Reaching You
Kaoru yawned. Host club had just ended and he was feeling so tired.
"Come on, we can go home now, and you can finally enjoy your long-awaited sleep," said Hikaru, smiling to his brother.
"Alright, but wait for a few minutes. I will need to go to the washroom first," said Kaoru as he stood up.
"Sure, be quick," replied Hikaru.
Right after Kaoru left, Hikaru decided to find a place to sit while waiting for his brother, but was then interrupted when a girl – one of the twins' frequent customers, walked towards him.
"Excuse me, you are Hikaru-kun, am I right?"
Hikaru nodded.
"Actually there is something I have to tell you. Do you mind to have a talk with me outside?" asked the girl shyly.
Hikaru did not want to go with her because he did not want to make his brother to wait for him later.
Sensing what Hikaru might be worried about, the girl quickly added, "It will not be long, I promise."
Seeing that the girl was so determined to talk to him, and with the fact that the girl had actually promised that the talk will not be long, he really could not find a reason to reject her request.
"My lord," called Hikaru. Once he got Tamaki's attention, he continued, "I will be going out for a few minutes. If Kaoru came back before me, tell him that I will be back soon."
Tamaki gave Hikaru a thumb up sign. How he wanted to follow Hikaru to see what will be happening. He was so happy for Hikaru, thinking that he will finally start dating – and hopefully will stop pestering his Haruhi.
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When Kaoru returned, he was confused to be unable to find his brother. There were only Tamaki and Haruhi in the room.
"Oh, Kaoru. You might need to wait for a moment for Hikaru. He is busy at the moment. I will be leaving now. Bye, Kaoru, Tamaki-senpai."
Kaoru waved the girl goodbye before entering the room.
"Tamaki-senpai, where is Hikaru?"
"Oh, Kaoru! Can you believe it? The girl that seems to like Hikaru is finally confessing. Oh, how sweet! But to think that our dear Hikaru is leaving the 'single' group soon as he has a girl to date now, that makes me so happy for him… I can't believe it! He is soon going out with the girl, then they will get closer and closer and then they will –"
Tamaki just kept blabbering and blabbering non-stop, but it didn't matter at all. Kaoru had stopped listening halfway.
"Hikaru is not in love with that girl. He is not," said Kaoru, interrupting Tamaki suddenly.
"He might be not, but that will happen sooner or later. That girl is so cute, and I am sure Hikaru wanted to date someone too. It's not like Hikaru will stay single forever, and you wouldn't want that too, right?"
Date?
Hikaru dating someone?
"You mean Hikaru will start dating the girl?" Kaoru voiced the question out in a tone of more like a whisper, but Tamaki who stood right next to him heard it clearly.
"Of course! Although you and Hikaru are always together, but it's not like you two can always be together. You two will be separated when you both find your other half anyway," stated Tamaki.
"Is it how it works?" voiced out Kaoru again, this time much softer, but Tamaki still heard it clearly.
"Of course! What's wrong, Kaoru? Or are you getting mixed up with reality and the acts you both did during host club? Idiot, you and Hikaru being lovey-dovey are just an act. You both are brothers after all, so you just can't date each other, right?" said Tamaki in a joking manner, entirely unsure of what type of situation he had put himself into.
"You're right…" murmured Kaoru.
It's just like what Tamaki-senpai said. Hikaru will get married. We will separate.
"You're right…" repeated Kaoru.
Hikaru is my brother. There is no way we can date each other. That is disgusting.
With that thought in mind, a drop of tear escaped Kaoru's left eye.
"Tamaki-senpai is right…" repeated Kaoru again as more tears continued running down his eyes, dropping onto the floor instead.
Tamaki, although being usually dense, but finally recognized something was wrong as Kaoru had repeated the same statement thrice.
"Kaoru?" called Tamaki as he walked forward to take a look at the boy, only to have his eyes widened like crazy when he saw Kaoru's face was a mess, tears flowing down his cheeks uncontrollably.
"W-What? K-Kaoru?"
Tamaki was anxious. What was he supposed to do in such situation?
"Wait, Kaoru! Did I do – no, said something wrong?" asked Tamaki, but he got no answer.
"Kaoru!" called Tamaki as he grabbed the boy's shoulders before continuing, "I am sorry! For whatever I have done or said, I am so sorry!"
Tamaki really didn't know what he might have done wrongly, but apologizing usually was the best solution. Well, at least that worked when facing Haruhi.
Kaoru shook his head in response.
"No, it's not your fault. It's not… It's mine… I – Hikaru – we –"
Kaoru did not even know what he was saying at this point. He desperately wiped his tears away, but new ones kept coming.
