This fic is part of the Danmakuverse, and takes place after Life of the Tengu. I ask you to read that first.
Disclaimer: OH YEAH, WORDS AND STUFF!
Chapter 1
"So Rinnosuke; if you don't mind me being forward, what kind of woman is your type?"
Her purple hair is almost reaching her shoulders and is donned with a black, frilly hairband. Her skirt extends past her knees but does not reach as far down as the light pink petticoat which reaches far enough and with a big enough spread to hide her feet from view. Her black blouse has contrasting light pink frills at the cuffs and elbows, its front is held fast by crisscrossing laces. Under her blouse, she is wearing a light pink undershirt. A light pink shawl with blue frills on its edged rests on her shoulders, covering her neck and bust, closed by a heart shape emblem with a black bow. But while her shawl may hide her cleavage perfectly from sight, her blouse cannot hide the shape of her bust; and she is greatly endowed, at least for someone of her small height. I try my best to ignore the red, round piece of flesh positioned over her heart, connected to her body via fleshy cords running to her head and wrists, which is housing an eye of its own that is staring at me.
"U-uh, my type?"
And speaking of her assets, this woman who I don't know is rubbing her chest against my arm. I know I'm supposed to know her, from her perspective anyways, but I don't.
No, she isn't some woman that I knew before getting my head damaged to the degree of resulting in permanent memory loss. Well, maybe she is, but that's not the point. The point is that I don't know how to react to her advances!
I have no memories of how to deal with women, so I don't know how to reject her.
"Oh, Rinnosuke, you're getting flushed? That's so unlike you, it's a cute change!" She is staring at me with her purple eyes, eyes that I know but have rarely, if ever, had directed towards me.
While I am so embarrassed or bashful (whatever it is, I'm too much of it to bother recalling definitions) that I could die, my body is reacting to her flirting. My body is screaming, demanding that I pin this woman to the ground and mount her.
But I CAN'T. I can't lay a hand on her because I am not Rinnosuke Morichika; I am Sasuke Ito (that and she might kill me if she found out).
So why, you might ask, is this woman calling me by the name of the famous half human, half youkai hybrid?
...Hours earlier...
"Lieutenant Ito, I have a mission for you!"
This man standing before me is a Dai Tengu, one of the snobbish, arrogant ones if I recall correctly. Like most of his race, he follows the old Tengu religion that dictates that their kind are the rightful rulers of the entire Tengu species. And last time I checked, he likes to flaunt it.
Unfortunately; I am by law to obey any commands he gives that are not in direct conflict with orders of higher priority or orders that are in violation of our laws.
But the fact he is so serious right now means something special is up, at least something special enough to warrant making him not talk about how he should be allowed to eat only the best foods Gensokyo can produce and not be obligated to give a damn about anyone else.
"Yes sir?" I ask. If I spoke English instead of Japanese, I would spell that as C-U-R. He lifts up a picture of a man with yellow eyes, glasses and silver hair.
"Ms. Momji's older brother?" I ask, "He's lost muscle mass... and got glasses... and dyed his hair." I'm trying to amuse myself. Clearly, I am failing.
"His name is Rinnosuke Morichika. He's a hybrid between a human and an unknown youkai."
"And?"
"And he has more than a quarter of the female youkai population wanting to get into his pants!" the Dai Tengu shouts. "That's more than what the previous Alpha Hakkurou had!"
As the youkai of darkness would ask, is that so?
"This last Valentine's Day, we had a record low of men receiving chocolate from any woman!"
Tengu, as normally social creatures (supposedly even more social than humans), will talk about their problems to their friends. If he heard it by ear, that is probably how this man can presume to know such a thing.
Or he could have found out by using spy networks, in which case he's wasting our resources in policing.
Valentine's Day, a celebration of a woman's love for a man. Her sincerity is shown by giving the man she loves a snack food used combining some exotic bean with sugar. It's a holiday adopted by those native to Gensokyo as a result of several outsiders making their home here wanting to celebrate it.
White wolf men never receive chocolate on this holiday as all of us either can't stomach it or think it tastes downright disgusting. Or in my father's case, both.
I have seen my father eating something similar to the stuff, some chocolate like snack called carob that came from the outside world. I tried some and it didn't give me problems, so perhaps I should look into getting more.
"And can you guess why?" the Dai Tengu asks.
