Another fanfic from my old account! This is dedicated to Katie Hughes. Don't touch Hiei, or else feel her wrath! (you'll feel it, believe me, cuz she has claws!)

#1 The Very Secret Diary of Hiei Jaganshi

Day 1:

Have made foolproof scheme on how to raid King Yemma's Royal Fridge! First, I will sneak in through the window and unlock the door. Then Kurama and Goki will bring in the sacks and we'll fill em with sweet snow! I tell ya, I was born for this!

Day 2:

Kurama said we aren't stealing sweet snow. Instead, we're robbing the Pleasure Chest. Honestly, does he have a death wish or sumthin'? No way in hell we'd get out of there alive; well, at least, not with 'bits-for-brains' Goki bumbling along after us. What is Kurama thinking? Unless, of course, he accidentally mixed his plants and got high again… baka kitsune.

Day five:

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! OH HELL, I SOOO KNEW IT!! We stole the Artifacts of Pleasure (the Shadow Dildo, the Vanity Mirror, and the Hole of Aahss), but Goki got horny halfway through and kept trying to fuck the guards! HAH! I tooollllldd Kurama that would happen!

Day seven:

Some boy calling himself Yusuke' is trying to take the artifacts back from us! Hn, over my dead body! Is he really that desperate to get himself off? On the minus side, however, Kurama dumped me… again… (sigh) not worried, though. We've broken up hundreds of times before this. Cold shoulder always works miracles after an hour or so.

Day 9:

Goki dead. That Yusuke-kid killed him by sticking a log up his ass and firing his Rei Gan down his throat while he screamed. Yusuke-kid took Hole of Aahss. Damn. Really liked that one. Found Kurama. Am now worried, as he seems to be going after the Yusuke-kid now… Gods, what's Yusuke got that I don't?

Day 10:

Kurama such a liar. He's fed the Yusuke-kid some cock-and-bull story about his dying mother. Bullshit, I know his greatest desire! He wants to get laid!

Day 11:

Well, whadaya know, he fell for it! Hah, fox didn't get laid and instead had to heal ugly human mortal. The Yusuke-kid's after me next. Must think of a plan. Mostly, need plan to get that fox back!

Day 12:

Thought of a brilliant plan! Will kidnap Keiko and make her my sex toy! Am sure she'd like the Shadow Dildo… Gods, Kurama will be sooo jealous!

Later

Damn kitsune! He ruined everything! Instead of me making him jealous, he goes and makes out with the Yusuke-kid and makes ME jealous!!! Hn, just cuz he can't get laid… Which I find rather surprising, actually! Who wouldn't wanna do him? I mean, with those dreamy, sparkling green eyes, and silky smooth skin and… oops. Damn kitsune.

Day 16:

I hate jail! They don't have chocolate sweet snow! Plus side, me n Kurama share a prison cell… but that doesn't exactly mean he's speaking to me, as he's getting out of jail tomorrow…

Day 20:

Met up with Kurama again… ok, seriously, this is the longest we've ever fought! And for some reason he's looking even more arousing now that I haven't seen him for awhile! Maybe I should apologize… Naah!

Day 21:

Holy fuck monkeys, what in the seven hells is THAT?? It looks like the offspring of Tarukanae and a Fugaki after marinating for a year in that marshy battlefield the Yusuke-kid's been boasting about! Oh, wait, no, that's just Kuwabara, never mind.

Day 22:

Grrr… the ugly fugaki's hitting on MY kitsune! Hn, I'll kill him if he tries anything.