Shadowboxer

Author: Tiina

Rating: PG13

Spoilers: Post TBO

Morelli and I had finally called it quits six months ago. At first, I worried that Ranger would make good on his threats. Then I began to worry he wouldn't.

Once my lover, now my friend

What a cruel thing to pretend

What a cunning way to condescend

Once my lover, now my friend

He'd been a good friend to me, actually. When Joe left for a new job in Philadelphia, the rumors started. He was one of my strongest supporters. Listened when I ranted, held me when I cried. I was starting to feel comfortable within our new boundaries.

Oh, you creep up like the clouds

And you set my soul at ease

Then you let your love abound

And you bring me to my knees

Then he started with the pressure. Not overtly, like before. Just...a casual touch that lingered a little too long. Friendly hugs that felt like a lover's embrace. Just enough to start me thinking, remembering...

Oh, it's evil babe, the way you let your

grace enrapture me

When well you know I'd be insane-

to ever let that dirty game recapture me

Unfortunately, as much as I enjoyed reliving that night, I couldn't do it without reliving the comments he made the next day. His words were like a slap in the face. I couldn't have been more insulted if he had slapped money on my dresser as he was leaving.

You made me a shadowboxer, baby

I wanna be ready for what you do

I been swinging all around me

'Cause I don't know when you're

gonna make your move

So I tried to harden my heart to him. I pretended indifference to his every touch, every innuendo. I learned to do the blank face.

Oh, your gaze is dangerous

And you fill your space so sweet

If I let you get to close

You'll set your spell on me

My indifference was getting to him, I could tell. I caught him stealing puzzled glances at me when he thought I wasn't looking. He became more cautious, tentative in his flirting, and his touching. Surprisingly, seeing him unsure of himself made me feel that much closer to him. And made it that much harder to maintain my distance. I started to wonder why I bothered.

So darlin' I just want to say

Just in case I don't come through

I was on to every play

I just wanted you

He must have sensed the weakening of my resolve. Suddenly the pressure he'd been applying was raised to the next level. No longer tentative, he was stealing kisses, the kind of kisses that were more intimate than sex. The kind that made my heart pound. The kind that invaded my dreams.

But oh it's so evil, my love, the way you've

no reverence to my concern

So I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love

to save the pain of

Once my flame and twice my burn

I had to keep reminding myself that I'd seen this movie, and while the action was good, the ending sucked. I told myself that if I needed a fuck buddy, I'd find someone with whom I was less...emotionally entangled. I braced myself, wondering how long I could hold out.

You made me a shadowboxer, baby

I wanna be ready for what you do

I been swinging all around me

'Cause I don't know when you're

gonna make your move

Shadowboxer by Fiona Apple