If he hadn't shown me the picture of the silver haired man earlier, I would guess that it is because the men of the Tengu are becoming less and less impressive. I've been banned from several physical and magical competitions because "people stop having fun when I'm competing." Not that I care seeing that it's my parents who make me go to those in hopes of attracting the attention of females.
If women didn't notice me when I wiped the floor with the entire list of my enemies in the vast majority of sports back then, what makes you think they'd care now?
"This asshole got them all! He's never been to Youkai Mountain and half of the population of single, eligible Tengu women are still throwing themselves at him!"
Half of the single women? Probably an exaggeration to get me hyped up for the mission. While I am intelligent not to believe it immediately without evidence, my interest in this case has been perked, if slightly. But that won't get me to resolve the situation any faster if I don't know what I'm supposed to actually be doing.
"Sir, please tell me on what you want me to do," I say. The sooner I can stop listening to his complaining, the better.
"I want you to go spy on him and find out his secret! I want you to find out why such a man exists and isn't a Tengu!"
"Why can't you ask the Crow Tengu to do that? They're the ones that excel in spying," I reason.
"Because they're sure to blab the information they find out, and I want as few men to know the secret as possible."
If he's going to go about it like that, I might as well keep what I learn a secret to myself. Since mind reading spells are illegal on Youkai Mountain, he'll never find out. So I'll be safe from him prying.
"Sir, yes sir," I say as I salute again, perfectly faking enthusiasm.
...
The trip to the hybrid's shop is uneventful as it is a short flight over the forest at the bottom of Youkai Mountain and over a portion of the Forest of Magic. I land in an open area between the boundary of the Forest of Magic and the Human Village. In it is a single building. The sign suspended off its wall says "Kourindou," indicating that I am at the right place. While I take in the surroundings, I walk up the steps and open the door without pause.
"Hello, welcome to Kourindou," says the man who is sitting behind a wooden desk. His appearance is uncannily similar to the photo shown to me by the Dai Tengu. Golden eyes, silver hair, wearing a pair of glasses. Even his clothes are the same black and blue style.
"Hello," I respond to the man who I presume is Mr. Morichika as I enter.
"Ah, a tengu, what do I owe this visit?"
"Nothing specific, although..." I see in the corner of my eye a small girl; she has white hair that is partly blue, red eyes, and wearing a black dress with blue trim. She also has wings on her back, small horns on her head, and what appears to be a single wing on the rear of her head. Judging from her scent, she is a youkai.
Since I don't want her to hear what I am about to say next, I walk towards the hybrid and lean towards him so that only he will hear what I whisper.
"I'm looking for a book that's hard to get, Miracle Sanae-Chan."
A book that has many erotic illustrations accompanying its plot. The book has been banned from some areas due to the main character's uncanny resemblance to an individual with the same name. It would make sense if Miss Kochiya herself threatened people to insure the halt to its publication.
Of course, I know this because I already have it in my possession. I managed to get my hands on it after my father burned all of my other erotic reading materials while saying that a male Tengu of my caliber should be seeking out females to mate with instead of using such materials to deal with my frustrations.
"Actually, while I don't have that book in stock, I do have one by the same author," the shop owner answers, surprising me. He points at a bookshelf against the far wall.
"Thank you," I tell him before turning and walking towards the bookshelf. Upon arrival, I see a book whose cover and title I've never seen before... but I recognize the art style.
Magical Maid Sakuya-Chan.
I know I'm going going to be happy tonight.
Right when I pick up the book, a woman barges into the shop. Her body's shape and height is like that of a human woman in her late teens or older, and she is shapely. She is likely a youkai woman, as that is what she smells like. Her clothing is too flamboyant for any of the humans in the Human Village (aside from the 'nobility' who wouldn't be caught dead without their personal guards, and she clearly does not have any if my senses are anything to go by) and she radiates too much power to be an outsider.
Also, I am fairly certain that her gradient hair colors are not something that any human in Gensokyo has, at least not naturally.
Wait, I have seen her before... perhaps she is both that youkai woman that is heading up a temple? I believe it is that temple that teaches tolerance regardless of race.
She immediately walks over to the owner as he sits behind the desk of the shop.
"Sir, are you Rinnosuke Morichika?" she asks. Morichika is very calm and looks almost uncaring when he looks in her direction.
