"Harry Potter and The Cape of Kozmo"

By Wtchcool

Beta: IronAmerica

Disclaimer: If I owned "The Cape," all of you would have heard of it somehow. If I owned "Harry Potter," I probably wouldn't have taken the bar exam.

Part 1

Ginny Potter was making breakfast as her nine year old son, Albus, sat watching the morning news in the kitchenette. She handed him a bowl of oatmeal as her husband, Harry Potter, strolled in.

On the set, a story about the upcoming swearing-in of Kingsley Shaklebolt as the new Chief of Police of Palm City came on. Harry, as a sergeant in the Palm City Police Department, would be in charge of security at the ceremony. Ginny turned up the volume.

"The masked serial killer known as Chess has reportedly made threats on the incoming chief of police…" A grainy photograph of a man wearing a red mask that covered his head, and contacts that seemed to make his pupils look like slits, was flashed on the screen. Harry's eyes narrowed. Chess had eluded the PCPD so far, but Harry knew they would find him and catch him. Cheered by that thought, he kissed his wife and son goodbye and headed off to work.

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Cho Chang, a fellow officer, approached Harry in the precinct and had him follow her to her computer. She pulled up a blog entitled "Orwell is Watching," the logo a giant eye inside a pyramid.

"Did you hear?" Cho asked. "Orwell just posted another list of corrupt cops." She lowered her voice. "Crabbe and Goyle are on the list." They both looked across the room, where the officers were standing. Harry suppressed a shiver. How many corrupt cops were there on the force?

"Why are you reading Orwell's blog, anyway?" he asked Cho. "What do we know about this guy?"

"He's the only independent news source in this city. Everything else is owned by ARK Corporation," Cho pointed out. Harry didn't know what to say to that.

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Kingsley stood on the podium, giving his speech accepting the position as the new chief of police. Harry strode around, doing his best to make sure there were no flaws in their security.

"Crabbe!" He called out. "The north side's looking a little thin. Go cover it." Crabbe hastened to obey and Harry couldn't help but wonder why Orwell thought the detective was corrupt.

Kingsley's speech concluded, he left the podium and entered the limousine that was waiting for him.

"I hope that Chess character had a front-row seat," Kingsley smiled. His blood ran cold as a silky voice answered him.

"Backstage pass." The villain was dressed all in red. Chess held up an explosive called L-9. He activated it, left the vehicle and locked Kingsley inside before fleeing the scene.

Harry noticed something amiss when he saw Crabbe wasn't at his station.

"Crabbe, what are you doing? You're my eyes on the chief!"

"You called me off."

"The hell I did," Harry replied. He ran towards the chief's vehicle. Peering through the tinted windows, he saw Kingsley trapped inside. "Chief!" Harry picked up a crowbar and tried to smash a window open or pry open a door, but it was no use. The L-9 was going off and… BOOM! The explosion rent the air. Harry was thrown back from the blast, unharmed, but the vehicle and its sole occupant had been destroyed.

(INSERT THEME MUSIC)

Hours later, Harry was at home, attacking his punching bag, infuriated that he had been unable to save the chief, and Chess had gotten away. Al wandered in and Harry let his son take a few shots at the bag. Harry smiled and gave the boy a few pointers to help him strike better.

"I know you'll get him, Dad," Al said.

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Harry's best friend and former partner at the PCPD, Draco Malfoy, sat across the table from him, sliding him an ARK badge.

"I don't know, Malfoy. Private security?"

"It's time, Potter. Let's face the reality: soon ARK Corporation will be taking over the police department. You need to get in on the ground floor. Besides, ARK could use men like you. Talk it over with Ginny. She's the only one of you that has any sense," the blonde quipped.

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As Malfoy suggested, Harry broached the topic with Ginny that evening, as she was getting ready for bed.

"I don't know, Harry."

"I thought you'd be pleased."

"But private security?"

"I'd still be a cop and ARK has good benefits. I'd have time off."

"Time off?" Ginny grinned as she joined Harry under the covers. "What's that?" Harry grinned back as he kissed his wife.

