Someday, somehow (Will someone notice if I disappear?)

The raindrops are falling on the window and I feel like my heart is tearing apart. The game is almost over and I couldn't win it because it's too late. Everything is coming to the rational end, the way it supposed to be. I get what I deserve, because I'm too week, I should have said two words and point the wand on that man, but I couldn't. Time is running slowly and like in slow emotion I see his face. I was never his favourite student; I wasn't in the right house for being a hero. My fate was decided even before I was born, I just had to follow the rules.

I tried so hard being an example. All these years I fought for being the best and failed. I could never achieve what I had to. I was too weak, I wasn't even second. I always was and will be in the shadows, in the shadows of more powerful people that surround me. I feel so weak and as I see the rain, I want to cry. This is yet one more weakness to show.

I used to fool myself by saying that someday, somehow I'll show everyone that I'm a better person. Someday, somehow I'll become powerful, fearless. I won't be standing in the shadows anymore and they will learn how to respect me. Respect. This is the thing that I always wanted to get, but I never could achieve it. They laugh at me, so I continued trying to prove to show and I failed again and again.

I remember that day, when I saw the newspaper. They got him. He was standing by my side and protected me, he was respected and I always stood in his shadow, he was the ideal that I tried to become. And now he is gone and I had a chance to save him, but couldn't say those two worlds when I looked into the old man's eyes. I showed my weakness once again and now it's just a matter of time to when the game is going to end.

I'm sorry I failed it won't happen again. I promise.

The raindrops are falling on the window as I look outside and try to realise how I became this person. My life is filled with lies, I started lying so long time ago that I can't understand what my true personality is. I've been living a double life, trying to get the best out of the misery. I had to be sure I was on the "right" side, the one, which is going to win. It was always about it, nothing personal and he knew it. The old man knew it and in the last moment he realised that I had to choose. I chose my side by saying those two words it was so simple. It was always simple and I never had problem sleeping after it. I'm not afraid that those images will haunt me in my sleep, because they haunt me by day and only in sleep I find piece.

He was so foolish that he actually believed me and trusted me, and I always tried to get what was best for me. My whole life I was trying to get what I didn't have. I wanted to make people pay, so I killed. I killed so many and I was happy when my enemies were killed. They deserved it; they had no right to laugh when I was a little helpless boy. So I grew up knowing that someday and somehow I'm going to make them pay and they will be sorry.

I achieved my goal, but I paid a hard price for that, by destroying the others lives I destroyed my own. I got in between two sides and I knew that one day I had to choose, I said those two words and he fell. The choice is done welcome to the new world.

I chose my side

The raindrops fall down on the window as I look outside. I know that I always be an intruder, someone who got in here from outside, I'll never belong, no matter how hard I try. This is something I can't fix, it can be changed. I was repeating again and again that I don't care, but I was lying to myself. I do care, I hate not being accepted. I'm a second sort and always will be. So I decided that I can prove that I'm as worthy as they, in fact I wanted to show that I'm better. None these hours I spent trying to prove that I'm the best were spilled. I got a better score then him, but I didn't prove anything by it. They all didn't appreciate it, they got irritated when I came out first.

Someday, somehow they will see how wrong they were. They will get sorry because they ruined me. The right image is so important, but it's in my blood I can't get on the right level. They never be sorry, because they never notice me anyway.

Even those I care about don't appreciate and understand me, they take it for credit they I help them. They don't say thanks and think that I'm boring. They laugh when they don't think that I hear, and they have other friends. I'm just the one they can come to when they are desperate. It was always this way all these years they never notice me. Will they care if I leave and won't return? Probably they will only notice my absence when they will be desperate for help. Will they feel sorry? I don't think so, why should they.

I was the one who stood behind all the plans, without me they would have died thousand times, but I was never called a hero, I was just a good friend, who supported the hero. Without me, he wouldn't be alive for that long, but this part is unspoken. I don't have the right image for being a hero, but he has.

Will someone notice if I disappear?

Daily prophet

Today were discovered the bodies of Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy, who apparently committed suicide by using the unforgivable killing curse. With their death, the mystery of the murder of the former Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore, will never be solved. In addition, the wizarding world was shocked by discovery of the body of Hermione Granger, the student of Hogwarts.
She was known as one of the closest friends of Harry Potter and she was the brightest muggle born witch that attempted Hogwarts. The suicide was committed by using the unforgivable killing curse. Miss Granger left the note where she wrote: Will someone notice if I disappear?

All the suicides where committed last night. The aurors stated that there was no connection between them.