Just when Tamaki was thinking what he should be doing – whether he should hug Kaoru or comfort him or – he really did not know what else was there to be done. He was sure if Hikaru was here, he will certainly know what to do. Oh God, how he wished Hikaru was here, then he would definitely not be in this mess.
"Kaoru, I am bac –"
Tamaki turned to the source of the voice. He felt saved when he heard Hikaru.
'Thank God! Hikaru, I have never been happier to see you!' thought Tamaki happily.
Tamaki smiled happily when Hikaru was finally here, but he was the only one out of the three being happy there. Kaoru who had already given up on wiping his tears, looked at Hikaru with widened eyes, as though he never thought he would be seeing his brother right at the moment. Hikaru, on the other hand, had his eyes widened just like Kaoru, but that only lasted for a moment.
Tamaki was absolutely surprised to see Hikaru suddenly narrowed his eyes, and glared at him. Tamaki was sweating, out of fear. On second thought, Hikaru appearing did not actually save him. Within a blink of an eye, Tamaki realized Hikaru was standing in front of him, pinning him to the wall as he grabbed his uniform's collars.
"Tamaki, what have you done? How dare you make my Kaoru cry?!"
'What?' thought Tamaki, shocked.
'What?' The question was repeated by Kaoru.
"W-Wait, Hika –"
"Shut up, Tamaki! I will make you pay for hurting Kaoru!"
"N-No! It's not Tamaki's fault!" Kaoru voiced out immediately.
"Then why are you crying?!" yelled Hikaru angrily.
"I… I…"
Getting no answer from his brother, Hikaru glared at Tamaki again, hoping to get an answer. Tamaki flinched when he noticed Hikaru glaring at him, again.
"Well, you see… We were talking about the girl confessing to you, and how you guys will be dating and then… Oh, right! Hikaru, did you accept the girl's confession? You two are going to date now, right? You hear this, Kaoru? It's a great news, you should be happier a little now, right?" declared Tamaki, once again digging a hole for himself to jump in.
Kaoru wanted to cry again hearing that, but not now. He can't be crying again in front of Hikaru if he didn't want his brother knowing that he was in love with him. He needed to be happy for his brother. He needed to congratulate him.
"Congratu –"
"I rejected her," stated Hikaru, interrupting his brother from congratulating him.
"Why? She was so cute after all," stated Tamaki.
"Because…" Hikaru turned to glance at his brother before he continued, "I am already in love with someone else."
Kaoru widening his eyes did not go unnoticed by Hikaru.
"Really? Who is it?" Tamaki had asked excitedly.
Before Hikaru managed to even speak another word, Kaoru spoke up.
"I want to go home."
Ignoring Tamaki, Hikaru immediately followed behind Kaoru who had already been walking away. Tamaki was left behind, still wondering who Hikaru loved and what made Kaoru so upset suddenly.
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The ride home for the twins were quiet. Too quiet that even their driver was sweating while driving, feeling the awkward silence wandering through the air. Both the twins looked out of their windows throughout the ride, none made any movement to neither speak nor glance at each other. Meanwhile, Hikaru can't help himself but to keep thinking on what made his twin cried.
First and foremost, he remembered that Tamaki had mentioned he was telling Kaoru that he had someone confessing her love for him. Could that be what made his brother upset? Thinking that this might be a great clue, Hikaru proceeded to take a guess on why would that upset his brother.
His first guess was that Kaoru did not like the idea of having a girl confessing to him, but why? Could it be that Kaoru liked the girl? Hikaru tried thinking back to the time in host club when they were hosting the girl – Kaoru did not seem to have any affection towards the girl. If anything, Hikaru felt like Kaoru actually hated the girl. So if that was not possible, what else might be the reason?
Could it be that… Kaoru was actually in love with him?
Although happy with the thought, Hikaru immediately dismissed the idea. After all, no matter how much he wanted it, this was just wishful thinking – something that will most probably happen only in his dreams. Besides, he was quite sure that there was no way Kaoru would love him back the way he wanted it. Kaoru had only love him as a brother all these while.
Then, he proceeded to recall the situation when he mentioned he had someone he was in love with. Kaoru looked shock, but sadness could be seen in his expression. Why was Kaoru sad? And he also remembered when Tamaki asked who that was, Kaoru immediately interrupted, as though he did not want to hear who it was. There was only one reason that could explain all of these actions, Hikaru thought.
Kaoru knew Hikaru was in love with him, but decided to avoid the reality as his brother did not want to hurt him.