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Harry sat in the lobby of ARK Tower, waiting to be called in for his meeting with the corporation's billionaire CEO, Severus Snape. As he waited, a promo for the company played on a large screen, advertising the humanitarian work ARK did in protecting their troops abroad…

Finally, Malfoy took Harry up to see Snape. The billionaire cut an impressive figure in his black suit with matching black tie and black shirt. Okay, he was wearing a lot of black, but Harry supposed that went with his black eyes and black hair.

"Sergeant Potter," Snape greeted. "I understand you're originally from Palm City?"

"Yes, sir, I am. My father, James Potter, was a sheriff here before he died." Snape heard Potter's unspoken words: he had joined the PCPD to continue in his father's footsteps. The older man frowned.

"Then you must hate this, the fact that a private security firm is doing the work of the police department."

"I just want to be a cop," Harry insisted. Snape smiled.

"Good answer. Now, Potter, I'm sure you know there's been abundant corruption in the ranks of the police department. Have you kept your nose clean?"

"I never take bribes, sir," Harry spat back. The very idea was offensive. Snape noticed the younger man's reaction.

"Forgive me. That was rude. We need men like you at ARK, Potter. Welcome aboard. Can you start on Monday?" Harry smiled.

"Yes, sir."

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Ginny looked into her child's bedroom and saw Albus reading to Harry from one of his textbooks.

"He needs to finish his homework," the redhead called out.

"We're working on it," Harry replied, smiling. He waited a beat for his wife to walk away, then gave an all-clear signal to Al. Dumping the textbook to the side, Al handed his father his favorite comic book, "The Cape." Harry grinned. It was his favorite comic book, too. He began to read the latest issue aloud, making sure to do voices for the characters.

"'Let's see if the Cape burns,' the Arsonist said. Beneath the city…"

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In the middle of the night, Harry got out of bed to try to finish up some work on his computer. Ginny stirred, but he told her to go back to sleep.

He was in front of his computer monitor when the screen flashed and the logo from Orwell's blog filled the monitor. A mechanically distorted voice, presumably belonging to the blogger, issued from the speakers.

"Sorry to hear you're going to work for ARK, Potter. Guess you bought into the hype that ARK is making the world safer. Well…" A picture of an explosive filled the screen. "This is L-9," Orwell continued. "Officially, it doesn't exist, but we know better, don't we, Potter? This is what L-9 did to the chief's limo." A picture of Kingsley's wrecked vehicle filled the screen, before switching to the image of a smiling blonde man in a violet suit. "This is Gilderoy Lockhart. He runs the biggest smuggling operation on the West coast. My sources say that he's struck a deal with Snape. Go to the train yards tonight, Potter, and see what ARK is really up to…"

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Malfoy showed up at the train yards. Where was Potter? His partner had called him here. Ah. There he was up ahead, shining a flashlight at him.

"Malfoy, did you come alone?"

"Yes. What's this about?" Harry took a box off the freight train nearest them and opened it up. "Potter, you can't open that! That's illegal!"

"You want to see illegal, how about this?" Harry asked. He pulled a doll out of the box.

"Pammy Pees?" Malfoy asked, arching a blond eyebrow. Harry pulled the head off the doll and pulled out a container of L-9.

"I don't know about you, but I'm thinking recall," Harry said. "What's this stuff doing on an ARK train?"

"I don't know, Potter, but ARK is a large corporation. There are a lot of moving parts. Just come with me and we'll get this all sorted out in the- NO! I'VE GOT THIS!" Malfoy shouted as an ARK guard hit Harry from behind, knocking the sergeant unconscious.

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Shortly before dawn, Harry woke up inside a car of one of the freight trains. He was tied to a chair, a chess board before him, the pieces arranged as if two people had been playing but were interrupted. Malfoy stood facing him, a somber expression on his face.

"Malfoy, what have you done?" Harry asked. Someone's voice came from the shadows behind Malfoy.

"Do you play chess, Potter? I ask because you are at a critical point in the game. You can win, but you'd have to sacrifice your queen. You've left your family in a vulnerable position, coming here, Harry. I know all about your wife, your son." Chess stepped out of the shadows. "My life is like a game of chess." The villain reached for his mask to take it off.

"NO!" Harry cried, instinctively knowing that once he'd caught sight of the killer's face, the madman would never let him out of there alive. Not heeding the man's cry, Chess removed his mask…and revealed Severus Snape's face. The hooked nose, thin lips and black hair was the same. The only difference was that Snape's black eyes were concealed by those light blue contacts that appeared to distort his pupils. (Seriously, what was up with those contacts? Harry wore contacts, sure, but that was because he was blind as a bat without them, not to conceal his green eyes.)