"Yes, yes I am," he answers.
"Please forgive me for being frank, but is it true that you're a half human, half youkai hybrid?" Although she is lacking tact, she is making up for it by getting straight to the point.
"Yes, it's actually one of the key functions to running a business that serves everyone regardless of species," the man answers.
"I am Byakuren Hijiri. Will you join my cause in making humans and youkai come to terms with each other and bring peace to Gensokyo?"
He simply stares at her for a moment, I try not to show interest in the conversation by turning to the book in my hand. I open it up several pages in make myself appear to have been reading for some time and-wait!
...
Okay, why are the characters surprised that the heroine isn't wearing pads? I should not have skipped 10 pages.
"And what has brought this about? Why are you interested in me?" he asks her in response.
"Surely, a human and youkai loving each other so much as to produce a life would be an inspiration to those who believe in the possibility of humans and youkai living in harmony with each other."
The hybrid pauses in the middle of reading. It's as if the nun hit a nerve. Slowly, he closes the book and places it on the wooden desk he is sitting at.
"... Ms. Hijiri," Morichika starts as he rubs his nose underneath his glasses, "My mother and father did not love each other."
"Eh?" her face is perplexed.
"My father... he was a human who was rejected by over 100 human women, or so I've been told. Desperate to sate his frustration, he used the extent of his skills and knowledge to capture a female youkai. Then he proceeded to rape that youkai until he was certain she was impregnated. She broke free, and turned him into her next meal. When I was born, she abandoned me to the Human Village."
He didn't go into detail about who his mother was or how he came to know the information he gave the nun. I would assume that he came across her and was informed about the details surrounding his birth. But without confirmation...
Turning my head slightly, I can see that there is no emotion in his voice, nor is there any emotion on his face. On the other hand, Ms. Hijiri is shocked.
"I-I'm so sorry," Ms. Hijiri says.
"I've gotten over it," the hybrid assures her.
"Excuse me. I-I'd like to sort through my thoughts," says the head of the Buddhist temple. She is slightly pale.
"I understand. Feel free to come by again sometime."
And with that, the Buddhist nun gives a polite bow, turns and makes her way out the door at a walking pace that is moderate in speed.
The blue youkai girl that was in here earlier is gone. She must have left while the nun and the hybrid spoke to each other.
So when Ms. Hijiri left, the shop owner and I were the only ones left...
...
While I am usually calm and calculating, I do find the lingering silence awkward.
...
I flip the page of the erotic book to make myself appear to have not noticed the conversation.
...
Purple tentacles? What?
"Mr. Tengu, is there anyone near here?" the hybrid asks me. I immediately close the book and turn towards him.
"I don't smell anyone except you in this room." Why is he asking?
"No, I mean is there anyone outside?"
Placing the book back on the shelf, I walk to the door. Sticking my nose outside, I take in a large whiff of air...
"Other than some insects and reptiles, none of which are of the youkai variety, there is quite literally no one near or inside this house except for you and me." I can smell lingering scents from the two female youkai who were just here, but they don't smell like they're close.
"Great, that means I can speak freely!" he gasps, or sighs, or both. He stands up straight then bows. "Mr. Tengu, can you help me?"
Wait, why is the man asking me for help?
"Help you?" I ask.
"Yes, yes. You look just like me, making you the only candidate for this to work."
How did I look like him? Not taking my ears into account; my face is less like that of a pretty boy's than his and my hair is a different color from his as well as shorter.
In fact, he's noticeably shorter and slenderer than me, and he also lacks my stomach fat.
"And why should I help you?" While my sense of morality would want me to help him, immediately saying yes would probably make me sound suspicious. But if there is a legitimate reason for me to help him, like helping me finding out the secret to the hybrid's charm...
"Because you'll be doing a good deed and getting desired erotic novels as payment... like the limited edition copy you just read." I look back to the shelf that has Magical Maid Sakuya-Chan novel on it. My eyes are sharp enough to see two embroidered into the cover.
Limited Edition.
"You've yet to tell me how I'd be doing a good deed," I say as I turn back to him.
"Then can you hear me out for a moment?"
"I'm listening."
"Last Valentine's Day, I'm just going about my business when suddenly at least two dozen women give me chocolate. Tomorrow is White Day and I want to make myself scarce."
