focus on helping, helping helping helping, that seemed good, acceptable... But no he couldn't, never, be so reckless. Because there was more—loss—he was terrorized of loss!
There was the immense pain that hide behind love, the pain that love promised, lurking behind the bliss and the warmth...while she looked at him through her gentle eyes—he was not sure that Cole would have been able to survive to loss. Compassion could so easily slip off, there had been no distinct boundary or warning before when he had slipped into Despair's poisonous glove to take the tool and make it end.
No... Even love, with its lure and promises, behind Aylan's feelings and aching yearnings, even love would not be worth becoming Despair again.
So he told her.
She understood and she let him slip away, she didn't answer, would never manage to stop caring, tried to hide it—but he would always hear, he would know; And he would worry, because apparently, love didn't even need to be acknowledged to be physical to take effects and hurt very deeply.
So he began to erase his presence again from her. Little by little, he waited for her forget all of his names.
He had to do it a second time, though, because she fought back, she held onto her memories very fast. He had to do it again and again, more times than he thought to expect, each time as surprised as the first that another being would want to give their time, their most prized possession as mortals, to help him.
It felt weird.
Really not unpleasant, but always lined with the dread of loss and corruption.
After all, even if that mortal didn't die or forget about him by accident, they were doomed to leave, and he was never able to know for sure when one passed away, if their soul was happy, if they would be okay wherever they went, he wouldn't know how or if it was allowed to follow...he didn't know a lot of things, and for a while, that kind of things made him forget why he had thought that being human could be a good idea.
.
One day, by accident, she saw him again.
He had followed her into her bedroom again. It wasn't the first time he came -he had forced himself to stop counting and made himself forget the number but he hadn't managed to stop following yet. It wasn't the first time her thoughts searched for him —for someone, or was it something? unsubstantial and yet crucial that she couldn't fully get around of with her mind. But this time, she felt sadness and it made her thoughts heavy with yearning and frustration.
When he saw her eyes on him—not through, he felt paralyzed, he didn't have the time to wonder much at that feeling because he had to force himself to breath and focus on the outside and on her... When she cried, again he didn't realize his body reacting and found himself unable to remember when he sank on his knees—fervently trying not to think of why—but...
She didn't let him think or plan, she hurled into him and didn't let go for so long that he wondered if she had become paralyzed too~
"Why is it so important. Relate, love, hope." He whispered before realizing it. "Was does all these things matter when it will all end in decades?"
He wasn't sure for himself yet, but it seemed to matter very much for humans. For her.
He decided...decided to make her life, however short, as pleasant as possible. He would have to focus on the bright things. The little things.
He could do that, he knew how to do that.
Maybe that would be okay, okay enough even if it didn't end very well, if it burned, still he had to try for her. He would have to hide his reasons to her, through. She could be very selfless sometimes. Mostly when it was about him.
He would just be cautious. Very very cautious~
.
.
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A/N: I haven't played any of the game or even watched a whole playthrough. Buuut, I think I know practically everything about it except for, well, playing it. And other stuff too. Waiiit, don't facepalm yet... Ah okay. ...You can say it ; my Cole is a bit off, is that it? Is that the reason why you're looking at your screen that weird way? You can say it. Please say it. No really. Because if no one says anything, I'd be encouraged to continue. And publish more of my headcanon. Lots more. Lots, lots more. With heavy fan service and clingy Sues and horrible catch lines. You're warned.
Okay, that's the only thing I wrote so far. But I seriously might touch one line or two about Anders and Justice's watevermance sometimes.
It's probable that I'll rewrite it later to expend or harmonize. Probable...possible...not impossible