Everything seemed so logical now. Before Hikaru could think of any other things, the car had come to a stop. Apparently, they had reached home. Hikaru went down the car, silently walking behind his brother. Once reaching their room, both put their bags at respective places. Hikaru, who finally stopped running away from reality as he wanted to make things clear with his brother, turned towards his brother as he called him.
"Kaoru," Hikaru had called and when he knew he had his brother's attention, he continued, "Were you crying because of me?"
'Oh no, he knows it!' thought Kaoru nervously.
"I…" Kaoru didn't know what should he say.
Hikaru clenched his fist, guessing that he already knew what Kaoru was thinking.
"You know, Kaoru, I mentioned that I am already in love with someone, right?"
When Hikaru said that, he had noticed Kaoru widened his eyes and flinched.
"I am sorry, Hikaru," said Kaoru, looking up to his brother.
Kaoru clenched his fist, bravely stared at Hikaru's eyes to make sure his brother knew he was serious before he told him the words that he had been dying to want to tell him, but did not have the courage to do so. However, according to what his brother was about to say, he guessed he already knew his feelings anyway. Since he already knew, there won't be anything to lose anymore.
"But I really do love you, so much," confessed Kaoru.
"I know, I love you too, but I am sure my love for you is a different kind of love to how you love me, right?" said Hikaru as he clenched his fist tighter, hoping he will not break down in front of his brother, but that only got worse when he saw Kaoru nodded and left the room.
When he was sure his brother was nowhere near him, he closed the door, dropped to the floor and cried. He had really done this… There was no turning back. He had just confessed to his brother, his twin and as if this was not bad enough, Kaoru had just turned and ran away from him. His brother was probably too disgusted to see him right now.
Kaoru, on the other hand, asked one of the maids to prepare a guest room for him. He was sure his brother would not want to see him in his room anyway. Even if Hikaru did not mind, he would not be able to face his elder brother, given his current condition. Once the maid had finished preparing the room for him, he closed the door behind him, slid down onto the floor and started crying again.
Both the twins locked themselves in their respective rooms that night, cried all night until they fell asleep on the floor.
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Kaoru woke up in the morning, deciding to skip school after all. He went out of his room and told the maid that he would be resting in house today and will not be having his breakfast. Next, he took a bath before proceeding to take a nap. His neck felt sore for sleeping against the door.
On the other side, Hikaru did not go to school either. He thought he might meet his brother if he decided to go to school, and he was still not prepared for it. He woke up and took a bath before deciding he wanted to go out for a walk.
When Hikaru walked down, a maid had asked if he wanted to take his breakfast now. He told her that he was not taking it today before proceeding to walk away.
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"Haruhi, where are the twins?" asked Kyoya when she entered the Music Room, preparing for the club to begin.
"They weren't in the class today," answered Haruhi.
"Are they sick?" asked Honey, hugging his usa-chan.
"I have no idea," answered Haruhi.
"I will call them," said Kyoya.
"Well… actually…" started Tamaki hesitantly, stopping Kyoya from making the call.
"I think the reason that they are absent today might be… sort of… perhaps… possibly be related to… me?" said Tamaki as he could already imagined everyone would be gazing at him and Kyoya would surely be glaring at him.
"Speak, Tamaki," said Kyoya.
"Well, I am not really sure what I have done wrong though…"
"Tell us what you did in details," said Kyoya.
And so Tamaki explained from what he had said to Kaoru until the moment where both the twins left. When he was done with his story, Kyoya, Mori and Honey nodded in agreement, completely understanding what the blond had done there. Tamaki and Haruhi were left sitting there, oblivious.
"We need to help them," said Honey.
"Yes, we should help them solve the problem as soon as possible. They are needed here in host club," said Kyoya, hinting that the twins were giving him trouble for not appearing in the club.
"I will talk to Hika-chan," offered Honey.
"Who will be speaking to Kaoru then?" asked Kyoya.
"Takashi," answered Honey. Tamaki and Haruhi stared at Mori in shock. Kyoya looked at Mori, waiting for his approval. When Mori nodded, Kyoya proceeded to call the twins.
"Hikaru, come to the club now," ordered Kyoya.
"I am not coming. Not feeling well," said Hikaru from the other end of the phone.
"Like I care. I give you fifteen minutes. If you don't appear, I will beat Kaoru up."
With that, Kyoya ended the phone. All the other club members (except Mori, he is usually emotionless after all) stared at him, amazed with his threatening skills. Kyoya then wasted no time to call the younger twin.
"Kaoru, come to the club now."
"Sorry, I am not feeling well. Not going to attend club today."
"Like I care. I give you fifteen minutes. If you don't appear, I will beat Hikaru up."
All the club members clapped their hands together, giving credit to Kyoya's great skills.