"Why? What happens on White Day?" I've heard of the Holiday, but I am not exactly privy on the exact details of what it is.
"Any man given chocolate by a woman on Valentine's Day is expected to give something white that is three times the value of the chocolate given to him by the that woman. It's something as a sign between two lovers, or mutual friends who just so happen to be opposite sexes. But I have two major problems; first, I don't have that kind of money!"
Yeah, I often hear that his shop doesn't make much money. Granted, most shops do not produce enough money so that a man can blow it on gifts for twenty women.
Perhaps I should be happy that I never receive anything on Valentine's Day?
"This leads me to my second problem. Every woman has either been a youkai fully capable of killing me or a human... also fully capable of killing me. If I give only one of them a White Day present, they will start to kill each other, or me. But I actually have a woman who I want to give a White Day present to."
I cannot tell him to just fight them off or to waste time reasoning with them. Anyone charged with emotion will not be able to be reasoned with and this man cannot be trained to be strong enough in a short amount of time as several hours.
"But you're a Tengu, you can handle anything Gensokyo can throw at you!"
Possible, but highly unlikely.
"I have a woman that I want to court, but I don't want anyone else to know about it. And so, please listen to my selfish request. Pose as me for a week, I will pay you for it."
"As much as I would like to be of help, I don't see how this will work."
"I'm certain no one will figure it out!"
"Even if you were able to make sure that no one would notice the subtle differences in our appearance, someone's gonna notice the difference between our voices."
"What difference? We sound exactly alike," he insisted.
"Actually, Mr. Morichika, you sound like Lanipator on a good day when he's voicing for parodies on illustrated stories about celestial monkeys. Mr. Ito, on the other hand, sounds like a cheap imitation of Steve Blum when he's voicing self aware machinery capable of transforming into a flying cannon."
The third person to speak is a human female. Her body shape and height are like that of the Buddhist nun's, albeit her bust size is noticeably larger. She is wearing a blue and white outfit similar to a shrine maiden's, except blue instead of red and covered in light blue polka dots and stripes. She has long light green hair, and yellow eyes. She also is wearing a snake-shaped hair accessory wrapped around her hair on one side, and a hair clip shaped like a frog's head. The skirt reaches to her knees, and she wears maroon-colored boots.
She is Sanae Kochiya; a young human woman who recently moved in from the outside world. She is not only a priestess and a Miko but since people didn't believe in religion but instead believed in her, she apparently was transformed into a Living Goddess due to their faith.
Even if I never read the book Miracle Sanae-Chan, I would recognize her as I personally met her before.
She is the only human openly allowed on Youkai Mountain as her shrine is there, housing two other deities.
There is one thing that I am surprised about, though... she managed to enter the building without Rinnosuke or I noticing.
"Who are they?" I ask about the two she spoke about. They're probably famous people from the outside world, but...
Before Miss Kochiya can respond to me, Rinnosuke turns pale and dives under the table. "Oh gods, they're already here!" he screams.
"Mr. Morichika, I'm just here to check your wares. You're not my type, so you don't have to worry about me ruining your love life."
"R-really?" Rinnosuke asks as he peeks out from under the table.
"More importantly, you need someone to distract the hyenas, right? I'll use my divine power and all the women will think that Mr. Ito is you for days! Plenty of time needed to romance your loved one, is it not?"
What's a hyena?
"Wait, why would you help me?" Rinnosuke asks, wary of her.
"As a representative of the Moriya Shrine, I would not kill your faith in us by ruining your hopes and dreams."
Indeed, now that Rinnosuke knows that she knows about him having a girl that he is actually interested in, he can inductively deduce that problems may arise from her knowing. Even if she wants Rinnosuke for herself, the best she can do is milk the situation for all it's worth without getting between Rinnosuke and the girl of his dreams and hope that Rinnosuke picks her on his own free will.
"That and I already have someone I love, so I shouldn't be chasing after you."
Oh yes, Shrine Maidens apparently can sleep with someone if it is within the moral guidelines of their deity... or so I've heard. While the whole "remaining a virgin to remain an effective shrine maiden" thing helps with many deities, there is a possibility that it is mostly a quality used to appeal to the public. But I cannot deny that it simplifies things. I would try to determine who the Wind Priestess is dating, but such is a waste of time and brain power.
