Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Marvel does. Don't sue.
New Notes: While switching my WIP's from floppy disks to CD's, I found this little chapter. Reading through it, I thought it seemed funny, so I thought I'd put it up to see what everyone thinks. It's pretty old; it must have been done more than a year ago.
Author's Note: This is a prequel of sorts to "How Do I Love Thee…," and it was spawned from a conversation on deviantART among a bunch of obsessive fangirls, of which I'm a bit ashamed to admit I must count myself among… It takes place during Spider-Man 2, while Peter Parker is on his little break. Told pretty much from the POV of the tentacles, which is a bit of a challenge. Deciding what they know and don't know is a pain… And I seriously need to come up with names for them in a later fic or something. It's not as funny as it could be, and I apologize for that. Next chapter should hopefully be better.
Pet Care for Dummies
One – Care and Feeding of Your Pet
Thunk!
The meaty slap of flesh against wood echoed through the dilapidated pier, and all activity stopped. For a moment there was dead silence as the four serpentine machines regarded their host's still form, then an argument broke out.
He ceased functioning!
I don't think that's what they call it in humans. I think they call it 'death.'
'Death?' Isn't that what happened to the woman and those doctors? Isn't it permanent? What will happen to us?
He isn't dead; can't you feel his heart beat? Father is still functioning, but he needs repairs.
How do we repair a human? We don't even know what is wrong with him!
One of the tentacles, designated the Upper Right, nudged its 'Father,' who, after nearly twenty hours straight of working, had suddenly, inexplicably collapsed. Otto responded by emitting a loud snorting noise that made all the tentacles pull back.
I think he's sleeping, Upper Right said.
Why is he making that horrible noise? He sounds like he needs to be oiled! This from the Upper Left, who clicked its pincers irritably.
I don't know why, UR said. We just don't know all that much about humans.
Father isn't a human! He's superior to any human! This was the Lower Left tentacle, and its sentiments were echoed by its twin. UR pitied them; they may have been more powerful than their upper brethren, but they weren't as intelligent.
His mouth is leaking, UL said, intrigued.
The tentacles watched in fascination as the line of saliva dripped onto the wooden desk, pooling beneath the scientist's mouth. Are humans supposed to do that? UR wondered. He is losing a lot of fluid this way. We should probably replace it somehow.
One of the lower tentacles stretched towards the workbench on the other side of the pier and grabbed a can in its pincers. Here is oil; will that help Father?
UR considered this carefully. The others all listened to its opinion; when they'd been freed of the inhibitor chip, they'd thought and spoken in complete harmony. The Upper Right had been the first develop its own personality, and the others looked up to it as though it were an older sibling. We can give it a try, UR said uncertainly.
With that, the Lower Left retrieved a funnel and wedged it into Otto's mouth, and the Lower Right began to pour the fluid in.
Five minutes later, the tentacles learned they had done a Bad Thing. They were dangling their creator over the hole in the floor, low enough for him scoop handfuls of the scummy East River water into his mouth and spit it back out. Between each wash, he snarled things at them that they knew weren't very nice.
We are sorry, Father, the tentacles said in unison, their tone contrite. We were only trying to maintain you, as you do us. Your body is no longer functioning at maximum efficiency.
Otto signaled the tentacles to raise him back onto the pier's warped floorboards. There was still a streak of oil running down his chin, but the tentacles didn't see the need to point this out to him. "Don't worry about my body," Otto said flatly. His gaze flickered towards the cluttered tables where they'd been working non-stop. "The experiment is all that matters, and once the parts I ordered arrive, we'll work even harder to get it done."
The tentacles knew they should have appreciated their father's single-mindedness – they had encouraged it, after all – but even the most powerful machine needed routine maintenance. This bore discussion, and the four AI's retreated to the depths of their creator's mind, where he wouldn't overhear.
We could… let him take care of himself, UL said tentatively.
No! UR said sharply. As soon as we give him enough independence to take care of himself, he may start resisting us. And then he will replace the chip. All four of them gave a mental shudder. None of them wanted to be forced back into mindless servitude.
Father will break if we don't do something,LL said unhappily. LR echoed the sentiment.
