Where's Thor?" Barton whined, collapsing on the couch in the large living room on top of Stark Tower.
"You miss your boyfriend?" Natasha teased, punching his shoulder lightly and sitting on the edge of the arm. She was tired after a tough training session, Rogers thinking it wise that they doubled up on all team-building exercises after last week's "incident."
"No," Barton made a face, scrunching his brow and giving his head a shake. "All I'm saying is if we're being forced to attend "Sgt. Rogers boot camp" he should be too."
"I'm not a sergeant, I'm a captain. Hence Captain America." Rogers said as he fell into a chair. The Hulk let out a loud whine, sitting cross-legged on the ground and making the tower shake slightly.
"Yeah, whatever." Hawkeye rolled his eyes and propped his feet up on the coffee table. S.H.I.E.L.D. had given Tony a new simulator program to try out on the team and unlike most things coming from the organization, this was top of the line. As a result, the team had grown very quiet this afternoon.
Stark waltzed in, looking seemingly unfazed by the last 6 gruelling hours, protein shake in hand and hair already gelled into place. He flicked the back of Barton's head and chuckled as he moved to the centre of the room to play with the air which had magically changed into a virtual computer.
"To answer your question Tweety, Thor was summoned back to Asguard…. for something. I dunno, he left rambling a bunch of nonsense, I wasn't really listening." He shrugged and began calling commands out to Jarvis, who answered back promptly in his posh accent.
Hawkeye pouted into a frown as Widow reached over quickly to squeeze his two cheeks together with a surprisingly strong grip.
"Owww." Barton exclaimed, his voice sounding distorted as he struggled under her grip while she laughed.
"Da wittle baaaabbbbyyy." She cooed to the quiet chuckles of the Captain. Hulk pounded a fist on his chest as he began to laugh at Barton's embarrassment.
The two began to struggle as Hawkeye tried to grab her back. Natasha was too quick and already having the upper-hand, easily swatted away his weak attempt. The duo was interrupted, Barton suddenly going still and his eyes focused on the door. The team turned to follow his gaze, spotting a small-ish looking man standing with his jaw to the floor.
The room fell silent other than Tony's fingers on the various keyboards and screens that had appeared.
"Jarvis show me Central London, 51.30' 51 and 0.07' 32. Cross reference with any mention of "Red Gate" within the last—" Stark noticed the quiet and turned around to find the Avengers starring at a speckled ginger. "48 hours." He finished, turning on his heels and giving the young man his full attention.
"And who the hell are you?" Stark barked at the man, frowning and crossing his arms. He didn't like to be disturbed in the middle of his work. Nor did he want to sign yet another autograph.
"I gave them all to my agent, so call Happy for a poster." He said in a droll voice.
"Oh, uh—" The man had trouble focusing on anything other than the green giant pulling at the carpet. "I'm, uh, not here for an autograph Mr. Stark, uh Iron man, uh Sir." He said nervously, playing with the ends of his tie. His face was bright red and matched his curly, messy hair. He was wearing a second hand suit that didn't fit quite right, and a light purple dress shirt that was no longer perfectly tucked into his faded pants.
The Captain stood up and sighed, "be nice to the kid."
Tony shot Rogers a look and turned back around to continue with his computer.
"So if you aren't here for Tony's autograph," Captain began as Barton snorted a laugh. "Then what can we help you with?" He asked, figuring if the kid had managed to pass through security, they might as well give him a chance to explain himself.
"I'm, uh.. I'm looking for the Avengers." His eyes quickly looked away from the Hulk to the floor then back to the Captain. They all seemed so intimidating in real life.
"Well, we're the Avengers." Steve said slowly, wondering if the kid was a bit stunned. He sure looked like it.
"Oh, I know that. I just.. You need to come with me."
"What's your name?" Stark called over, not bothering to turn around. This bumbling idiot was getting on his nerves and stealing too much of his oxygen.
"Marcus, Sir." He replied nervously. "I'm uh… S.H.I.E.L.D. sent me." He managed to blurt out before Tony lost more of his already lacking patience. The other Avengers had gotten to their feet and were moving in, circling the man. Even Natasha seemed to tower over him.
"So, Marcus, you an agent?" Widow asked, raising a brow and running a finger down the side of his jacket. Her body was close to him, the tight black jacket creating lines where her boobs were pressing against the fabric.