Harry's mouth fell open in shock. It couldn't be. Chess couldn't be Snape! He'd met Snape; he was going to work for Snape.

"Chess must pay for his crimes," the villain continued in that silky voice of his, and oh god, there really was no denying that he was Snape. It was Snape's voice. He didn't know how he hadn't recognized it at once.

"ARK will make him pay and then I will be a hero." Snape handed his mask to a uniformed ARK guard, who took it and stapled it onto Harry's head. Even as Harry screamed out in pain, another guard was undoing his restraints.

"You have one move left," Snape purred. "Run."

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And Harry ran as the ARK troops chased after him, some by foot, and others in choppers overhead. He'd tried to pull Chess' mask off, but the damn thing was stuck. All he succeeded in doing was tearing a hole across the bottom, enough to reveal his face, but unfortunately also damning him as Chess. He couldn't believe this! He was being framed for Chess' crimes!

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Al was already watching the morning news when Ginny came in to make breakfast.

"Mom, where's Dad?"

"He must've gone into work early," Ginny said, unconcerned.

"Hey, I think they found Chess!" Al said, excited. His mood changed a moment later. "Why did they say that?"

"Say what?" Ginny asked, not having caught what the reporter had said.

"They said Dad's Chess."

"What?" Ginny's eyes widened. "You must not have heard him right," she grabbed the remote.

"They said he was Chess," Al repeated. "Why would they say that?"

"There has to be a mistake," Ginny said, even as she saw them flash a split screen, her husband's picture on one side, Chess' on the other. The split screen gone, the channel returned to live coverage of ARK security teams chasing down… Oh god! That was Harry!

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Harry ran and ran. It was a good thing he was such a fast runner. He ducked underneath a train. He knew these train yards. As he'd told Snape, he'd grown up in this city, and knew it inside and out. Pulling open a manhole cover, Harry dropped down into the tunnel beneath the train, and not a moment too soon. A moment later, ARK forces opened fire and the train exploded. The blast from the inferno was larger than the one that had killed the chief and although it didn't harm Harry, it knocked him unconscious. He was completely unaware of someone coming to drag him from the scene to a tent in Trolley Park.

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"NO!" Ginny clutched Al to her, protectively, as they both wept. The news choppers had captured the explosion. Harry was dead.

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Reporters surrounded Severus Snape, hurling questions at him. Finally, he held up a hand.

"Look, the city is safer now that Chess is dead, thanks to ARK Corporation. I've spoken to Mayor Fudge, and he has confirmed that ARK will be taking over the city's security, effective immediately. Palm City now has the first fully-privatized police force in the nation."

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Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody sipped from his flask. Their prisoner hadn't woken up yet.

"Ron, wake him up!" Moody barked. Ron walked up to the man tied to a chair in the center of the tent, and punched him in the face. The man's head snapped back, but he was still drowsy. Ron pulled back his fist to punch him a second time, but the man called out.

"Alright, I'm awake! What's going on?"

"You're our prisoner, Chess," Moody barked.

"What? I'm not Chess."

"Excuse me; do I look like I have egg on my face?" Moody asked. "Why would I think you're Chess?" The man looked pointedly at what was left of Chess' mask on Potter's head.

"I'm not Chess. I'm a cop!" Harry shouted.

"Wrong answer! We're criminals. We hate cops." Moody hissed. He threw his flask against the wall.

"Mad-Eye, your blood pressure!" Tonks called to him. Moody frowned and waved away her concern before turning back to Potter.

"Now, as Chess, you were interesting. But I've no use for cops and I'm getting thirsty." He already regretted throwing down his flask. His whiskey was spilling all over the floor. Someone handed him a glass of whiskey before he could get really upset. "Ron, take him out to the desert and cut his fingers off! Head, too, I suppose."

"But Mad-Eye, he's cute!" Tonks protested. Mad-Eye ignored her.

"Wait, wait!" Harry shouted. "I may not be Chess, but I have an ARK key card in my shirt pocket."

"Ron, check his pocket!" Moody barked. Ron went to do so.