Now that I am thinking about mating, while several women will come here wanting to romance Mr. Morichika, I can assume some may try the more... direct approach. I should ask Rinnosuke his thoughts.
"Please pardon me, Miss Kochiya, but I must ask Mr. Morichika some questions of crass nature." It is courtesy to others to bring that up before addressing the problem.
Kochiya nods in understanding but doesn't leave, indicating that I am to continue with her present. The hybrid does not protest, and I ask him my question.
"What if a woman, thinking I am you, tries to seduce me?"
"I don't want any of this coming back and biting me in the derriere, and I don't want any of my stuff traded off for anything that isn't tradeable or lesser value."
Summary: so long as nothing bad happens to you, you don't care what I do.
...
"This is a bad idea," I voice my opinion.
"I need this done for a week starting today, and I am already throwing my best at the problem. You've agreed that you can help, not to mention that Miss Kochiya is helping, so you could try to hope for the best," he tells me.
According to my former self's journals, I apparently had virtually zero self-confidence and courage when I wasn't being an arrogant screw up. And given my most recent memories...
"Confidence is not something I am familiar with," I inform him.
"Alright, Mr. Ito," Kochiya says while lifting her gohei, "Time to make you shorter, slenderer and more attractive."
She takes a couple of steps towards me, closing the distance between us. She raises her modern style gohei and places a hand on me. This physical contact is awkward as my body is starting to react to an attractive female touching me.
Please Miss Kochiya, don't look down.
After a few seconds, she retracts her hand from my shoulder, crosses her arms and tilts her head to the side.
"Hmmm... first we need to make you look thinner. That's the most definite give away." She turns to the hybrid before speaking again. "Mr. Morichika, do you have a pair of clothes that can be altered to make people look skinnier and shorter?"
The man pushes his glasses further onto his nose, as if he adjusted them for the sake of adjusting them, and smirks.
"No, but with my sowing skills, I can make one that can also fit a man as tall as him in only an hour," he says proudly.
"Make it happen, please."
"I'll be in the back," he says.
"Alright!" Miss Kochiya says while turning back to me, "Next is making you shorter... try to slouch!"
Slouch? I relax my back muscles and let my upper body fall onto my lower body.
"Good, good. Now next is... that hair. It's healthy and clean, but it's not nearly as shiny as Rinnosuke's. Hmmm..." She motions for me to come to her, I take several steps forward. She puts her hand on the back of my head and-
"GURGUGLGUGLE!" I pull my head up out of whatever it was that it was just submerged in. As water drains from my face, my eyes can make out a sink. Where did that come from?
"What was that!?" I demand with my head sopping wet.
"Time to make your hair shiny! This will make your hair have the same appearance that Mr. Morichika's hair has." she sings as she reveals a bottle that says... shampoo?
She squirts some onto her hand and runs it through my hair, kneading the liquid substance into my scalp. With her other hand, she pulls my head above the sink.
"Stay above the sink, please. We don't want to spill anything."
I would protest and tell her I can do it myself, but since she has already sullied her hands and I have yet with mine, I opt not to waste time and water and to take this moment in an attempt to meditate.
Yes, I can mediate while my head is being washed. It's far from perfect, but-
...
The priestess seems to have forgotten that her top is white. With her washing my head, the water couldn't be cold enough.
...
After a few minutes of scrubbing, she dunks my head into the water filled sink. This is to get what feels like soap out of my hair.
After letting the water drain from my hair, a cloth I recall being known as a towel partially wraps around my head as the priestess presses against my wet surfaces in order to soak up the excess liquids. Soon after, she pulls the towel away.
"Alright, done," she informs me. "The hair growth formula in the shampoo shouldn't be a hindrance to a youkai."
"Was washing my hair necessary? I could have done it myself," I inform her.
"O-oh? Uh, sorry," she apologizes. However, her gaze seems to indicate that something on my face is wrong.
"What is it?" I ask.
"We need to do something about the bags under your eyes. If you can't look like Rinnosuke perfectly, the very least we can do is make whatever error instead compliment your appearance. I mean, it's as much of a no-brainer as being asked if you want to be 30% prettier or 30% uglier." Not if you don't want to risk being raped, but I understand her meaning. She turns toward the hybrid before asking him another question. "Mr. Rinnosuke, do you have any potatoes? I need something to remove the bags under his eyes."
"How much will you need?" he asks in response.
