Okayyyy….this fic is pretty much what it is, an internal reflection of Kira's thought as he rode Freedom again. At least my perception of it.
Disclaimer : I don't own Gundam, 'kay? Those belong to Sunrise or Bandai or whoever.
Acceptance
The story of a young man who chose to accept his destiny
I never thought that taking one step could be so suffocating.
With each step, I could hear and feel my heart beating slowly but surely, vibrating within my entire body. Not just that, I feel my entire body and soul pulsing, as if resonating with a part of me I thought that I lost, whom I wished never have to return.
A part of me I wish it never existed in the first place.
As the heavy sounds of metal came crunching behind me resulting from the closing of the solid hangar door kept secret by Lacus and Waltfeld from me, a gust of wind flew past me. Such a nostalgic feeling, I told myself. The nauseous, tingling smell of specialized oil used specifically in mobile suit maintenance along the unique scent of solid steel. Even wearing shoes, I could feel the cold steel under my legs sending a chill running down my spine. I looked up slightly, eyes momentarily flashed by the flashing lights surrounding her.
ZGMF-X10A…Freedom.
Ever since she was turned to scrap metal in my last fight with Raww Le Klueze, I never thought that I would ever see her again, especially under these circumstances. An imposing humanoid mecha, standing tall in front of me shadowed with a metallic grey image, from the deactivation of Phase-Shift. She looked exactly how I remembered her when we first met during that fateful day 2 years ago.
The day I decided to pursue the plague in my heart, and the day Lacus gave me 'the sword' as my mean to seek what my heart desired then.
The answer to my question.
What exactly am I fighting for?
That question plagues me even today. I've always thought that it was enough to abide by something, to cling to something that could support me to go on, someone to hold me and assure me that I was doing the right thing. Someone to tell me that I'm still human and not some mindless killing machine.
But it was not enough.
Even now. I still can't find my answer to that. But no longer will I hesitate, as I know who I can fight for. I may have yet to truly stand on my own two feet fighting for my own personal beliefs, but I can accept that. I know who I want to protect, who I can throw my life away for…
Thinking back, I wondered what would had happened to me if I never met Lacus, Cagalli, Athrun, Tolle, Waltfeld, Murrue….
If I was alone…
A rumbling quake returned me from my thoughts. Now was not the time for all this. Right now, I must do what I should, and protect Lacus and the others from the assailants. I rushed forward towards the cockpit of Freedom and jumped in instantly, activating the OS of Freedom, which apparently was left untouched from my own rewritings.
Even though I had been away from the battlefield for so long, it felt like just a day ago that I last operated Freedom. The fleeting feeling of reunion is there, but at the same time I felt the same like I was two years ago.
That thought sickened me a little inside, though I can't help but be grateful that I haven't lost my touch after all these years.
I suppose that it's really impossible, isn't it, to pretend that the past never happened.
But it doesn't matter anymore. Lacus, thank you. Thank you for staying by my side all these time. Thank you for protecting me from the sorrows of my past. Thank you for being the only light of my godforsaken soul that would've been consumed by guilt had you not be there. Lacus, look at me.
This time… I'll be the one to protect you.
"Freedom…launching."
And thus I return to the battlefield once again.
Never will I run away again.
If this is where my destiny leads me, then I'll face it with my own two hands.
Author's Note : Short, simple and precise. At least I think it's acceptably short. I always felt that Kira was mis-presented in GSD as an arrogant guy due to his lack of emotional showcase. The kind of guy he is, he bottles it up and reflects upon his heart rather than emo it out like Athrun, or Gil-talk.
If you've read this far, then please review if possible. The more constructive the critics, the better. Either you think it sucks, or you like it. Something like that.
Till next time, though I won't be frequent.
Nighty's Gale. You can call me Nighty though.