She said it. She said those three words he wanted to hear the most… and still as Killian stood there at the docks of Storybrook and faced the dark water he felt his heart is falling to pieces.

As he did imagine the moment when they confess their love for each other several times. But there was no such scenario that Emma will say 'I love you' while the Dark one tries to steal her light away, while she was planning to sacrifice herself for the town. While there was a whirlwind of energy storming around them, there was chaos, fear and darkness. Emma said she loves him and in the next moment she was gone, nothing was left behind her just that damned dagger. And he did not have the opportunity to return those words, to stop her, to save her…

He imagined it quite differently. He thought they will be alone. He even hoped that he will hear those words in that moment when they returned from that alternative reality and she pushed him on the bed in her passion. He almost heard those words, but her damned fear stopped her again. But he wasn't angry that time. He would have given her all the time she would have needed.

But no, she said I love you right before she did the bravest and most stupid thing of all. And so now they aren't celebrating somewhere, for example in his room at Grannies…. No, he is standing here all alone at the docks. He is all alone again. He feels again that it was really Emma who connected him to this word, to this town. Snow and Charming went home to comfort each other and find comfort in their son Neal before they can focus again and find out what to do next. Regina is with Robin and Henry. With whom she should be. But this means he is all alone, None of them invited to join them and he wouldn't wanted have anyway.

Here was he, standing at the docks, starring at the water. In his hand he hold his flask with his beloved rum. But he didn't want to drink. He needed a clear head now. And he wouldn't have cared if there would have been goat mink in there for the rest of his life if he could get Emma back.

He swung his hand and the flask landed in the darkness of the water somewhere. It was a desperate deed, but he had to do something in order to get rid of his pain, anger, frustration without hurting himself or anyone else.

Then slowly, very slowly he pulled out the dagger from his leather jacket. He starred at the beautiful letters which he hated more than anything. He felt the coolness of the metal of his skin. In the shock after Emma's disappearance it was he who took it up. It was the last thing and foe mow the only thing he got from Emma. It belonged to him, he felt in that moment as he knew and understood his Swan the most. And there must have been something on his face, in his eyes, what stopped the others from protesting.

So, here was he standing, desperately missing her, wanting her, loving her. And still he feared summoning her. Because what will happen then? Will he have the strength and power to being her back, to save her, to grab her out of Darkness as she asked? Or will he choose the easier path and will sink into the darkness beside her? It would be selfish, a part of him knew well. But then they could be together in the darkness, the fire, the passion, and he could have her just for himself. They could have rule the world… As in the last months when he blackmailed Gold he realized how easy and comfortable to sink back to his villainous ways, to his old ways, words, action. It was just Emma for whom he stayed on the right path… And what would she want from him?

He was still lost but he knew one thing for sure. And he said out the words which he find not long ago sickeningly cheesy. But now he knew they were true…

'I will find you, Swan…'