"My shirt pocket, Carrot Top," Harry snapped at the redhead. Finding the key card, Ron brought it to Moody.

"Now, you probably know as well as I do that the Palm City banks all use ARK security, so that card will access their vaults. So you tell me, how much is my life worth?" Harry asked the head of the thieves. Moody smiled and gestured for Ron to untie him.

"Welcome to the Carnival of Crime," Moody said, before introducing Harry to the gang. The Carnival of Crime was a band of thieves that, on the side, also had a legitimate show business. Moody was the master of ceremonies and resident escape artist. Nymphadora Tonks was the aerialist. Harry was also introduced to Sirius Black and Ron Weasley, the redhead who had given him such a warm reception, though he wasn't quite sure what their acts in the carnival were.

Using the card Harry had given them, the Carnival pulled off one heist after another, each time wearing different get ups. One time they were dressed as clowns. Another time, they sent in trained circus animals to pick up the cash.

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In Malfoy's office in ARK Tower, Malfoy showed Severus the footage from the bank robberies.

"This is from the branch on Main Street," Malfoy said as footage of a raccoon hauling a sack full of money came on the screen.

"Do we think that the raccoon acted alone?" Snape drawled, his face expressionless.

"Probably not, sir," Malfoy replied. Snape picked up the photograph Malfoy kept on his desk of his wife, Astoria, and his son, Scorpius.

"You have a lovely family," Snape commented. Malfoy was thrown off balance.

"Thank you, sir."

"Find the person behind these robberies and bring him to me!" Snape snapped.

"Yes, sir."

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Harry hid behind a tree and watched as a funeral service was held in his name. His wife was dressed all in black, as were the other mourners and there was Malfoy, coming up to comfort Ginny after she'd tossed a wreath into the sea. That SOB had a lot of nerve. It was his fault that everyone thought he was dead. Oh how Harry wanted to run out there and dry Ginny's tears himself. He just couldn't.

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Later, Harry picked up a phone at the Carnival and dialed his old phone number. Ginny picked up.

"Hello?" she answered. "Hello?" Harry didn't say anything, and after a few more moments Ginny hung up the phone, disgusted with prank callers. Harry hung up the receiver and Mad-Eye called out to him.

"Go ahead. Tell her you're okay. But the moment Chess realizes you're still alive, he'll go after your family."

"One man just took everything from me!" Harry screamed. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Leave Snape to me. You can't take ARK on by yourself; it's bigger than just one man. You want to get to Snape, you get to his money. You let me steal from him."

"You've been stealing from him!" Harry pointed out, eyeing some of the cash the Carnival had hauled in, thanks to his help. Harry sighed. This was getting him nowhere. He went off to hit a few rounds with the punching bag the Carnival let him use.

After he'd finished venting his hostilities, something in an adjoining room caught his eye. Stepping through a curtain, he saw hanging from a statue a dark blue cape. Intrigued, Harry picked it up. Flashes from "The Cape" comics went through his mind and Harry swung the cape around, as he imagined the comic book hero would. He swirled it over his shoulders and posed in a fighting stance. An idea came to him and he ran to get Moody.

Moody picked up the cape.

"I haven't seen this old thing in years," the magician said. Harry wasn't sure he believed this, but let the old man continue. "It was designed for the Russian escape artist, Kozmo the Unkillable. It's made entirely of spider silk. Tougher than Kevlar, but thinner than filament. It's got all sorts of features, like a weighted hem." Moody demonstrated how the cape could be contracted into a thin tube before shaking it out again.

Harry began explaining to Moody his idea. He wanted to use the cape to become the embodiment of the comic book hero. As the Cape, he would be able to take on Severus Snape and fight for Palm City. He would be able to find a way to clear his name so that he could go home again. And in the meantime, he would have a means of sending a message to his son-

"That one man can make a difference," Harry finished. "Can it be done?" Moody looked at him.

"I've broken ninety-two bones in the pursuit of the perfect illusion," Moody growled. "It can be done alright, but you'll need to train intensively. You give me your soul, Harry Potter, and I'll make you the best circus act this city has ever seen!" He threw down a smoke pellet and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Harry grinned.

"When can we start?"

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Harry's training began.