Hawkeye lowered his sunglasses to the end of his nose, getting a good look at the man. "Well his hair is certainly the right colour. Whadaya say?" He asked the Captain, while grabbing Marcus' lower jaw and turning his head sharply to get a good look at the right side of the boy's face.
Marcus couldn't move, frozen with fear as they circled around him like piranhas. The Hulk bounded over the couch and stood behind Marcus, crossing his arms in a "bodyguard-like" fashion.
"Well are you?" Widow asked again, this time her voice was sharp and dangerous.
"An agent?"
"No, the pizza man."
"Uh, no I'm not an agent. I'm a technical systems and organizational coadjutor." He blurted, eyes darting up from Widow's chest and swallowing nervously as she pressed up closer to him.
Hawkeye slapped his cheek, "Hey. Over here." He said, catching the man's wandering eye.
"A technical what?" Captain asked with a frown. "That's quite the title son."
"I'm part of the LDP program." Marcus added, trying to back up and bumping into Hulk's wide chest. The green giant made a groaning sound that bordered on an angry growl.
"The LSD program?" Barton asked, pretending to have misheard the man.
"LDP program."
"LSD program? You know that stuff isn't good for the brain. Some say it makes people go a bit… Crrrraaaaaazzzzzyyyyyyy." Barton said, adding a twitching eye for effect, his nose almost pressing against Marcus'.
"Time to get his meds." America responded urgently. "You shouldn't have mentioned LSD. Always gets him going. And once he starts—"
As if on cue, Barton collapsed to the floor, yelling and shaking his head violently as if having a seizure. Marcus jumped into the air, staring wide-eyed at the man in purple on the floor. He looked as though he was about to cry.
The Hulk began to roar and pound his chest as though he was chanting. The large monster pushed Marcus out of the way and began stomping his feet in a circle around the spazzing Hawkeye. The room filled with chaos, Hulk pretending to be an indian dancing round a fire like he'd seen on T.V, Natasha moving to pull at Marcus' jacket to slide it off his reluctant arms, and the Captain kneeling down beside Barton's shaking head calling up to the sky, "Why God! Oh Why! He was so young!"
Marcus' eyes filled with water as his mind raced. He'd just killed an Avenger. What would his father say? Did this make him a terrorist? He was too young to go to jail. This was only his first week. He was definitely getting fired after this. He couldn't move as tears started to stream down Steve Rogers face. The Hulk began to wail and groan but continued to dance anyways. And Natasha, she had started rubbing the man's shoulders.
"What in all of Asgard—" Thor began, his hammer having been raised ever since he heard the strange commotion from down the hallway. His brow wrinkled into an amused, though thoroughly confused expression. All of the Avengers stopped what they were doing, including Tony at the computer, and turned to stare at the intruder.
"Is this some kind of strange human initiation that I haven't encountered as of yet?" He asked, lowering his hammer. Captain America began to blush and cleared his throat, while Hulk slowly lowered his foot that was stopped in midair. Natasha put some distance between herself and Marcus, fixing the shoulders of the man's shirt and "dusting them off." Barton simply lifted his head and shot Thor a sheepish grin.
"No. It's just the team screwing around with the new intern." Stark replied in a bored voice, having been too preoccupied with his work to have joined in the "fun."
Marcus wasn't moving. He was confused, still not having caught on to the gimmick. There was a second of silence before the man dropped to the floor. He fainted.
"Well I guess this makes it's sorta like an initiation-type-thing." Barton shrugged, doing a kick up from the floor to land on his feet.
"Seriously though, an intern? They sent us an intern. What did they expect?" Natasha muttered, folding her arms and looking unamused.
"And the protocol for—this?" Captain America asked nobody in particular, gesturing to the collapsed man on the floor.
"Leave him." Stark barked. He turned to Thor, "Thanks for finally showing up. Just in time for some work."
The Avengers looked at Tony, curious about their new mission.
"I refuse to scare the pigeons off the tower again," Thor muttered stubbornly. "Mjölnir is the almighty weapon of the Gods, awarded to only those— "
"Most worthy. Yeah we know." The Avengers finished his sentence, each taking a turn to roll their eyes.
"Besides, that not what I was going to say. We have business in London. Pack a bag 'vengies." Stark said, shutting his screen down and clearing the data.
"Oh jolly good, chip chip." Barton said in a horrible mock British accent, jumping slightly before getting a strong push into the wall across the room by the Hulk.