"Honey-senpai, Mori-senpai, now it will be all depending on you two," said Kyoya.
"No problem," said Honey cheerfully.
Mori nodded.
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"Kyoya!"
Before Kyoya could even make a response, Hikaru was in front of him, grasping his uniform harshly.
"What have you done to Kaoru?!" exclaimed Hikaru.
"Calm down, Hikaru. Kaoru is not here. He did not even come to school today. Aren't you both living in the same house? You should have been clearer about your brother's whereabout more than anyone else in this world," said Kyoya, pushing Hikaru away from him.
Before Hikaru managed to say something, Kyoya continued, "Anyway, Honey-senpai wanted to speak to you and he is waiting in your classroom. It's important to you, so go now."
Hikaru was still angry at him, but he was too tired to argue. Out of curiosity, he walked to his classroom, curious to what Honey-senpai wanted to speak to him that might be so important.
After a few minutes, another twin appeared.
"Kyoya!" called Kaoru. He was panting by the time he reached the room.
"Kyoya! Where is Hikaru? You did not do anything to him, did you?" asked Kaoru nervously as he looked around the music room, searching for his brother.
"Hikaru did not even come to school today. I called you here because Mori-senpai is waiting to speak to you. He is waiting for you in his class now."
"Mori-senpai?"
"Yes, he mentioned it's urgent, so go now."
Kaoru reluctantly left the room to search for his senior.
"It's all up to you guys now, Mori-senpai, Honey-senpai," said Kyoya.
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Hikaru opened the door to find Honey sitting in one of the chairs, clearly had been waiting for him.
"Hika-chan, you are finally here. Come sit," said Honey-senpai.
Hikaru walked to the smaller boy to sit beside him.
"What's wrong, Honey-senpai?"
"Hika-chan, you fought with Kao-chan?"
Hikaru widened his eyes at the question as he looked away. He did not want to face the problem right now.
"Why? What happened, Hika-chan? You can tell me, I am here to help."
"K-Kaoru, he probably hates me now."
"Kao-chan will never hate Hika-chan," said Honey confidently.
"But – I did something that he probably could not accept. I- I…"
Hikaru could not continue. Just imagining how his brother hated him now hurt him, and this alone made him felt like crying again.
"Kao-chan loves you, in a romantic way," said Honey, making Hikaru froze instantly at the words. All he could do at the moment was none other than to stare at Honey in surprise.
"What makes you think that?"
Hikaru did not know what made Honey thought his brother was actually in love with him, but more importantly, how in the world did Honey find out that he was actually in love with his brother?
"It was so obvious with the way both of you act around each other."
Hikaru blushed at the statement.
"So what happened? Did you confess? Kao-chan told him he hates you?"
"I did confess to him. He didn't say he hates me, but he runs away after that."
"Hika-chan, I think you probably misunderstood something."
"What?"
"Confess to him again. Make sure he understands you love him not just like a brother."
"What? B-But… what if he hates me?"
"Well, I thought you already said that he hates you. If that is the case, there is nothing to lose anyway."
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"Mori-senpai?"
"Sit."
Kaoru obediently sat beside Mori.
"Go tell Hikaru that you love him and want to stay with him forever."
"W-What?"
Mori only nodded, silently stating that he did not hear the wrong words.
"H-How did you know? Is it that obvious?"
Mori nodded again. Kaoru blushed.
"It's no use. I have already been rejected. Hikaru must be hating me now and probably feels that I am disgusting to him."
"Are you sure you made it clear enough that you love him not only as a brother?"
"I-"
The truth was Kaoru didn't, but he was sure his brother understood it. After all, Hikaru had always understood him without words.
"Hikaru knows."
"Your brother might be quite dense sometimes."
"There is no way he will love me that way."
"Confess to him again to make sure, just so you do not regret. This time, make sure he understands what you are feeling."
"But he will hate me more…"
"If he has already hated you, what difference does it make to be hated more?"
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"Mori-senpai, you are here?" asked Hikaru as he heard footsteps approaching the door. Honey had told Hikaru that Mori had a gift for him and asked him to wait in the music room, so he had been waiting for a while in that room.
As there was no response but Hikaru was sure he heard someone approaching the room, he approached the door as he called out again.
"Mori-senpai?"
Before Hikaru managed to reach the door, the voice that answered him froze him for a moment.
"H-Hikaru."
"K-Kaoru."
There was a moment of silence between the two. Both were thinking what to say or do, or if they should actually say or do anything. Sometimes, silence is a better solution.
"Kaoru, about yesterday, I –" Hikaru hesitated before trying to break the silence, but ended up being interrupted by his brother.