"There are thirty-two escape illusions that can be done with a cape," Moody told Potter. "You will learn to master all of them." Moody taught Harry the escape tricks and had him practice using the cape to snatch and hurl objects.

"British Bartitsu, Kodokan Judo… The warrior dancers of the Tang Dynasty used their robes as weapons, and so will you…" Moody intoned, as Harry tried to use the cape to grab a glass, and wound up accidentally knocking it over, breaking it. "One day," Moody added.

Ron worked on Harry's hand to hand combat skills as they practiced in the ring.

"Let's see how tough you are when I'm not tied to a chair," Harry taunted.

Sirius, it turned out, was a hypnotist, and he took on the responsibility of teaching Harry how to use hypnosis. He had Harry watch as he moved two of his fingers.

"The trick," Sirius said, "is not to let the sucker know that he's being hypnotized. So you talk about something else-the weather. Oh, my wife, she's been giving me a hard time…" Harry's eyelids were drooping, and finally Sirius smacked his hand down on the table between them, bringing Harry to with a jolt.

"What just happened?" Harry asked.

"I hypnotized you, sucker."

"Yeah, right," Harry scoffed.

"Then why are you wearing the girly panties?" Sirius smirked. Harry's eyes narrowed. He reached down his pants, and was startled to find that he was, sure enough, wearing frilly pink panties. He stood up, fuming.

"That is not cool, Sirius! That is really not cool!"

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Harry was finally showing progress. He had, as Moody had promised, mastered all of the escape tricks.

He had also discovered how to hypnotize Sirius. He moved two of his fingers in front of Sirius' eyes, just as he'd been shown. Smacking his hand on the table, he brought Black out of the trance.

"I did it," Harry said.

"You wish," Sirius scoffed. Harry gestured for Sirius to unbutton his vest. Black did so, and was shocked to find that he was wearing a purplish bra.

"You give me a hundred bucks and I won't tell the crew," Harry said. Sirius laughed and Harry chuckled. Then, without warning, Sirius smacked him.

"Don't get cocky."

Finally, Harry had reached the point where he could use the cape to grasp a knife and hurl it at a target with precision accuracy. Moody looked on in approval.

"I think you're ready."

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Two goons were on the docks one evening. They were a part of Gilderoy "Goldilocks" Lockhart's smuggling operation, but one of them had never seen Goldilocks before. He wasn't sure what to expect when the man arrived later.

"Is it true that…?"

"Yeah, he's got a freakishly white smile and his face looks like he belongs doing modeling. Just don't stare at his dimples," the other goon warned. Just then, Goldilocks himself showed up on the pier, wearing his trademark violet suit and flashing his blindingly white teeth.

"Let me see that, gentlemen," he said, reaching for one of the dolls. He ripped the head off and pulled out a container of L-9. "Excellent," he smiled.

There was a noise from one of the other smugglers a few yards away. Goldilocks gestured for one of the two goons to go check it out. He did, and a cape flung out of the darkness to yank him off his feet. Gilderoy approached to investigate what was going on. A vigilante came out of the shadows. The man was wearing tights, and a hood attached to his long cape hid his face. Gilderoy was seriously confused, but not off-put by the man's appearance. He engaged the idiot in hand-to-hand combat. The hooded stranger fought back valiantly, but Gilderoy (known for his fighting skills as much as his unnatural looks) quickly got the upper hand. Grabbing chains, he quickly bound the would-be hero, and dragged him to the edge of the pier.

"This is going to be a bit cold," Gilderoy informed the man, rather politely, he thought. Then he chucked the fool into the freezing water below before walking off.

Harry sank to the bottom, holding his breath. Memories flooded him. Mad-Eye's voice came back to him.

"The escape artist overcomes his fear… trusts his training…"

Remembering what Mad-Eye had taught him, Harry broke free of the chains and swam to the surface, where he gasped for breath. Not quite what he had hoped for as his first night as the Cape, but he supposed it could have been worse…

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Malfoy called his boss.

"Mr. Snape? It's Malfoy. We've tracked down the bank robbers. The leader's name is Mad-Eye Moody. We've got him. Mr. Snape? Did you hear me?"

Chess stood gazing out of the floor-to-ceiling windows in Snape's penthouse. He was wearing a black suit and tie, but Snape's black eyes were obscured by the blue contact lenses that made him seem inhuman.