"Just a thin slice."
"I knew I kept that good luck charm for a reason," he says as he leaves the room. What, did he do make a deal with the white rabbit of Inaba?
...
It isn't long before I am holding half of a slice of potato under each of my eyes.
"Alright Mr. Ito, keep these under your eyes for 20 minutes," Miss Kochiya says as she pulls out her gohei. "In the meanwhile, I'll create a blessing for keeping the illusion."
"Wait, you're creating a miracle even when you went to the length to utilize so many items?"
"Even with your hair grown out longer and made shinier, and even if you became shorter and slenderer, and even with you face made to look more youthful like Rinnosuke's, you still don't look that much like him. That said, you'd have difficulty pretending to be him in front of anyone who may notice the differences, especially since your eyes aren't even the same color. Those are more of safety nets in case the miracle fails."
Deductively valid. And she may even realize that it would logically make the miracle more effective since it now has less to convince people of.
"Now if you'll excuse me..." She moves to a clear spot on the floor, raises her gohei and starts dancing. It is a ceremonial sort that I had seen her perform before, but I don't remember any specifics.
Yes, Miss Kochiya may be a priestess, but she is also a goddess. She'll succeed.
...
The more she dances, the more energy I can detect gathering around her. Her enthralling dance lasts for the majority of the time I need to keep the potato pieces on my face. And it ends with a flourish that artistic folk would refer to as glorious.
"Done!" she says, turning to me with a smile.
I look into the mirror the hybrid had on the wall, but I do not see Sasuke Ito. I see Rinnosuke Morichika. His hair is a little shorter than normal, but... otherwise, I can't see a difference between my current appearance and the man who I met today.
"Woah, I did such a good job that I can't tell the two of you apart!" the priestess boasts, fists on her hips, puffing up her chest and smiling as if she was victorious.
"What are you talking about? He looks nothing like me," the hybrid protests. Maybe he should change his glasses?
...
"Here's a list of items you need to make sure that you don't sell," Rinnosuke says as he hands me long piece of paper.
After taking a look at the list and a look at the store, I can see that the list of things not to sell contains more than half of the items in the store. What was the point of calling this a store?
He then leans close to me and whispers in my ear as if he still doesn't trust Miss Kochiya.
"I'll be in the Human Village in case there is an emergency." Drawing away from me, he looks to us before turning and making his way to the door. "Well, you both have my thanks," he says as he goes out the door, "I'm off to make the most of this day."
"If you're successful, be sure to hold the wedding at the youkai and human friendly Moriya Shrine!" Miss Kochiya calls out.
"I will," Rinnosuke yells back.
"Well," the priestess turns to me, "I will be leaving as well. I have... things to do." She turns and exits out the door.
"Oh yes," she stops and turns back to face me, "Remember, once the miracle's power ends, the first things people may recognize are your eyes being the wrong color, your shoulders being broader, your ears being fluffier and your face not being as pretty. Excuses I suggest using are eye color changing contact lenses from the outside world, and that you've been working out and your youkai blood becoming stronger."
Wait, that doesn't answer what I should do to explain the change in my face.
"And my face?" I ask. She shrugs her shoulders in response. "...Nevermind, I'll think of something." She nods, waves, turns and leaves.
And that said, I am alone in the building. For the price of an erotic illustrated novel, I am helping a man find true love and a woman spread her religion around Gensokyo.
But I don't mind it as it will give me opportunities to discover the secrets behind Rinnosuke's gift at getting women.
Having work that is relaxing is necessary, as the constant stress will be hurtful to my health. Not as much as it can be to animals, but...
Oh yes, when I get a moment of alone time, I will need to vent my frustrations which have been have been needlessly built up in last couple hours. No thanks to that common sense lacking, sexually attractive, wind priestess.
The bell hanging above the door rings, indicating to me that someone has entered the shop.
"Hey Kourin!" the first girl to arrive since my job began speaks as she enters the shop.
"Welcome to Kourindou!" I greet her with a smile.
From the Author:
Achariyth1 and Captain Vulcan proof read this. Achariyth1 also helped me with the story a lot. Go read their works!
ZUN owns Touhou. I own Sasuke Ito. Danmakuverse is owned by Wolfsbane706, go read his stuff too.
Now you totally know who is going to be first, but I'm wondering who I should have appear after that. Hmmmm...