"Hikaru, can you let me speak first?"
Hikaru hesitated for a moment before answering "Okay".
Kaoru felt himself shaking. He did not know if he should be doing this, but just like Mori said, he did not want to leave any regret. If Hikaru had already hated him, what difference would it make now? Kaoru clenched his fist in fear as he took a deep breath before starting his confession.
"To be honest, I have always hesitated to say what I am about to say to you for God knows how many years it had been. B-Because, I know for sure, that after you hear me out, you will hate me, you will feel that I am disgusting and eventually leave me. Then, I will lose you as a brother."
"I won't! I will never leave you or hate you!" exclaimed Hikaru.
He could hear Kaoru chuckled at that. He could not see his brother's expression though as his brother was probably standing right behind the door.
"That is because you are too kind," said Kaoru softly before continuing his confession.
"I have always thought of both of us, being together, that was what I have always wanted. We will grow up like other siblings. Study, work, and get married…"
Kaoru felt as though he was going to cry again. The word 'married' stung at his heart.
"Hikaru, you know, I have always enjoyed our act during host club. You holding me in your arms, teasing me, telling me sweet words. I know, that was all an act, but without realizing it, I look forward everyday in school, just so that I can live in the act. I hoped we can be like how we have acted in reality. I hope we can be together forever."
Tears started dropping from Kaoru's eyes.
"Hikaru, you once told me that I am selfless, but you are wrong. I am very selfish, especially towards you. I don't like it when you get too close with other girls, I hope that the day for you to start dating someone will never come, let alone getting married. I didn't want anyone to take you away, b – because I sincerely hope you can belong to me, only me."
"Kaoru!" called Hikaru as he tried to push the door open, only to be stopped by Kaoru. Kaoru did his best to stop the door from being pushed open as he really did not want his brother to see his face right now.
"Hikaru, I love you, so much that it hurts. I love you not in a brotherly way, but the way where I want you to only look at me, and no one else."
"Kaoru…"
"I am sorry, Hikaru. You must feel that I am disgusting to you, falling in love with his twin, but – but I just can't stop this feeling, Hikaru… I…"
"I love you…"
"I love you…"
"I love you…"
"I love you…"
"I love you…"
Every single time Kaoru said those three words, more tears escaped his eyes. Kaoru released his hands on the door as he fell onto the ground, crying desperately. Hikaru took this chance to open the door, revealing his brother kneeling on the floor.
"Kaoru," called Hikaru, but his brother did not respond to him. He merely continued crying on the floor.
Hikaru kneeled down right in front of Kaoru as he did what he usually did in the host club. He flipped Kaoru's chin upwards so that his brother had no other choice but to face him.
Kaoru clenched his eyes shut, in fear of what would be happening next.
Will Hikaru slap him – for being so disgusting?
Or will Hikaru tell him how much he hates him now?
Or –
All the questions left him when Hikaru pulled him closer and – and wait! What was Hikaru doing? He felt Hikaru's lips on his. His lips on Hikaru's.
Hikaru was kissing him!
Kaoru widened his eyes in shock. He had no idea what was happening. Was he dreaming?
"It's the same, right?" Kaoru had heard Hikaru said when they broke away from the kiss.
"I get jealous when you get too close with someone else other than me. I get jealous when you smile at someone else other than me. Because, I too – I want Kaoru to only look at me and no one else. I love you more than anything else in this world, Kaoru."
Hikaru was expecting his brother to either smile, hug him or maybe tell him he loves him too, but never had he expected Kaoru to cry his eyes out.
"K-Kaoru? What's wrong? Did I do something wrong? Am I misunderstanding something again?"
Kaoru merely shook his head.
"I thought – I thought you are going to hate me and then ignore me…"
Hikaru pulled Kaoru into his embrace as he whispered to him, "I already told you I will never hate you, be it in the past or in the future."
"Hikaru," whispered Kaoru as he hugged him tighter and told Hikaru the words he had been longing to hear.
"I love you too, Hikaru."
Hikaru tightened the hug as he smiled happily. This will definitely be the most amazing day he had ever had throughout his so many years of living.
~ THE END ~
A/N: First Ouran fanfic, hopefully none are out of characters. In this story, I made Hikaru called Tamaki as 'My Lord' – I remember the twins called him 'tono', but not sure if it is known as 'My Lord' after translating to English. Thus, I apologize in advance if I made an error in this story.
I got the inspiration to write this story when I re-watched the anime – Kimi ni Todoke. I just feel like it's so sad and frustrating for the fact that both the main characters love each other, yet fail to understand each other.
Thanks for reading.