"Yes," Chess replied at last. "That's wonderful news." The villain grinned.

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As the Cape, Harry snuck into the warehouse on the docks where Goldilocks was holding the explosives, preparing them to be loaded onto a waiting ship. Peering across the room, he noticed that he wasn't the only hooded figure there. Dressed all in black was a photographer, taking pictures of the criminals' activity and hiding his/her face. The photographer suddenly spotted Harry and started running. Harry's instincts as a cop taking over, he began chasing the masked person. The person was fast, perhaps as fast as Harry, but Harry used the cape to trip the runner. A stack of flyers with Orwell's logo fell to the floor just as the photographer's mask fell off, revealing a brunette woman who couldn't be any older than he was. She brought out her taser and fired at Harry. The shot bounced harmlessly off his armor and he pulled her against him.

"Wait, you're Orwell?" Harry asked in disbelief. Everyone had always assumed the blogger was a man. Well, it was a masculine sounding name… and she looked like a kid. "What are you, twelve?"

"This coming from a man wearing tights and a cape?" Hermione shot back.

"Fair point," Harry said, releasing the hold he had had on her. Too curious for his own good, Harry followed Orwell outside to her Porsche and got in the passenger seat when she told him to. When they arrived at her place, Harry followed her inside as she went up to her computer and started tapping buttons.

"So Snape sent you," Orwell assumed.

"What? No, he didn't. I don't work for Snape."

"Yeah, right." Orwell didn't believe that for a second.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"You pressed your finger against my taser earlier. I'm scanning the system for a match on your prints. Let's see who you are."

"NO, STOP!" Harry shouted, trying to drag her away from the computer, but it was too late. A photograph of him in his policeman's uniform had popped up.

"Harry Potter?" Orwell questioned. Harry threw back his hood, revealing his face.

"I'm the Cape. Harry Potter is dead, thanks to you! If Snape had any idea that I was alive-"

"So…this is real? You're really fighting back?" Her face broke into a grin. "This is wonderful, Harry!"

"I'm the Cape," he repeated.

"Cape, fine, whatever."

Harry's cell phone rang.

"Harry?" Ron's voice came out of the phone. "They've got Mad-Eye. You've got to save him!"

"I'm on my way," Harry promised, after Ron had told him where Mad-Eye was being held. Orwell handed her new partner a headset for him to slip on his ear.

"I'll be your eyes and ears," she promised.

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Mad-Eye was tied to a chair on a ship at the docks (one that was full of the L-9 Goldilocks had smuggled in for Chess). He was bleeding from a cut on his face; his captors had been beating him. Lockhart strolled into the room, his white teeth flashing, his dimples showing prominently.

"Whoa, look at you!" Mad-Eye exclaimed. "You know, we could use you in our show. What do you say? Whatever they're paying you, I'll double it."

"Not interested," Lockhart replied, still smiling. It was nice to know that he was in such high demand, but then, with his gorgeous looks, why wouldn't he be?

Chess, having donned his costume and a mask identical to the one he'd had stapled to poor Potter's head, nodded his approval at Mad-Eye's capture. Then he strode from the room, walking with Malfoy.

"I'm going to set off the L-9 shortly." Malfoy's eyes widened.

"All of it? But, sir, that much L-9 will decimate half the city!"

"And the survivors will turn to ARK for protection," Chess smirked. "Have the submarine brought around. I don't think you'll want to be aboard the ship when the explosives go off."

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The thugs watching Mad-Eye had been ordered to kill him.

"Any last words?" one of them asked. Mad-Eye had spotted Potter lurking in the shadows.

"Abracadabra."

Author's Note: Ta-da: "The Cape" if the "Harry Potter" characters starred in it.

Fellow Snape fans, please don't kill me for making him the villain. I know he's a good guy in "Harry Potter." It's just that when I watch "The Cape," I look for hints of Chess/Cape… Okay, moving on…

So, in case you haven't sorted it out by now: the events in this fic take place in 2011. Harry and Ron and Ginny are the ages they would be given their birthdays in the early 1980s. Hermione, however… let's say she's a few years younger.

Here, Harry and Ginny had one child (Albus) instead of three. He wasn't named after Snape, though, since his parents had never met the man.

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