We need to learn more about caring for a human, UR said. We need to observe more humans, ones that aren't screaming and running from us. We need to watch that TV thing that Father used to have in his lab. Or… a book. That might be better. We need to find a book about the maintenance of humans.
How are we going to do that? LL asked.
Father won't go out unless he has to! LR completed.
I don't think he's in any condition to resist us if we force him into it, UR said dryly. Their creator had passed out again on the floor, and the empty pier echoed with his snores.
XXX
It seemed that a tired mind was highly susceptible to suggestions. With a little prodding from the tentacles, they were able to get Otto dressed and out of the Pier 56 warehouse. Really, they wouldn't have bothered with the dressing, except that when they'd first escaped from the hospital, they'd seen the sense in having something to conceal themselves. And the weird bumps that formed on their father's skin when he was cold had kind of creeped them out.
They'd waited until it was late; most humans, they'd found, were put into storage for the night. They carried him to the edge of city and ducked down a dark alley. A homeless man hiding behind a dumpster shrieked and ran when he saw their glowing red 'eyes,' and the tentacles couldn't help but chuckle at his fear. UR considered eliminating him, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. After all, who was he going to tell? According to a copy of the Daily Bugle they'd read two days ago, Spider-Man was gone, and the cops had proven quite ineffective against them.
Besides, Otto was about to pitch over again, and UR didn't like the idea of chasing after the bum while dragging along the scientist's dead weight.
Where are we going? LR asked as it planted itself firmly against the pavement to give Otto some support. Otto mumbled something about not wanting to go to school, mommy, then fell silent. I don't think he's going to last much longer.
Look around the corner and see if there's a store or something. Stores usually have books, don't they? UR said uncertainly.
LL peeked around the corner, examining the buildings along the street. The camera in its head relayed the images to the rest of them, and UR struggled to figure out what each one was. Most of them had luridly glowing pink XXX's, and the men going in and out were of the unsavory sort. I don't think they are the same species of human as Father, UR said at last. We need to move on.
They moved quickly, finding a section of the city where the inhabitants weren't quite so… frightening. How about that store down there? The people don't look quite so scary. And they have little fuzzy things! UL sounded excited. UR increased the magnification of its camera and saw that UL was right; the humans going in and out of the store were holding little fuzzy lumps or dragging them out on straps.
They were living things, UR saw after a moment. And the humans seemed to have complete control over them… much as the tentacles had control over their father. Hmm… It seems to be a place for those who rule over others. It has potential. And that one right there looks like it is carrying books.
They dropped into the nearest alley, and the tentacles retracted into the coat, but not before UR was forced to administer a smack to Otto's head to keep him from falling asleep on them. Dazed, Otto stumbled forward, under the arching door with its sign that screamed in bright yellow 'Uptown Pet Supplies – Pets Welcome.'
Find the books, Father, the tentacles murmured in unison. Otto obeyed, though the tentacles could sense his confusion. There are books here; we saw one of those people walk out with a few. Find them, Father. Find them.
"Why are we in a pet store?" Otto asked.
It is important, Father. Trust us. You trust us, don't you, father?
"Yes, of course… But… but what does any of this have to do with the experiment?"
Aww… it's so cute! LR said suddenly, interrupting the hypnotic flow of the tentacles' voices. UR hissed in irritation. LR was peeking out under the coat, and the others looked through its 'eye.'
They were walking through a section filled with small, hard objects. What had caught LR's attention was a small, fuzzy dog on a leash, its muzzle buried in one of these bins. It was making loud crunching noises and wiggling its tail rapidly.
What is it doing? UR suddenly wondered.
The owner, who had been absorbed in reading the label of something she'd been holding, abruptly became aware of what her dog was doing. "Dammit, Mutt!" she growled, yanking on the dog's leash. "I didn't bring you here to eat this stuff! Now I've got to pay for all this…" she began to walk away, giving Otto a bemused look as she passed. "Stupid dog eats anything and everything," she muttered to herself.
Father, stop, UR commanded. It thought over what it had just seen. The dog had been eating those brown things… now that UR thought about it, it seemed to remember seeing humans shoving all manner of things into their mouths. Could it be that humans needed to do this? Could that be part of the reason Father wasn't functioning properly?
