This is something I wrote a while back, over six months ago. Kind of ironic when I read it again. I wrote about her not even knowing she had a brother until a couple of years ago, I never knew I had a brother until a couple of moths ago. He's twelve years younger than I am though. Ah well... Hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing
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Another meeting, another boring meeting. I'm beginning to forget why I'm doing this, what's it for? As I walk don the halls people turn to greet me, they love me. What a joke. They don't love me, they love the image of me, the image they see on television. They don't even know me, no one does. Even I have forgotten who I used to be.
When I walked into the room all stood up. I still don't know why I'm needed at this meeting. It's more like one of those arguments little kids have, fighting over a toy. They want me to come and so I do, I tell them what to do like a mother would even though it is quite obvious. But of course I know nothing, those 'experienced' men know a lot more than I ever will, I'm just a little girl in over her head. I wonder how they would have reacted if I started to yell and cuss. I would love to see their faces, talk about a Kodak moment.
And then it's time to head back, smiling to people as I pass them. Imagine me not smiling, which is all people want me to do anyway. If I smile everything will be fine. I'm perfect; I do not feel pain or despair and am always happy. Everybody wants me to smile when all I want to do is scream and smash something. But that isn't allowed, it isn't ladylike.
Let me tell you a little secret, their perfect pacifist is a drunk. That's right; I couldn't find the energy to smile anymore so I preferred a drunken smile. Ironically no one even noticed. Not that I expected them to, people only see what they want to see.
I smashed a mirror a day ago. You should have seen them, like bees in a beehive swarming around their queen. They even seemed concerned. I told them it was an accident and they all went back to their posts. They still haven't figured it out.
I guess you'd like to know what drove me to actually do it? Simple, I couldn't stand the girl staring back at me, that weakling which I have become compared to what I used to be. And yet, she's the one loved by all. I was pale and had bags under my eyes. My eyes no longer sparkled with life like they used to, instead they were hollow, they seemed… dead. Not even a bit of life was left.
I just couldn't resist picking up one of the pieces; it resembled me in a way. Just a fraction of what was once whole. And I couldn't help thinking how easy it would be for that piece to cut through my skin. Would it release me?
I decided against it knowing that then they would never leave me alone again, being all concerned and stuff like that. Yeah right, they don't trust me however they expect me to trust them. They know what's best for me. You know all those talks they have 'We're here for you' and more of that. Well I've tried that a couple of times and guess what, they didn't have the time for some social talk because there were more pressing matters at hand. Adding a 'Maybe we can talk next time'. Getting coffee is very pressing, I understand completely, nothing is more important than that. In case you hadn't noticed I've become quite sarcastic over the years.
You know what's ironic? I've become even better at hiding my emotions than the perfect soldier himself. That really cracks me up.
Time for another walk down the hall, these days I can't even stand being around people. Walk and smile, greet, smile, continue to walk, stop, smile and ask about the kids, continue to walk, open the door and gently close it. I sighed, even that is too much these days.
You're probably wondering, why what could possibly make the former Queen of the World so unhappy. Once upon a time there was a girl, she lived her preppy little life and then the shit began. I found the love of my life, who threatened to kill me. I went to space with my father and he was assassinated, while he was dying he confessed that he wasn't really my father and that my real name was Relena Peacecraft. Not to mention I was a princess and a pacifistic one at that, whose family had been assassinated as well. That just made my day.
And as if that wasn't enough my country had to surrender and I became a puppet working for Romefeller but to everyone else I was the Queen of the friggin' World. Among other things I've been forced into this life, my life as a Vice Foreign Minsister and have been abducted as well as had people trying to assassinate me.
They can't kill me though, I died that night. That night was the night I saw the love of my life and some whore making out while he was MY personal bodyguard on duty guarding ME in MY OWN backyard. You know I thought he was cold to everyone but to that btch he made love. I was just a mission, that is all I ever was and ever will be. If someone had cut me into pieces while I was still alive it would have hurt less.
Are you still wondering why I hate my life?
If you thought that was everything you were sadly mistaken, because to top it all off that was the same guy that had sworn to kill me. Eventually he changed his mind and swore to protect me and now he has killed me without even knowing it. Life is just full of surprises, isn't it? If there is a God up there he's probably laughing his head off just about now, sadistic bastard.
There are only two, no make that three people who suspect something is different. That something is up. Yeah, those guys think they know it all. However all they have are suspicions, nothing solid. Well I guess they've never looked in my drawers before, or in my purse or in my nightstand and a few other places. You don't actually expect me to tell you where my entire stash of liquor is hidden, do you? Whisky, tequila, wine, cognac and rum, you name it, I've got it. Some taste awful but hey, the main purpose is just getting drunk anyway so the taste doesn't really matter, as long as it does what it's supposed to.
And then there's my brother, I didn't even know I had a brother until a few years ago. He worries about me too; he honestly thinks he has the right to control my life. He has never done anything for me before, he never showed he cared, he has never even sent me a goddamn birthday card. But now all of the sudden he understands me and knows what I want, what I need. Bullshit. He doesn't even try to get closer, to get to know me. He thinks he already knows all there is to know. Dickhead.
My wannabe sister-in-law worries about me but only because she loves my brother and I am 'the only family he has left'. Some screwed-up family we are. She's actually nice but like I said the only one she cares for is my brother. And for some reason she even deals with the fact that he hasn't figured it out yet, that she loves him I mean. He's too blind to see or he doesn't want to see. Hell, he still wouldn't get it if she were to scream it to his face and hold up a huge card saying 'I love you' in big fact letters, red of course in case he's colorblind.
And you know what? I'm not going to take this anymore. To hell with all of them and what THEY want and what THEY need. It's about time for me to start living and all I'm doing here is dying. I'm not even going to bother to dsay goodbye. It's not like they would care anyway. FCK THEM. How's that for a princess/former Queen of the World/Vice Foreign Minister?
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What do you think?