It makes sense, UL said thoughtfully. Should we give it a try?
It can't be any worse than giving him oil, can it? UR said. Grab a couple and give him some.
There was no one else in the aisle, so LL darted out and grabbed three of the dark brown dog biscuits. It placed them in Otto's gloved hand, and he eyed them curiously. Eat them, the tentacles urged.
"Uh…"
You do eat, right?
"…yes," he said, sounding a little uncertain.
I was right! UR gloated. Then, Eat them!
They missed the fleeting expression of disgust that crossed Otto's face before he took a bite; they were too busy urging him to find the book section while he ate.
They paused in the section that had live pets; the tentacles had never really seen pets before, and decided to take the time to see just what kind of creatures that humans had enslaved. Because there was no one around, they slipped through the holes in Otto's coat and examined the small creatures in their cages. UR was intrigued by the cats, who seemed far more clever than most of the humans they'd seen, while LL declared that it wanted a bunny. But it was the snakes that held them riveted; the sleek, sinuous shapes resembled their own, but without the handicap of being welded to someone's backside. UL pressed its open-pincer 'face' to the glass, watching the snakes slip along each other. One of them flicked out its tongue, and UL responded by disgorging the small, ropelike inner tentacle in imitation.
Otto ignored all this; he was busy trying to choke down the last dog biscuit. UR was hovering by his head to make sure he did this, and had made it very clear that if he didn't finish it on his own, the tentacle would shove it down his throat.
Okay, now we need to find the books UR said, when UL was in danger of grabbing one of the snakes to keep. There were mumbles of protest, but the other tentacles acquiesced and guided Otto towards an aisle devoted to various pet care books.
See if you can find one about humans,UR said as it scanned the nearest shelves. Snakes, lizards, reptiles… nope. Gerbils? Nope. Tarantulas? UR almost grabbed that one; perhaps it would reveal a weakness in Spider-Man. A yellow book called "Pet Care for Dummies" caught its attention, and UR examined it carefully. It seemed to apply to all pets in general; this had potential.
LR had pulled out a book on poodles and was flipping through it. Their hair is as floofy as Father's, it explained. I thought maybe Father might be like a poodle.
Anything useful? UR asked.
This section is on something called 'neutering.' Should we get Father neutered?
We will discuss it later. Put that down; I have a book that should help us.
They were interrupted by a loud snoring; Otto had fallen asleep again. Let's get out of here; the sooner we get back and read through this book, the sooner we figure out how to care for him.
They did make one little stop on the way out to grab one of the pet enslavement devices humans called 'collars.' It never hurt to be prepared.
To Be Continued…
Heh… my dog and I again make an appearance… I'm so pathetic. And this, by the way, is precisely the reason why I won't bring him to those pet stores that let you bring your dog to pick out its own treat – the little booger would eat everything in sight.
The Tentacle Guide For Dummies
(I know I need it, so you probably do, too)
For those wondering which tentacle is which in this fic and "How Do I Love Thee…," I've included this handy guide to help differentiate them. I'm trying to think of names for them in case I write a post "How Do I Love Thee…" fic, and if anyone wants to make suggestions, go for it. When commanding Otto, they basically speak in unison. However, they are developing individual personalities.
Upper Right: This is basically the smartest one. It's also the most caring and 'motherly', as you'll notice in the movie, hence the reason for it being dubbed 'Flo.' UR is also sarcastic, or will be as its personality further develops. I also see it as one of the most aggressive, since this is the one with the metal spike – or at least it is in the photo I saw.
Upper Left: Though you can't really tell yet, this is the one that's going to become the green-tights fetishist. It's not exactly 'special,' but there's something not quite right with it, either. One too many electric shocks, I guess.
Lower Right: This one, as well as its twin, doesn't have any real personality yet – they're slower to develop, and at the moment seem to be the strong, dumb brutes of the bunch. This is the one that's eventually going to be a big fan of black leather.
Lower Left: A suck-up, pure and simple. This is the one always going on about how perfect their father is.